The price I paid dating a co-worker [updated]

[triple-s]

I promised myself never to date anyone I work with ...EVER .

 

Till this happened : I started dating this girl at my current job and now Im soooooo lost . Hopefully this can help others out there that may be in the similar mess so imma let it all out ( sorry if its long but its worth the read )

 

please help .

 

December 2014 ... I started seeing this girl I work with who I knew for 7years at this company we current work for ... BOTH her and her boyfriend of 7 years . Ive known her for so long we were great friends before but thats all changed now =\

 

One day she invites me over to her place to watch some game of thrones. I thought ; ok cool so itll be just a chill session with her and her bf ; no problem .... As we go up the elevator she tells me that shes no longer with her now ex-bf BUT the ex is in the next room . Ok . This is gonna be awkward

 

..... and boy It felt awkward . It was just me and her in the living room while the ex-bf was in the other room ... Next thing you know we were flirting on the couch . After watching a few episodes, i decided it started to get real awkward so i said id better go ... She walks me down back to my car to where we kissed .

 

I told her it's not right if her EX is still in the picture , if she wants to be with me she needs to figure out her situation with her ex . I gave it some time Behind the scenes , : we started seeing each other eventually sleeping with each other after the 3rd date . Spent new years with her and everything . This was when I was starting to fall for her ....

 

JANUARY - FEB 2015 : The new year felt great . all was going well and felt good to share this new year with someone . She decides to take a leave of absense for a couple of months from work ( she wanted to deal with her ex boyfriend moving out and had apartment lawyers involved and everything ) yet we continued to see each other on the side ... Things were so good she even introduced me to her parents and i got to introduce her to mine . As far as I could tell from the level of intimacy we had and i made sure i treated her the best i could ...

 

MARCH 2015 - She tells me that her ex boyfriend moved out .... and she returns to work again . We continued seeing each other and i made myself readily available so that she can live a comfortable life ( driving her around etc ) ... We texted every day ... it felt like we had a connection .

 

APRIL 2015 : i thought things were going fine until one day i noticed she started getting distant and wierd ... there was a morning where she sends me a photo of a kid and she said she always wanted to adopt . I said cool but i kinda want to have my own kids someday . then she says ' thank you for sharing that with me ' --- she then tells me all my life i always wanted to adopt and she stated " she cannot have children because of the meds she takes " ( anti depressants and other pills to help her with her seizures )

 

When i hold her hands in the car she would slowly slip away ...I also noticed she started talking about this OTHER GUY awe work with ( lets call him BOB ) . he was fairly new to the company . I ignored it because I wanted her to have the freedom to do whatever she wants and talk to anyone she chooses ... but anyway i felt something was wrong

 

Somewhere in the middle of April ; she and I were supposed to go to a work party . I fell asleep in her living room apartment and she wakes me up saying shes gonna go on without me and take a cab ; sleepy and tired i said ok ill follow ....

 

i woke up around 2am ... no texts , no messages ... i called her repeatedly wondering if she got into an accident or ... Something didnt add up. My gut told me something was up . She then calls me and i asked where she was .. and she says " im with Bob downtown " ...

 

.. I then said ' whats going on ' ..... and she angrily snaps " i dont like it when im being monitored " ... starts getting upset and i said hey its okay i was just worried where you were ... and when came home ; she wouldnt speak to me ....

 

The very next day she texts me " we need to talk "

 

She breaks up with me and says she needs space . I asked her if she's seeing Bob and she said no .

 

 

I went to " BOB " at work and asked if i can speak to him . He agreed and i asked him if he had been seeing my now EX ... he said no we went for coffee thats about it . I said ok and i let it go ...

 

May 2015 --- All communication from her started to taper off . She used to text me every day .. all of a sudden stops ... I gave her the space she wanted .

 

June 2015 : This is where **** hits the fan . I came up to her one day at work and asked " hey its been a while ; would you like to go get a drink later and catch up ? i noticed she was feeling a bit uneasy but she then agreed . I picked her up after work and went for drinks at a bar . I noticed her phone was going off ... new boyfriend i teased her .. and she just smirked .

 

After that evening we walk back into my car and i surprised her with a flower . To which she felt flattered but once i drove her home she says to me " The reason i broke up with you is i cheat on all my boyfriends ... and sorry but i already slept with someone else "

 

It felt like someone got a baseball bat and took a swing at me . the pain was just unbearable - worst pain a human being can feel after hearing those words ... we argued , cried, got intimate and somehow we ended up making out in my car and she invites me to her apartment and we have sex . the last time we ever got intimate with each other . Ill never forget what she said to me too ....she says to me after hours of crazy sex ; " this doesnt change anything "

 

The next morning, i woke up wondering who this mystery guy is ... i figured out a way to get into her phone and i was right -- it was bob .The text messages span weeks ago right after our breakup and she was ****ing around with him right after (thus she was so easy in letting go of me ) ....

 

In the heat of the moment I get upset so I texted bob from her phone and texted him " BOB , THIS IS _______ YOU LYING PEICE OF ****, " and i took a selfie of me giving him the finger with her sleeping in the background and SENT IT TO HIM .

 

She wakes up and finds out that i went in her phone and she couldnt answer me ... i stormed out of her apartment and went to work ... She went to work and i saw her on the phone trying to warn him that I know of them ... I was seriously about to trash his face but i realize the implications and that I would get fired so i just backed down . I told " BOB " dont ever talk to me again and to this day we ignore each other cuz he knows that he ****ing lied to me . ( Not about to lose my job over this bs thats for sure )

 

The next morning i noticed she blocked my cell , unfollowed Instagram , unfriended me on Facebook .

 

I decided to get to the bottom of this ... ( remember the ex she kicked out of her apartment ; well i got in contact with him and we met at a parking lot and we talked . ) Turns out ;

 

When he asked her where she was on new years ; she lied to him and said she was with her friend debbie ... yet SHE WAS WITH ME !

 

I asked him " hey she told me she wants to Adopt kids --- is that true ? " then he tells me " Just last year we were working on trying to have a baby " ... WTF .... She told me she cant have babies ... yet they were working on one just a year ago ?

 

She lied to him .. she lied to me ... WHAT ABOUT THIS NEW GUY ?

 

July 2015 - At work i see them flirting and texting . Right in front of me .

 

Its like the biggest insult ever . And theres absolutely nothing i can do about it .

 

I decided to take a vacation so I went to Los Angeles to get my mind off things . I wrote her a letter to say I'm sorry about my actions . She didn't respond .

 

Started my road to recovery by taking care of myself . I decided to change my wardrobe, attitude , haircuts ... and when I came back she all of a sudden came up to me to tell me about how her traffic ticket got cancelled ( from earlier this year ) ... I said cool that's great . I was puzzled because she just came up to me out of nowhere . Does that mean she forgave me ?

 

August 2015 - I was back in Los Angeles again for a couple of weeks, and I suddenly see that she started liking my Instagram posts . I was surprised ( and flattered to see shes been spying on my social media ) so followed her and she followed me back . When i came back i asked her on instagram if she wanted to go for coffee and she said ' thats not gonna happen anytime soon '

 

September 2015 - I decided to keep it cool and smiled at her at work . we slowly talk again to eaCh other . Chit chat here and there

 

Then one afternoon she texts me out of the blue on Facebook saying how this website reminded her of me . We chatted on Facebook for a bit then I sent her photos of one of our adventures earlier in the year where we went to New York with some friends that I never got to shows her . She seemed thankful but I also didnt bother to ask to get together because she turned me down twice already

 

October 2015 ; I found out she went to a trip to the domican republic ( by herself ? ) and all of a sudden she's turned cold . She stopped saying hello at work . After a couple of msgs on Facebook she ignores me and completely blocks me so all communication is finally cut off ( her move )

 

November 2015 - still cold fish . She continues ignores me

 

December 2015 - I greeted her merry Christmas , she just smiled ... New Years came , no contact still . I still see them together talking at work . Sometimes I even see them ARRIVING at work at the same time . Im pretty sure theyre still seeing each other

 

 

January 2016 - Since the new year I've been away for 3 weeks because of an injury and haven't been back since Jan 10 . Other people at work were wondering where i was and not once did she reach out to me to see what happened ....

 

It's now February I haven't seen her for close to a month …. and Folks , please be honest with me ;

 

WHERE THE HELL DID I MESS UP WITH THIS GIRL ? AND DO YOU THINK ILL HEAR FROM HER AGAIN BY GOING FULL ON NO CONTACT ? DO YOU THINK BOB AND HER WILL WORK OUT ( GOD I ****ING HATE THAT GUY SOOO MUCH )

 

I cared about her so much ; everytime she needed me i was there . When she got sick i took care of her ...

 

From what I mentioned in my story above did I do anything wrong that would cause her to jump in bed with this next guy? I know it was wrong of me to look into her phone AND I EVEN WROTE HER A LETTER APOLOGIZING FOR IT but and I saw the truth ; I know youre all thinking " MOVE ON . OR GET OVER IT " .. easier said than done ppl . I really cared about her and yet she treats me like a second class citizen and is now dating some other guy from work . I would NEVER do that to anyone . Yet to this day it haunts me .Deep down I still care and think about her . My feelings are so outta whack and it makes the work environment even more uncomfortable seeing these two are around and I have to see that rubbed into my face . Im dreading to go back to work mainly because Im going to see her ( and BOB ) again /.... Is she completely over me ? Will she ever contact me again ? I feel like I should just ignore her but part of me still wants to be nice . WHAT CAN I DO AT THIS POINT =(

 

Please help me sort my thoughts , again .... I feel so lost .

 

One good note : I DID promise myself is to stay away from looking at her social media ( instagram, facebook ) just so i dont know whats going on in her life . Less painful that way .... Like that quote i read online " You must participate in your own rescue " ... and this is my way of trying to move forward .Id love to hear your thoughts on my story ... Damn 7 years Ive known her I would never have thought anyone could rip my heart out like that --- I opened myself to her and shared my world thinking I had something special ---- I was wrong.

 

* sigh *

 

This is the price i paid for dating a co worker = ABSOLUTE HELL .

 

 

KR

[Been]

Ok. I'll break it down to you.

1.She lied to her ex boyfriend -and then surprise she lies to you. If they do it to one they usually do it to all.

2.She told you she cheats on all her boyfriends-HUGE RED FLAG.

3.Bob-I understand the need to know. But once you found out what you needed you shouldn't have said or texted ANYTHING-it wasn't going to change anything.

4.She lies. A lot.

5.You didn't do anything other then attempt to date a woman who 1.isnt trustworthy. 2.Will lie to your face. 3.seems to like attention from whoever.

[Been]

Story time. I dated a woman who I work with just like you.

We dated for 2/3 years. SHE talked about marrying me.

I helpedher get a house. Helped her pay bills-you name it I did it.

Then she starts to get distant. Less texts. Less affection. I ask her if everything is ok-she doesn't answer so the dreaded talk comes shortly after.

She tells me she needs to get therapy for herself so she can love people the way they deserve to be loved so we end up breaking up.

TWO days latter I drive past her house on the way to work and see a car that for some reason I know the car. Know why I know the car? Because it was my supervisors car!!!!!!!

They had been hooking up behind my back and NOBODY ever told me anything.

So I know it sucks and the reason I tell you this story is because I've been there.

But don't react to anything-it will make you look bad and cost you possibly your job.

If you need to vent talk to someone outside of work.

Ignore them both. By doing that you show them that they can't get to you even if they really do.

SILENCE in this situation goes a long way.

[triple-s]

Ok. I'll break it down to you.

 

1.She lied to her ex boyfriend -and then surprise she lies to you. If they do it to one they usually do it to all.

--- Yeah , i thought i would be indifferent ; wrong on all cylinders . It feels like i got complacent ... and she totally 180'd .

 

2.She told you she cheats on all her boyfriends-HUGE RED FLAG.

--- nods. I was thinking maybe she was just saying that so i would stop chasing after her . but perhaps there was some truth to it . Its hard to tell really after finding out she lies alot .

 

3.Bob-I understand the need to know. But once you found out what you needed you shouldn't have said or texted ANYTHING-it wasn't going to change anything.

--- Yeah, I admit and take ownership it was my brash attempt at saying " F U to him ... and basically showing him that he slept with her ; i just slept with her " kind of a warning . But yeah , i shouldnt have done that . that was my mistake .

 

4.She lies. A lot.

---Yeah . I remember in the very beginning she mentioned " i dont like to lie " YET it turns out to be some cover up ... she did lie. , ALOT .

 

 

5.You didn't do anything other then attempt to date a woman who 1.isnt trustworthy. 2.Will lie to your face. 3.seems to like attention from whoever.

 

--- 1. Again, knowing her for 7 years as a friend I felt she was trustworthy and didnt see any signs of RED FLAGS ...

 

3. Yes.. I had a friend who also mentioned that she is that type of person who likes attention from people ... Maybe she just wanted mine ; could it be that she used me to get over her ex ?

[triple-s]

Story time. I dated a woman who I work with just like you.

We dated for 2/3 years. SHE talked about marrying me.

I helpedher get a house. Helped her pay bills-you name it I did it.

Then she starts to get distant. Less texts. Less affection. I ask her if everything is ok-she doesn't answer so the dreaded talk comes shortly after.

She tells me she needs to get therapy for herself so she can love people the way they deserve to be loved so we end up breaking up.

TWO days latter I drive past her house on the way to work and see a car that for some reason I know the car. Know why I know the car? Because it was my supervisors car!!!!!!!

They had been hooking up behind my back and NOBODY ever told me anything.

So I know it sucks and the reason I tell you this story is because I've been there.

But don't react to anything-it will make you look bad and cost you possibly your job.

If you need to vent talk to someone outside of work.

Ignore them both. By doing that you show them that they can't get to you even if they really do.

SILENCE in this situation goes a long way.

 

 

Bro ; how do you prevent it from ruining your day ? the last time i saw them walking in together i felt my stomach turn ... i even felt light headed ... Have you ever thought of quitting ? Theres an option for me to transfer to a different location to work but in my opinion that will look weak on my part and that im defeated . I dont want that ...

 

Worst part about it is me and her are in the same department so its inevitable that we run into each other ... during meetings especially i feel so effin awkward around her ... At first i wanted to smash his head in but i knew that would cost me my job . I aint about to lose my job over that either so i held back but told him to never try and speak to me ever which to this day he has kept his distance ; yet i know he's sleeping with my ex . =\

 

Have you tried no contact ? right now I refuse to peek at her social media or anything that has to do with her .. Since September 2015 I have not gotten tempted to look . Ive kept that promise to myself -- yet it still lingers ; hence im on this site ' venting ' and trying to share my story to everyone in hopes i can also help someone else out there whos experienced something similar ....

 

I dont know how i got myself into this mess ... I was minding my own business till she lured me into falling for her . She dumps me and even expects me to be ' friends with her . I declined of course ... i aint 2nd option to NO ONE.

 

Hope you got over yours dude .... im still in the process of getting over mine ( which i admit im not 100% completely done with yet in my head )

Edited February 6, 2016 by kylo-ren

[triple-s]

....... by the way ; Is this new guy shes with a rebound ? do you think it will last ? I'VE NEVER HATED SOMEONE SO MUCH IN MY LIFE BEFORE .

 

In a way ; if she went for someone else; someone we didnt work , with id have a better time moving on and would have less hate towards this new love interest she has ... but this 2 faced asshat lied to me and is now with my ex .

[Been]

Oh it hurt. And since I have to see her it still sucks.

It will sting for months when you see them together.

NC is what you have to do but since she works in your department that's hard.

Only 2 things you can do: You can transfer if it's not too much of a hassle.

Or you can ride it out which is what I did. And each day it did get better to the point where I don't even acknowledge her-she tries to say hi and I don't answer.

I act like she doesn't exist. If it's work related I answer her and that's it-nothing else.

She knows what she did is wrong just like Bob knows he was wrong. Sooner or latter she's going to want forgiveness from you in some shape or form-to make herself feel better.

And usually relationships like Bob and hers fail.

[Been]

The guy she's with she started talking to him while she was still with me.

She apparently knew him before from somewhere.

Will it last? I don't know-if I had to place a bet I'd say no it won't. But I really don't care honestly. If it blew up in her face I admit I would laugh my ass off.

She's not who I thought she was at all and honestly I don't see her being honest with ANYONE long term.

And from what you tell me your ex is like that too. You more then likely will have the last laugh.

If and when they break up-DONT let her lean on you for support-she made her bed so let her sleep in it.

[triple-s]

She knows what she did is wrong just like Bob knows he was wrong. Sooner or latter she's going to want forgiveness from you in some shape or form-to make herself feel better.

 

Thats what im afraid of --- somehow they seem to know when youre happier elsewhere and they know to reach out to you like that time i was in los angeles posting photos on instagram about my trip and all of a sudden " ------ likes your photo "

 

...found her creeping up on me out of nowhere ( mind you this was back in August 2015 ) but she again reached out the second time sending me obscure website links saying " this reminds me of you " . Makes me wonder if thats what shes doing ' trying to make her self feel better ' when i reply or respond ( to which i did )

 

Does your ex do anything like that ? try and contact you or do any social media nudges ?

[triple-s]

She's not who I thought she was at all and honestly I don't see her being honest with ANYONE long term.

And from what you tell me your ex is like that too. You more then likely will have the last laugh.

If and when they break up-DONT let her lean on you for support-she made her bed so let her sleep in it.

 

Well thats just it ; She treats me now like NOTHING i did for her mattered .

 

THATS WHAT HURT THE MOST . All the intimate moments we had ; was all PHONY !!!!!! A part of me would like to think theres some ray of light in her somewhere that she did care about me but actions speak louder than words ....

 

Bro I would never put someone in the place she put me in ... If the tables were turned and I was her and i did that to somoene like me ; id absolutely think im the biggest jerk because NO ONE DESERVES to feel the way we both did .

 

Total Disregard to our emotions ... and she wants to be friends ? what the frick ---- total disregard i tell you . literally flushed down the toilet. Its almost inHUMANE man .. geez

 

 

Thats another thing i noticed about her ... one of our small chit chats around work she said she was planning to move to Taiwan for work placement in JANUARY .. I said hey thats great you always wanted to travel . ... its now february and she still working at the company =\ . perfect example of her not abiding to what comes out of her mouth ... She basically says things she doesnt mean . Perhaps thats all i was ... False promises she couldnt keep

 

 

One thing about my ex i noticed too is shes obsessed with money. She checks her banking app constantly ... even her ex bf told me the same thing . Does yours have the same characteristic ? about financial status ?

[Been]

Yes mine would send me random texts. So one day I got tired of it and I just blocked her number.

Finances?She was horrible. NEVER seem to have any money and would always advertise the fact she wasn't going to have enough money for certain bills-now looking back she did that knowing I'd jump in and help her.

Bills? I paid for her entire families Christmas presents. And she WAS talking to the other guy during that time.

Think about this and ask yourself this question:if she came running back to you arms wide open could you fully trust her after what she's done?No you would always be looking over your shoulder.

That was a mistake I made for we had broken up-she wanted to give her ex another try and started seeing him while she was seeing me so I ended it.

And once that blew up in her face I took her back and to be honest the trust was gone. It was like I was always waiting for her to screw me over.

You tried to be nice to a woman who wasn't nice and has no problem lying.

She told you things but her actions weren't the same. It's happened to EVERYONE. Don't beat yourself up too much. I know it hurts but I promise you day by day it gets better. Don't give her the satisfaction of changing you-take this as a life lesson and learn from it.

[Alamo657]

1. You did nothing wrong. You were just gaslighted by a serial cheater.

2. Cheaters will always cheat as long as they will be physically desirable.

3. Never date at work.

4. Never date people in a relationship, even when they claim "it is the end".

[triple-s]

Yes mine would send me random texts. So one day I got tired of it and I just blocked her number.

Finances?She was horrible. NEVER seem to have any money and would always advertise the fact she wasn't going to have enough money for certain bills-now looking back she did that knowing I'd jump in and help her.

Bills? I paid for her entire families Christmas presents. And she WAS talking to the other guy during that time.

Think about this and ask yourself this question:if she came running back to you arms wide open could you fully trust her after what she's done?No you would always be looking over your shoulder.

That was a mistake I made for we had broken up-she wanted to give her ex another try and started seeing him while she was seeing me so I ended it.

And once that blew up in her face I took her back and to be honest the trust was gone. It was like I was always waiting for her to screw me over.

You tried to be nice to a woman who wasn't nice and has no problem lying.

She told you things but her actions weren't the same. It's happened to EVERYONE. Don't beat yourself up too much. I know it hurts but I promise you day by day it gets better. Don't give her the satisfaction of changing you-take this as a life lesson and learn from it.

 

Agreed . At this point I have really no other choice -- I'm going to stay NC for as long as I can ... The only redemption I feel I deserve is to see her do the same thing to that asshat she's with right now ...

 

Did you ever confront that supervisor ? Does he know you and her had something going on yet he still did it ? You see I went to Bob and tried to talk to him man to man . He lied to me . Pretended and was being all friendly yet all along he was already sleeping with her ...

 

My only wish at this point is for karma to get back to his shady ways

[triple-s]

1. You did nothing wrong. You were just gaslighted by a serial cheater.

2. Cheaters will always cheat as long as they will be physically desirable.

3. Never date at work.

4. Never date people in a relationship, even when they claim "it is the end".

 

Yeah that was my mistake to date someone at work ... Lesson DEFINITELY LEARNED THE HARD WAY .

 

I had no idea she was a serial cheater . Knowing her for 7 years I felt she was trustworthy . I thought she was genuinely a good person . I was wrong ...

[Been]

No. Once I found out I left it alone. Didn't think he would own up to it anyway-not too many people are going to admit they are being dirty and yes he knew.

And what could he have said to make anything different?

What was done was already done-you can't take it back.

[triple-s]

No. Once I found out I left it alone. Didn't think he would own up to it anyway-not too many people are going to admit they are being dirty and yes he knew.

And what could he have said to make anything different?

What was done was already done-you can't take it back.

 

 

 

True ... I guess I put my faith in people too much , even for bob . That jerk .

[13Hearts]

Wow, Kylo-Ren, I'm glad you showed me this thread. Listen, I'm not a therapist or physician or anything but I am somewhat old, been in a lot of relationships, known a lot of people, and have had more than my fair share of emotional problems, and I think it is safe for me to say that this girl has some MAJOR issues.

 

Your description of what happened when she told you it was over and then she goes back to your place and has sex with you is a major red flag. You think you are dealing with a regular person here but you are not. And that is why I think you are taking so long to get over this. Let me tell you, I know this for a fact, from my own past experience: DEALING WITH CRAZY PEOPLE WILL MAKE YOU CRAZY. Now IDK what kind of crazy this girl is but she is very dysfunctional and she seems to have you hooked. I bet if she knocked on your door right now and wanted to have sex with you, you'd do it. And be right back where you started.

 

Being around this person is not good for you and you need to put your SELF first. I am glad you have gone NC with her, and I hear you don't want to look like a wuss running away, but I say eff her and eff bob and eff what other people might think about you. Who cares? What is important is YOUR health, YOUR welfare, and YOU getting better. I don't think you should waste any more of your life hurting or thinking about or obsessing or dealing with this girl. By her behavior I am telling you she is diagnosable with some kind of something, a disorder.

 

Get away from her and stay away from her. Is the place you can transfer to nice at all?

[triple-s]

Wow, Kylo-Ren, I'm glad you showed me this thread. Listen, I'm not a therapist or physician or anything but I am somewhat old, been in a lot of relationships, known a lot of people, and have had more than my fair share of emotional problems, and I think it is safe for me to say that this girl has some MAJOR issues.

 

yuuuppp .... im telling you 13hearts . I THOUGHT I KNEW THIS PERSON . Boy i was wrong . 7 years if friendship first ... dating ; what could go wrong ? Well thats exactly what happened !!

 

Your description of what happened when she told you it was over and then she goes back to your place and has sex with you is a major red flag. You think you are dealing with a regular person here but you are not. And that is why I think you are taking so long to get over this. Let me tell you, I know this for a fact, from my own past experience: DEALING WITH CRAZY PEOPLE WILL MAKE YOU CRAZY. Now IDK what kind of crazy this girl is but she is very dysfunctional and she seems to have you hooked. I bet if she knocked on your door right now and wanted to have sex with you, you'd do it. And be right back where you started.

 

* yes I am not going to lie . If she did show up at my door we would probably end up having sex . Thats how weak i am towards this right now ( truthfully ) ... The trust, sadly, is gone forever ... but if she did show up for sex ... id probably fall for it yes ( just being honest )

 

Being around this person is not good for you and you need to put your SELF first.

 

Thats the plan ! Its all about me now ; ive been treating myself to nice clothes, new cologne ... working on a brand new me

 

I am glad you have gone NC with her, and I hear you don't want to look like a wuss running away, but I say eff her and eff bob and eff what other people might think about you. Who cares? What is important is YOUR health, YOUR welfare, and YOU getting better. I don't think you should waste any more of your life hurting or thinking about or obsessing or dealing with this girl. By her behavior I am telling you she is diagnosable with some kind of something, a disorder.

 

13 hearts - thank you for taking the time to read my post .. its long but that pretty much summarizes the last year with this woman . Do you SEE WHERE MY PAIN IS COMING FROM ? I am the result of her work .

 

 

 

Get away from her and stay away from her. Is the place you can transfer to nice at all?

 

I cant get away unless i transfer . Its a long process but i will consider it .

 

Another reason why i would prefer to stand my ground is this is my way to stay strong ;show her what shes missing out on ... the brand new me . Only thing im afraid of is she might end up contacting me later and im back to square one ...

 

again thank you for hearing me out -- really means alot . I have no one to talk to about this stuff .

 

in your opinion ; based on what you read ; do you think she will ever reach out to me again ?

[13Hearts]

in your opinion ; based on what you read ; do you think she will ever reach out to me again ?

Hell yes, I think she's going to be reaching out to you again. That's why I think you should transfer if it's doable and doesn't put you further away from your family than where you are now.

 

I know what you mean about thinking you know a person. Similar kind of thing happened to me, with someone I knew for 16 YEARS! Someone I looked up to, saw as strong and my protector, I was loyal and devoted to, but man was I wrong. and it almost meant the death of me. I thought I knew this person Really well but let me tell you, you really can't tell much about a person until you get intimately close to them, and even then, you never really know a person.

 

What I'm afraid of w your situation is it is going to turn really Jerry Springer and drag you into something dangerous. Seriously. Look how much you hate bob. Now imagine she comes back to you and then bob turns crazy. That is just going to be a lot of dysfunction and you are better off not being anywhere near it.

[triple-s]

Hell yes, I think she's going to be reaching out to you again. That's why I think you should transfer if it's doable and doesn't put you further away from your family than where you are now.

 

* Interesting theory but i personally dont think so ... she seems to be completely done and over with me i dont see why she would all of a sudden reach out

 

I know what you mean about thinking you know a person. Similar kind of thing happened to me, with someone I knew for 16 YEARS! Someone I looked up to, saw as strong and my protector, I was loyal and devoted to, but man was I wrong. and it almost meant the death of me. I thought I knew this person Really well but let me tell you, you really can't tell much about a person until you get intimately close to them, and even then, you never really know a person.

 

* They say people can hide who they really are within 45-90 days into the dating period and I would honestly say theres some truth to that ...

 

 

What I'm afraid of w your situation is it is going to turn really Jerry Springer and drag you into something dangerous. Seriously. Look how much you hate bob. Now imagine she comes back to you and then bob turns crazy. That is just going to be a lot of dysfunction and you are better off not being anywhere near it.

 

* Bob can go f himself . if he turns crazy let him ; if he starts something with me EVEN BETTER . I wouldnt mind burning my first on his face granted HE APPROACHES ME FIRST

[triple-s]

DID MY WISH JUST SUDDENLY COME TRUE ? GUESS WHAT FOLKS ;

 

 

Today was my first day back to work . It was fun seeing my co workers again after a period of 1 month off . I was happy because she wasnt there ... I felt at ease . All good right ? well get this

 

Looking ahead into the upcoming weels schedule . I noticed her name isnt on the schedule . Hmmm maybe shes on vacation ? ... but i looked on to the end of february and STILL no sign of her name anywhere .

 

As a matter of fact i looked at the previous month from Jan10-now ... her name seems to have been pulled out of our system !!?!?!?

 

GASP .

 

DID SHE JUST QUIT ? TRANSFER LOCATIONS !?!?!?!?!??!?

 

That peice of **** bob was scheduled yesterday and the following week so he is still there but HER NAME HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM OUR COMPANY'S SCHEDULE ...

 

Now while i dont wish any bad harmful things upon her health ... I AM PRAYING THAT SHE HAS EITHER QUIT HER JOB ; GOT TRANSFERRED AND WILL NO LONGER BE AT THE COMPANY ..

 

You have no idea how happy it made me feel seeing that she potentially wont be around anymore . I didnt wanna start asking people at work either so ill keep it at bay right now ; at the same time , in a way id rather not know anyway so HOPEFULLY SHE WILL NEVER RETURN

 

Now i dont wanna jinx this but the thought of her not being around me anymore may just solve my woes once and for all ---

 

Folks Pray for me . I hope my wish will come true . I want to be FREE FREE FREEEEEEEEEE

[triple-s]

Help.

 

 

Since Jan 2016. I've promised myself a strict NC rule with my ex who works with me at this company. No temptation to look at social media, emails or wahtever.

 

To make a long story short , Near the end of 2015.... I discovered that she lined up and cheated on me with ANOTHER guy who works with us and left me with nothing but hideous heartache. Seeing the girl i cared about , who was once devoted and commited to me ... is now sleeping with a guy that doesn't even care about her just rips my heart to shreds ...

 

... months passed and i managed to keep myself together and sometime in January she took a leave of absense for reasons i still am not 100% sure about nor do i wanna know ( i was told its medical ) ..

 

5months have passed since , moving on felt so much better for me . Out of mind , out of sight. No Contact was 100% in full effect for me.

 

All was good at work because she wasnt around until this afternoon.

 

I was walking down the hallway, i look up ... and there she was. SHE'S BACK.

 

We crossed paths and i admit i was pretty shocked. we glanced at each other briefly ( i can tell she was also a bit uneasy ) but we gave each other a slight nod and said " hey " to each other .... and kept walking .

 

My question is this ; At that moment ... I WAS about to stop and turn around and ask her " hey , got a sec... its been a while, are you ok ? " ( cuz I did hear she got really sick ) ... so i was inclined to just make sure she was doing ok ...

 

OR

 

should i have just continued to walk by and NOT bothered to communicate AT ALL .... ( which is what I did !! ) .

 

You see, for 5 months i knew NOTHING that is going on with her ... and asking felt like it would just show courtesy to ask. The OTHER guy she cheated on me with still works at the company and im preeettty sure they are still together in some retrospect ... again, i dont wanna know.

 

What should i do when i see her at work ? ... Its like a part of me wants to talk to her again, and a part of me is also saying don't do it. Am i pulling straws by attempting to see if she would still wanna talk to me by striking a conversation with her ?

 

..... IM SO CONFUSED

 

What are your thoughts ? What should i do ???!

 

Please help me gather my thoughts back on track . Was it good that I just kept walking or should I have started a conversation with her to ask how she was doing ? * not gonna lie, deep down inside me i still care for her*

 

I thought i was on a roll with NC .... till i ran into her today at work.

 

i can feel myself starting to derail again ...

 

help.

[LostOnes05]

You did the right thing. Maintain No Contact!

[TaraMaiden2]

Help.

 

 

Since Jan 2016. I've promised myself a strict NC rule with my ex who works with me at this company. No temptation to look at social media, emails or wahtever.

 

To make a long story short , Near the end of 2015.... I discovered that she lined up and cheated on me with ANOTHER guy who works with us and left me with nothing but hideous heartache. Seeing the girl i cared about , who was once devoted and commited to me ... is now sleeping with a guy that doesn't even care about her just rips my heart to shreds ...

 

... months passed and i managed to keep myself together and sometime in January she took a leave of absense for reasons i still am not 100% sure about nor do i wanna know ( i was told its medical ) ..

 

5months have passed since , moving on felt so much better for me . Out of mind , out of sight. No Contact was 100% in full effect for me.

 

All was good at work because she wasnt around until this afternoon.

 

I was walking down the hallway, i look up ... and there she was. SHE'S BACK.

 

We crossed paths and i admit i was pretty shocked. we glanced at each other briefly ( i can tell she was also a bit uneasy ) but we gave each other a slight nod and said " hey " to each other .... and kept walking .

 

My question is this ; At that moment ... I WAS about to stop and turn around and ask her " hey , got a sec... its been a while, are you ok ? " ( cuz I did hear she got really sick ) ... so i was inclined to just make sure she was doing ok ...

 

OR

 

should i have just continued to walk by and NOT bothered to communicate AT ALL .... ( which is what I did !! ) .

 

You see, for 5 months i knew NOTHING that is going on with her ... and asking felt like it would just show courtesy to ask. The OTHER guy she cheated on me with still works at the company and im preeettty sure they are still together in some retrospect ... again, i dont wanna know.

 

What should i do when i see her at work ? ... Its like a part of me wants to talk to her again, and a part of me is also saying don't do it. Am i pulling straws by attempting to see if she would still wanna talk to me by striking a conversation with her ?

 

..... IM SO CONFUSED

 

What are your thoughts ? What should i do ???!

 

Please help me gather my thoughts back on track . Was it good that I just kept walking or should I have started a conversation with her to ask how she was doing ? * not gonna lie, deep down inside me i still care for her*

 

I thought i was on a roll with NC .... till i ran into her today at work.

 

i can feel myself starting to derail again ...

 

help.

She broke up with you a year ago (April 2015, I read your thread....)

 

 

She didn't cheat on you. She was a free agent. The continued 'relationship' was all in your head.

If someone breaks up with you, believe it's over, and act like it is.

 

You are doing all this to yourself.

Everything you are going through, is because you subject yourself to involvement, or trying to involve yourself.

 

Read the NC Guide (link in my signature) and live eat and breathe it, 100%.

 

There's a paragraph near the bottom which details what to do if you have no choice but to see your ex. And remember - the Guide was originally penned by a guy who worked with his ex, too, so no excuses.

 

Go for it.

[triple-s]

She didn't cheat on you. She was a free agent. The continued 'relationship' was all in your head. If someone breaks up with you, believe it's over, and act like it is.

 

I disagree that she was a free agent. Even after we broke up .. she still slept with me . TWICE

 

In the beginning she got me to believe that we were a couple ; met her parents, she met mine .. Im not an idiot . I FELT we had a strong connection and she treated me like we were a couple but she never communicated it . Above it all she started this whole ordeal, got me to fall in love with her and then i discover she was already seeing someone behind my back while we were together ... ( lining someone up ) The moment i caught on and asked her about it , she said she wanted break up. yes she was a free agent AFTER she wants to break up but cmon, she had someone lined up !!! ..... isnt that cheating !?!?!?!

 

... Kind of a dick move if you ask me ... like leading someone on . Heck She even told me at the very end " I cheat on all my boyfriends " ... oh and yeah , i already slept with someone else ( like not even a week after we broke up )

You are doing all this to yourself.

Everything you are going through, is because you subject yourself to involvement, or trying to involve yourself.

...i know am drawing straws and i see that otherwise i wouldnt be on this website, im trying my best to forget. no contact it is . got it

Read the NC Guide (link in my signature) and live eat and breathe it, 100%.... oh believe me , I read it EVERY DAY just to keep my mind in check . which is another reason why i was successful for the last 5 months. Again the reason for this post is cuz i saw her again today and it triggered something in me . an attempt to , like you said , get involved again

There's a paragraph near the bottom which details what to do if you have no choice but to see your ex. And remember - the Guide was originally penned by a guy who worked with his ex, too, so no excuses.

 

... got it.

 

Go for it.