My ex's bf's new girlfriend

[seeingthisguy]

Hi all.

 

I have a (albeit) stupid question; lol.

 

My ex boyfriend and I are still friends - he has a new girlfriend. He and I talk on occasion, but by no means do we speak/text on a daily basis.

 

When we do bump into eachother, he's usually with his new gf. I'm polite, hug hello, etc. Though it's painfully obvious that she hates my guts. Now, because I know this, no one was more surprised than I was when I saw that she wanted to "friend" me on Facebook. I left it, because I know that while the invite says, "let's be friends", what it really means is, "I want to creep and keep tabs on you and the previous relationship you had with my boyfriend."

 

Anyway - I bump into her and my ex a couple of months later, and he comes over to say hello; and buys me a shot. We laugh, hug, and he goes about his business. From across the room, I see them get into a fight, and then she comes storming over into my direction and so elegantly exclaims, "You didn't accept my friend request!" (I feel dumb just typing that, but here I am).

 

I was so surprised. To keep the peace, I went home and against my better judgement, accepted her request. I feel like I sold myself out. Like a dummy. Because NOW I have a new problem - NOW, she posts, "I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND HES THE GREATEST MAN IN THE WORLD" photos all over my timeline...constantly. The other day, she posted a video of them in bed together on my timeline? It's ridiculous. Funny, but ridiculous. The insecurity is palpable. As predicted, I feel like she simply wanted to friend me to a) intimidate me, and b) keep tabs on me. I get the feeling she thinks her BF still likes me.

 

My problem now? I want to unfriend her. Badly. But now I know if I do, a sh*t storm will arise.

 

What do I do people? HELP O_O

[Space Ritual]

Put her on Restricted Profile and do not follow her.

 

It's where I keep my friends who usually don't like me posting my Hawkwind or Motorhead videos and songs that I usually do ad nauseum during the rare times I am on Facebook.

 

That way she can only see stuff you publicly post and by not following her she won't come up on your news feed. You can put restricted status on her by going to you settings and under the blocking section the first paragraph is a "restricted List". Add her to it.

 

That way she is still on you friends list but you don't have to worry about her seeing your usual posts.

 

Problem solved until she freaks out again, then just block her.

 

This is one of the reasons I am not a fan of Facebook. People act like it is life and death and will follow you to the ends of the earth if they feel disrespected on it.

 

 

In all honesty you should know by now that being friends with an ex especially on social media is a minefield at the very least.

[Space Ritual]

There is also an app you can use called FB Purity, which I use because I hate the news ticker, game invites, ads and the Trending topics because they don't interest me. You can tailor it around each of your friends as well so that you can choose what they can see r not see. It is a lifesaver for someone in your position.

 

 

https://www.facebook.com/fluffbustingpurity/

[RySant]

So, she added you on FB just to post a picture of them together on a bed. Wow.

What did your ex saw on her? haha

 

Just unfriend her again. You don't owe her anything to be friends on FB. C'mon, if your ex wants to be friends with you, that doesn't mean you are obligated to be friends with her too.

[ExpatInItaly]

Who cares what she or your ex think? It's not your problem anymore. You owe them nothing.

 

Delete her, and your ex, if you haven't already.

[basil67]

A photo of her and him in bed together? It surely invites a comment coming from experience. Oh yes, I remember how he liked to do .....

 

Or perhaps you'd be far wiser to take the advice of those more sensible than I. Also, stop hugging your ex when you meet him. Even if you are a hugger, it's totally unnecessary.

[PegNosePete]

Unfriend her. If she complains tell her that you don't want to be facebook friends with her.

 

When she said "you didn't accept my friend request" your response should have been "no I didn't" and walk away.

[smackie9]

What you should have done was not add her and delete him......sometimes it's better not to be "friends" with your ex....I'm sure you both can carry on with life without being FB friends.

[seeingthisguy]

Unfriend her. If she complains tell her that you don't want to be facebook friends with her.

 

When she said "you didn't accept my friend request" your response should have been "no I didn't" and walk away.

 

Hahahaha dammit! This is that thing I wish I had done but didn't think of

[scrapbooker]

1. Yes she requested friendship so she could keep an eye on you. It was immature, as was posting all those pictures of her and her boyfriend

 

2. She did it because not only are you still around, you HUG your ex in front of her and probably flirt with him. She doesn't like that.

 

My advice: unfriend her, unfriend him, and cut out the hugging and socializing with the ex

[truth_seeker]

OP, you posted this before? I read a similar thread.

 

Solution is simple: block your ex and this girl. There will be no sh-t storm because you don't let any of the drama get to you... you avoid it.

[RySant]

OP, you posted this before? I read a similar thread.

 

I think it's not the same. Or is it? I remember that Bar story too, but what I know is that the ex-gf went out full of rage but it didn't involve being FB friends.

[seeingthisguy]

1. Yes she requested friendship so she could keep an eye on you. It was immature, as was posting all those pictures of her and her boyfriend

 

2. She did it because not only are you still around, you HUG your ex in front of her and probably flirt with him. She doesn't like that.

 

My advice: unfriend her, unfriend him, and cut out the hugging and socializing with the ex

 

He hugs every girl he's friends with - not an oddity. I don't flirt with him, but I'm pretty sure she catches him checking me out and that's where the fight starts. I've told her point blank I'm not interested in him that way. Why can't chicks just not date guys like this? I don't do ex drama.

[mrs rubble]

He hugs every girl he's friends with - not an oddity. I don't flirt with him, but I'm pretty sure she catches him checking me out and that's where the fight starts. I've told her point blank I'm not interested in him that way. Why can't chicks just not date guys like this? I don't do ex drama.

 

He is obviously still interested in you and she feels threatened by that.

Why do you remain friends with the ex when he still has deeper feelings for you?

Are you trying to torture him and her or is it a self esteem boost for you?

[seeingthisguy]

He is obviously still interested in you and she feels threatened by that.

Why do you remain friends with the ex when he still has deeper feelings for you?

Are you trying to torture him and her or is it a self esteem boost for you?

 

I have a hard time believing he's still interested in me because he's the one who broke it off - he was a super flake when were dating and it was brutal. He was super interested in the beginning, and then just fell off.

 

if you think he may be rethinking his choice, than great - sucks to be him lol as I'm pretty sure he was sleeping with her while we were together. Which, to be honest, would explain why she's so paranoid.

[introverted1]

OP, you posted this before? I read a similar thread.

 

She's posted it twice before.

 

January: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/565323-my-ex-s-gf-harassing-me

 

November: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/557173-my-ex-boyfriend-s-new-girlfriend-just-sent-me-facebook-friend-request

 

OP, assuming this is the same ex-bf and his current gf, there is a lot more to the story than you are telling now. In any case, since this has been going on since November, I have to wonder why you have not moved on by now (and unfriended the new gf). It sounds as though you are possibly hung up on your ex.

[Space Ritual]

I have a hard time believing he's still interested in me because he's the one who broke it off - he was a super flake when were dating and it was brutal. He was super interested in the beginning, and then just fell off.

 

if you think he may be rethinking his choice, than great - sucks to be him lol as I'm pretty sure he was sleeping with her while we were together. Which, to be honest, would explain why she's so paranoid.

 

LOL Well in that case she should be, because those who cheat with you will be more than happy to cheat on you.

[seeingthisguy]

She's posted it twice before.

 

January: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/565323-my-ex-s-gf-harassing-me

 

November: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/557173-my-ex-boyfriend-s-new-girlfriend-just-sent-me-facebook-friend-request

 

OP, assuming this is the same ex-bf and his current gf, there is a lot more to the story than you are telling now. In any case, since this has been going on since November, I have to wonder why you have not moved on by now (and unfriended the new gf). It sounds as though you are possibly hung up on your ex.

 

Because I'm trying to play nice, and not rock the boat. But holy hell she makes it difficult. So I caved and friended her - and now unfriending her will probably cause her to flip her sh*t. I'm trying to find a way to avoid this, and not cause a rift between he and I because we have countless friends in common.

[Space Ritual]

Do the restricted profile like I mentioned earlier in lieu of unfriending her.

 

LOL I know you want to get rid of her but you are right that by doing so will probably unleash alot of bad drama. I can appreciate the difference as well because you may run into her in real life occasionally. Putting her on restricted..well both of them for that matter can solve that. If she ever asks you about it you can always say you just are not on FB that much. You do run h risk of her going into Columbo Mode on you but she probably already has to some extent.

[ExpatInItaly]

Because I'm trying to play nice, and not rock the boat. But holy hell she makes it difficult. So I caved and friended her - and now unfriending her will probably cause her to flip her sh*t. I'm trying to find a way to avoid this, and not cause a rift between he and I because we have countless friends in common.

 

You care way too much about this girl's feelings. It's not your responsibility to soothe her or pander to her outbursts. I don't see why you prioritize that over your own sanity.

 

And if your mutual friends get upset that you unfriended this girl, I have news: they were not your real friends to begin with. Mature people who value your friendship are going to see through the silly social media drama and understand why you don't want her on your contact list.

[introverted1]

Because I'm trying to play nice, and not rock the boat. But holy hell she makes it difficult. So I caved and friended her - and now unfriending her will probably cause her to flip her sh*t. I'm trying to find a way to avoid this, and not cause a rift between he and I because we have countless friends in common.

 

I've read your other posts. There's an awful lot of back story here, including you doing shots with your ex, him admiring your outfit and subsequently showing up at your house, and just general drama.

 

I'm wondering if, on some level, you are enjoying the attention, especially since your bf was the one to initiate the break-up, which you didn't want.

 

If I'm wrong, then it's clear that you should remove BOTH of them from your FB and any other avenues of contact. This is the same advice you got in early November and, frankly, it's hard to understand why you didn't take it. As all your posts clearly demonstrate, it's not as though there is an actual friendship here, so what do you care what either of them think?

 

ETA: Regardless whether you have friends in common, it clearly doesn't make sense for you and your ex to be at the same gatherings. If his current gf is as crazy as you describe, pretty sure all your mutual friends will understand your decision to cut loose.

Edited February 3, 2016 by introverted1

[ExpatInItaly]

I've read your other posts. There's an awful lot of back story here, including you doing shots with your ex, him admiring your outfit and subsequently showing up at your house, and just general drama.

 

I'm wondering if, on some level, you are enjoying the attention, especially since your bf was the one to initiate the break-up, which you didn't want.

 

If I'm wrong, then it's clear that you should remove BOTH of them from your FB and any other avenues of contact. This is the same advice you got in early November and, frankly, it's hard to understand why you didn't take it. As all your posts clearly demonstrate, it's not as though there is an actual friendship here, so what do you care what either of them think?

 

I just went back and re-read the two previous threads, and I'd forgotten I'd already commented in them.

 

OP, I have to wonder the same thing as the poster above - there's so much you could have done over the past couple months to avoid this drama. This is why it seems now that on some level, you perhaps like knowing she's jealous. Someone who doesn't want drama doesn't participate in it, you know what I mean?

 

Also, as mentioned above, it doesn't appear that you and your ex have some important friendship, really. I don't quite understand what you're getting out of engaging with him or his girlfriend.

 

if you really want to put a stop to it, you can. You're not at her mercy, even though you're reacting as if you are.

[seeingthisguy]

I've read your other posts. There's an awful lot of back story here, including you doing shots with your ex, him admiring your outfit and subsequently showing up at your house, and just general drama.

 

I'm wondering if, on some level, you are enjoying the attention, especially since your bf was the one to initiate the break-up, which you didn't want.

 

If I'm wrong, then it's clear that you should remove BOTH of them from your FB and any other avenues of contact. This is the same advice you got in early November and, frankly, it's hard to understand why you didn't take it. As all your posts clearly demonstrate, it's not as though there is an actual friendship here, so what do you care what either of them think?

 

ETA: Regardless whether you have friends in common, it clearly doesn't make sense for you and your ex to be at the same gatherings. If his current gf is as crazy as you describe, pretty sure all your mutual friends will understand your decision to cut loose.

 

 

Let me make this clear: I'm f**king thrilled that he's having a hard time getting over me - if that's the case, consider me tickled absolutely pink. I'll never deny that - but I'd also never take him back. I don't believe in do-overs where that's concerned. As soon as I saw him at my door I told him to scram.

 

My point is this: I don't believe I should have to cut loose and sit out of events with my friends just because my ex will be there, especially since we're on civil terms, and I don't have any issue being around him. And again, doing a shot with him is not an oddity - he does them with everyone lol

 

I've also never been anything but polite and courteous to his new squeeze. And her behaviour in return has been nothing but childish. For this reason, I want to cut/unfriend her.

[introverted1]

Let me make this clear: I'm f**king thrilled that he's having a hard time getting over me - if that's the case, consider me tickled absolutely pink. I'll never deny that - but I'd also never take him back. I don't believe in do-overs where that's concerned. As soon as I saw him at my door I told him to scram.

 

My point is this: I don't believe I should have to cut loose and sit out of events with my friends just because my ex will be there, especially since we're on civil terms, and I don't have any issue being around him. And again, doing a shot with him is not an oddity - he does them with everyone lol

 

I've also never been anything but polite and courteous to his new squeeze. And her behaviour in return has been nothing but childish. For this reason, I want to cut/unfriend her.

 

You can't change anyone else's behavior, just your own. So either the fun of thinking your ex still wants you and his gf's jealousy mean more to you than peace, or they don't.

 

You can either take action to rid yourself of the drama or keep making threads here saying how much you hate it.

 

Up to you.

 

Good luck.

[seeingthisguy]

I just went back and re-read the two previous threads, and I'd forgotten I'd already commented in them.

 

OP, I have to wonder the same thing as the poster above - there's so much you could have done over the past couple months to avoid this drama. This is why it seems now that on some level, you perhaps like knowing she's jealous. Someone who doesn't want drama doesn't participate in it, you know what I mean?

 

Also, as mentioned above, it doesn't appear that you and your ex have some important friendship, really. I don't quite understand what you're getting out of engaging with him or his girlfriend.

 

if you really want to put a stop to it, you can. You're not at her mercy, even though you're reacting as if you are.

 

See my reply above - and he and I have been friends for 5 years (prior to dating) - I feel like I am at her mercy! But you're right: perhaps I'm giving her feelings too much weight; who cares? And if anyone has anything to say about it, screw Em...?