13Hearts Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Having been a cute chick in a previous life, I can tell you that at that age she likely had (and has) no shortage of guys chasing her around, trying to get her to pay attention to them, buying her coffee, drinks, and flowers, inviting her places, etc. When that's the case, it doesn't take much to start a new relationship, especially if life regularly involves alcohol and/or bars/clubs. I'm not sure much psychoanalysis is really necessary to understand a 26 yr old cute girl so I'd avoid getting all disgruntled about her being manipulative or afraid to be alone and all that business. I'm sorry you've been hurting. I like OldShirt's suggestions to start getting busy. Also, you may want to consider sticking with women in your own age group. For you, that probably means women 29 and older. You're in the Settle Down and Get Married age group, whereas your XGF is still in the Look Hot, Have Fun and Don't Want Any Babies age group. Did you meet her in a bar? Probably not a good place to go looking for a partner. Bars are for people who are partying. Do you want a drinking partner or a life partner? The two don't normally mix well. Don't let this all get you down. Soon you will meet someone you like better anyway. I'm sorry you are feeling bad about yourself but she didn't make you feel that way, you did. It's OK to not let this make you feel bad about yourself. What she's done (and what she's doing now) has nothing to do with you. Life doesn't start and stop at a relationship. Life starts and stops with yourself. If anything, SHE should he feeling badly about HERSELF because she didn't tell the truth. Instead, YOU are feeling bad about YOU. Why is that? Are you always such an overly empathetic person?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Old Shirt & MiniMariah .... Its been 7months since me and this woman were intimate with each other . After things blew up ; i kept my distance and i stopped asking questions and basically backed off ... but in all honesty to the both of you who seem to be responding to my posts to the most sincere way .... guys, I HAVE A HOLE IN MY HEART TILL NOW. and since 7 months ago ... im trying desperately , real hard to try and put my mindset back to normal . I dont wanna feel like this anymore but no matter what i do, it creeps up on me and when it does it just messes with my head . Have i tried dating ; yes ... no one i found worthwhile yet but still open for options =) Have i completely moved on ... no BUT I now promised myself that I will no longer linger and look at her social media because thats just asking for more heartache . Im back to work on monday after a month away ... im scared that when i see her ; it will creep up on me and my emotions are gonna mess with my head again . THIS is my problem guys , I really regret getting involved someone i work with .... Any suggestions as to what could help me cope with seeing her at work ? I know im doing NC but when i run into her in the hall ; do i even say hello, smile , look her way ? * struggling * 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I'm sorry you are feeling bad about yourself but she didn't make you feel that way, you did. i'll disagree with this -- she did make him feel bad. he feels bad beause of her betrayal and it's totally okay to feel that way. his feelings are a direct reaction to her feelings. he didn't make himself feel bad out of blue. Are you always such an overly empathetic person?? i'm sorry, but i find his feelings completely normal. he was cheated on and dumped - can we allow him that moment to grieve and feel down about himself and life in general? doesn't IMMEDIATELY need to start healing and moving on, come on. everything he's feeling is pretty normal. and i think he's getting the hardest to move on from the cheating part, something he never dealt with before - rather with the girl herself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 you can ignore her; that's true NC. act like she doesn't exist and like you don't see her. can you transfer or move to another job? your grieving process is this long because 1. you see her often, 2. you're struggling with being cheated on. two things you need to work on. and the lose hope of her getting back. and block her on EVERYTHING you can. get rid of things that remind you of her, too. Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I have a woman friend....she's been divorced for four years now and she will start a relationship one after the other becouse she can't stand being alone. I always joke around with her and tell her that if she really thinks about it she is still alone even tho she has someone there to keep time passing by. Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 i'll disagree with this -- she did make him feel bad. he feels bad beause of her betrayal and it's totally okay to feel that way. his feelings are a direct reaction to her feelings. he didn't make himself feel bad out of blue. i'm sorry, but i find his feelings completely normal. he was cheated on and dumped - can we allow him that moment to grieve and feel down about himself and life in general? doesn't IMMEDIATELY need to start healing and moving on, come on. everything he's feeling is pretty normal. and i think he's getting the hardest to move on from the cheating part, something he never dealt with before - rather with the girl herself. I'm not saying OP's not normal or not entitled to some grief. Of course a person is going to feel bad after a break-up, otherwise he's an autobot, or an alien, or something. What OP said was he feels WORTHLESS. What I'm saying is OP, YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS just because this girl decided she wants to be with someone else. Her bad behavior is not a reflection of your worth! Her choosing to leave and start up with someone else is NOT because you're worthless. That's just a messed up thing to do to a person and you shouldn't treat people the way she treated you. She should know better and do better but apparently she skirts that responsibility in relationships for some reason. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I'm not saying OP's not normal or not entitled to some grief. ohhhhhhh, i'm sorry! i understood your post totally wrong, i apologize. and yes, i see what you're saying and you're absolutely right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Old Shirt & MiniMariah .... Its been 7months since me and this woman were intimate with each other . After things blew up ; i kept my distance and i stopped asking questions and basically backed off ... but in all honesty to the both of you who seem to be responding to my posts to the most sincere way .... guys, I HAVE A HOLE IN MY HEART TILL NOW. and since 7 months ago ... im trying desperately , real hard to try and put my mindset back to normal . I dont wanna feel like this anymore but no matter what i do, it creeps up on me and when it does it just messes with my head . Have i tried dating ; yes ... no one i found worthwhile yet but still open for options =) Have i completely moved on ... no BUT I now promised myself that I will no longer linger and look at her social media because thats just asking for more heartache . Im back to work on monday after a month away ... im scared that when i see her ; it will creep up on me and my emotions are gonna mess with my head again . THIS is my problem guys , I really regret getting involved someone i work with .... Any suggestions as to what could help me cope with seeing her at work ? I know im doing NC but when i run into her in the hall ; do i even say hello, smile , look her way ? * struggling * Oh boy, I totally get you here. I made the mistake of dating someone at work and it got really serious really fast. We were together about a year and a half and I was struggling with a lot of issues in my life back then and somehow let this relationship dictate my life. Long story short, after we split up, EVERY time I would see him I would literally start crying. This went on forever! I could not control it. Aside from teaching me that this guy was just really had for me, I swore I'd never get into another relationshi 1 Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Old Shirt & MiniMariah .... Its been 7months since me and this woman were intimate with each other . After things blew up ; i kept my distance and i stopped asking questions and basically backed off ... but in all honesty to the both of you who seem to be responding to my posts to the most sincere way .... guys, I HAVE A HOLE IN MY HEART TILL NOW. and since 7 months ago ... im trying desperately , real hard to try and put my mindset back to normal . I dont wanna feel like this anymore but no matter what i do, it creeps up on me and when it does it just messes with my head . Have i tried dating ; yes ... no one i found worthwhile yet but still open for options =) Have i completely moved on ... no BUT I now promised myself that I will no longer linger and look at her social media because thats just asking for more heartache . Im back to work on monday after a month away ... im scared that when i see her ; it will creep up on me and my emotions are gonna mess with my head again . THIS is my problem guys , I really regret getting involved someone i work with .... Any suggestions as to what could help me cope with seeing her at work ? I know im doing NC but when i run into her in the hall ; do i even say hello, smile , look her way ? * struggling * Oh boy, I totally get you here. I made the mistake of dating someone at work and it got really serious really fast. We were together about a year and a half and I was struggling with a lot of issues in my life back then and somehow let this relationship dictate my life. Long story short, after we split up, EVERY time I would see him I would literally start crying. This went on forever! I could not control it. Aside from teaching me that this guy was just really bad for me, I swore I'd never get into another relationship at work again! If it were me? I would walk right past her and not say a word. I'd ignore her if she tried to speak to me at work. What she did was messed up and no way to act. Plus, not engaging with her at work will prevent you from reacting emotionally. How long were you guys together? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 ohhhhhhh, i'm sorry! i understood your post totally wrong, i apologize. and yes, i see what you're saying and you're absolutely right. That's OK. I think I might have a hard time wording things properly or something. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Oh boy, I totally get you here. I made the mistake of dating someone at work and it got really serious really fast. joining you guys in the Dated a Coworker club! LOL. it's super hard. i ignored my ex as much as i could and avoided hanging out with other colleagues if i knew he would be present. i will be totally honest - i did not fully heal until i changed positions and moved to another section of our workplace; i rarely see him now and we don't hang out with the same coworkers anymore. it's even worse that she's dating some other guy from the same workplace. That's OK. I think I might have a hard time wording things properly or something. nah, you're very eloquent - english is not my 1st language so i sometimes get confused. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Having been a cute chick in a previous life, I can tell you that at that age she likely had (and has) no shortage of guys chasing her around, trying to get her to pay attention to them, buying her coffee, drinks, and flowers, inviting her places, etc. When that's the case, it doesn't take much to start a new relationship, especially if life regularly involves alcohol and/or bars/clubs. I'm not sure much psychoanalysis is really necessary to understand a 26 yr old cute girl so I'd avoid getting all disgruntled about her being manipulative or afraid to be alone and all that business. yes i can vouch that she is definitely a cutie and she can get any guy she wants thats for sure ! Although I am an old soul in my late 30s ; if you saw me you wouldnt beleive i am my age . I always seem to be attracted to younger girls anyway ( age range 25-30 ) . you see, I worked with her for 7 years at the company we currently worked for . she was in a 7 year relationship with her ex ( before me ) and she broke up with him and lined ME up ... to find out 7 months later that she LINED UP SOMEONE ELSE . Fine . shes young , shes exploring ... but why not just be upfront and tell me in the beginning. a few years ago there was a girl i met . We dated but she made it clear from the start " lets be friends with benefits " .. DONE . We were each others booty call for 2 years . ZERO DRAMA . We knew where we both stood . It was great . no cimplaints from her or me .. why ? BECAUSE WE AGREED IN THE START . She left the country so it stopped . I'm sorry you've been hurting. I like OldShirt's suggestions to start getting busy. Also, you may want to consider sticking with women in your own age group. For you, that probably means women 29 and older. You're in the Settle Down and Get Married age group, whereas your XGF is still in the Look Hot, Have Fun and Don't Want Any Babies age group. Did you meet her in a bar? Probably not a good place to go looking for a partner. Bars are for people who are partying. Do you want a drinking partner or a life partner? The two don't normally mix well. No i dont meet girls at bars or clubs in hopes to be in a relationship with them - I work with her . Reputable and very responsible girl she was . ... Don't let this all get you down. Soon you will meet someone you like better anyway. I'm sorry you are feeling bad about yourself but she didn't make you feel that way, you did. It's OK to not let this make you feel bad about yourself. What she's done (and what she's doing now) has nothing to do with you. Life doesn't start and stop at a relationship. Life starts and stops with yourself. If anything, SHE should he feeling badly about HERSELF because she didn't tell the truth. Instead, YOU are feeling bad about YOU. Why is that? Are you always such an overly empathetic person?? * Youre right ... like this saying i read online that is my motto for the year " You must participate in your own rescue " --- and thats exactly what im doing . Me hanging out here on this forum is my way of keeping my sanity together . I have no one to talk to about this ... really . Im trying not to go insane or breakdown . Right now i can honestly tell you i am fine and i am not devastated like how i was right after i found out and **** hit the fan . Ill be ok ... its just a matter of time ... that im trying to get past Im an overly empathetic person because I grew up raised by two wonderful parents and surrounded by good people and family ... I also posses a trait that I am proud of --- its called INTEGRITY ; knowing whats right and whats wrong .. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 you can ignore her; that's true NC. act like she doesn't exist and like you don't see her. can you transfer or move to another job? your grieving process is this long because 1. you see her often, 2. you're struggling with being cheated on. two things you need to work on. nods ... 1 right now is my biggesgt hurdle. If i didnt have to see her anymore i think it would be a much smoother transition . I was thinking of transferring locations ( its possible ) but doing so ; it feels like im raising the flag showing that im defeated . Like i gave up and didnt stand my ground yknow ? its like a double edge sword to me ... if i stay i put up with seeing her .. but if i leave and transfer ; it shows i caved in and i lost the battle ... and the lose hope of her getting back. and block her on EVERYTHING you can. get rid of things that remind you of her, too. She already blocked me on facebook , my number ... . i have no way to connect nor do i have the temptation to look around . I dont even look at the other guys social media either . Doing so will just make me feel like crap . That i know for a fact . Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 MiniMariah and 13 hearts ... Not sure if you saw this post but THIS is the full story ( if you wanna read it ) but it pretty much gives you the entire outline . Its long but its worth it : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/568590-price-i-paid-dating-co-worker 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 If it were me? I would walk right past her and not say a word. I'd ignore her if she tried to speak to me at work. What she did was messed up and no way to act. Plus, not engaging with her at work will prevent you from reacting emotionally. • what i find challenging is sometimes i see her , my mind consciously startts being aware that shes RIGHT THERE .. then i start looking at her ; then i feel the pain ... i try my best not to look ... yet it constantly just keeps making me sneak peeks at her and the pain just keeps coming . Its making me miss her . I know .. Its -- F u k d . but thats the truth How long were you guys together? Before we started seeing each other ; we known each other for 7 years ... as friends ... dating 7 months . Shizz hit the fan June 1st last year . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 (edited) joining you guys in the Dated a Coworker club! LOL. it's super hard. i ignored my ex as much as i could and avoided hanging out with other colleagues if i knew he would be present. i will be totally honest - i did not fully heal until i changed positions and moved to another section of our workplace; i rarely see him now and we don't hang out with the same coworkers anymore. * this might be the solution ... well see how it goes ; i may consider it eventually , right now not yet . it's even worse that she's dating some other guy from the same workplace.YES THIS WAS THE DOUBLE SLAP TO MY FACE AFTER SHE DUMPS ME ... Edited February 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Formatting 1 Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 So you've known her since she was 19? How old did you say you are, again? It's great you look young but seriously, date women who are in your stage of life. Do you know why you chose to be with someone who is so much younger than you? 7 years is a long time for anyone to be in a relationship. I imagine it was very difficult for her to break that one off. When she started seeing you, she was on the rebound from something really serious, AND she needed you to help her get out of it. I know it hurts but maybe try to feel better knowing that you likely helped her get through a really difficult time in her life. I'm glad she's done what she's done, even though it hurts. At least she did not drag it out any longer, let you propose and not be able to say no, get married and/or have kids and THEN hook up with somebody else. Try to look at it that way; be thankful she let you out now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 So you've known her since she was 19? How old did you say you are, again? It's great you look young but seriously, date women who are in your stage of life. Do you know why you chose to be with someone who is so much younger than you? -------- My age did not seem to bother her . again she came on to me asking if i wanted to go hang out and watch game of thrones at her place ( where her ex bf was at the time in the other room ) .. it was awkward . but that was the beginning . I was minding my own business then outta nowhere " hey wanna chill sometime " ... honestly i respected her and kept my distant . I even knew her EX BF . .. we were all good friends . Sadly thats all down the drain now ... I chose to be someone younger than me because I like younger girls ? is that a crime ? its not like i was robbing the cradle . I just happen to be more interested in younger ladies ... 10-15 years younger ... 7 years is a long time for anyone to be in a relationship. I imagine it was very difficult for her to break that one off. When she started seeing you, she was on the rebound from something really serious, AND she needed you to help her get out of it. I know it hurts but maybe try to feel better knowing that you likely helped her get through a really difficult time in her life. --- so she used me as a landing pad / crutch to get him out of the relationship . Then when he left her apartment . Thats when it went downhill . So youre basically saying she had a hidden agenda all that time . Thanks !!!!!!!! again i was minding my own business ; left things alone . I ever warned her that if **** goes wrong we can never go back to the way it was . I KNEW THIS from the start . Oh sure i feel alot better knowing i helped her get through a difficult time in her life ... which involved whipping my penis out and my emotions for support ? cmon ... as a friend who shes known for 7 damn years why didnt she just tell me about her problems and i could have EASILY HELPED BY GIVING ADVICE .. a shoulder to cry on ... no need to manipulate my emotions to make me fall for her ? thats low . I'm glad she's done what she's done, even though it hurts. At least she did not drag it out any longer, let you propose and not be able to say no, get married and/or have kids and THEN hook up with somebody else. Try to look at it that way; be thankful she let you out now! --- youre glad shes done what shes done ; but sorry she didnt have to drag me down with her . Youre right ; I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT ; i wish she just left me alone . Do you get it ?! YEah im thankful now alright . That i know better not to fall for the same crap in the future . I trusted her . it wasnt like i met her at a club or a bar . I known her for 7 goddamn years and my trust was there . This new guy has been around for 6 months and she traded ME FOR THAT PEICE OF S--- ... *disgusted* Sorry but im still feeling betrayed and razzled at what happened. Theres nothing i can do about it ... but i think i have the right to be upset . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 13hearts did you read my original post ( the long one ) ? id love to hear your thoughts ----- Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Past performance is no guarantee of future results and, in relationships, there are no guarantees except that they will end. It's only a matter of when. Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 In a total aside to this. Kylo, love the username! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I didn't mean I'm glad you're hurt. I meant I'm glad she showed you who she really is before you got in much deeper. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Past performance is no guarantee of future results and, in relationships, there are no guarantees except that they will end. It's only a matter of when. Great quote ! I like it ! Thank you !! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 In a total aside to this. Kylo, love the username! haha im a bit of a starwars nutcase as you can probably guess by my nickname lol .... and yes the darkside has consumed me .. i am conflicted . just like the character lol Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 and yes, i read your other post and i replied to it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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