Struggling with nc - missing mm so much it hurts [updated]

[jenkins95]

There's at least some baseline truth in the saying: "The best way to get over a man, is to get under a new one."

 

Oh RRM321! On such an otherwise sad thread, your post really put a smile on my face! Bless you!

[imperfectangel]

Yeah I've heard hat before shame I'm not promiscuous otherwise I'd probably be having a pretty good time right now

Edited March 6, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[Popsicle]

Yeah I've heard hat before shame I'm not a slut otherwise I'd probably be having a pretty good time right now

 

A better way to think about it is the way I said earlier.

 

This may be your first real breakup, and the first is especially hard to deal with, but please know that it really is possible to completely get over him once you find yourself in love with another.

 

But to do that, you have to let go and open your heart.

[imperfectangel]

I don't feel it's fair to carry this into another relationship. I need to work on me. Refocus my career etc I know I will meet someone in time. I suppose it's just frustration that he seems to of moved on cut me off and living and loving life and I'm left with the mess to deal with

[Popsicle]

It also wouldn't hurt to find other things that interest you to occupy your time with. Maybe a goal that you've always wanted to accomplish or a passion or hobby that you've not gotten to explore yet. Things you need to catch up on. It's also a good time to make new friends.

[RRM321]

. I suppose it's just frustration that he seems to of moved on cut me off and living and loving life and I'm left with the mess to deal with

 

Moving on is a choice, not a coincidence.

 

Whatever the mess - it's your choice to control it, or let it control you.

[whichwayisup]

I don't feel it's fair to carry this into another relationship. I need to work on me. Refocus my career etc I know I will meet someone in time. I suppose it's just frustration that he seems to of moved on cut me off and living and loving life and I'm left with the mess to deal with

 

This is healthy thinking.

 

Just take things day by day and be around good friends who make you laugh and feel good, who can support you through this time.

 

Let yourself really grieve the loss. As long as you still have hope for some day he'll be back, you won't fully let go.

[lftbehind]

What do you do with yourself?! I'm very busy but still I keep zoning out thinking about mm. When I'm at the store thinking about mm when I'm at work thinking about mm. All my thoughts are drowned out by him. It's been 4 weeks.

 

How do you get past this part? I feel stuck. I want the a back. No I want the feelings from the a back. I miss him. Not just sex but talking to him, he always used to put a smile on my face. I miss his smell his manorisms everything.

 

I'm keeping busy from the moment I get up til the time I go to bed. I've lost 15lbs.

 

How can I get past this part?

 

Think about about the negatives and about how times he let you down and how bad you felt during the A sometimes. Think about why you two broke up. Time helps a lot, too. When you're ready, go meet another man.

[imperfectangel]

It's morning here now and I do feel better. I noticed that when I woke during the night I just checked the time and went back to sleep. I didn't even look at my emails. I feel I'm making small steps but they're very small steps and painfully slow.

 

I WANT to move on. I'm having a hard time I don't want to forget him he was a huge part of my life and I've learned a lot however I want to let him go

[jenkins95]

It's morning here now and I do feel better. I noticed that when I woke during the night I just checked the time and went back to sleep. I didn't even look at my emails. I feel I'm making small steps but they're very small steps and painfully slow.

 

I WANT to move on. I'm having a hard time I don't want to forget him he was a huge part of my life and I've learned a lot however I want to let him go

 

Good morning angel!

 

So nice to read that you feel a little better. It's amazing how things can seem a little less bleak with the dawning of a new day sometimes.

 

A little goal for today could simply be to have a better day than yesterday - it looks like you're well on your way.

 

Thinking of you

 

J

[imperfectangel]

I do feel better. I've lost 18lbs through all this but I'm feeling loads better for it. I'm in need of a new wardrobe. I feel more confident I turned heads even just at the store this morning.

 

I think I'll always feel wronged about being discarded so easily but I can't control his behaviour

 

I think I just need to learn how to take the bad days and keep them in perspective. Yesterday I felt like I was back on day 1 today I feel like I'm on day 100 though it's been four weeks

[jenkins95]

I do feel better. I've lost 18lbs through all this but I'm feeling loads better for it. I'm in need of a new wardrobe. I feel more confident I turned heads even just at the store this morning.

 

I think I'll always feel wronged about being discarded so easily but I can't control his behaviour

 

I think I just need to learn how to take the bad days and keep them in perspective. Yesterday I felt like I was back on day 1 today I feel like I'm on day 100 though it's been four weeks

 

Great attitude angel! Yes, a big lesson that I have learned is how to manage expectations regarding bad days and good days. Both will come and with time it will be more of the latter than the former. When you have a bad one, face it, don't let it floor you and know that it will pass. When you have a good one, enjoy it!! And a bit of retail therapy is a great way to do just that! Get out there and turn those heads, angel - there's nothing in your way to stop you now!

 

Your posts have put a big smile on my face! You were so, so down yesterday - I think you almost hit rock bottom. But to see the positivity and hope in your posts is so lovely! It really is a great demonstration of how our mental state can change quickly. People can return from rock bottom relatively quickly when they are strong like you - well done!

[imperfectangel]

I was so down yesterday. It's the way it feels like he's just thrown me away that hurts not that it's ended but the way he's done it like I'm some random one night stand

[jenkins95]

I was so down yesterday. It's the way it feels like he's just thrown me away that hurts not that it's ended but the way he's done it like I'm some random one night stand

 

Yes, I totally get that. I guess he too was under so much stress and mental torture - he did what he felt like was his only option, and now he's hiding away. But that doesn't mean he truly wanted to end it the way he did. He probably just couldn't stand any more mental anguish. And as I said yesterday, I'm certain he hurts and longs for you, and will never forget you.

 

You are on the right road. A long road, but you started it.

 

You deserve to get past this and be happy.

 

Keep posting.

[Grey Cloud]

 

Right now I just want him and the comfort that comes from talking to him.

 

Having just recently broken NC with my xMM I can tell you there is a level of comfort talking to/emailing them again. But it's only momentary and fleeting. Maybe he would say all the right things to make you feel better or maybe he would say all the wrong things that would just piss you off more or make you more upset. All I know is that you are then back to square one. I have cried more in the last couple of days after getting in touch with him then the days in which I was in NC. You think talking to them will make you feel better. And then it wears off and you feel worse.

 

I hope you are feeling better today. Hugs!

[imperfectangel]

I'm taking each day as it comes. On Saturday it'll be five weeks since I last heard from him. I miss him. Yes I'm keeping busy but it's those hours when you go to bed and your brain catches up with you.

[privategal]

The 3-5 week mark is when most people in nc struggle the most.

So it is normal.

You should feel so proud you havent broken it.

In about another month this raw pain will be more tolerable plus spring is coming up and sunshine and breeze and being outdoors with some hopefully new activities...maybe concerts or flea markets or beach walks or vacations...maybe camping with friends, maybe a retreat, maybe take up running..you are going to beat this.

From day one of nc to now...theres been progress. You are allowed to have bad days...just dont get stuck there.

You can see though you feel alone...in these boards there are hundreds like you.

And many many have lived to tell about it and never looked back!

Its gonna be the best FREE summer of your life!! You are doing great!!

[rainbowsandkittens]

I saw this today and wanted to share this random post I found presumably from an om to an ow.

Spoke volumes to me as for the insight.

He hasnt written her off but...here it is:

 

We built an intense friendship coupled with sexual desire, fantasy, and playfulness. The latter were ill-kept secrets but all of it was vivid and vibrant. The intensity was impossible to keep up given the circumstances. You left first and I left second, each partially out of necessity and partially out of self advancement. On my part, it's not that I wanted to leave it all behind or forget, but rather that I have not been able to untether the friend from the desire and fantasy that you also embody. The reality for me is that my situation is not changing nor do I want it to. Common consensus is one should not be able to have their cake and eat it too. The selfishness of me says why not, but the realist knows it's a path to destruction or hurt. I miss our friendship, but I also miss the desire, your taste, and the pictures you would tease me with. I don't know if those can or should be disconnected. Should they be? You still visit my dreams and fantasies. I still wonder how you are doing. I just don't want to use you. You're worth more than someone doing that to you. I pulled away for that reason. I don't have all the solutions and apologize for any confusion or discomfort in regards to me. My self discipline comes more from respect of you and all elements of the situation rather than my lack of care, interest, or desire. I miss it all, the friendship and all the ways we worshipped eachother.

 

Thank you for posting this privategal. I'm really not doing well today and this made me cry. But in a way, that I'm sad for me but also totally understand. I wish this was the way my AP was feeling and I more than wish he could express it to me if he did. It's almost 8 weeks out and I still wish he would contact me. I still miss him (though not as much as before- generally.) I'm jealous of the people who break NC or have NC broken for them by their APs. How terrible is that. I know I won't break NC but man alive! I want to. I feel silly for still being this involved in it this far out (considering it was a relatively short relationship) but the truth is I still am. No matter how much I try and will it to not be so. I'm bad at getting over relationships.

 

Thinking of you imperfect! I can't imagine how hard it would be after such a long time. I think you're doing GREAT! Go get yourself some cute (sexy?) new clothes! You deserve to feel good about yourself!

[jenkins95]

Brilliant posts today guys. I can only agree - get past a month and you notice a small improvement, two months another small improvement. Get past three months and it's almost bearable. I know we're all different, but I've seen a lot of posters giving a similar time-frame.

 

Keep with it all - and keep posting. One day at a time! It's a cliche, but it's really true IMO

[imperfectangel]

I broke NC last night but he didn't respond. But in a way I actually feel better for it. I miss him sooooooo much but he knows that now and clearly doesn't miss me or he would've said surely. In a way it helps to think he doesn't care. I'm not his priority nor will I ever be. That is enough reason to not be involved.

 

Do I really wanna be with someone that's not only capable of cheating and denying his children's existence but can also go 5 weeks almost without speaking to me? No thanks

[jenkins95]

I broke NC last night but he didn't respond. But in a way I actually feel better for it. I miss him sooooooo much but he knows that now and clearly doesn't miss me or he would've said surely. In a way it helps to think he doesn't care. I'm not his priority nor will I ever be. That is enough reason to not be involved.

 

Do I really wanna be with someone that's not only capable of cheating and denying his children's existence but can also go 5 weeks almost without speaking to me? No thanks

 

Angel.....

 

Come here......

 

(((imperfectangel)))

 

I feel your vulnerability peeping out from that bravado. You ARE better off without him, but I think you are trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. With time and strict NC, you will see it clearly. You seem so lovely from your posts - you deserve so much more, and you will have it one day.

[Adoraxx]

I broke NC last night but he didn't respond. But in a way I actually feel better for it. I miss him sooooooo much but he knows that now and clearly doesn't miss me or he would've said surely. In a way it helps to think he doesn't care. I'm not his priority nor will I ever be. That is enough reason to not be involved.

 

Do I really wanna be with someone that's not only capable of cheating and denying his children's existence but can also go 5 weeks almost without speaking to me? No thanks

 

Hope you feel better soon.... I want to break NC too but I won't , simply because I'm scared of him not responding like your xMM or telling me another lie. That's right, we should keep reminding ourselves that they don't care and that we're not at all their priority. Sending you big hugs!

[jenkins95]

Hope you feel better soon.... I want to break NC too but I won't , simply because I'm scared of him not responding like your xMM or telling me another lie. That's right, we should keep reminding ourselves that they don't care and that we're not at all their priority. Sending you big hugs!

 

Adoraxx, little (((hug))) for you too.

 

Stay strong girl. Please don't break it. If you break it and he responds, you will get a hit, but it will undo your good work. If you break it and he doesn't respond, you will feel like s***. either way, it will end up setting you back. I know it's so difficult, but please stay away from him.

 

Come to us, not him! We're here for you any time.

[privategal]

I broke NC last night but he didn't respond. But in a way I actually feel better for it. I miss him sooooooo much but he knows that now and clearly doesn't miss me or he would've said surely. In a way it helps to think he doesn't care. I'm not his priority nor will I ever be. That is enough reason to not be involved.

 

Do I really wanna be with someone that's not only capable of cheating and denying his children's existence but can also go 5 weeks almost without speaking to me? No thanks

 

It feels so hard and cruel to not hear back. I think he may either have you blocked, or his wife is checking his email or he is trying to be disciplined and though it was hard on him too, he had to ignore to force himself as well to let go.

In the long run you will thank him. But for now of course it hurts.

I hope you will be ok real real soon.

[imperfectangel]

He's told me before when he's disappeared on me that he has to have some kind of control. Whatever that means. His wife doesn't know. I have no desire to contact him since I sent that message and yes Jenkins you're right I am trying to convince myself because deep down I love this man and want to be with him