My fiancee has an untold child back in 2003

[minimariah]

Then why does he have all these photos?

 

Something doesn't add up here. His actions don't match his words. That is never a good sign.

 

& why was his brother ready to cover his a** if the child isn't his anyway?

 

OP - this is a HUGE red flag. he's lying to you about having a child and then gets mad when you want to know more...? won't end good.

[elaine567]

I really don't know what to do yet. He doesn't even want to talk about it.

 

He is in essence denying his own child, and the fact he will not talk about it to you, the woman he wants to marry, is not a good sign.

YOU deserve an explanation at least.

[dreamingoftigers]

I really don't know what to do yet. He doesn't even want to talk about it.

 

Honestly. That's his tactic until you either back off or he can figure out a way to try to make it sound good.

 

Watch for these three things: charm, self-pity or rage.

 

Any of the three is absolute avoidance of the truth, and frankly, since he appears to be one who avoids the truth expect him to flip between all three. (consider yourself lucky to have found out BEFORE MARRIAGE).

 

I'm sorry OP. The mask has slipped. This is the real guy.

[sandylee1]

You need to talk a little more to him about it.

 

His age when the child was born, where the child lives, did his parents know, why does he say it's not his child? What proof does he have of that? Why wasn't cs pursued by the mother?

 

I'm a firm believer in getting all the facts when such an important decision is on the cards.

 

You need the WHOLE story. There could be a valid reason for his actions...but you need to know....and you need to hear it from HIM.

 

Nobody here knows all the facts.....The child could be adopted or anything now. Get the facts..then decide.

[Clockwork]

I would lean on getting out of there. I am not saying you shouldn't let it sink in and sleep on it, but the question I would have is do you realize how big of a mountain of lies this was? He lied to you, and let's face it him not "knowing" if it is his child is a lie too. He knows. His brother - your future brother in-law and if you continue the uncle of your children - told you a huge bold faced lie and would have left it just like that had you not said anything. His parents had to have known this I would think, as would have some friends. You were kept in the dark and he had no problem embarrassing you like this.

 

 

If you are with him 30 years and discover this you are even more hurt.............but you at least have all that time together that can help you get over it better. In other words, that's a lot of things to throw away. But you aren't married to this guy. You haven't started the rest of your life with him. You can get out anytime. I would.

[amandapanda123]

You need to talk a little more to him about it.

 

His age when the child was born, where the child lives, did his parents know, why does he say it's not his child? What proof does he have of that? Why wasn't cs pursued by the mother?

 

I'm a firm believer in getting all the facts when such an important decision is on the cards.

 

You need the WHOLE story. There could be a valid reason for his actions...but you need to know....and you need to hear it from HIM.

 

Nobody here knows all the facts.....The child could be adopted or anything now. Get the facts..then decide.

 

We've talked about it. Cuz I keep on asking him. I said what if one day the kid will come to see you, then he said how.. Then I said of course her mother should tell her what's your name. Then he said the mother doesn't even know my name. He said they were strangers who loves to take drugs and have sex back then. And he doesn't believe that it's his child cuz the girl have had sex with different guys. I don't know if I should believe it. I still am unsure.

[elaine567]

We've talked about it. Cuz I keep on asking him. I said what if one day the kid will come to see you, then he said how.. Then I said of course her mother should tell her what's your name. Then he said the mother doesn't even know my name. He said they were strangers who loves to take drugs and have sex back then. And he doesn't believe that it's his child cuz the girl have had sex with different guys. I don't know if I should believe it. I still am unsure.

 

OK, they were "strangers" and she didn't even know his name, so how come he has a whole bunch of baby pics? Where did he get them from?

[PegNosePete]

I don't know if I should believe it. I still am unsure.

I wouldn't trust him as far as I can throw a Boeing 747. His story is dodgy as hell, and full of holes. He is certainly BSing you. Tell him that you want the truth, the full truth and nothing but the truth, right now, or you walk out the door and never come back. If he doesn't tell you the truth then walk out the door and never come back.

[Gaeta]

Get him to have a paternal test and to take his responsibilities as a father.

 

This woman has 10 years past this child's 18th birthday to sue him for child support.

 

I have a friend in court now with this same issue. She had a paternity done when her son was 24 years old. My friend is sued for 56K, that is for 18 years of child support he didn't pay + interest.

 

If you don't want that in your future than solve it now.

 

If he doesn't want to take his responsibilities then dump him. I can't believe you would pick that man to make babies with.

[elaine567]

OK, by now I would have expected him to come clean about this, I get the initial shock and denial, but he is still keeping you in the dark and denying his child, and that is not right.

This would be bad enough in a bf, but you are engaged to be married to this man???

DNA would give him a definitive answer, but he maybe has already gone down that route and he already knows...

[sandylee1]

We've talked about it. Cuz I keep on asking him. I said what if one day the kid will come to see you, then he said how.. Then I said of course her mother should tell her what's your name. Then he said the mother doesn't even know my name. He said they were strangers who loves to take drugs and have sex back then. And he doesn't believe that it's his child cuz the girl have had sex with different guys. I don't know if I should believe it. I still am unsure.

 

So this 'stranger' found him and gave him pictures of the child?

 

You see..hearing that kind of utter rubbish would annoy me even more than the hidden lie. Of all the guys this girl may have been with why was he sent the pictures? Or did all potential fathers get them?

 

He may well have been young and foolish back then ... but withholding the truth is no way you to carry on.

 

A relationship should have trust as a foundation..... without trust. ..you have nothing.

[dreamingoftigers]

We've talked about it. Cuz I keep on asking him. I said what if one day the kid will come to see you, then he said how.. Then I said of course her mother should tell her what's your name. Then he said the mother doesn't even know my name. He said they were strangers who loves to take drugs and have sex back then. And he doesn't believe that it's his child cuz the girl have had sex with different guys. I don't know if I should believe it. I still am unsure.

 

Oh FFS.

 

He doesn't want you contacting her, obviously.

 

And seriously, all the guys on Maury that claim "not the father" say "she's a ho, she slept with lots of guys." Just before they get that confirmed paternity test back.

 

And they liked to do a bunch of drugs and screw, yet she never ONCE heard his name? Not once?

 

Good Lord, cut this idiot loose.