OneLov Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 You are ignoring the obvious that since you aren't having sex with him anymore the reward for silence among his peers has disappeared. ^^^ OP, You have to understand he's going to tell everyone. I really hope for your sake it doesn't get back to your daughter. And by your account he's a football player and very popular -- he's definitely told everyone. You're like a 12 point buck. All of the other boys he knows have never seen one let alone got one. What are you going to do OP? This is real sh*t you have to take care of. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 OP What I'm trying to say is you either stay and come 100% clean, or you walk. If you stay and don't come clean. ????? KABOOM ?????. Please understand how much worse you can make you situation. And not just your spouse but your children. Seriously. You really need to consider how you're playing your hand; the wrong move will have permanent and disastrous effects on you and your family. I'm sorry you're hurting. But you have to swallow your pride and take care of this situation. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 (edited) Thank you for your advice. The young man is in college now and I believe he's been totally secretive however I've always know the risk of him telling I only worry about my daughter in this They were not friends Just went to same school I'm trying to work out my marriage but it's much more complex than sex fling with an 18 year old I do love him and will take it to my grave I do appreciate the input It's a crazy situation. This forum is helping me face the hardcore truth because while the affair was going on I didn't consider the risks Was caught up I told myself he was harmless cuz could never amount to anything Edited February 5, 2016 by scorpio16 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Your family ONLY thought you were talking/texting him. You know that's not true. And when it becomes public knowledge you risk going to jail - have you thought about that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 New to forum What does OP mean ? Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 original poster, you. Please tell your H. do not keep this secret. He will find out from someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 My husband and both kids know about my young lover. They think we're friends. Oddly we were good friends. I've had a lot of stress with my son and my friends helped with that. As for std's I was tested. Got an IUD to fully enjoy the exierience. Ugh...Then they DON'T know about you and this guy. Because they DO believe that you were ONLY friends. So, OF COURSE they only thought you were friends! YOU'RE 36 YEARS OLDER THAN HE IS!!!!! I think you better come clean, because when your daughter finds out (and believe me, she will!) You're going to, not only lose your marriage, but you're going to lose her too! Link to post Share on other sites
sammy7111 Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Glad I'm not your kid or husband. Do you have any idea the damage your kids will be in when they find out you where screwing someone there own age 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Everything said is 100% true I am fully aware that this young man has zero feelings for me. I always knew that. I'm just torn about the effect this has on my marriage. My husband isn't a victim exactly. Our marriage is not exactly typically traditional. But that being said I needed to get this off my chest and need to hear the hard truth from people and can't talk to anyone. What does this even mean? Your marriage isn't traditional? If you had some type of open marriage there would be no need to keep this from him or post it on an infidelity forum so I'm guessing..as non-traditional as your marriage might be the "do not bang other people" idea is still in full swing. I will never tell my husband or my kids the truth about my "friendship". I let the young man go. I wouldn't try to keep it going. Just trying to accept my responsibility and accountability and make the right choices going forward Okay so you are apparently an adult so help me out. How do you feel you can accept responsibility for something you do not tell your husband about? In what magical world does accepting responsibility equate to admitting to wrong doing online, but not to your husband? Serious question: why do you feel you have the right to lie to this man and cause him to live a lie? Did he do something to you? Kill your favorite pet? What did he do to deserve to be made a fool like this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 S2B can't go to jail Legal age is 17 in my state Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 S2B can't go to jail Legal age is 17 in my state So you only have the civil courts to worry about, and not the criminal court system. That's probably a relief. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 I know I come across as trash because of what I've done But I have been a supportive and loving wife for 25 years As ft my young ex lover. I was to him as well Ironically men have been known to have affairs with much younger women and it's accepted. This young man had s great time and he pursued it I should have blocked him and never spoken to him again but I'm human As for civil courts ? My husband said one night over the summer "whatever you've been doing or who with keep it up you look great .... " I was shocked I've told him many times that I'm lonely and I love him He neve says it back Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 I know I come across as trash because of what I've done But I have been a supportive and loving wife for 25 years As ft my young ex lover. I was to him as well Ironically men have been known to have affairs with much younger women and it's accepted. This young man had s great time and he pursued it I should have blocked him and never spoken to him again but I'm human As for civil courts ? My husband said one night over the summer "whatever you've been doing or who with keep it up you look great .... " I was shocked I've told him many times that I'm lonely and I love him He neve says it back He sounds like a lousy husband. You know there's nothing stopping you from divorcing him and leading whatever life you want to lead, right? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 I can but I love him and I think the affair made me realize how unhappy we both were, how distinctional my family became and I want to fight for it When I was pregnant with my daughter my husband spent months flying back and forth to south beach looking for an apartment I don't know what he did there and didn't question it we had a marriage of trust Now that I've done what I did I've wondered about those many visits to south beach and questioned my husband The response is that was so long ago My ex lover texted me today for first time in 10 days. To see how I am. I told him I'm sick over this out of worry about him telling people I only worry for my daughter He assured me he would never. I have to hope he's being honest I could tell my husband but he'll just think it was a dirty sexual game not that I could've possibly loved him It's definitely my daughter in concerned about Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 OP, I really really hope this guy is the upstanding man you say he is for your daughter's sake. I'm sorry for your pain, but you have to understand how much of a precarious situation you are in. So even if he does not intend to tell now, you tipped your hand to a favorable extortion dynamic if he so chooses -- the point is you've placed yourself in a very vulnerable position. You're future is predicated upon the sworn promise of an appeased 19 year-old boy. That should concern you. Except you can control your fate. Get over your fear if you're so over your husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 it's so odd to me that i'm revealing my most secret and shameful act on line like this. I have many good friends and have a full time job and talk to people all day long but this is something I can't bring myself to talk about. I've considered therapy because I question my frame of mind for allowing myself to get into this mess. my young friend is a threat. no doubt. He can try to extort money from me through blackmailing me. but I seriously doubt that. he was caring. I offered him money on numerous occasions and bought him xmas and bday gifts and he didn't even want them. he's not a bad person. he's very intelligent and charming and funny and although a previous person can't believe it, he's an amazing lover. however, I never let him do anything to me. Yes we had intercourse many times but I would push him away if he tried to do anything else. and it was very difficult for me. before we would meet, often times i was sick. a nervous wreck. I would tremble when he kissed me and felt like I'd have a heart attack. I appreciate your time. you're not attacking me like I'm trash. I made a horrible mistake. honestly, one I do not regret. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 I know I come across as trash because of what I've done But I have been a supportive and loving wife for 25 years As ft my young ex lover. I was to him as well Ironically men have been known to have affairs with much younger women and it's accepted. This young man had s great time and he pursued it I should have blocked him and never spoken to him again but I'm human As for civil courts ? My husband said one night over the summer "whatever you've been doing or who with keep it up you look great .... " I was shocked I've told him many times that I'm lonely and I love him He neve says it back The problem is not that the OM was young. The problem is that you had an OM. His age is just a detail. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 Tried again tonight with my husband Works 48 hour week came home 8:45 We ordered in I showered, was dressed sexy We ate, watched tv during and when finished I went to sit on the love seat he always sits at When he was done he wrapped throw blanket around himself and sat on the recliner ! I give up I grabbed the dishes and cleaned up and says goodnight and went to our bedroom 2 flights up to bed while he remains on recliner in basement with the dog I think I need out Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 I know I come across as trash because of what I've done But I have been a supportive and loving wife for 25 years As ft my young ex lover. I was to him as well Ironically men have been known to have affairs with much younger women and it's accepted. This young man had s great time and he pursued it Accepted? By who? These men's wives and girlfriends? I don't think so. No sane person thinks cheating is okay by any gender. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 It's a crazy situation. This forum is helping me face the hardcore truth because while the affair was going on I didn't consider the risks Was caught up I told myself he was harmless cuz could never amount to anything And your daughter never ever entered your mind, knowing full well he was a classmate of hers and they knew one another? Sadly the consequences of your actions could bite you in the butt and ruin your relationship with your daughter, as well as your husband. Having an A is one thing, having an A with your kids classmate is another. Just be prepared that what happened may come out and if it does, own it. Don't justify it, or put blame on anybody but yourself. Even the classmate, he's the young one here, impressionable and naive. You're the adult and he isn't one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 I know I come across as trash because of what I've done But I have been a supportive and loving wife for 25 years As ft my young ex lover. I was to him as well Ironically men have been known to have affairs with much younger women and it's accepted. This young man had s great time and he pursued it I should have blocked him and never spoken to him again but I'm human As for civil courts ? My husband said one night over the summer "whatever you've been doing or who with keep it up you look great .... " I was shocked I've told him many times that I'm lonely and I love him He neve says it back Now you're just picking and choosing info that justifies the cheating for you. Men have affairs. Sometimes with younger women. But I don't think the average person would say that's ok. Same goes for women with men. Yours happens to be with a guy much too young. No amount of explaining would make me ok with that - he was a child! I'm 54 years old and I felt odd when I dated a guy who was 28-30 years old. You seem super unhappy in that marriage (you go on and on how inadequate your H is) so divorce him! You hate being married to him? Then do something about that! But having sex with a child isn't a way to solve those issues! Please seek counseling. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Accepted? By who? These men's wives and girlfriends? I don't think so. No sane person thinks cheating is okay by any gender. I was thinking virtually the same thing. The whole "cheating men with younger women is accepted" line only comes from two parties: cheating women who want to justify it for themselves as some kind of gender inequality. And cheating men themselves. So, douchebags accepting douchebags into the Royal Society of Douchebags. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Ironically men have been known to have affairs with much younger women and it's accepted. This young man had s great time and he pursued it Yes, but not with their kids classmate. This is apples and oranges. IN your situation, you should have blocked him and never spoken to him again. He is the minor and you are the adult, the grown up who has been around the block a few more times than him, you have life experience that he has no clue about it. You cannot put the blame on this young guy, so what if he pursued you, you could have said no. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Oh, my. High fives from the locker room. If this thread is for real, your husband and everyone in your circle is going to hear about this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 Some of you men are salty as my son would say Maybe an 18 yr old man is more a man than some of the men that are writing Maybe more woman would do what I did if things weren't so one sided actually it's been 7 months and not a word I may decide to tell the truth People have closed minds and closed hearts I know I should end my marriage and likely will My ex friend showed me what happiness can be Link to post Share on other sites
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