elaine567 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 OK we get all the bitterness from BSs, we get all the "granny" comments and the "young child" comments too, but why does the OP need professional help? Because she cheated? Because she betrayed her family? Or because she was a woman cheating with a younger man? She cheated on a man who has severe enough issues, his own children have urged their mother to get out. The fact she cheated in those circumstances is hardly a surprise to anyone surely? Unhappy marriage partner seeks solace in the arms of a younger model, hardly front page news... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 OK we get all the bitterness from BSs, we get all the "granny" comments and the "young child" comments too, but why does the OP need professional help? Because she cheated? Because she betrayed her family? Or because she was a woman cheating with a younger man? She cheated on a man who has severe enough issues, his own children have urged their mother to get out. The fact she cheated in those circumstances is hardly a surprise to anyone surely? Unhappy marriage partner seeks solace in the arms of a younger model, hardly front page news... None of the above, she needs help because rug sweeping fix's nothing. A professional may give her the advice she needs to help her out of her currant situation which troubles her or she wouldn't be here discussing her problems with strangers. The affair has affected her, she may have some good and bad memories of what happened but she posted this in the Infidelity thread not other man/other women where many that are in affairs may have given her support for her actions. My guess is she wants opinions from those that cheat as well as those that have been cheated on. She knows what she did was wrong and no issue in the marriage pushed her into a relationship with another man, she made the decision to have sex with someone other than her husband because she wanted to, period. I would speculate that in time her opinion may change, who knows for sure but it seems to happen a lot. My suggestion is to prepare herself for what may come her way and to seek guidance from someone who has the experience in infidelity, professional experience to help her on her path no matter what that path is. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 (edited) OK we get all the bitterness from BSs, we get all the "granny" comments and the "young child" comments too, but why does the OP need professional help? Because she cheated? Because she betrayed her family? Or because she was a woman cheating with a younger man? She cheated on a man who has severe enough issues, his own children have urged their mother to get out. The fact she cheated in those circumstances is hardly a surprise to anyone surely? Unhappy marriage partner seeks solace in the arms of a younger model, hardly front page news... She Needs help for all of the above. She needs help because she made very poor decisions...... And no matter how BAD her husband is...he did not deserve what she has done. I agree with alive again....all the things he said are part of why she needs help....but I disagree because it's everything all rolled into one big fat issue. I am a fww.....by the way..... Edited February 13, 2016 by Mrs. John Adams 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Now I'm confused! I thought the H was great in bed (just has a snoring problem) & the kids were joking that she dresses 'modern' & 'sexy' & he's starting to dress like a fuddy-duddy. There's a world of difference between wanting your Mum to divorce your Dad & buying into the family joke (probably encouraged by the OP) that's 'Dad's an old stick in the mud!' & Mums young & fun. If H is so bad & insists she's in perfect sexy shape etc why hadn't he divorced her when she was 20lbs overweight & isolated, depressed etc? The 'thing' that running in the background here worries me.... I MUST wear sexy clothes. I wear sexy clothes like H insists etc. I MUST be young & skinny or my H will dump me! It's ALL about youth, appearances BUT H is happy to sell the beloved house that's taken all of his time & attention. No mention of him being mean when she was depressed & out of shape. SHE behaved around 17 year olds in such a way that a boy was comfortable texting inappropriate sexy things to a MOTHER!! She opened that door. Teenagers show respect to mothers! OP what do you consider 'dressing sexy'? Are you wearing 'teen', exposing clothing? (Because your H wants it) 5 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 That ^^^^ is really incisive, SL. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 (edited) She Needs help for all of the above. She needs help because she made very poor decisions...... And no matter how BAD her husband is...he did not deserve what she has done. I agree with alive again....all the things he said are part of why she needs help....but I disagree because it's everything all rolled into one big fat issue. I am a fww.....by the way..... 30 something years ago..... I don't think of infidelity as good vs evil. This is very black/white thinking and I stopped seeing the world that way out of my teens. The affair with OP and young man has happened...past tense. No matter our opinions of the unscrupulous situation, there it is. Moving forward Scorpio, marriage counseling, after you have settled in a new place would be beneficial. It would also provide a safe place to reveal all....take time to choose a therapist that both of you are comfortable with but definitely seek to be challenged as you now know growth occurs then. Best wishes Edited February 14, 2016 by Timshel Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 (edited) I never met the ""om". I never dressed or acted inappropriately in the presence of my kids friends He friend requested me much earlier as had done both my kids friends cuz I took groups of kids to six flags, had halloween parties , etc The "om" saw me at school with my daughter once. He liked my pictures and wrote me privately on fb Yes I should have blocked him. Edited February 14, 2016 by scorpio16 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 I never met the ""om". I never dressed or acted inappropriately in the presence of my kids friends He friend requested me much earlier as had done both my kids friends cuz I took groups of kids to six flags, had halloween parties , etc The "om" saw me at school with my daughter once. He liked my pictures and wrote me privately on fb Yes I should have blocked him. Wow! Do you not see the true character of your OM? This OM knew how to be this smooth when he was in high school. He is going to be in a lot more future rodeos and there will be a lot more BH's. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 30 something years ago..... I don't think of infidelity as good vs evil. This is very black/white thinking and I stopped seeing the world that way out of my teens. The affair with OP and young man has happened...past tense. No matter our opinions of the unscrupulous situation, there it is. Moving forward Scorpio, marriage counseling, after you have settled in a new place would be beneficial. It would also provide a safe place to reveal all....take time to choose a therapist that both of you are comfortable with but definitely seek to be challenged as you now know growth occurs then. Best wishes I wonder ...if during MC....with the both of them going together.... Is it possible that a good therapist...will not only address the issues of the marriage....but will also be able to cause this affair to be revealed? Infidelity isn't black and white....it isn't good verses evil...and even though my affair was 32 years ago....it still exists. Even in the present.... Infidelity is pure destruction 3 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Wow! Do you not see the true character of your OM? This OM knew how to be this smooth when he was in high school. He is going to be in a lot more future rodeos and there will be a lot more BH's. Can you clarify why you liked this post? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 By Scorpio We are trying to work things out. He believes the apt. life will lift a lot of weight off his shoulders and he will be relaxed and maybe then things will be better. If not. After lease is up we go our separate ways. Changing from home ownership to apartment living is not enough to fix your situation. You do not have a chance working things out so that you have a rich marriage without you changing your mind and emotions. You have a much deeper desire, adoration and emotional connection to your memory of your boy-toy than you do for your husband. In fact, if your husband does not change enough to satisfy you then you are ready to “go our separate ways” According to you he has been a very poor emotional support for you for years and has starved you for affection. If that is true then that is another strong barrier to your successful R. You are willing to try and make it with your husband because it is your best option right now not because you adore him more than boy-toy. However, if your husband does not satisfy you to your liking then you are gone. Let us assume that your husband changes so that he meets all of your criteria for a sustained marriage. Now how are you going to be able to give him 100% of yourself when you have such a very strong emotional memory connection to the boy-toy? I am a man and I do not care how much my wife tries to make things work; if she is still adoring and so very strongly connected to the boy-toy she would never be in my life. You do not get it or you choose to ignore the fact that your very strong adoration and emotional connection to the boy toy, which belongs only to your husband, is the main fact as to why you and your husband will never be able to have a deep and rich relationship. In fact you need to not have any great desire, adoration, love, and great emotional attachment to the boy toy at all. Get help so that you adore and desire your husband more than the boy-toy or your marriage is doomed! IMO 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 i guess i have to disagree. Rugsweeping as in her taking this to the grave, and working doubly hard to ressurect the marriage and sex life....is perfectly fine. People make mistakes. If they learn from them and change who they are for the better, then let he who is without sin cast the first stone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Yeah, sounds like she has a plan and is going to follow it. Ya can't make someone fess up if they're determined not to. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Thank you for the advice. I'm hanging in there. Spent the weekend packing photo albums. Very sad Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 What on earth was in the albums that made you sad? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Yeah, sounds like she has a plan and is going to follow it. Ya can't make someone fess up if they're determined not to. Yes her plan is to never tell her BH the truth, manipulate him to liquidate most of his assets, so a year from now she will walk away with at least half of the cash, and her BH will be without the house he liked, stuck in an apartment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Road You couldn't be more wrong but you clearly believe you have foundation for those remarks. The last thing I'm thinking about is assets and money You sound bitter and are generalizing The photo albums had thousands of pictures of when I was first married, pregnant, raising our kids, when we were happy in our house My husband wants to sell the house as much as I do and my main reason is he's a slave To it Link to post Share on other sites
HadEverything Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I wonder if your difficulty letting go or not thinking about your AP is because it was ended so gently. When my husband found out about my affair it definitely shocked me out of any and all feelings for my AP. Maybe I can give you some insight into how it could have ended for you and the kind of things that can happen after discovery. What do you think your husband would do if he found out? It sounds like you are unhappy in your marriage do you think about divorcing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Yes, set your H free. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 My om and I have texted. We are high trying to keep away from all physical contact We became I guess addicted to having sex together It's really hard to explain or for me to fully understand I do love my husband. But..... If things don't improve between us living in an apartment with a totally carefree lifestyle than yes I will be seeking divorce. I know it seems like I'm making excuses but my h was never an affectionate kind of h or dad. I overcompensated the affection on my kids. I always adored being a mom. Many times..... Countless times I took my kids on vacation, to the beach, zoo, amusement parks , concerts, truck or treating etccccc alone because my h was "busy" with the house He was there for birthdays, school functions but i alwsys told him... The kids will grow fast. Don't waste the previous years I always worked, took are of the house, food shopping, cooking, paid bills, gym I used to think we had a "happy marriage" cuz we went to a nice restaurant 2 nights a week. I always got dressed up and loved the alone time. We always had great sex but as I said earlier.. No kissing. It began to feel less and less intimate. It's wasn't until our son moved to NC for a year and our daughter got very busy socially that I started to realize that we have so little in common and I felt more and more isolated .... When the young man (teen) approached me it was like watering a dead flower I know excuses. If he was in his forties I'd have a hard time getting over him and working on my marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Oh I didn't answer the question of what my h would do if he found out about the affair Honestly, I think he'd be furious but relieved that it was someone young and therefore no possible future with. He'd be hurt (his ego) but he'd probably know it wasn't because of us or our sex but more my loneliness and his lack of attention And if he wants to be set free I will set him free Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Your story is either fantasy or written by a person completely consumed by the fog. Several pages ago a poster called you on carrying on with posm in your home and martial bed. Your response was well it is not really my husbands bed since he uses another one due to snoring. Huh ??? Is the bed you sleep in, in the house you and your husband own ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Not in our bed Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) My om and I have texted. We are high trying to keep away from all physical contact We became I guess addicted to having sex together It's really hard to explain or for me to fully understand I do love my husband. But..... If things don't improve between us living in an apartment with a totally carefree lifestyle than yes I will be seeking divorce. I know it seems like I'm making excuses but my h was never an affectionate kind of h or dad. I overcompensated the affection on my kids. I always adored being a mom. Many times..... Countless times I took my kids on vacation, to the beach, zoo, amusement parks , concerts, truck or treating etccccc alone because my h was "busy" with the house He was there for birthdays, school functions but i alwsys told him... The kids will grow fast. Don't waste the previous years I always worked, took are of the house, food shopping, cooking, paid bills, gym I used to think we had a "happy marriage" cuz we went to a nice restaurant 2 nights a week. I always got dressed up and loved the alone time. We always had great sex but as I said earlier.. No kissing. It began to feel less and less intimate. It's wasn't until our son moved to NC for a year and our daughter got very busy socially that I started to realize that we have so little in common and I felt more and more isolated .... When the young man (teen) approached me it was like watering a dead flower I know excuses. If he was in his forties I'd have a hard time getting over him and working on my marriage. I bet my paycheck that you wind up betraying your husband again with [this man]. You already are still betraying him by being in contact with your teen lover. You are going to learn a very hard lesson if this blows up on you. You are all que sera sera about it because you haven't faced consequences yet. Should this get out, you will lose respect. Your friends will shun you and your children will be ashamed of you. You have not lived in the aftermath of betrayal.......we have Edited February 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scorpio16 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 It's not fantasy although I was living out a fantasy but that never had before I never would've thought of cheating let alone with someone so young As hard as it is to believe, he is mature and we talk about my marriage and the faults and unhappiness my h and I share. I would never be unfaithful again. Link to post Share on other sites
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