Shall I tell his girlfriend?

[Hip Pocket]

i will partially disagree with this; some do. if you keep catching your husband in the affair & keep staying in the marriage - at what point does it stop being about processing things and starts being about avoiding bigger conflict?

 

 

I have actually witnessed this a number of times and it's what I was referring to in my original statement.

 

 

no, it doesn't.

 

just because you don't like dealing with the affair & everything that comes with it doesn't mean that you actually won't deal with it at all -- you just won't like it while dealing with it. and that's normal.

 

but notice how it's the BSs who are being "called out" for loving their fog; not a word is said about the MMs & their own fog. BSs usually stay in the marriage for the same reasons the MMs do but MMs are "figuring things out" while the BSs are pathetic losers scared of reality.

 

i find it really interesting.

 

Did I call anyone out? I didn't think so. But I'm glad to see your reasoning on this because you're right, Rs are Rs and many people stay in them to figure things out even during a crisis. Nobody wants to make a rash decision under duress that will alter their future though some are forced to (typically the MP) which then only causes the APs to seek each other out immediately because they didn't have a choice in ending their own R.

 

So if you (general you) want your WS back together with his AP go ahead and force an ultimatum on him.

[SSJROMANCE]

Absolutely I would tell her. Not only as revenge but this poor woman who probably doesn't have a clue should know what this dirtbag is doing. And I think you have the obligation to stop him from doing this to more women quite frankly. Make sure you have proof ready to show her because he will deny deny deny. It will start with all lies then the trickle truth will come. Be ready for him to accuse you of being some crazy chick who is mad that he turned you down and things of that nature. The more proof you have the more lies he will be caught in and hopefully his girlfriend will see the light.

 

Sorry this happened to you. You are not the first and certainly will not be the last.

[OWAmy]

The GF has every right to know ....but you're asking this question in a forum where most participate in affairs willingly and knowingly....unlike yourself. That is why they generally prefer to keep it quiet. It's to protect themselves and avoid the backlash.

 

You didn't know he was attached and have no reason to feel bad. What she does with the info is up to her...but let her know..knowledge is power.

 

Sorry you had the misfortune of meeting such a sleaze.

 

A betrayed GF or wife will tell you she'd want to know. Those are the people to ask as they've been there.

 

Wouldn't you want to know if you were her?

 

As xOW if I was to tell then I would do so openly. The last thing a BS or GF needs is more confusion coming from a hidden source.

 

I have deliberated over telling or not telling and this is nothing to do with backlash or protecting myself. I would want to know and many years ago I uncovered the truth for myself when a BF was cheating with a MOW. The discovery made sense of all the times when I had questioned his unusual behaviour and he had made out I was imagining things. But it hurt. I thought when did the lies begin? How long have I been living a lie? It rubbished the entire relationship. I walked out never to be seen again. And it is for this reason that I remain silent.

 

If I was to tell and my affair was long distance for five years, I can to some extent imagine the pain, but on the flip side I believe that it would also create some sort of cold comfort as to why he had behaved the way he had.

 

Ultimately and in the end despite posing questions on here, we come to our own conclusions on what is for the best.