Intentions and Motivation of MM

[13Hearts]

I had posted on Conqueror's thread about whether or not the MM really hurt how I didn't have much of a problem letting go. I just realized my post makes me sound like I didn't really care about MM and that's not true. I was completely, madly, in love with him. But I did notice he spent a lot of energy and time flattering me, convincing me that we were destined to be together, meant to be together, perfectly compatible unlike he and his wife, and talking about what life would have been like if he had married me instead of who he did marry, how many children we would have had, what our relationship would have been like, what the children would have been like, etc. Just a lot of day dreaming about what could have been, what life would be like without the spouse, and how better I am supposed to be compared to her (as if anyone is actually better than anyone else); just a boatload of non-reality.

 

Of course I fell for it all, at least for a little while, but I was always a little skeptical about what he was saying. Was he just being manipulative and really had no deep feelings towards me? Who knows? Was he just trying to get laid and keep me for years as a side piece and never leave his wife? IDK. But what I DO know is that thinking about what his real motivations were, or that he didn't really love me, or that he probably has another GF in addition to a wife, or that he's never going to divorce, just caused me real physical pain and anxiety. Unbearable pain. It still hurts to think of him that way. So I just don't. It does me no good. Being that close to Crazy just makes you crazy and there is nothing I can do to change it anyway. There are too many more important things in life to do and focus on than trying to fix or figure out something I can't change anyway.

 

What does do me good is to let HIM own his side of the street. If he was just manipulating me and making up a bunch of nonsense and telling lies, to get what he wanted from me, then HE has to come to realize and deal with what he's done, himself. It's not my job to tell him what he's doing. I want a BF to do fun things with, not a psychiatric patient.

 

If he's hurt people or made them mad, he needs to handle that. When I hurt people or make them mad, I do my best to fix that myself. I might ask a friend their opinion, or discuss with a counselor, and then handle it. But I don't drag other people into my own problems and dysfunction, trying to get them on my side. I just don't need that kind of support.

 

If he wants to get divorced, he knows what a divorce attorney is. I'm not a divorce attorney and neither am I a financial advisor, so I've no reason to be involved in that mess anyway. Plus, it's just none of my business and divorces are stressful; I just don't care to think about SOMEONE ELSE's divorce! Who needs that?

 

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is everyone needs to own their side of the street. And OW probably need to practice boundary-setting if they want to feel better.

[SoleMate]

Going forward, I hope you'll take your thoughts above to their logical conclusion, which is: Don't get involved with a MM in the first place. It seems this A hurt you badly, hope you feel better soon.

[FusionCutter]

I think you need to focus a little less (actually, completely stop) on how he feels and focus on how you feel.

[13Hearts]

I think you need to focus a little less (actually, completely stop) on how he feels and focus on how you feel.

 

I don't think I could focus any less on him than I already am. I think you misunderstood my post.

[13Hearts]

Going forward, I hope you'll take your thoughts above to their logical conclusion, which is: Don't get involved with a MM in the first place. It seems this A hurt you badly, hope you feel better soon.

 

Actually, the affair didn't hurt me badly. That was the point of my post.

[imsosad]

Thank you for posting this.

I think it is very common in A to not be sure of the APs intentions.

I have never had complicated relationships,romantically or otherwise. Even my marriage,while at time felt difficult,was never complicated.

My A,on the other hand,was a hot mess.

To this day,i am unsure of what went on. The A itself was very romantic,but not sexual (i was not up for that), he said he loved me, he never pushed for sex, he said similar things to what your MM said:soulmates,meant to be, wish i had met you first,blah blah.

I did feel it was genuine at the time,but in retrospect im not so sure. I dont know if i was really a once off that happened against his better judgement (like it was for me and like he said it was),or if hes a serial cheater with a rotations of girlfriends. I dont know if he meant all the things he said or if he was manipulating me into enabling his cake eating.

How can you trust a person you know for a fact is lying to his wife?

I know you can say the same for me,i was lying to my H but it bothered me all the time and led me to end the A. He seemed on with lying to his wife.

He told me that he knows he manipulates people but it makes him feel isolated, he doesnt want to do it with me.

Idk,you lie and manipulate to everyone but me? No,i dont think so.

Anyway, i am trying to stop figuring out if it was real or not. I dont know what i am grieving. A real connection that was impossible and could not happen ?

or am i getting over being targeted and manipulated?

I have no way of knowing.

Im guessing its a common theme among om/ow

I agree with you, the only thing to do is detach, walk away and stay away from this mess.

Good luck to all of us

[Gigi2015]

I had posted on Conqueror's thread about whether or not the MM really hurt how I didn't have much of a problem letting go. I just realized my post makes me sound like I didn't really care about MM and that's not true. I was completely, madly, in love with him. But I did notice he spent a lot of energy and time flattering me, convincing me that we were destined to be together, meant to be together, perfectly compatible unlike he and his wife, and talking about what life would have been like if he had married me instead of who he did marry, how many children we would have had, what our relationship would have been like, what the children would have been like, etc. Just a lot of day dreaming about what could have been, what life would be like without the spouse, and how better I am supposed to be compared to her (as if anyone is actually better than anyone else); just a boatload of non-reality.

 

Of course I fell for it all, at least for a little while, but I was always a little skeptical about what he was saying. Was he just being manipulative and really had no deep feelings towards me? Who knows? Was he just trying to get laid and keep me for years as a side piece and never leave his wife? IDK. But what I DO know is that thinking about what his real motivations were, or that he didn't really love me, or that he probably has another GF in addition to a wife, or that he's never going to divorce, just caused me real physical pain and anxiety. Unbearable pain. It still hurts to think of him that way. So I just don't. It does me no good. Being that close to Crazy just makes you crazy and there is nothing I can do to change it anyway. There are too many more important things in life to do and focus on than trying to fix or figure out something I can't change anyway.

 

What does do me good is to let HIM own his side of the street. If he was just manipulating me and making up a bunch of nonsense and telling lies, to get what he wanted from me, then HE has to come to realize and deal with what he's done, himself. It's not my job to tell him what he's doing. I want a BF to do fun things with, not a psychiatric patient.

 

If he's hurt people or made them mad, he needs to handle that. When I hurt people or make them mad, I do my best to fix that myself. I might ask a friend their opinion, or discuss with a counselor, and then handle it. But I don't drag other people into my own problems and dysfunction, trying to get them on my side. I just don't need that kind of support.

 

If he wants to get divorced, he knows what a divorce attorney is. I'm not a divorce attorney and neither am I a financial advisor, so I've no reason to be involved in that mess anyway. Plus, it's just none of my business and divorces are stressful; I just don't care to think about SOMEONE ELSE's divorce! Who needs that?

 

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is everyone needs to own their side of the street. And OW probably need to practice boundary-setting if they want to feel better.

 

Where does YOUR voice take play in all this? You're making your choices BASED on what he prefers at the moment? you're merely reacting. How does your voice play out in this scenario?? Does he get to choose what's best for you? You've handed over ALL your power...

[Lovetoohard]

I had posted on Conqueror's thread about whether or not the MM really hurt how I didn't have much of a problem letting go. I just realized my post makes me sound like I didn't really care about MM and that's not true. I was completely, madly, in love with him. But I did notice he spent a lot of energy and time flattering me, convincing me that we were destined to be together, meant to be together, perfectly compatible unlike he and his wife, and talking about what life would have been like if he had married me instead of who he did marry, how many children we would have had, what our relationship would have been like, what the children would have been like, etc. Just a lot of day dreaming about what could have been, what life would be like without the spouse, and how better I am supposed to be compared to her (as if anyone is actually better than anyone else); just a boatload of non-reality.

 

Of course I fell for it all, at least for a little while, but I was always a little skeptical about what he was saying. Was he just being manipulative and really had no deep feelings towards me? Who knows? Was he just trying to get laid and keep me for years as a side piece and never leave his wife? IDK. But what I DO know is that thinking about what his real motivations were, or that he didn't really love me, or that he probably has another GF in addition to a wife, or that he's never going to divorce, just caused me real physical pain and anxiety. Unbearable pain. It still hurts to think of him that way. So I just don't. It does me no good. Being that close to Crazy just makes you crazy and there is nothing I can do to change it anyway. There are too many more important things in life to do and focus on than trying to fix or figure out something I can't change anyway.

 

What does do me good is to let HIM own his side of the street. If he was just manipulating me and making up a bunch of nonsense and telling lies, to get what he wanted from me, then HE has to come to realize and deal with what he's done, himself. It's not my job to tell him what he's doing. I want a BF to do fun things with, not a psychiatric patient.

 

If he's hurt people or made them mad, he needs to handle that. When I hurt people or make them mad, I do my best to fix that myself. I might ask a friend their opinion, or discuss with a counselor, and then handle it. But I don't drag other people into my own problems and dysfunction, trying to get them on my side. I just don't need that kind of support.

 

If he wants to get divorced, he knows what a divorce attorney is. I'm not a divorce attorney and neither am I a financial advisor, so I've no reason to be involved in that mess anyway. Plus, it's just none of my business and divorces are stressful; I just don't care to think about SOMEONE ELSE's divorce! Who needs that?

 

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is everyone needs to own their side of the street. And OW probably need to practice boundary-setting if they want to feel better.

 

You nailed it. It's great that you've come to this realization because too many OM/OW get hung up on analyzing the motives for things said and done by MM/MW instead of recognizing the crazy dysfunction and the inability to change it.

Edited February 5, 2016 by Lovetoohard

[b-Shock]

I think what everyone wants to hear you say is, you recognized the crazy dysfunction of an affair with a married man, ended it, and moved on with your life in a healthy way.

 

Is that how you handled your side of the street?

[13Hearts]

Where does YOUR voice take play in all this? You're making your choices BASED on what he prefers at the moment? you're merely reacting. How does your voice play out in this scenario?? Does he get to choose what's best for you? You've handed over ALL your power...

 

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are asking or saying. Could you please word it differently?

[13Hearts]

I think what everyone wants to hear you say is, you recognized the crazy dysfunction of an affair with a married man, ended it, and moved on with your life in a healthy way.

 

Is that how you handled your side of the street?

Oh. Well, sort of. I didn't need to recognize any crazy dysfuntion because I already knew that kind of thing is dysfunctional and told him from the beginning I'm not that kind of woman. He told me from the beginning he had separated and had gone back because he didn't have the financial resources to pay for two households, she asked for MC and he agreed, but stopped MC when he told her he wanted to divorce (but she won't agree to divorce). The last we spoke of any of this he told me he was working on selling the house and filing for divorce. This entire story, from start to finish, took place over a matter of three months.

 

I think some people are not getting the point of my post, which is, you can avoid a lot of pain and heartache, and you can easily let the MM go and move on with your life, if you take responsibility for keeping grounded in reality, actively working at acknowledging and accepting the truth, developing strong personal boundaries, and being true to yourself and your morals and values before anyone else's.

 

It's weird some people seem to want me to say I am distraught and my life is destroyed because I hooked up with a married guy. They're no different from unmarried guys except that they're married. There's nothing special about them.

[Parannonx]

I think that the real point should be that it's best to avoid getting involved with attached people period.

 

None of these stories have happy endings they just have various levels of awful.

 

I can somewhat sympathize for people who were lied to be the WS, but honestly as soon as that lie is exposed it's time to jet pack out and end it. Because a relationship that is founded in lies isn't one that will be healthy.

 

If you really like someone who is going through a divorce, insist on checking with the spouse to be certain that they really are separated and not just constructing an elaborate ruse.

[ladydesigner]

I loved your post 13Hearts you sound pretty healthy to me

 

Onwards and upwards!!!

[13Hearts]

I think that the real point should be that it's best to avoid getting involved with attached people period.

 

None of these stories have happy endings they just have various levels of awful.

 

I can somewhat sympathize for people who were lied to be the WS, but honestly as soon as that lie is exposed it's time to jet pack out and end it. Because a relationship that is founded in lies isn't one that will be healthy.

 

If you really like someone who is going through a divorce, insist on checking with the spouse to be certain that they really are separated and not just constructing an elaborate ruse.

 

Thanks Parannonx, I think I get your point.

I will say that while I generally agree it's a bad idea to get involved with someone who is unavailable, apparently there is something to it because it seems people do it all the time. This board is evidence of that.

 

I wouldn't say all of these relationships end in awfulness. Mine wasn't particularly awful; I just said go take care of this the way you are saying you intend to and when you're free, let me know. It was hard and it hurt but it wasn't necessarily awful. I also know people who got involved when one partner wasn't available, and some of those couples are happily married now.

[13Hearts]

I loved your post 13Hearts you sound pretty healthy to me

 

Onwards and upwards!!!

 

Thanks Ladydesigner!!

[Parannonx]

Thanks Parannonx, I think I get your point.

I will say that while I generally agree it's a bad idea to get involved with someone who is unavailable, apparently there is something to it because it seems people do it all the time. This board is evidence of that.

 

I wouldn't say all of these relationships end in awfulness. Mine wasn't particularly awful; I just said go take care of this the way you are saying you intend to and when you're free, let me know. It was hard and it hurt but it wasn't necessarily awful. I also know people who got involved when one partner wasn't available, and some of those couples are happily married now.

 

People do it because we all think that we're going to be the special little snowflake that wins the powerball. It's the same kind of crappy inability to estimate odds that results in people wasting money playing the lottery.

 

I'm special, I'm different, I'll make it work, mine is the Golden Ticket that will get me into Wankaland.

 

And sure someone does win the lottery and someone does get the Golden Ticket, but the cold reality is that the vast majority do not.

 

Given that most people who get into an affair in the first place have poor interpersonal and relationship skills to begin with and that is little surprise.

 

You don't plan your life around winning the lottery, you are a fool to expect to get one of the rare good outcomes from an affair.

 

More importantly while you may lose a few bucks on the lottery the potential consequences from an affair can be either life shattering or life ending.

 

Also on the idea of former cheaters living happily married, how many MM/MW appear to have what appear to be happy marriages with their BS? Yet are out cheating and talking about how miserable and loveless their marriages are? Do you really think that the members of these "happy" couples from affairs are doing any better in their new relationships?

 

Cheating is always about the cheater, they are cheating because they are broken, they are with their AP not because the AP IS irresistible but because they are available and willing.

 

Being in a new relationship does not change what kind of person they are. And that person is a selfish abuser who are more than willing to hurt the people they claim to love for their own satisfaction.

[13Hearts]

People do it because we all think that we're going to be the special little snowflake that wins the powerball. It's the same kind of crappy inability to estimate odds that results in people wasting money playing the lottery.

 

I'm special, I'm different, I'll make it work, mine is the Golden Ticket that will get me into Wankaland.

 

And sure someone does win the lottery and someone does get the Golden Ticket, but the cold reality is that the vast majority do not.

 

Given that most people who get into an affair in the first place have poor interpersonal and relationship skills to begin with and that is little surprise.

 

You don't plan your life around winning the lottery, you are a fool to expect to get one of the rare good outcomes from an affair.

 

More importantly while you may lose a few bucks on the lottery the potential consequences from an affair can be either life shattering or life ending.

 

Also on the idea of former cheaters living happily married, how many MM/MW appear to have what appear to be happy marriages with their BS? Yet are out cheating and talking about how miserable and loveless their marriages are? Do you really think that the members of these "happy" couples from affairs are doing any better in their new relationships?

 

Cheating is always about the cheater, they are cheating because they are broken, they are with their AP not because the AP IS irresistible but because they are available and willing.

 

Being in a new relationship does not change what kind of person they are. And that person is a selfish abuser who are more than willing to hurt the people they claim to love for their own satisfaction.

Parannonx, I do see what you're saying and I understand where you are coming from. I'm so sorry what happened in your marriage. You seem very unhappy about what has happened and angry at people who cheat, or people who involve themselves with cheaters, and I am so sorry for what you have gone through.

 

But I think that people like the idea of marriage so they get married before they even know who they are yet. I think people also expect a lot of marriage and marriage partners. They expect their marriages to be faithful, true, and forever, but people are not perfect. And marriage is hard. It takes a lot of sacrifice, especially when there are children, and often people do not feel they get much happiness or joy in return for all of their hard work and sacrifice. And people grow, they change, and forever is a very long time. People are not infallible, even if they get married. They make mistakes, they meet new people and want to experience new things.

 

Marriage is not a place where you are protected from human imperfection and strong forces from outside. Many people are disappointed by marriage and many do not cheat but decide to end their marriages. Some use cheating to get out of their marriages. Or some cheat and throw it in their spouse's face so that the spouse will end the marriage. All affairs are not the same. And just because you cheated and moved on does not mean you are going to be miserable in your life. Just the same as having been cheated on doesn't mean you have to be miserable either.

 

I didn't think I was a special snowflake. Or if I did, I didn't for long. I believed MM for a little while and gave him the chance he asked for, but I am not the patient sort and am happier alone than mixed up with confused people who are afraid of change and do not know how to move forward in life.

 

Honestly? I think I understand MM better than I understand BW. He told BW "I'm unhappy, I'm having an affair, I want a divorce." And what did she say in response? "Noooooo!!" and held on for dear life, for whatever reason. To me, that is just weird. And crazy. If someone I was in a relationship with said they wanted to move on to find something new, they weren't happy and didn't love me anymore, I might be hurt and cry but I would want that person to pursue the life he wanted to try to build for himself. I would respect him for telling me his truth. I would want him to seek and find happiness, if I really loved him.

 

I also am deathly afraid of STDs, so if someone I was in a relationship with told me they were having sex with someone else, I would not only agree to let him go on his way, I would pack his bags for him and tell him not to let the door hit him in the ass on his way out.

 

But that's just me. I'm accustomed to change. I like change. I practice changing things all the time just so I never again begin to fear change. And I don't have any notions or ideas that anyone is going to be with me forever. Life is fragile. Nothing is forever. Nothing.

[S2B]

Parannonx, I do see what you're saying and I understand where you are coming from. I'm so sorry what happened in your marriage. You seem very unhappy about what has happened and angry at people who cheat, or people who involve themselves with cheaters, and I am so sorry for what you have gone through.

 

But I think that people like the idea of marriage so they get married before they even know who they are yet. I think people also expect a lot of marriage and marriage partners. They expect their marriages to be faithful, true, and forever, but people are not perfect. And marriage is hard. It takes a lot of sacrifice, especially when there are children, and often people do not feel they get much happiness or joy in return for all of their hard work and sacrifice. And people grow, they change, and forever is a very long time. People are not infallible, even if they get married. They make mistakes, they meet new people and want to experience new things.

 

Marriage is not a place where you are protected from human imperfection and strong forces from outside. Many people are disappointed by marriage and many do not cheat but decide to end their marriages. Some use cheating to get out of their marriages. Or some cheat and throw it in their spouse's face so that the spouse will end the marriage. All affairs are not the same. And just because you cheated and moved on does not mean you are going to be miserable in your life. Just the same as having been cheated on doesn't mean you have to be miserable either.

 

I didn't think I was a special snowflake. Or if I did, I didn't for long. I believed MM for a little while and gave him the chance he asked for, but I am not the patient sort and am happier alone than mixed up with confused people who are afraid of change and do not know how to move forward in life.

 

Honestly? I think I understand MM better than I understand BW. He told BW "I'm unhappy, I'm having an affair, I want a divorce." And what did she say in response? "Noooooo!!" and held on for dear life, for whatever reason. To me, that is just weird. And crazy. If someone I was in a relationship with said they wanted to move on to find something new, they weren't happy and didn't love me anymore, I might be hurt and cry but I would want that person to pursue the life he wanted to try to build for himself. I would respect him for telling me his truth. I would want him to seek and find happiness, if I really loved him.

 

I also am deathly afraid of STDs, so if someone I was in a relationship with told me they were having sex with someone else, I would not only agree to let him go on his way, I would pack his bags for him and tell him not to let the door hit him in the ass on his way out.

 

But that's just me. I'm accustomed to change. I like change. I practice changing things all the time just so I never again begin to fear change. And I don't have any notions or ideas that anyone is going to be with me forever. Life is fragile. Nothing is forever. Nothing.

 

Unless you were there when he had that conversation with his wife - you can't believe it happened.

 

MM lie - they lie all the time.

[goodyblue]

Where does YOUR voice take play in all this? You're making your choices BASED on what he prefers at the moment? you're merely reacting. How does your voice play out in this scenario?? Does he get to choose what's best for you? You've handed over ALL your power...

 

What? That is not what I heard at all. I thought her post was about how she felt empowered.

[Gigi2015]

I had posted on Conqueror's thread about whether or not the MM really hurt how I didn't have much of a problem letting go. I just realized my post makes me sound like I didn't really care about MM and that's not true. I was completely, madly, in love with him. But I did notice he spent a lot of energy and time flattering me, convincing me that we were destined to be together, meant to be together, perfectly compatible unlike he and his wife, and talking about what life would have been like if he had married me instead of who he did marry, how many children we would have had, what our relationship would have been like, what the children would have been like, etc. Just a lot of day dreaming about what could have been, what life would be like without the spouse, and how better I am supposed to be compared to her (as if anyone is actually better than anyone else); just a boatload of non-reality.

 

Of course I fell for it all, at least for a little while, but I was always a little skeptical about what he was saying. Was he just being manipulative and really had no deep feelings towards me? Who knows? Was he just trying to get laid and keep me for years as a side piece and never leave his wife? IDK. But what I DO know is that thinking about what his real motivations were, or that he didn't really love me, or that he probably has another GF in addition to a wife, or that he's never going to divorce, just caused me real physical pain and anxiety. Unbearable pain. It still hurts to think of him that way. So I just don't. It does me no good. Being that close to Crazy just makes you crazy and there is nothing I can do to change it anyway. There are too many more important things in life to do and focus on than trying to fix or figure out something I can't change anyway.

 

What does do me good is to let HIM own his side of the street. If he was just manipulating me and making up a bunch of nonsense and telling lies, to get what he wanted from me, then HE has to come to realize and deal with what he's done, himself. It's not my job to tell him what he's doing. I want a BF to do fun things with, not a psychiatric patient.

 

If he's hurt people or made them mad, he needs to handle that. When I hurt people or make them mad, I do my best to fix that myself. I might ask a friend their opinion, or discuss with a counselor, and then handle it. But I don't drag other people into my own problems and dysfunction, trying to get them on my side. I just don't need that kind of support.

 

If he wants to get divorced, he knows what a divorce attorney is. I'm not a divorce attorney and neither am I a financial advisor, so I've no reason to be involved in that mess anyway. Plus, it's just none of my business and divorces are stressful; I just don't care to think about SOMEONE ELSE's divorce! Who needs that?

 

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is everyone needs to own their side of the street. And OW probably need to practice boundary-setting if they want to feel better.

 

 

What I meant is you say you're not this nor that(attorney/financial counselor) .but--you stay. Meaning you're not boundary setting yourself....it's not about what he does but about what you allow. Perhaps your post is about you recognizing you are beginning to recognize you do have boundaries.

Edited February 6, 2016 by Gigi2015

[lemondrop21]

Being that close to Crazy just makes you crazy and there is nothing I can do to change it anyway. There are too many more important things in life to do and focus on than trying to fix or figure out something I can't change anyway.

 

What does do me good is to let HIM own his side of the street. If he was just manipulating me and making up a bunch of nonsense and telling lies, to get what he wanted from me, then HE has to come to realize and deal with what he's done, himself. It's not my job to tell him what he's doing. I want a BF to do fun things with, not a psychiatric patient.

 

This was a great post and the last line made me laugh out loud!

 

You are absolutely right, it makes you damn near crazy. People cope with it in different ways. For me, the amount of time I've spent researching types of affairs, motivations behind affairs, ending affairs, etc. etc. is embarrassing. I've fallen behind in my graduate coursework although I'm getting back on track now (but I can never make up the time I lost). I need to just DO SOMETHING ELSE and fortunately I am getting better at that.

[goodyblue]

This was a great post and the last line made me laugh out loud!

 

You are absolutely right, it makes you damn near crazy. People cope with it in different ways. For me, the amount of time I've spent researching types of affairs, motivations behind affairs, ending affairs, etc. etc. is embarrassing. I've fallen behind in my graduate coursework although I'm getting back on track now (but I can never make up the time I lost). I need to just DO SOMETHING ELSE and fortunately I am getting better at that.

 

Lmao! And how many times have we, as a group, looked up passive/aggressive,

[elaine567]

 

It's weird some people seem to want me to say I am distraught and my life is destroyed because I hooked up with a married guy. They're no different from unmarried guys except that they're married. There's nothing special about them.

 

And therein lies a lot of the problems, being a MM seems to elevate a man into being a cut above.

"He is willing to cheat on his wife with li'l old me, so he MUST think I am SOOOO special."

[Gigi2015]

And therein lies a lot of the problems, being a MM seems to elevate a man into being a cut above.

"He is willing to cheat on his wife with li'l old me, so he MUST think I am SOOOO special."

 

That is essentially the hook, line and sinker... Not trying to disrespect any of these ladies but--many of these relationships start out with flattery...you're the most, I've never felt this, never thought anyone would ever get me...but few progress. And statistically the ones that do rarely survive. But--what these ladies don't realize is these people are mostly conflicted. They REALLY do feel that way at the time...it doesn't change the fact you are special to them...they are NOT lying when they say, " if I'd only met you first."...but--they didn't and they've already decided....

[goodyblue]

And therein lies a lot of the problems, being a MM seems to elevate a man into being a cut above.

"He is willing to cheat on his wife with li'l old me, so he MUST think I am SOOOO special."

 

Did you stay with your cheating spouse?