FinallyFreedom Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Starting divorce proceedings after 16 years of marriage. We both agree that the relationship is dead and it is over. However, we have two daughters and a large house that we are in the middle of rehabbing. He doesn't really care too much about the daughters. He says he does, but he doesn't really. For example, last week he told the 12-year-old on the way to school that we were probably divorcing. On the way to school! Then he dropped her off at the front door and said have a good day. She had no clue we were having problems, which we both knew. She just happened to ask him a pointed question, so the idiot decided to tell her the truth for once. Anyway, of course I had to pick her up two hours later and deal with four hours of crying and three more days of emotional processing. He doesn't see anything wrong with what he did. Second example: we own two apartment buildings in a bad section of town. He said he plans to move into one of the units when it vacates in the summer so that he can have his woodshop in the basement. My older daughter hates going downtown and is scared of the area. And the upstairs tenant is crazy with the cops coming once last summer for domestic violence, she smokes pot, etc. She pays the rent, but no way my kids are spending the weekends there! Anyway, so you can see he does not have their best interest at heart, even though he likes to play Nice Daddy. (I do about 90% of the real parenting.) But, now we have a half-finished house which will be very hard to sell. I also just started a new career in real estate so that I can homeschool my older daughter who has a chronic illness. So, my finances are tight. If I return to work, she has to return to high school, and likely to get sick again and again. I have a separate bedroom in the house right now, but when he comes home, I pretty much am just hiding out in that room while he takes over the rest of the house. It is extremely stressful, and probably not the best model for my daughters to see...mommy hiding out in her new bedroom. I am happy to be getting a long-needed divorce, looking forward to the days when I don't have to see or talk to him except to coordinate kid visits, but this waiting period is very difficult. Any suggestions? Talking to him is very difficult as he is extremely angry (even though he says he is not), passive aggressive, and doesn't want to deal with issues. Also, not trustworthy obviously, as we had prior agreed to not tell the younger daughter and then he just did whatever the hell he wanted to do, at great cost to her. Please help with ideas and suggestions for how to get him out of the house without going bankrupt. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 You need to talk to your lawyer. There are different rules in different states about how real estate gets divided. He may think he loses rights to the marital house if he moves out. You are also required to live separate & apart (not under the same roof) for some period before you can even start divorce proceedings. So get your facts straight about the laws in your state & then talk to him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Maybe you and your daughters could move out to a smaller place. I don't think he is required to leave his home. Also as far as the bad area of town he is moving to this summer, just tell him you will not allow your girls to visit him in a dangerous area of town, he will have to take them some where else. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 He said he has a place to go but you don't approve of it. What would you prefer he do? I would accept his choice for now as it's the easiest road to him being out of the house. Your kids will learn to not be afraid of the house and neighbourhood. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 I am sorry you're having a tough time, but from a legal perspective, it is his home as much as yours. Why should he have to move out, simply because you want him to? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Please help with ideas and suggestions for how to get him out of the house without going bankrupt. At the very least, if you're providing any logistical support for him - cooking his meals, doing his laundry, cleaning his room, paying his bills, etc. - I'd put a quick halt to it. As stated, the rest will be dictated by the legal process. Remember, no pain, no gain... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author FinallyFreedom Posted February 2, 2016 Author Share Posted February 2, 2016 Hi, I understand that my husband does not legally have to move out. I'm just hoping that I can convince him to do so, since living together like this during divorce proceedings is so awkward and stressful. I am meeting with an attorney soon to begin the process and organize financial information, etc. I was just wondering if others had any ideas regarding co-habitating...or not. p.s.-not cooking, cleaning, or doing his laundry lately! Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 You said he already has a place to move? Let him. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Who initiatied the divorce? Is there cheating involved? Link to post Share on other sites
Brady375 Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 You could always move out. You have no control over what he does nor does he have any obligation to leave. Despite your opinions of your husband it does take two and I have a feeling he has a much different Version of the marriage then you. Point being you probably won't agree. If you don't want to live w him then move out. Or lie in the bed you made. Link to post Share on other sites
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