ESB1985 Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 (edited) Long story short: Married my husband last August and then discovered in late October that I am pregnant. I was nervous but excited. He was happy but distant. He had seemed strange for about a week and picked fights where nothing existed just to sleep on the couch downstairs...making me feel confused and unwanted. Eventually I became very suspicious of his activity because I knew I hadn't done anything. And I'm very laid back and didn't cause fights. He stopped trying to be a step dad to my 3 year old and was angry most the time. One night he fell asleep and left his phone out available to me to take. Which is rare. I had to guess the password but accessed his phone and discovered that he was sexting a woman he had previously had a sexual only relationship with. She messaged several times "but you're married" and he responded he didn't care. He wanted her as his gf and they were going to meet up on Christmas eve while I was at work. I was devastated. He even said he didn't want to use condoms. I called and confronted her immediately from his phone and told her i was pregnant. She swore she didn't know and promised she didn't want the "bad karma" and would block him. I then woke him up and confronted him. He was acting like i was crazy and that I was making this up to make him look like a POS...all the while fumbling to erase his messages. Fast forward to present. I am pregnant...I can't stress out...if i make a go of this and he does do it again at least I can feel like I did do the stronger thing by giving another chance. He told me he had a problem with messaging girls and infidelity which I later confirmed with his ex wife. He has apologized but not profusely and basically wants it to go away. Our sex life has always been kinky and fun but lately he has really started pushing for a three some. At first he wanted to see me with another man then became jealous over the thought of it (which I didn't even push) and he began talking about other women during sex. I would never share someone I am married to or have a relationship with someone else but lately my attitude has kinda been "screw it..." how messed up is this situation?? I feel may be I am thinking of going through with this because I'd rather know about another girl than it be a secret . I've even read about sexual hypersensity that happens to the "victim" after a affair which I fit the mold. Just venting and looking for any response. Obviously to agree to something like that may suggest I have lost respect for him anyway. I'm very attractive and could probably find someone else tomorrow but that's not my style. Apparently staying with jerks is...So this is probably all dead in the water. Edited February 6, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~T Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 (edited) Forget that noise. No way should you consent to anything sexual you are not comfortable with. You're compromising your values for your husband's fleeting pleasures. That's not losing respect for him; it's losing respect for yourself. No, No, and heck no. Edited February 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T Link to post Share on other sites
Author ESB1985 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 Agreed. I'm honestly surprised by how ok I seem to be with it this soon after what I discovered. It makes me wonder if I've already emotionally detached myself from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 The man has a history of infidelity as confirmed by his ex wife. Is this what you want for your daughter, soon to be child and yourself? He doesn't sound very stable mentally. I am guessing that he has done nothing with regards to getting professional help for his past infidelities. Talk to a lawyer, understand your rights then decide if an open marriage is what you really want. If it isn't discuss having your marriage annulled with the lawyer, much cheaper then paying for a divorce. You, your daughter and your unborn child deserve better then this, don't compromise yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 He sounds like a sex addict & unfortunately with sex addicts once they get a taste of what turns them on its really difficult to go back to "regular" marriage sex. It's something that doesn't go away, he'd have to be 100% devoted to change (it's not impossible) but it would be based on how much work he's willing to put into changeling it. I feel for you bc pregnacy hormones can be a bitch for us women, ontop of adding a problem like this. If you're willing to work on it, then I'd say get into MC & both into IC ASAP! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 I just don't understand why people don't take marriage seriously any more. If he wants to sext other women ...he should remain single. What kind of example is he as a step father? Don't compromise your values and standards like this .. Just to please him. You'll hate yourself for it down the line. Can he access therapy to find out why he does this. Then you need to think about why you'd want to remain married to a man who doesn't give a damn about the fact that he's married. I honestly wonder what goes on in the minds of such people as they are saying their wedding vows. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Your husband is a serial cheater. You can give him a threesome every night of the week but that's not going to cure him of his cheating lying behaviour. I have never heard of a threesome being the recommended treatment for infidelity. Your husband needs to address his issues and find out why he thinks being a self entitled lying cheater is okay. Thinking you are going to fix his issues with a threesome is absurd. What are you going to do when you have a newborn baby to care for? Are you going to be on call for threesomes between feedings? What lengths are willing to go to try to control your husband's innate desire to cheat. It doesn't matter how many kinky sex acts you preform for him, he will still cheat to his little hearts desire, especially if he knows his cheating will be rewarded by you trying even harder to sexually accomadations him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Look how he has treated you and his step son - You say he has been angry and ignoring your son since he found out you were pregnant, then you more or less caught him a lie about his cheating, he denied and lied about it. Usually don't advocate divorce but in your situation, do so! He isn't husband material, he is a serial cheater and has shown you who he is. Someone NOT reliable or trustworthy. Is he worthy of a second chance? Has he shown you genuine remorse? If so, only then consider working on the marriage. If not, kick him out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 How can you even consider a threesome when you are pregnant. You have to protect your baby, forget about your worthless husband. Honestly, he isn't going to change and if I were you I would be planning my exit strategy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 So, he is interested in cheating and you think throwing a third partner into the mix will help? You should really rethink that. Don't do something yiu are uncomfortable with just to please him. Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Under NO circumstances should you lower yourself to please this sexual cheating dog and agree to his fantasies if they are not a part of your fantasies. Have some dignity morals and values as it's obvious to me this guy has none and is using you. You made a mistake but get out now while you can. You will only have deep regrets if you go through with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 That he would respond to being caught by asking for a threesome tells you all you need to know. Most would apologize, he wants to step it up a notch. Were you to participate, you'd be exposing your unborn child to herpes and other STDs. Not really a marriage right now. Would make more sense to step into MC than it would to jump into bed with another person... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RRM321 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Forget that noise. No way should you consent to anything sexual you are not comfortable with. You're compromising your values for your husband's fleeting pleasures. That's not losing respect for him; it's losing respect for yourself. No, No, and heck no. I agree. Consider what "fidelity" actually means - not just sexually but, emotionally, personally, and as parent. You have to stand up for yourself and for your children. Demand dignity and respect. Consider your choices and actions as though they were a training program for how you deserve to be treated. Set the bar high. You deserve better, your children deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts