[Affair recently ended] with much younger man

[scorpio16]

I am 54 and married 25 years. I have a 24 year old son and 18 year old daughter. I was basically content in my marriage....or convinced myself of such. I had gotten in a rut and was feeling depressed. I let myself go. I gained 20 lbs and spent a lot of time isolated. stress from family and I felt ignored by my husband. we had always gone out to dinner 2 times a week throughout our marriage making time for each other. the rest of the week....we barley saw each other. we have very little common interests and he snores terribly so has been sleeping in guest room one floor down.

 

7 months ago a classmate of my daughters, messaged me on fb and said some flattering and inappropriate compliments. I found it amusing and we ended up chatting all hours of the day. I thought it was a joke at first but it was exciting. it led to sexting and eventually meeting. eventually a 7 month fling. the chemistry between us was amazing. the sex was too. we are both scorpio's and both Hispanic and both have an intense sex drive. my husband and I had never kissed. just a kiss from this young man made me melt. as time went on I got very attached. I feel strong love for him. it has been an emotional roller coaster.

 

I lost 20 lbs and work out 5 times a week and am in better shape than when I was in my 20's. my lover ended it last week out of "guilt" "morals" fear of "god". I completely understand and feel relieved as I have been tormented by the guilt and confusion. I've tried discussing my feelings about boredom and lonlieness with my husband but he's usually non responsive.

 

I've been heartbroken over the relationship ending. I know it's insane as I'm 36 years older and knew NOTHING could ever come of it. I miss him and can't bare to think I'll never see him again. I was faithful for 25 years. never looked at a man. and here I am in this pathetic situation. I'm so sad.

Edited February 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs, clarify title and move to Infidelity

[renny]

Has it occured to you that perhaps it's time to divorce your husband? Yes, you two have been married for a long time, but you're obviously unhappy. Do you still love your husband? Are you IN love with him? If not, its time to make a difficult decision.

[Gigi2015]

I'm sorry about your pain but--you'd be surprised at what you can elicit from your spouse if you dare tempt them...

[harrybrown]

Have you been tested for stds or did you use protection?

 

Get rid of your sadness.

 

Tell your H all about it.

 

You will tear his heart in thousands of pieces and destroy him.

 

Then throw his heart into the fire like my wife did.

 

How would you like it if your H had an A?

 

Stop being so selfish and think about others for once. think about how your kids will feel when they find out.

 

Be sure and tell your H all about it. Write it down for him so he can know how much you loved the OM.

[bubbaganoosh]

Long time ago, my mother in law was around the same age as you and she was having an affair with her best friends son and my then wife and I both knew him. My wife got so pissed that she told her mother and the kid that if they didn't stop, then her best friend would be told. My mother in law didn't believe her and before my wife could call the kids mother, she found out and there was holy hell to pay for not to mention that my mother in law got a real bad reputation after that. Just about destroyed the family when they found out about it.

[Bryanp]

It is a classmate of your child. What makes you think they will not find out about it. You better be prepared when your children and husband eventually find out.

[road]

Time to confess to your BH.

[Babs22]

Scorpio16,

A couple of things: The way you describe your relationship with your H makes it sound like that relationship should end. It sounds like it is already over. Why don't you divorce? Your kids are old enough to deal with that reality. If you don't kiss, don't have sex, don't sleep together, then you are just living like roommates.

 

I disagree about telling your H about this A. One, it sounds like your H has already checked out of your relationship too. Two, I see no reason to cause someone more pain if you are ending the relationship anyways. Just get a divorce and move on.

 

The second thing is the age of the person you chose to have an affair with. He is your 18 year old daughter's classmate who is also 18 and you are 54. I am sorry, I know he is legally an adult, but the thought of having an A with my son's 18 year old high school classmate, it pretty disturbing. I work with high schoolers, there is no way I would ever have sex with anyone close to that age or even in there 20s. There maturity level is way too low. I am glad he choose to end it. You may be sad, but it was not a healthy relationship for you and definitely not healthy for him.

 

I think you should divorce your H and go find a relationship with someone who can actually form a real adult relationship with.

[scorpio16]

I truly appreciate the input. After this young man and I met the first time and just talked we set a night to "be together". He bailed out of fear of all the possibilities. I was humiliated and thankful at the same time. I went home to my husband and told him what I had almost done. He laughed it off. To back track. My husbands priorities are a perfect house and that I kept myself fit and trim and he was very picky about house I dressed. Had to dress sexy. I love my husband but he's very difficult to live with. Both my kids support me leaving him. My husband and both kids know about my young lover. They think we're friends. Oddly we were good friends. I've had a lot of stress with my son and my friends helped with that.

As for std's I was tested. Got an IUD to fully enjoy the exierience.

 

If someone told me 8 months ago if be in this situation I would NEVER have believed it.

I think my husband and I are not happy but I've talked to him. It goes nowhere.

We are selling our big old money out house and moving to a high rise

I'm hoping we can re connect without the work and financial burden of our big house

 

Sadly as much as I love my kids and have devoted my life to them and my husband...... I risked it all for my lover

Thank you. It feels good to talk about it

[scorpio16]

Believe me. The age of this young man make me sick. He is truly mature and confident and clearly calculating and sexually manipulative

He is quite experienced and seductive

Not once during our 14 encounters, was I aware of his age. It does sicken me when I think of it.

He was the football team captain, most popular boy in school, gorgeous and six pack to put it mildly

 

I was weak and he saw it in my pictures on fb

 

I'm not gonna lie. My husband and I have sex. But its robotic

With this "boy". I felt alive for the first time in many years. But I did fall in love with him early on.

I don't want to harm him in anyway.

[Mr. Lucky]

I think my husband and I are not happy but I've talked to him. It goes nowhere.

 

Why do you feel you need your husband's permission to leave him or file for divorce ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Babs22]

You said you love your husband but you fell in love with this kid? I certainly hope your A is over with the kid because I do feel it is unhealthy for him. But I think you need to figure out what you want to do with your M. Do you truly love your H? You said your H is difficult to live with. He sounds a bit controlling, and your kids are ok if you leave your H. Sounds like they are aware that he is a difficult man. If you want to stay with your H, then really plan to work on your M. It will be up to you to make sex more exciting. It will also be up to you to live your life with him on your terms. For instance, you should wear sexy clothes because you want to, not because he expects you to.

 

I really think you should decide if you are staying in your M or leaving.

[S2B]

Even if your 50 years old that makes him14 years old!

 

If he's younger than 18 you could go to jail - you know that, right?

 

I think you should be grateful it ended.

 

Get to marriage counseling with your husband. 25 years without him ever kissing you? I've never heard of that.

 

From what you describe you should divorce your husband - especially if you sell the house. Be independent and find a compatible, respectful partner more your age.

Edited February 5, 2016 by S2B

[Jonah]

No he wasn't feeling guilty and all that. It's just not all that exciting for him anymore. Maybe, if you be cool about it and not pressure the guy, he may miss you and come back for more fun. But if you make it hard for him to be free then he would thing twice about coming back. Be gentle on his mind and he may just be back.

 

Are you missing him or the attention? Why are you all booboo about it? You had fun didn't you? Would you prefer that you didn't get to have that fun?

 

the Buddha says that the root of suffering is desire. You are desiring something that was not there before, then got to partake of, but is not there for you now. Would you not have this desire that is making you suffer had you not experienced the excitement of illicit sex with a much younger man? Well it's too late now! For now you are an experienced woman!

 

Once a cougar always a cougar... enjoy it.

[Spectre]

You see lady if you loved your husband I wouldn't know who you are, would I? I wouldn't know who you are because I wouldn't of seen you on an infidelity forum posting about cheating, in a post that focuses mostly on you being upset some scumbag you're banging isn't that into you(shocking I know you being over 50 and him being in his 20's that he doesn't want to be with you forever).

 

So uh, please set your poor husband free. He is the real victim here. You were used by this 20 something until he'd had enough, then he moved on. Don't buy the "fear of God" excuse, God existed before you started banging, right? He probably found someone his own age to be with, someone better looking and better in bed who isn't an adulterer. Oh and I'm sure your children will look fondly upon you after this ordeal as well.

 

Oh sorry, is all this feeling a bit harsh? Well now imagine how your husband would feel if he read this thread. Let me guess:you made a half hearted attempt to discuss your "boredom" issues with your hubby and when you didn't get the response you wanted you used that to justify all your behavior.

 

Oh and forgive me I sometimes read topics too quickly, I missed the part where you talked about how you are going to confess to your husband your betrayal so he can leave you. You do plan to tell him, correct? Just remember: you are not the victim here, but the perpetrator of an awful act. Set your hubby free and stop pining for the dude I guarantee isn't that into you.

Edited February 5, 2016 by Spectre

[S2B]

So 8 months ago when this started he was 17 years old - and it's considered a crime. She could go to jail.

Edited February 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact quote of moderated member

[66Charger]

Whats funny is that for women, sex with a younger guy is the best sex. With men, sex with a older woman is the best sex. Once those inhibitions come down, its all good.

[OneLov]

Actually, the OP claims to be 54 so it would make him 18. The story still seems to be far-fetched.

 

^^^I second this. IMO this story is fiction. Posted for sensational responses. There are too many inconsistencies.

 

OP's husband has never kissed her but they have "robotic" sex? (I feel disgusted even saying this) Who describes an 18 year-old as being "quite experienced and seductive?" Her 18 year old daughter knows they're friends (and is cool with because 54 and 18 year-olds have a lot in common). They're also such good pals she didn't even know his age? Even though he looked like a child, she never questioned it nor looked at his date of birth on FB?

 

Are you Stifler's mom?

[stillafool]

This is horrible for your husband OP. I don't think you will or can enjoy sex with your husband again after this affair. I don't understand why all of these young men are screwing around with women old enough to be their grandmas. An acquaintance of mine who is 60 is having an affair with a 30 year old man. WTF is going on?

[scorpio16]

Everything said is 100% true

I am fully aware that this young man has zero feelings for me. I always knew that. I'm just torn about the effect this has on my marriage. My husband isn't a victim exactly. Our marriage is not exactly typically traditional. But that being said I needed to get this off my chest and need to hear the hard truth from people and can't talk to anyone.

 

I will never tell my husband or my kids the truth about my "friendship". I let the young man go. I wouldn't try to keep it going.

 

Just trying to accept my responsibility and accountability and make the right choices going forward

[scorpio16]

This is sadly true .

One thing I've realized I I was a Virginin until 21. Had sex with first fiancé and that lasted 4 years. Dated a bit than met my husband.

He's a hard worker as am I. Our priorities are not the same. He's a perfectionist who wants a clean house and gives the house more attention than to me or my kids. My kids are aware of this and fully support me leaving. I do love my husband.... Never doubted it

 

As for my younger lover. He's turning 19 and was of legal consent. He's had girlfriends throughout and we both agreed it was just Sex

 

I hadn't told him I loved him until last week when he ended it

Had to get off my chest

I never could've been with him if I didn't love him

The whole thing is wrong clearly

At this pint I am trying to put it behind me and try one last time to make my marriage work

I'll never tell my family the truth about our "friendship"

Oddly my husband and kids accepted that this kid and I spoke. Thought it was weird t first but my husband laughed it off. Basically why would a young hot jock want with me. I am in good shape and this young guy thought I was mid 30's

One thing I learned from this: never say never

 

Jut typing this out is therapeutic

Edited February 5, 2016 by scorpio16

[OneLov]

Everything said is 100% true

 

I'm sorry for being presumptive then.

 

That being said, my advice is to separate and go see an attorney to discuss/begin divorce proceedings. To me, it doesn't sound like you want to invest the effort needed to find happiness in your primary relationship. That's ok. But don't think you'll be able to sweep this under the rug and implement the "fake it til I make it" strategy. It does not work that way.

 

In these situations, the guilt will not be enough to change your feelings about your husband. Reconciliation is not compensatory; it comes from a feeling of love not guilt or fear. I do not doubt that you love him as anyone who has spent years together would. But you do not seem to be interested in continuing a romantic relationship. Your words indicate you have given up.

[whichwayisup]

Believe me. The age of this young man make me sick. He is truly mature and confident and clearly calculating and sexually manipulative

He is quite experienced and seductive

Not once during our 14 encounters, was I aware of his age. It does sicken me when I think of it.

He was the football team captain, most popular boy in school, gorgeous and six pack to put it mildly

 

I was weak and he saw it in my pictures on fb

 

I'm not gonna lie. My husband and I have sex. But its robotic

With this "boy". I felt alive for the first time in many years. But I did fall in love with him early on.

I don't want to harm him in anyway.

 

You've put more than your marriage at risk, you've put your daughters LIFE at risk because you got involved with one her classmates. I doubt you're "in love" more like crushing and intensely attracted to him. I mean it's not like you're gonna divorce your husband and marry this young guy. He's obviously older than your son and about the same age as your daughter... No way would it work out for obvious reasons.

 

You and your husband need marriage counseling. He isn't 'hearing' you're unhappy but how far are you pushing it and trying hard to make him understand?

 

Think hard before selling and moving again - get your marriage fixed or divorce before you do a move.

[whichwayisup]

Everything said is 100% true

I am fully aware that this young man has zero feelings for me. I always knew that. I'm just torn about the effect this has on my marriage. My husband isn't a victim exactly. Our marriage is not exactly typically traditional. But that being said I needed to get this off my chest and need to hear the hard truth from people and can't talk to anyone.

 

I will never tell my husband or my kids the truth about my "friendship". I let the young man go. I wouldn't try to keep it going.

 

Just trying to accept my responsibility and accountability and make the right choices going forward

 

Your husband IS the victim here, not you at all. You chose to cheat with your daughters school mate. (Better hope he doesn't boast about it to his buddies) Nobody made you do that, you chose to willingly.

[Bufo]

Years ago I was a high school kid. You are ignoring the obvious that since you aren't having sex with him anymore the reward for silence among his peers has disappeared. I would expect him to tell his buddies who will tell their girlfriends who will tell their mothers and somehow eventually this bit of gossip may reach your husband's ears. No guarantee that this will happen. But another path is that your daughter hears the gossip and confronts you about it. In either case I hope you are prepared to answer the accusation.

 

Or you hope for continued silence. The problem with shared secrets is that aren't true secrets if two people know. And two people know all he details of the A. That's one too many to guarantee secrecy.

 

I'm posting this to let you know my opinion that you better formulate a Plan B in case Plan A of taking this to the grave doesn't work out.