Author scorpio16 Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 I know he didn't care, he wanted the sex. We had a fully mutual understanding of what it was. And yes he had girls. I didn't care. I had sex and still have great sex with my husband. I don't think of the "ym" when I'm With my husband sexually. But of course the passion isn't the same. As j said earlier, my h do doesn't like to kiss. I've tried because I think it's a crucial part of the passion. The "ym" got me back to kissing. Someone said how will I enjoy sex now after the "ym". Not gonna lie.... It was crazy and intense. I was shocked and became quickly addicted. I know he had / has no feelings for me. He ended it because it probably got old and he wants to move on. I'm fully able to accept that but my feelings for him as of now are strong. I'm trying to forget him. I love my husband and am willing to do whatever it takes to work it all the problems that in my mind made me unhappy enough to do something I never imagined I could be capable of. Selling the house that has consumed my "h" time for past 20 years first step 2nd is an apt We will try to make our marriage truly happy again I'll tell my family on my death bed Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Just leave your diary in your love chest. I'm sure your kids will recreate the next generation's great romance story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 I will admit that having been very depressed for about a year and being basically invisible to my h for a while and stress at home.......having spent many nights after a long day at work, that when the "boy toy" as people call him....confronted me and complimented me (bull**** mostly).....I was very flattered and as the weeks went on and he texted me in the morning or in the middle of the day or in the middle of the night......I was excited. For the first time in YEARS......and we met and just talked for few hours the first I me and I coculdn't take my eyes off him. He is so handsome. tan skin, incredible build, thick black long hair, and beautiful facial features. Including luscious lips. Pierced ears, tattoos......etc.....It was very very hard to look the other way. I have mixed emotions. Regret? Maybe. But I do beleive he brought a lot of good out of me and as odd as it seems...ultimately he may be responsible for saving my marriage. Because of him, I took a look at my marriage and and I looked at how unhappy I was. It's a whole new experience to me to air my dirty luandry in public. Good night. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 When DH was 17, he had an affair with a 37 year old married woman. When he was 23 he had a summer long affair with his best friends mother, who was divorced. In both cases, he was fond of the older women, but not interested in a relationship with them beyond the sex. And, in both cases, the family has never found out. The OM is off at college and wasn't part of the OP's daughters social circle. Realistically, it's not that likely the family will hear about it through the grapevine, although it is possible. OP, if you want to work on your marriage, work on your marriage. To do that, I think, will require honesty on your part. First, you aren't in love with the OM. You are jacked up on hormones and in lust with a likable young man. The effects of the hormones will fade with time. Meanwhile, understand that you aren't in love and start changing your thinking. Second, stop obsessing. When you think of OM, deliberately stop thinking of him and replace the thought with a similar one about your husband. Eventually, you will think of OM less and less and think of your husband more and more. Third, truly consider being honest with your husband. I understand why you'd want to take this to your grave, but do you think you can repair your marriage without your husband having the chance to understand what happened, how bad things between you got, and what you've been feeling/going through? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 I actually don't think she will end up exposed because its ended. But I find it bizarre that a 54 year-old woman doesn't seem to have any sense of personal responsibility. The whole "it just happened" mentality is very beneath this stage of life. I can only think that she's been very well taken care of in life and doesn't appreciate any of it. The key to resolving loneliness is NOT to become emotionally and sexually involved with an outside party. Scorpio16, why can you not raise your concerns with your husband and follow-through on them? If not, I can only see a series of entitled excuses. And a next affair. And a next.... Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 I know he didn't care, he wanted the sex. We had a fully mutual understanding of what it was. And yes he had girls. I didn't care. I had sex and still have great sex with my husband. I don't think of the "ym" when I'm With my husband sexually. But of course the passion isn't the same. As j said earlier, my h do doesn't like to kiss. I've tried because I think it's a crucial part of the passion. The "ym" got me back to kissing. Someone said how will I enjoy sex now after the "ym". Not gonna lie.... It was crazy and intense. I was shocked and became quickly addicted. I know he had / has no feelings for me. He ended it because it probably got old and he wants to move on. I'm fully able to accept that but my feelings for him as of now are strong. I'm trying to forget him. I love my husband and am willing to do whatever it takes to work it all the problems that in my mind made me unhappy enough to do something I never imagined I could be capable of. Selling the house that has consumed my "h" time for past 20 years first step 2nd is an apt We will try to make our marriage truly happy again I'll tell my family on my death bed As it is very common that women outlive men, are you saying you will never tell your husband? Did you have sex with the young man in your home? Are you wanting to sell the house because you defiled your husbands sanctuary by having sex with the 18 year old, was it in his own bed? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Now that is an interesting question. I would hope she thought enough of her husband NOT to defile their own home, particularly the marital bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 She has been screwing a boy young enough to be her son....somehow I don't think where she did it is really going to make much difference to her husband when he finds out. When her husband finds out.....and I believe he will....she may not only need to fear for her boy toy lover. She might have to fear for herself. The thing about this situation that bothers me to my core is this....she seems to have no sorrow...no remorse for what she has done to her husband. Her loyalties are to the boy toy who used her.....not to the man who has stood by her side for 25 years and supported her. Maybe the sorrow will come later....but somehow I don't think she gets it. She will take it to her death bed....she will never try to right the wrong....she will never face reality. She is still living her fantasy....even if only in her mind. I feel sorry for her in a way....and I can sympathize.....we all think we can run from our past ...until it catches up with us one way or the other. Her day will come......and then what? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 (edited) I may be a psychopath who know? The term is "Sociopath". And yes, it is quite possible you are one. You are definitely a selfish narcissist. By the way, where was all this "concern" for this boy's safety and welfare when you were using him for your pleasure? Your need for hot sex and ego kibbles obviously outweighed that. Edited February 12, 2016 by Cephalopod Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Been reading and I'm perplexed. What exactly is your goal? psychopaths or sociopaths don't usually post in forums about coping with infidelity, so your posts and recent statements seem at odds. Next, you seem "concerned" about your husband's reaction and feelings, and also concerned about your paramours interests. Again, your posts are inconsistent. Please explain. Finally, we are left with the impression that an 18 year old kid would bang, repeatedly, an old woman. Sorry, but at 54 you are way past milf territory and into grandma territory for an 18 year old. Not many 18 year old washboard abs can have any woman or teen girl he wants guys are gonna be up for the repeat business. Something is amiss. In any event, my question is why are you posting, in light of your most recent posts? I'm not saying don't post, please do it and often, I just don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 The OP has said that she's brand new to forums "airing her dirty laundry". I think it's natural human behavior for many to get defensive when attacked. I know! What did she expect?!? I'm quite impressed that she HAS stuck around. Sometimes it takes people longer to truly be open. If she couldn't care less she wouldn't be here. The only way I can try to process things like this is putting myself in the other persons position. If I was the OP this would be eating me alive. I'd be hurting & guilty but still working out the lies I'd convinced myself of to continue a 7 month long affair. My driving instructor when I was 17 was 'that' local woman. She'd been divorced for a much younger woman (even as a teen I could see you didn't need to be a shrink to get her behavior) she made her house the local hang-out spot for teens (Not my kind of group) where she had alcohol & pot. She was in her 40's & I know she had sex with some of 'those' guys. She was screwed-up & hurting. I never told my Dad that she tried to get me to hang-out at her house. He would of hit the roof...as any 'normal' parent would. I don't know. I think she wants help but doesn't know what kind of help. Maybe just talking about it is the first step. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 I do agree that she wants help of some kind.... But I wonder if what she wants is validation and to be told everything will be ok? Big man....I gotta agree with you... I keep looking at my grandson and thinking ok......why would he screw someone like me? Especially if he knew I was married and had a child his age. This boy has a grandmother the age of his lover....sorry.. I don't care how beautiful she is.... And here's the other part I don't get...I look at my grandson...who is a very good looking young man...but he is a child....he is immature...he has a girlfriend his age who is leaps and bounds more mature than he is. I just cannot fathom why a young man would want an overweight 54 year old woman...... Of course...I guess there are men that will hit anything.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Originally Posted by scorpio16 as inconceivable as it seems, I do love the young man. And I do trust him. I don't lose sleep worrying about him telling or extorting $$ I will always love him. And he says he had the most amazing time of his life and learned a lot about life from me. regrets? my conscience does but my heart does not. thank you ! Scorpio A healthy and desirable husband with a good self-respect would never take back a woman that rejects and replaces him awhile she stills loves and trust another man. You have taken the boy-toy that you betrayed your family for and given him what was only for your husband. You are adding the final nails to your marriage coffin because you will not give up your sex desires, emotional attachment, and great adoration that you have for the boy-toy. Based on your attitudes, emotions, and actions, why would you now expect your husband to adore you? Why would you expect your husband to cherish you? Why would you expect your husband to love you, respect you, and trust you? Your extremely desirable boy-toy is not going to ever be with you to fulfill you. If you live to what the average American woman lives, around 30 more years, and you keep your current attitudes and emotions for your boy-toy, you will never even get close to having the fulfilled relationship that you seek. You can get better than you are now but only if you change a WHOLE LOT in attitude, emotions, and actions. STOP your fantasy and get all the help that you can and make the changes that will change you from the destructive position that you are now in. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 With no remorse and no conscience and a husband who doesn't meet your needs: You are ripe for more affairs. I think Scorpio's posts show a LOT of remorse. And it sounds like she DOES want to work on her marriage so that both of their needs are met. so where does this "ripe for more affairs" crap come from? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 I am selling the house because we have been planning on doing so for years. Our plan was when our daughter goes to college to get an apt. For an easier life as the big old house consumes all of our free time. As for being "taken care of" no. I've worked my whole life and can take care of myself. I do have a conscience and awareness of my act. And no it was not in my bed although my husband has not been sleeping in it for the most part for months. Due to his snoring. We are trying to work things out. I see no reason to cause heartbreak or violence by telling my family which in turn will end up causing the "ym" family to know. It is between he and I. We have no more contact. I miss him and will always remember him but I want him to move on and be with young girls as I told him all along. I was selfish no doubt. But I'm human. As for my H. I am doing everything as I had all along to make our marriage happy. He needs to be on board though. He believes the apt. Life will lift a lot of weight off his shoulders and he will be relaxed and maybe then things will be better. If not. After lease is up we go our separate ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 (edited) There are a few things i need to clarify First when I say I "love" the boy toy as he's been referred I mean he's special to me. He's not a little dirtbag who wanted to bang a married woman. I'm a notch on his belt and he a notch on mine. It's true that I'm old enough to be his grandmother. It boggled my mind that he wanted me. But he did. It wasn't the kind of sex some imagine .... It was truly passionate and at the moment I would've given anything for it. It's wrong and it's over As for other affairs ? No. I never looked at another man before and won't now. My husband is good and deserves my love and fidelity but first we need to make a lot of changes. I'm. Not on this panel to bash my husband or justify my behavior As for being an overweight older women. I'm not trying to be conceited but I'm in better shape than most 20 year olds at my gym. I've never cut my hair short and I color it and I dress very well. I've always kept myself In shape. Had to or my husband would've left me as he warned he would. Whatever. Attractive or not. I'm wayyyy too old for this boy toy. Every time we met I felt sick. I was no nervous I was shaking. My heart felt like I was having a heart attack. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. And yes he is beautiful ..... When I was his age I would've melted in his arms Another point for the men: you think I was just used for his pleasure? It was 100 % mutual. If I got divorced I would never be with someone that young again. I would never remarry as I can support myself and if I can't grow old with my h than I'm on my own I've adored my h and gave 100% of myself He did not do the same Both my kids see it and encourage me to seek happiness with someone else but no one walks in another's shoes and feels what they do Sociopath? Psychopath ? Maybe Edited February 13, 2016 by scorpio16 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Well you convinced me, your right, you deserved the affair and what your husband doesn't know is good for the marriage. Your a keeper, I see that now. Hope my comment helps you with the image you have of yourself. At least you've now said you didn't bang the kid in your husbands bed, you haven't said you haven't in your house. The reason I keep bringing it up is to see what degree you took your betrayal of your husband/family to. Keeping your nasty little secret isn't going to fix any of your problems. You need some very professional help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 OK we get all the bitterness from BSs, we get all the "granny" comments and the "young child" comments too, but why does the OP need professional help? Because she cheated? Because she betrayed her family? Or because she was a woman cheating with a younger man? She cheated on a man who has severe enough issues, his own children have urged their mother to get out. The fact she cheated in those circumstances is hardly a surprise to anyone surely? Unhappy marriage partner seeks solace in the arms of a younger model, hardly front page news... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 OK we get all the bitterness from BSs, we get all the "granny" comments and the "young child" comments too, but why does the OP need professional help? Because she cheated? Because she betrayed her family? Or because she was a woman cheating with a younger man? She cheated on a man who has severe enough issues, his own children have urged their mother to get out. The fact she cheated in those circumstances is hardly a surprise to anyone surely? Unhappy marriage partner seeks solace in the arms of a younger model, hardly front page news... None of the above, she needs help because rug sweeping fix's nothing. A professional may give her the advice she needs to help her out of her currant situation which troubles her or she wouldn't be here discussing her problems with strangers. The affair has affected her, she may have some good and bad memories of what happened but she posted this in the Infidelity thread not other man/other women where many that are in affairs may have given her support for her actions. My guess is she wants opinions from those that cheat as well as those that have been cheated on. She knows what she did was wrong and no issue in the marriage pushed her into a relationship with another man, she made the decision to have sex with someone other than her husband because she wanted to, period. I would speculate that in time her opinion may change, who knows for sure but it seems to happen a lot. My suggestion is to prepare herself for what may come her way and to seek guidance from someone who has the experience in infidelity, professional experience to help her on her path no matter what that path is. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 (edited) OK we get all the bitterness from BSs, we get all the "granny" comments and the "young child" comments too, but why does the OP need professional help? Because she cheated? Because she betrayed her family? Or because she was a woman cheating with a younger man? She cheated on a man who has severe enough issues, his own children have urged their mother to get out. The fact she cheated in those circumstances is hardly a surprise to anyone surely? Unhappy marriage partner seeks solace in the arms of a younger model, hardly front page news... She Needs help for all of the above. She needs help because she made very poor decisions...... And no matter how BAD her husband is...he did not deserve what she has done. I agree with alive again....all the things he said are part of why she needs help....but I disagree because it's everything all rolled into one big fat issue. I am a fww.....by the way..... Edited February 13, 2016 by Mrs. John Adams 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Now I'm confused! I thought the H was great in bed (just has a snoring problem) & the kids were joking that she dresses 'modern' & 'sexy' & he's starting to dress like a fuddy-duddy. There's a world of difference between wanting your Mum to divorce your Dad & buying into the family joke (probably encouraged by the OP) that's 'Dad's an old stick in the mud!' & Mums young & fun. If H is so bad & insists she's in perfect sexy shape etc why hadn't he divorced her when she was 20lbs overweight & isolated, depressed etc? The 'thing' that running in the background here worries me.... I MUST wear sexy clothes. I wear sexy clothes like H insists etc. I MUST be young & skinny or my H will dump me! It's ALL about youth, appearances BUT H is happy to sell the beloved house that's taken all of his time & attention. No mention of him being mean when she was depressed & out of shape. SHE behaved around 17 year olds in such a way that a boy was comfortable texting inappropriate sexy things to a MOTHER!! She opened that door. Teenagers show respect to mothers! OP what do you consider 'dressing sexy'? Are you wearing 'teen', exposing clothing? (Because your H wants it) 5 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 That ^^^^ is really incisive, SL. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 (edited) She Needs help for all of the above. She needs help because she made very poor decisions...... And no matter how BAD her husband is...he did not deserve what she has done. I agree with alive again....all the things he said are part of why she needs help....but I disagree because it's everything all rolled into one big fat issue. I am a fww.....by the way..... 30 something years ago..... I don't think of infidelity as good vs evil. This is very black/white thinking and I stopped seeing the world that way out of my teens. The affair with OP and young man has happened...past tense. No matter our opinions of the unscrupulous situation, there it is. Moving forward Scorpio, marriage counseling, after you have settled in a new place would be beneficial. It would also provide a safe place to reveal all....take time to choose a therapist that both of you are comfortable with but definitely seek to be challenged as you now know growth occurs then. Best wishes Edited February 14, 2016 by Timshel Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 (edited) I never met the ""om". I never dressed or acted inappropriately in the presence of my kids friends He friend requested me much earlier as had done both my kids friends cuz I took groups of kids to six flags, had halloween parties , etc The "om" saw me at school with my daughter once. He liked my pictures and wrote me privately on fb Yes I should have blocked him. Edited February 14, 2016 by scorpio16 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 I never met the ""om". I never dressed or acted inappropriately in the presence of my kids friends He friend requested me much earlier as had done both my kids friends cuz I took groups of kids to six flags, had halloween parties , etc The "om" saw me at school with my daughter once. He liked my pictures and wrote me privately on fb Yes I should have blocked him. Wow! Do you not see the true character of your OM? This OM knew how to be this smooth when he was in high school. He is going to be in a lot more future rodeos and there will be a lot more BH's. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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