First LDR

[AffichesLove]

We first met online around a year ago through a mutual topic of interest, and have spoken to each other since then because of this connection. Around June last year, we started talking more frequently, and more 'friendly', shall we say. As we live across the country from each other, we, though him especially, made it well known that we wouldn't really come to much, and so actively looked for other relationships closer to home.

 

However, through our mostly funny and flirt-like chats, I began to fall for him. Big time. I'm someone who lives with mild anxiety, and so on the odd occasion these feelings came out in rather abrupt statements mid conversation, and they were met with some positive reaction. On one occasion, he did have a similar instance though was quick to try to move the conversation on.

 

We kept talking, with growing attraction intensity, and finally we agreed to try to move it onto the relationship stage. We had never met nor knew when we would, mostly because of costs and the fact I am at the age where I still am largely influenced by parent agreement for travel, and this was something I had never enquired about before. Things were sketchy to start. We knew we both liked each other, but periods of short communication were straining us slightly - I mostly blame the tension on it being a tough period for both our lives with job and family troubles.

 

Luckily, at the conclusion of this time, I could finally say to him that I could travel up to see him, and we booked a short trip away together. This trip took place last week, and it was without a doubt some of the best few days of my life. He was kind, generous and did not hesitate to make me know we were in a relationship, and we talked positively about a future together, something we had done on and off for a few months but never with such certainty. The few nights we had together were purely amazing, and I returned with tokens as proof that I knew he thought about me and cared. During this time, he showed me messages he sent to a good friend of his in which he stated he thought I was the one for him, and as a couple I felt truly happy.

 

Then, reality struck. This past week we have rarely spoken, and he isn't making it all too clear as to why. My initial assumptions were correct, as he told me when I questioned his low mood that he really did find the week perfect, and that he can't wait for the next one, but that online just isn't the same. From experience I know he isn't all that big with words, and I have similar emotions from returning from the trip, but the coldness and lack of communication since we returned has struck me with confusion. He says he wants to make it work and wants to meet again ASAP, but whenever I try to arrange a call or even a time for our next meeting, he comes out with excuses that are either unbelievable or simply are made up. On his end, despite the words to curb my worry, there seems to be a lack of interest to pursue any of the intentions, and even just to chat to me through text is no longer a commonplace thing, as any conversation I try to spark is met with short replies with no attempt to start any himself.

 

I just don't get it. I know the feelings I have for him are genuine and the thought of losing him hurts, massively. I know from during the trip that he does really like me, and I take his word in that he does want to do it again, and presumably does want to make this work. But at the moment, it's like talking to a brick wall. If we agree on a time to Skype, he misses it. If I ask if he'd like to do something on a certain date, it's either a holiday, bad timing or finance trouble. I have thought about ending it in the event it doesn't ever revive, but at the same time my heartful want to see if it does wins out. Right now, he feels like he's the one, and if he is I do not want to lose it before I give it more of a chance. However, at the same time, I just do not know how much of a chance to give. I think about him all the time, and I just have no way of telling if he does me. A part of me just wants to know that he's alright, that he still wants this to happen, but I can't directly ask because he doesn't cope well with that sort of talk and I feel like I'm just pushing him away with every mention of the topic by being too needy.

 

I feel like I might love him... And it hurts to think otherwise.

Edited February 1, 2016 by AffichesLove

[Lobouspo]

OP, a similar thing happened to me after I met woman I was having an online relationship with. The level of communication and interest kind off dropped of after meeting, even though we had sex and spent the night together several nights. All I can say is, if you're putting all the work in, and its not being reciprocated, pull back and see how he reacts. If he is still cold and distant, then you have a decision to make. LDR's are tough, and can be deceiving because its easy to be caught up in the idea of a relationship while being romantic and saying lovey dovey things on Skype, whatsapp, viber, etc, but its not real. I get your feelings are real, but the relationship really isn't. Don't torture yourself, and accept the fact it might be like any other first date after meeting. You met had fun, and one party wants to move on. Happens, sometimes in human interactions, things cease by one, mutually, for no apparent reason at all. Accept the nature of transitory relationships when dealing with the opposite sex, and don't put all your eggs in one basket with this guy. Definitely try to date local, its a helluva lot more convenient and less taxing on the wallet and emotions, trust me.

[AffichesLove]

Well, it's over. He opened up about his honest feelings that he had confusing emotions over the LDR and felt like he didn't know what to do, and we mutually ended it.

 

I feel stupid considering we only met once, but it hurts a massive amount. I guess I was naive to latch on so quickly to passionate words of being right for each other and having a future, but I hoped in them.. I don't regret it because of the good moments, but I certainly feel like I could have done something differently to have made it work.

[d0nnivain]

You were all in. He wasn't. It happens. I'm sorry things didn't work out. In the short term when you are ready to date again, do so locally. It saves a lot of problems.

[nauticalpoem]

This basically happened to me with the first guy I liked. It wasn't that he didn't like me, but it was that it didn't matter. The distance wasn't going to work and he realized that. It took me nearly a year after NC to also realize that (maybe because I was young, maybe because it was my first relationship, who knows).

 

Find peace in knowing that there's nothing wrong with you.

 

My biggest regret (although I know I couldn't have controlled it) was "talking" over and over again. Be accepting. Kind. And friendly. That will leave you happiest with whatever state you two are in.