Should I send my long distance friend flowers on Valentine's Day?

[Robert83]

I'm 33 she's 39. We've been friends for 4 years, first online then eventually being comfortable enough to exchange phone numbers and addresses. Over the past 6 months we've grown closer. Our chats are longer, sometimes hours, and we text a few times a week. We've pretty much told each other everything. We have exchanged gifts for Christmas and birthdays for the first time recently. We also have affectionate nicknames for each other.

 

I know this doesn't mean we're dating but I now have feelings beyond friendship.

 

Should I send her flowers on Valentine's Day ? I was thinking pink roses, no big stuffed animal or chocolates or anything over the top romantic and including a friendly message. I sent her wine in the past and she didn't seem creeped out or put off by that. Would the flowers be too forward? I am wary of screwing up our friendship but I also don't want to sit back and wait for something to happen. Particularly interested in the female perspective.

[d0nnivain]

Flowers would be lovely but not roses, now even pink ones. Roses are over the top if you are not dating. A mixed bouquet would be better; it's OK if there is a rose or 2 in the mix but not all roses. Save the roses for next year when you are offices.

[Lobouspo]

Have you guys met in person yet?

[Robert83]

Have you guys met in person yet?

 

No. Video chat sometimes but haven't met in person

[Michelle ma Belle]

From my own perspective, I think flowers would be lovely but I would agree that sending a bouquet of roses in particular might not be the best choice. Too presumptuous. Perhaps one single pink rose might be fine or even a potted orchid would be especially lovely. Whatever you do try and keep it simple just to be safe and then gauge her response.

 

Good luck!

[Robert83]

From my own perspective, I think flowers would be lovely but I would agree that sending a bouquet of roses in particular might not be the best choice. Too presumptuous. Perhaps one single pink rose might be fine or even a potted orchid would be especially lovely. Whatever you do try and keep it simple just to be safe and then gauge her response.

 

Good luck!

 

Great, thanks for the input. I guess my fear is i dont want to be lukewarm. I find that kind of weak. But I don't want to go over the top either. I thought of the pink because i figured it's not the typical romantic I love you rose. There is no doubt red roses would be too much. But I see what you're saying about the pink too. Gotta make a decision , I'm taking all the advice into account. Thanks!

[d0nnivain]

I guess my fear is i dont want to be lukewarm. I find that kind of weak. But I don't want to go over the top either.

 

 

Delivered flowers at Valentine's Day are not cheap. Even with a mixed bouquet which will be pink, red & white, she will know you are "all in" or at least willing to go there.

 

 

Since your relationship is virtual, roses of any color would really be too much. I also don't think you can send just 1. That is more for when you are handing it to her. So do the mixed bouquet now & consider handing her a single rose when you meet in person.

[gaius]

Robert, if you want to date this girl then be direct. Make a move on her that doesn't involve a barfing of feelings. Valentine's day is for lovers and trying to passively slip yourself into that role with her is probably going to end up with you being neither friends or lovers.

[nauticalpoem]

For the record I like a mixed bouquet better anyway. If you want to, give her flowers. No girl is going to be pissed off by flowers. Even if she isn't interested. But you do have to blatantly come out as wanting to try dating at this point.

[Robert83]

Delivered flowers at Valentine's Day are not cheap. Even with a mixed bouquet which will be pink, red & white, she will know you are "all in" or at least willing to go there.

 

 

Since your relationship is virtual, roses of any color would really be too much. I also don't think you can send just 1. That is more for when you are handing it to her. So do the mixed bouquet now & consider handing her a single rose when you meet in person.

 

This sounds about right to me. I'll do the mix. I was sort of on the right track. I didn't want to do the red roses and i thought pink wouldn't be as over the top. But I think the mix bouquet will make the point without pressuring her or making things awkward. Thank you for your perspective!

[Robert83]

For the record I like a mixed bouquet better anyway. If you want to, give her flowers. No girl is going to be pissed off by flowers. Even if she isn't interested. But you do have to blatantly come out as wanting to try dating at this point.

 

Our friendship is really solid so i don't think she'd be pissed off, you're right. At the end of the day I'm pretty sure she'd like either the roses or the mix but as people have said here there is the danger of going too big too soon. The long distance thing complicates the "blatantly" wanting to date. No question if she was here id have asked her out by now. I'm not really one to string people along. Either do or dont, don't play games.

[TMichaels]

OP, flowers have a language of their own. FYI, here's what various rose colors and configurations mean:

 

Red = Love, Beauty, Courage and Respect, Romantic Love, Congratulations, "I Love You", "Job Well Done", Sincere Love, Respect, Courage & Passion

 

Red (Dark)/Deep Burgundy = Unconscious beauty

 

Red (Single) = "I Love You"

 

White = Purity, Innocence, Silence, Secrecy, Reverence, Humility, Youthfulness, "I am worthy of you", Heavenly

 

White (Bridal) = Happy love

 

Pink = "Thank you", Grace, Perfect Happiness, Admiration, Gentleness, "Please Believe Me"

 

Dark Pink = Appreciation, Gratitude, "Thank You"

 

Light Pink = Admiration, Sympathy, Gentleness, Grace, Gladness, Joy, Sweetness

 

Yellow = Joy, Gladness, Friendship, Delight, Promise of a new beginning, Welcome Back, Remember Me, Jealousy, "I care"

 

Yellow with Red Tip = Friendship, Falling in Love

 

Orange = Desire, Enthusiasm

 

Red and White = Given together, these signify unity

 

Red and Yellow = Jovial and Happy Feelings

 

Peach = Appreciation, Closing the deal, Let's get together, Sincerity, Gratitude

 

Pale Peach = Modesty

 

Coral = Desire

 

Lavender = Love at first sight, Enchantment

 

Orange = Enthusiasm, Desire, Fascination

 

Black = Death, Farewell

 

Blue = The unattainable, the impossible

 

Single - Any Color = ]Simplicity, Gratitude

 

Red Rosebud = Symbolic of purity and loveliness

 

White Rosebud = Symbolic of girlhood

 

Thorn-less Rose = "Love at first sight"

 

 

Roses by the Numbers:

• A single rose of any color depicts utmost devotion
  
• Two roses entwined together communicate "Marry me"
  
• Six Roses signify a need to be loved or cherished
  
• Eleven roses assure the recipient they are truly and deeply loved
  
• Thirteen roses indicate a secret admirer
  

Not saying your recipient will be up on all of the above, but in case she is or is curious what "message" you're trying to convey, you might want to keep the above in mind...

 

 

HTH,

TMichaels

Edited February 6, 2016 by TMichaels

[Robert83]

OP, flowers have a language of their own.

 

Pink = "Thank you", Grace, Perfect Happiness, Admiration, Gentleness, "Please Believe Me"

 

Dark Pink = Appreciation, Gratitude, "Thank You"

 

Light Pink = Admiration, Sympathy, Gentleness, Grace, Gladness, Joy, Sweetness

 

Not saying your recipient will be up on all of the above, but in case she is or is curious what "message" you're trying to convey, you might want to keep the above in mind...

 

 

HTH,

TMichaels

 

Oh I didn't know that's a thing. Very informative thanks. Only one I know is red is love which is why I didn't want to pick it. Way too passionate in this case. My guess is most people do understand red as the color of love but I don't know how many read into all the other colors. Probably not really common knowledge but then again I'm a guy so sometimes we're clueless about this sort of stuff.

[coolheadal]

Mix flowers or flowers that don't die so fast. I get flowers that are bright and can live longer. Everyone here going to have their best picks. When you find the flowers it should stand out more than the other flowers. Always go with you first picks!

[Robert83]

For the record, sent the pink roses and she loved them.

[d0nnivain]

For the record, sent the pink roses and she loved them.

 

Glad it worked out.

[madjac74]

For the record, sent the pink roses and she loved them.

 

What did you get? Besides her affirmation

[Koans]

This is some nerd **** fr

[Robert83]

What did you get? Besides her affirmation

 

I got to know that she wasn't freaked out by my Valentine's Day gesture. It's a good sign. Let's face it, if she absolutely felt not the slightest spark that would have been it, i guarantee it. In general, a good rule of thumb is if someone doesnt have any feelings for you they'll be freaked out or disappointed by the flowers or at the very least it will get awkward as hell. But she loved them. Does that mean we're dating? Absolutely not. But to me it means it's not something way out of the question now.

 

We also talked for a few hours last night about a bunch of stuff and watched a movie together. So. I'd say things are going well. Next step is meeting up. I will not date someone I haven't met. That's pretty much a rule for me. My last relationship started online and we didn't make things official until we met up.

[justwhoiam]

Robert, if you want to date this girl then be direct. Make a move on her that doesn't involve a barfing of feelings. Valentine's day is for lovers and trying to passively slip yourself into that role with her is probably going to end up with you being neither friends or lovers.

I like your take on this.

 

Being hesitant on what to do is understandable, especially considering you've never met this woman. But some men feel the same way even when they meet the woman every day. In that case, if the goal is let her know how you feel about her, then go for the red roses. I mean, since you're at it, do it well, and don't be shy about it. You should know if it can get awkward or not. Before you get to that point (sending flowers), you should have already tested the ground somehow. Also, traditionally, roses should be always sent in odd numbers (1, 3, 5, 7, etc.)

 

So when are you asking her to meet?