Reaching out

[blackbird_brokenwing]

For the whole story, please see my other thread HERE

 

My girlfriend broke up with me in a moment of intense anger. A few hours later, after a silent car ride, I said "please don't let it be forever," and she nodded before getting out. She hesitated to walk away, like she had something more to say but couldn't say it. In her moment of anger, she had called a friend and relayed what had happened (all while I was in the car) and that friend was waiting for her when I dropped her off. I truly think she would have reconsidered right then and there had the friend not been there. During that car ride I had (pitifully) asked if she hated me, and she said no. I then asked if she would ever love me again and she said "I will always love you." We saw each other the next day at a concert (where I believe she came because she knew I would be there) and she spoke to me briefly. She was hurt I went without her and had bought another ticket. She ended up leaving while I was in the bathroom, and texted me to tell me I ruined the concert for her and she would never speak to me again.

 

Throughout her life, she has been neglected and abandoned by people close to her. Her parents, her sister, and her romantic partners. She pushes and subconsciously tests partners and they end up doing just what she feared: leaving. Proving once again she wasn't worthy. She had a falling out with a dear friend a few years ago and over the course of our relationship told me that even though she blocked that friend, she missed her dearly but was too proud to reach out. That if the friend came to her first and apologized, she would talk to her again.

 

I can't help but relate that to our situation. Even though she has blocked me on nearly all social media, I feel like deep down she wants to hear from me, to know I still care and I am not giving up that easily. Her therapist told her she pushes people away and she told me that she doesn't want to do that with me (two days before the fight/breakup she said that...). I don't want to pester her or force her hand, I'm not looking to stalk her or what have you, but I thought sending a snail mail letter would be best. It's only been 8 days since the incident happened, and I'm planning on waiting at least a month, but I wondered what you guys thought of my initial draft of the letter I want to send:

 

Dearest A,

 

I completely own what I did. I was wrong, you did not deserve it, and from the depths of my soul I am truly sorry. I am ashamed of my behavior that day, but please know it does not define me. It is not who I truly am. As much as I deeply wish I could, I cannot change what happened. What I can do is ask for forgiveness, and for another chance to earn your trust. For a chance to show you how much I love you and want to be a part of your life.

 

What we had was so special. It had holes, some big and some small, but those holes were not impossibilities. I know you are working on yours, and I want you to know I have entered therapy and am taking it very seriously. I want to be a better person and am dedicated to making that happen.

 

I miss you so much. My mornings are not the same without sending and receiving messages with you. The way you listened to me when I needed you and how protective of you I felt when you needed me. The way you understood me and my quirks, and loved me all the same. Nineties rock doesn't have near the same allure when I'm not sharing it with you. But most of all, I miss holding you or being held by you. Kissing your head. It was a feeling I've never felt before.

 

I pray this message is received as it was intended. To acknowledge my wrongdoings and apologize, and to let you know I still care and I'm still here. I know things would have to change if you gave me another chance, but I'm more than willing to work my way back to you and earn your love and trust.

 

However this message finds you, please know you are beautiful, you are worthy, and you are loved.

 

With love,

My name

[lolablue17]

Great text!

 

Why Email? Print it or write it down, then go to her place and hand it to her personally.

[justjord]

Blackbird_brokenwing Haven't had a chance to read the full story of your breakup but from what I have seen in this post it sounds like your message shows reflection and clear intent. Once you send this message to her she will know 100% you are there for her and the rest will be up to her.

Good luck!

[bigbaby]

She's told you to leave her alone and blocked you on social media. I do not think that indicates that she deep down really wants to hear from you.

[blackbird_brokenwing]

Great text!

 

Why Email? Print it or write it down, then go to her place and hand it to her personally.

Thank you! My plan all along was to hand write it and mail it. I would hand deliver it but A) that might be too intrusive and uncomfortable for her, and B) she lives 500 miles away from me and I don't exactly what to drive that far if she won't see me. :-/

[blackbird_brokenwing]

Blackbird_brokenwing Haven't had a chance to read the full story of your breakup but from what I have seen in this post it sounds like your message shows reflection and clear intent. Once you send this message to her she will know 100% you are there for her and the rest will be up to her.

Good luck!

That's exactly what I want her to know. That I'm here. That I know she pushes people out of fear, out of wanting proof that they love her, but that she doesn't always mean it. And the ones who take the bait and really do leave prove to her she was right all along and she isn't worthy or they don't care. I want her to know that isn't me. You are right though - the rest is up to her. If she doesn't respond to me reaching out, I cannot (and will not) pester her. I just want her to know I care and love her, in the fullest sense of the word.

[blackbird_brokenwing]

She's told you to leave her alone and blocked you on social media. I do not think that indicates that she deep down really wants to hear from you.

I respectfully disagree. I've said a lot of things I didn't mean in anger. I've blocked people before too, not because I truly didn't want to hear from them, but because I knew it would hurt them and in that moment or time I wanted them to hurt like I hurt. She came to the concert knowing I'd be there. She spoke to me and offered me my ticket, and was hurt I'd gone alone without her. She continued to text me 4 or 5 messages after saying "leave me alone" and I would respond with "okay," but she would keep going. The morning of our fight we woke up in each other's arms and she was softly stroking me and telling me how much she loved me and how grateful she was for me. She's stubborn as ****, but I really do believe she wants to know I care. I'm facebook friends with her mother (who is crippled and lives with her) and I think she hasn't had her mom delete or block me for a reason. I may be wrong, and I will acknowledge that I don't know for sure, but knowing her and knowing how hurt people can be, saying that doesn't necessarily mean they mean it 100%. Sometimes we want to be chased, to be proven someone else cares. And I feel like I have to try.

[Simon Phoenix]

People do not want to be chased by exes. This isn't the movies -- this is real life. The fact that you are Facebook friends with her mother means nothing. If she didn't mean it, she'll seek you out. But don't clumsily force this because you have some sort of romantic delusion. Let things die down and see if she contacts you.