She thinks I spend too much time with my daughter

[Rude boy]

I have an almost two year old daughter and she is the light of my life. I talk to her on the phone every day, we Skype and see each other at least four times a week. If not more. A big reason for this is her mother is not the most stable woman I know. When I check in with them I get to make sure she's safe.

 

I've been seeing another woman for a few month now and its been great. Then she told me I spend too much time talking to my baby and she doesn't see why it matters because my daughter isn't old enough to remember me being there. She also says she prefers when she isn't around.

 

I understand it's not her baby. I understand my ex is a problem. But I don't want to not see my daughter and talk to her every day. My feeling is to break it off. But maybe I'm overreacting. What should I do?

[RecentChange]

That precious little girl needs to be the number one in your life. If the woman you are dating can't understand that, you need to find someone that will.

 

Girlfriends come and go, but you will always be your daughters daddy, and that is your most important role.

 

I don't think you are over reacting. The wold would be a better place with more dad's like you.

[d0nnivain]

I agree with you.

 

But before you dump her, tell her thank you for your opinion but she's my daughter & I intend to keep my relationship with her just the way it is.

 

Ask how that makes her feel. If she's adamant, well adios to her.

[VeveCakes]

This is a red flag. Any person with half a brain would think it was wonderful.

[Whoknew30]

Run! Run fast...any woman that can say that is already pitting herself against your child, no decent person would ever say that. As a woman & a extremely hands on mother, get rid of her now.

 

If you don't truly your daughter's mother & then you date a woman that speaks like that about a kid...I'm kind of wondering where you go wrong with the ladies? You sound like a good daddy & hopefully you'll pick a good woman to be the role model for your daughter, if her own mother struggles with that job.

[amaysngrace]

You're being a good daddy. She actually said she doesn't want your baby around? Who says that??

 

She doesn't sound like anybody that should be left alone with your baby. Ever.

[Methodical]

I've been seeing another woman for a few month now and its been great. Then she told me I spend too much time talking to my baby and she doesn't see why it matters because my daughter isn't old enough to remember me being there. She also says she prefers when she isn't around.

 

Bet she'd feel differently if the shoe were on the other foot. Assuming you are dating with the intent of finding a life partner, she doesn't sound like a woman who is willing to step up and be a role model for your daughter.

 

Yeah, blood is thicker than water. However, there are many adoptive parents that would challenge that old adage with every ounce of their being, and rightfully so.

 

Your gf sounds needy and self-centered. Not stepping into the "step mommy" role at this point in the relationship is fine (that's not her job), but encouraging you to step down as a father is a bit much. Her reason "bc the child is too young to remember" and yours, "bc your child's biological mother isn't a stable figure" are worlds apart from finding a happy medium.

 

You have your priorities straight. Don't allow negative outside influences sway you from being a "present father" in your child's life.

[Gemma1]

I guess it's ok to beat a kid then since they won't remember it anyway. What a tard.

[dreamingoftigers]

My daughter (now 6) remembers stuff from when she was 2.

 

And those early years are super- important to development.

[GorillaTheater]

My daughter (now 6) remembers stuff from when she was 2.

 

And those early years are super- important to development.

 

 

I'm 53, and my earliest memory was from when I was 2: my first ride on a speedboat on one of the Great Lakes.

 

 

Time to show the gf the door. A previous poster was absolutely right that being a daddy is the most important gig you have, by far.

[Satu]

Children come first. Always.

 

Not negotiable.

[bigbaby]

I agree with the others.

 

Also, this sounds like something a young, clueless girl would say. You might have better odds if you give dating preference to single mothers. You'd at least have that in common and it would be fair when you were both bringing in the kid and the ex.

 

 

I think it's a lot to ask of a single girl without kids. When I was young and single, tbh having a kid and an ex in his life would have ruled someone out as a potential serious boyfriend for me.

[ChattyKat]

Agreeing with all the above posters has to say..... kids are only little once, give them as much love & attention you can.

[dreamingoftigers]

Nope. Your girlfriend doesn't get it.

 

Time to split.

 

Anyone who has a kid (or loves a kid) knows they have a lot important needs, especially when they are so young and cute.

 

You would be there everyday if you were still with the mother, so acting like daily communication is "weird"....... is really short-sighted on the gfs part. Very selfish too.

 

Any good gf would recognize how much you love your daughter and that's a pretty big asset in a man when so many only engage their children on a financial (provider) level, if at all.

 

Plus, kids REALLY KNOW when you are there or not. Early bonding without disruption is VERY IMPORTANT, regardless of whether they CONSCIOUSLY remember it or not. Our brains are a little funny. Conscious memory develops a little later than many of the skills and experiences we have as small children. But disruption in the early stages can result in a whole bunch of attachment trauma into adulthood. (Ask me how I know, LOL).

 

You sense what's right here and are a much better father than yours was already. Good for you Rude Boy.

[Rude boy]

We're all in our twenties, so yes this girl is young and younger than my child's mother and myself. My ex is an extremely beautiful woman, and when I'm completely honest with myself, the woman I'd marry. She cheated on me though and I just cannot forgive her. I've admitted that to no one, so its not an issue.

 

My little girl is very sweet and when she's around I'm totally into her and no one else. Which is why this girl doesn't want her around I think. I try to not do that, but she's just so great I can't help it. The love I feel for her is better than anything ice ever experienced. It's completely intoxicating. She has a problem with that I think. She hasn't ever been alone with my daughter and judging by the feedback here, she won't be.

 

As far as dating a single mom... I don't find that appealing. I'm not into kids, I'm not sure why I'm different about mine, and yes I know its completely hypocritical.

[dreamingoftigers]

We're all in our twenties, so yes this girl is young and younger than my child's mother and myself. My ex is an extremely beautiful woman, and when I'm completely honest with myself, the woman I'd marry. She cheated on me though and I just cannot forgive her. I've admitted that to no one, so its not an issue.

 

My little girl is very sweet and when she's around I'm totally into her and no one else. Which is why this girl doesn't want her around I think. I try to not do that, but she's just so great I can't help it. The love I feel for her is better than anything ice ever experienced. It's completely intoxicating. She has a problem with that I think. She hasn't ever been alone with my daughter and judging by the feedback here, she won't be.

 

As far as dating a single mom... I don't find that appealing. I'm not into kids, I'm not sure why I'm different about mine, and yes I know its completely hypocritical.

 

Two years old is a very cute stage. Don't miss two because someone is giving you grief. You'll sincerely regret it.

[whichwayisup]

I have an almost two year old daughter and she is the light of my life. I talk to her on the phone every day, we Skype and see each other at least four times a week. If not more. A big reason for this is her mother is not the most stable woman I know. When I check in with them I get to make sure she's safe.

 

I've been seeing another woman for a few month now and its been great. Then she told me I spend too much time talking to my baby and she doesn't see why it matters because my daughter isn't old enough to remember me being there. She also says she prefers when she isn't around.

 

I understand it's not her baby. I understand my ex is a problem. But I don't want to not see my daughter and talk to her every day. My feeling is to break it off. But maybe I'm overreacting. What should I do?

 

Break up with her. Any woman who is upset that a father spends too much time with his baby daughter, the way you described is NOT the woman for you! She isn't long term material nor is she step mom or mom material.

 

Don't even give this woman a second thought, end it with her!!!!

[Rude boy]

I'm pretty sure I'm going to tell her it's over. Which is unfortunate because it's been great. It's not hard for me to find women to date because I'm young, rich and what a lot of people have described as attractive (much to my discomfort... actually)

 

The two issues for me are my ex and my schedule. For the most part this girl has been pretty accepting of both, but my most important piece is that baby girl and if she is a deal breaker there isn't a deal.

 

No one will keep me from her. That would just hurt my heart too much. If I can't talk to her for whatever reason it throws off my whole day.

[bigbaby]

Why not forgive and marry her mother, then. That's probably the best thing you can do for your daughter, especially since you've said you love her. Or is your own pride more important?

 

 

Also, the way you feel about women with kids is exactly the way women without kids feel about you.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Good decision on breaking it off with your girlfriend. You will someday find a woman who loves your daughter almost as much as you do. As someone without kids of my own yet, it might make me more hesitant to date a guy who was already a father (in fact, I'm not sure if I'd rule it out), but I adore kids and if I did meet someone with a child, I would struggle to respect him if I didn't feel like his daughter came first! A man who is a committed, loving father is a very appealing thing. I just don't think you and your girlfriend are compatible, as she clearly doesn't have that maternal sense towards your girl or the maturity to realise that kids come first, always.

 

However, something you said made me think... it was when you mentioned your ex is extremely beautiful and the woman you'd want to marry, if it wasn't that she cheated on you. For you to still be talking of her in terms of mentioning her looks and how you would have liked to marry her (when nobody asked), I question whether that comes across to your new girlfriend. Maybe it's clear to her that you are still putting ex on a pedestal and if you ever got over her infidelity, she'd lose you to her.

 

I feel like you need to do some work on yourself and moving on from your last relationship before you're ready for a new relationship. But kudos on putting your girl first, she's lucky to have a dad who cares as much as you do. That is way way more important, massively so, than any new relationship you may enter into.

[amaysngrace]

As far as dating a single mom... I don't find that appealing. I'm not into kids, I'm not sure why I'm different about mine, and yes I know its completely hypocritical.

 

I was the same way when my kids were little. I would not date a man with kids. I think it's because then I'd have to share my affections, even if some may say that's hypocritical. I don't care.

 

I'm glad you're going to break up with her. She's not good enough to know your daughter in the first place.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

What an immature, insensitive, imbecile! You are wasting your time with this one? How could you talk to your child too much? She's not on the same page at all. Plenty of women out there who would be awesome step moms. Even childless women. It's hard for me to believe a twenty something could be so immature. Keep up the good work! Little girls need there daddy's so very much. She should hear from you everyday.

[hippychick3]

Anyone who interferes in your relationship with your child or attempts to control it in anyway needs to GO.

 

It is absolutely none of her business how much time you spend with your daughter. How wonderful that you love your daughter and cherish your time with her so much. I would now refocus all of your energy towards your child and end your relationship with this woman as quickly as possible. There are plenty of other women who would be supportive and appreciate your commitment to your daughter.

[Lois_Griffin]

As far as dating a single mom... I don't find that appealing. I'm not into kids, I'm not sure why I'm different about mine, and yes I know its completely hypocritical.

Yup, it sure is hypocritical. You expect a single woman to be all enchanted with your kid, plus she has to deal with your nut-job ex who you've said is 'unstable' (but you'd marry anyway) - but you don't want to be bothered with anyone else's kids. Got it.

 

Not sure why you haven't stepped up to the plate and sued for primary custody of your daughter, since she's your 'world' and all. One would assume a responsible parent would go to the ends of the earth before letting their child be raised by someone whose 'unstable.' And since you're rich, you can afford the best attorney in town, right?

[Miss Peach]

I'm a single parent. I wouldn't be able to date anyone who saw my kid as competition. You are this kid's dad. You will be their only dad. Even though she's young, this is when bonding forms so you are right to keep a strong presence in her life IMO.

 

I will be the one dissenter here. Are you able to give both your attention and make them both feel included when it's the three of you? If that's her argument I think she may have something. If it's just her needing to be the number one priority then I think it's right of you to break this off.

 

Any person who dates you needs to realize your kid is your number one priority. But the woman in your life at some point will need to feel like a close number two priority.