Robratory Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) Yeah I know. What do I do with myself if I dump him? Find another guy. Look, this is admittedly crude, but you've heard the saying, "I have the p*ssy. I make the rules." The truth is that it's true. Get used to making the rules. By the way, some guys who think they're clever have come back with, "I have the dick, so I f*ck the rules." They think they're clever? Silly bois! The come back to their come back is, "You can f*ck the rules all you want, but you won't f*ck me!" Edited February 4, 2016 by Robratory Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 I don't know how to find another guy. I don't think guys are attracted to me. Link to post Share on other sites
flickofthecoin Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Hi Sadand, I understand the fear of being alone and feeling miserable when thinking of a future without your bf but consider this... You've already admitted that you're miserable and frankly, you're already alone because no one who cheats is ever really 'with' their partner anymore - they've checked out of the relationship, whether or not it was something they intended to do. You can't keep living in this limbo stage of knowing but not acting. Confront him, assess his response and make your decision accordingly and no matter the outcome, you have a job to do - strengthen your existing relationships with family and friends; establish new relationships by getting yourself out into the public sphere; work hard at finding hobbies and interests, persevere even if you have to sift through hundreds of activities before you come across something you like... You'll become a happier, more confident person and believe me, that is incredibly attractive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 Thank you, I really needed this Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Well, if your attitude is like this: Low self-esteem, letting yourself be trampled on by a cheater, what do you think will happen to your life? OP, I am not sure what you can do in your situation. I believe your problem is that you lack the courage and self-confidence to fight for yourself. You know what to do, you just refuse to do it. Being in limbo won't fix the problem, it will just hurt you more. You need to learn to fight for yourself. Teach yourself to do that or else, life will be very harsh when it decided to be the teacher for you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I just don't know what I'll do once we break up. I'm not very popular and I don't have any friends to help me with this. I can't be sure that I'll find someone else. I just don't believe I will at all. I completely understand all that and I want to believe I can make it on my own but I'm too scared. I don't want to end up miserable and he made me so happy all the time before I knew this. I'm afraid of being alone. Not bored. I'm scared I won't find anyone else and that I'll be sad forever. You need to adjust your own thinking. You have a self confidence problem which is adding to your misery. As long as you think you will be alone, you will be. Get some therapy if that is what it takes but build up your self esteem. When you value yourself you won't fear being alone, you won't be lonely alone and you will attract new people both friends & romances into your life. Once you let go of this cheater you will have time on your hands. Then it will be your choice in how to fill that time. Do so productively. Get out there. Pursue a hobby you enjoy. Take up a new one. Learn a new skill. Take a class. Work overtime & save your money to ensure your financial future. Start working out. There are tons of things you can do to improve your situation. Wallowing & crying "whoa is me, I have no friends" is not helpful. Taking steps to change for the better will get you the life you want. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Sadand Being alone, not finding someone, etc... Just wanted to let you know I had your exact same feelings after my first wife cheated on me and we divorced. It was a bad year for me after that. Your feelings are "normal" remember that - that these feelings have happened to others - and we made it through to the other side - and you can too. Lots of good advice here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 There's a Difference between alone and lonely. There's nothing wrong with being alone and figuring out who you are. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 It's just hard because he's really not acting like someone who wants to see this other girl. He's promised me he would try harder in our relationship and he is still very attentive and supportive. I'm getting mixed messages as to what he wants now. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 It's just hard because he's really not acting like someone who wants to see this other girl. He's promised me he would try harder in our relationship and he is still very attentive and supportive. I'm getting mixed messages as to what he wants now. You already know his actions -- he's cheating. You are getting empty words which mean nothing but you want to believe them because you are scared to be alone. pick your poison I guess: stay stuck in a relationship with a man who doesn't respect you & who is using you or risk breaking up with him so you can fidn a more fulfilling relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 I understand. I'll break up with him when I'm ready. I just need to mentally prepare for it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 I guess it's just because I don't think he's cheating. I don't believe it because he never hangs out with her and we spend a lot of time together so I don't see when he would have the time to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Well, in time you'll know. Whatever the outcome, just post here We'll support you whatever happened. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 It's just hard because he's really not acting like someone who wants to see this other girl. He's promised me he would try harder in our relationship and he is still very attentive and supportive. I'm getting mixed messages as to what he wants now. Actually, he is. He's already texting her and I imagine there's more you don't know. I would wager it's only a matter of time until he breaks up with you. All this supportive-boyfriend mumbo-jumbo is bullcrap. He does it because at the moment, he's having his cake and eating it too. If he can keep you quiet and out of his hair, he can continue getting close to his crush until the time comes when he grows the cojones to leave you. OP, you need to find your backbone and tell him what you know. And then show him the door. It's going to be a lot harder if you hang on, knowing he's emotionally already left you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 I guess it's just because I don't think he's cheating. I don't believe it because he never hangs out with her and we spend a lot of time together so I don't see when he would have the time to do so. OP, I lived with my ex for 6.5 years. And you know what? He still managed to have an affair. Think about married couples who go through this too. If someone really wants to cheat, they will always find a way. You have no idea what he does when you're not physically together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 It's just funny because there are people who think that denying what's in front of them will stop what will eventually happen. For me, it's better that you cut off the relationship as soon as possible, than wait for him to dump you instead. Especially knowing that he's already cheating. Anyway, Sadand, like I always say here, the pain will be yours to handle and yours alone. So, try to save yourself some pain and leave him and start No Contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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