Bennet Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Hello there. I am completely new to this forum. A friend of mine suggested this to me after listening to my problem. He said this was a lifesave when he and his (ex)girlfriend broke up. Well here it is. I have been friends with this guy, Kevin, for about 2 years now. At the very beginning we talked about going out, but I ended up just getting back with my long term relationship of the time. Then he got shipped to Iraq. While he was there I broke up with the guy I was with. Kevin came back and we started dating. This is greatly cliff noted. Just some other tidbits that I should probably mention is that Kevin is going through some major family issues right now. His mom and Dad split about a year before he met me, then when he was in Iraq his new step mom ran off after running up thousands of dollars worth of bills and stealing money out of Kevin's bank account. So he is really going through a lot. Alright, insert problem. I have been friends/"special" friends with my friend Brian for 4 years (regular friends for 5). That long term relationship that i mentioned before was an on and off thing for 2 of those years. During all my single time Brian and I...yea. (I swear I'm not a slut, he's the only guy I've ever just messed around with) So of course I have had feelings for Brian for the whole 5 years. I thought he never even saw me in that light until recently when he said he couldn't take it anymore and confessed that he liked me the whole time I liked him. Problem was that long term relationship guy (who I realize I should have given you a name, but too late now) is good friend of his, and we felt bad enough just messing around. He was waiting until Mike moved on. Mike finally got another girlfriend, and I had to go and start dating Kevin two days after....blowing Brian's plans of asking me out for real. Kevin is SUCH a nice guy. He is always buying me flowers. He says I am practically the only thing good in his life. He bought me a $160 MP3 player...he is jsut so good to me. Brian I get the feeling sometimes that he is slightly more self-centered. But honestly I have more fun with Brian. Brian and I have all the same friends, interests, sense of humor. And Kevin goes to my college, so right now he is 2 hours away, which is making things more difficult. The thought of hurting either of them makes me ill. Kevin waited for me for 2 years. Brian waited for 4. What do I do? Bennet Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I think you know who you want to be with ( insert Brian ). Even if Kevin is a nice guy but you really want to be with Brian then you should do the right thing and tell him. He may end your friendship so you need to be prepared for that. It would be nice if we could like the person that liked us the same way but that does not always work. He is probably going to be hurt if he has feelings and you can't help that. Just be honest and tell him the truth. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
Bennet Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 That makes sense...easier said than done, though. But I did want to say that I went back and reread my subject description and it sounds really...arrogant. That's not how I meant it at all. I just want to make the right decision. Bennet Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Go with Brian, being with someone you have lots of fun with is more important than getting mp3 players and flowers (unless you're a gold digger.) Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 It may be a good idea to end your relationship with Kevin now, and decide what you really want, before taking the plunge with any other guy (including Brian). It's not right that either of you stay in a relationship where there's a lot of uncertainty. There is honestly no way you can't hurt Kevin's feelings, but you shouldn't stay with him because he's going through a tough time in his life. Give time to yourself to decide if you really want to be involved with Brian--and as another poster said, be aware that Brian may not have the same feelings for you now as when he did want to be in a relationship with you. The sexual relationship you've had with him has altered your friendship--you aren't going to be able to be just pals until you both are over any interest in eachother. If you do decide to stay with Kevin, you should back off from your friendship with Brian. There would be too much feelings between you two at this point for a clear cut friendship, besides the 'what could have been' factor. Link to post Share on other sites
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