Author sm2281 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 thanks alot Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Just gonna throw this out there... You keep talking about YOUR 'bad time' and how awful you were, etc., but you're ignoring that, instead of being what he promised to be - the person who would support you and see you through anything - he then used that as an excuse to go get some on the side. This isn't about what you did wrong. It's about him having poor, or no, character and integrity. What if you got in a car accident and were paralyzed? Barring YOU giving him permission to go out and get sex, do you think he'd then be in his rights to start cheating on you? That's not love. And integrity would have had him first LEAVING you, and THEN seeking out someone else. But he didn't do that, did he? He tried to keep both of you, or all of you, who knows? What he did was selfish, and that has nothing to do with how you were feeling or acting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Please do not marry this man. If he is cheating on you already, what do you think will happen after he has the security of marriage on his side? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sm2281 Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 So when I was on this hormone I was extremely jealous. I was not at all acting myself, and made it known to him that the communication issue was not my fault. I made sure to let him know that I deserve the utmost respect and faithfulness even when I cannot communicate. He chalks it all up to a lack of communication. So during that time I would become extremely hateful and lash out at times over it. The hormone wore off finally and now im back to myself. I would tell him he is not a part of my family and never would be if his behavior continued like this. in that time period. I would say all the names in the book at him when I would be angry over jealousy. and really I was holding things over his head that essentially pushed him away. He didnt want to leave because he loved me, but now says that mainly its because he though due to all of the lashing out, that hr didnt think I loved him. I lashed out at hin over stupid things like "well I didnt get to meet your friends soon enough" and "you wanted tobhang out with that girl when we werent that serious yet" kind of type stuff. So he says Well, I loved you and I didnt want to leave because I didnt want to believe it. I asked him why he didnt leave then, if it was so bad. I can see how that is. Last night we talked about the wedding. I said Im nervous because I dont know you well enough to know if this is going to happen again or not. I dont want to come up on hard times again and this happen again. I cannot read he future, but he says he needs for me to be able to believe in him again. And he didnt know me well enough at the time back then, to know if I was lashing out or if I really hated him. He was preparing to leave then. He chose to stay and stick it out. I respect that. Maybe he made some mistakes in his uncertainty, and so did I. But he was legitimately preparing to leave. I can see that much. The hormone finally wore off and now that im back to myself again trust is being restored. I think that is the best possible conversation to have at this point. And I dont see how none of this counts. he takes responsibility for his actions, its not like hes just blaming it all on me. He is sorry he did that to me, and agrees that leaving should have been the best option, but because I was not being myself due to the hormones he didnt want to believe it was true. I feel like its reasonable to take these things into consideration because it does take 2 to tango. He was not the only person in that. I played my role too. Now he knows I was lashing out and not myself. I totally agree that cheating is not good. He did not cheat. He was preparing to leave and was making an out.My best friend even told me I was veing irrationalwith the fights I was having, because they were stupid and pushing hin away. now that I am back to myself and things are level, I can see that. Yes I deserved faithfullness while crazy on hormones. But yes, I did very much push him away. Yes he was preparing to leave. But now, things are good. He's not just some psycho who wants to brush it under the rug and call it a day. He accepts complete responsibility in his actions, but also let me know what role I played in his doing so. Why is that wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 He accepts complete responsibility in his actions, but also let me know what role I played in his doing so. Why is that wrong? Why do you keep asking ??? It seems as though, with our help, you're trying to convince yourself. One of man's significant evolutionary developments is fear - it's there to help prevent us from wandering into a dangerous or unhealthy situation. Don't enter that dark cave, don't jump off that tall cliff and perhaps don't marry that man who's been less than steadfast. Ignore at your peril... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sm2281 Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Why do you keep asking ??? It seems as though, with our help, you're trying to convince yourself. One of man's significant evolutionary developments is fear - it's there to help prevent us from wandering into a dangerous or unhealthy situation. Don't enter that dark cave, don't jump off that tall cliff and perhaps don't marry that man who's been less than steadfast. Ignore at your peril... Mr. Lucky Fear is my intuition telling me this man not right. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Fear is my intuition telling me this man not right. Listen to your gut. It is rarely wrong... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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