Author triple-s Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 and yes, i read your other post and i replied to it Was there anything that you think i messed up on ? Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Was there anything that you think i messed up on ? No. I think that girl is a nutjob. And believe me, I'm not being judgmental and I have been pretty psycho in past relationships myself. But there is something really wrong w that girl, sorry to say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Past performance is no guarantee of future results and, in relationships, there are no guarantees except that they will end. It's only a matter of when. This thought is so sad.... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 It doesn't have to be sad. Love and relationships are gifts which we're privileged to experience. Some last only a short while, others a lifetime. They all end at some point. TBH, I've even come to see the monkey-branchers without feelings of sadness or anger. Loved a few of them, even while deceived. The love was the gift. Impossible to live their life so gotta live my own. It's good to be alive. I think being married broke me of the payoff angle, like relationships were some investment that was supposed to reward loving with some payoff. Nah, the loving was the payoff. The rest was just life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 People do this because they can. They have so many potential suitors lined up and so many friends of the opposite gender (all BFF's!) and orbiters, they just make a trade whenever they want. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 People do this because they can. They have so many potential suitors lined up and so many friends of the opposite gender (all BFF's!) and orbiters, they just make a trade whenever they want. So UNFAIR! ) They have a lot and some people are reaching 30s without having any relationship. Ugh I hate life sometimes :( Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Past performance is no guarantee of future results and, in relationships, there are no guarantees except that they will end. It's only a matter of when. There is no guarantee that relationships will end either. They don't all end. Only death and taxes are guaranteed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 So UNFAIR! ) They have a lot and some people are reaching 30s without having any relationship. Ugh I hate life sometimes :( Not trying to make you feel worse, but they also never suffer any consequences for this behavior either. Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I'm sorry to hear you're in pain. She sounds like someone who has a fear of getting close to someone. Once the "honeymoon" period ends and the real bonding begins -- poof. The thing you sound take from this is that it is NOT you. That probably doesn't make you feel better. I know. These things hurt regardless of how much logic you apply to the situation. But look at it this way: she will continue to swing from relationship to relationship because she has some serious interpersonal trust issues. But you, you're free! She may have her dysfunctional dynamics, but you have your life to live. She's going to be stick in this awful pattern, and you're liberated from it. Kylo-Ren allowed fear to dictate his path. Do not hold onto fear, it is the path to the dark side. Embrace change and hope knowing your future is better without someone who has issues and is driven by fear. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 There is no guarantee that relationships will end either. They don't all end. Only death and taxes are guaranteed. Yep, you made my point right there. When my dad died, as an example, the relationship, a 30-something year marriage ended and his widow went on to live another 26 years. All relationships end. It's only a matter of when. He could have died in a auto wreck in the 50's and I'd never have been born and, yup, the marriage would have ended. Etc, etc. The point for the OP is to not predicate future results on past performance (their interaction or stated feelings) or investment (his love, presumably). Anything can change at any time, or end at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all. Accepting the reality of the fluidity of life and relationships can help him enjoy the moment for what it is and then move on to other moments, similarly, and not get stuck on, 'well I did all this and she said she felt this so this should happen and it didn't so I'm sad. Life is so unfair'. Yup, life is unfair and then we die. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 No. I think that girl is a nutjob. And believe me, I'm not being judgmental and I have been pretty psycho in past relationships myself. But there is something really wrong w that girl, sorry to say. Hey 13hearts ... i was back to work today and i noticed her name has been pulled from the schedule ; theres no trace of her name ANYWHERE . Could she have quit ?!?!?!? OMG ... I felt soooo releaved to see that .. I JUST WISH IT IS TRUE AND SHE IS NO LONGER IN OUR COMPANY . While i dont wish anything harmful to her ; i just hope she got a nother job , transferred in that sense ... it felt soooo good to be at work when she wasnt around and thats how i want it to be ... *crossing finger * 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 It doesn't have to be sad. Love and relationships are gifts which we're privileged to experience. Some last only a short while, others a lifetime. They all end at some point. TBH, I've even come to see the monkey-branchers without feelings of sadness or anger. Loved a few of them, even while deceived. The love was the gift. Impossible to live their life so gotta live my own. It's good to be alive. I think being married broke me of the payoff angle, like relationships were some investment that was supposed to reward loving with some payoff. Nah, the loving was the payoff. The rest was just life. I never looked at it from that perpective - thanks for sharing Carhill Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 I'm sorry to hear you're in pain. She sounds like someone who has a fear of getting close to someone. Once the "honeymoon" period ends and the real bonding begins -- poof. The thing you sound take from this is that it is NOT you. Absolutely . I know i did what i could ... and she knows that i didnt wanna let go . She let go of me . That probably doesn't make you feel better. I know. These things hurt regardless of how much logic you apply to the situation. But look at it this way: she will continue to swing from relationship to relationship because she has some serious interpersonal trust issues. But you, you're free! She may have her dysfunctional dynamics, but you have your life to live. She's going to be stick in this awful pattern, and you're liberated from it. Nods . YEah at this point my hands are pretty much tied . I admit im still a bit broken and affected by what happend ( 1st time in my life ANYONE has ever done this to me ) ... but in the end ; its really up to her to change for the better . She seems to have some deep rooted issues that she keeps to herself . I jumped into the relationship with the best intentions and she still violated me and treated me like a peice of trash in the end . what .. the .. ffff Its sad. Shes a great girl . Smart . Cute . my kind of gal really ... but she isnt what you think she is ... shes a mess . and it makes me sad Kylo-Ren allowed fear to dictate his path. Do not hold onto fear, it is the path to the dark side. Embrace change and hope knowing your future is better without someone who has issues and is driven by fear. * HITS MY WOUNDS * hahahah that totally made me laugh ; that was awesome brother ! and yes FEAR IS THE PATH TO THE DARKSIDE ! Im on my way to recover .. into the light . yes . =) Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 Yep, you made my point right there. When my dad died, as an example, the relationship, a 30-something year marriage ended and his widow went on to live another 26 years. All relationships end. It's only a matter of when. He could have died in a auto wreck in the 50's and I'd never have been born and, yup, the marriage would have ended. Etc, etc. The point for the OP is to not predicate future results on past performance (their interaction or stated feelings) or investment (his love, presumably). Anything can change at any time, or end at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all. Accepting the reality of the fluidity of life and relationships can help him enjoy the moment for what it is and then move on to other moments, similarly, and not get stuck on, 'well I did all this and she said she felt this so this should happen and it didn't so I'm sad. Life is so unfair'. Yup, life is unfair and then we die. Well said .... It really is all about acceptance . And youre right ; everything ends ... eventually . I just wasnt prepared for it . On a good note if i run into something similar in the next relationships i have ... i know 300% for sure ill be a helluvalot more stronger and will not be affected as much -- THAT I CAN GUARANTEE that i can now withstand . This whole ordeal was a blessing in disguise really . To open my mind that **** HAPPENS even when you think its going well ; just gotta be prepared for it .... Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Hey 13hearts ... i was back to work today and i noticed her name has been pulled from the schedule ; theres no trace of her name ANYWHERE . Could she have quit ?!?!?!? OMG ... I felt soooo releaved to see that .. I JUST WISH IT IS TRUE AND SHE IS NO LONGER IN OUR COMPANY . While i dont wish anything harmful to her ; i just hope she got a nother job , transferred in that sense ... it felt soooo good to be at work when she wasnt around and thats how i want it to be ... *crossing finger * This is great news! I will also keep my fingers crossed. Let me ask you something. She probably was fun to be with, right? Probably a party girl, Maybe a little freaky? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 ---- i dunno ... nice guys really do finish last in my experience only if they are boring. Link to post Share on other sites
Author triple-s Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 Let me ask you something. She probably was fun to be with, right? Probably a party girl, Maybe a little freaky? As her friend , we got along great . I wasn't attracted to her because I respected the fact that her and her boyfriend at the time were friends of mine . Fun to be with , absolutely Great people to be around ! They even had a get together at their place and invited me over along with other co workers . You know what's kind of messed up ; a couple of years ago I photographed her and her ex boyfriend couple photos ( not engagement ) for themselves .. 2 years later she lines me up starts dating and sleeps with me . Sigh . I warned her that if we both dive into this ; our friendship would get compromised no matter what . Look where it is now She was t much of a party girl but she does attend social events here and there . She cannot be exposed to flashing lights because it triggers her headaches that could lead to seizures so clubbing is very rare for her .. Our chemistry behind the sheets was absolutely amazing tho . She even tells me how good i am in bed . We're both equally freaky actually . I miss it . Yeah ... Great personality , a little flirty with other people ( from my observations ) , very responsible and ppl look up to her at work as smart , witty and playful . Little did I know tho ; she has a hidden agenda .... A hurtful one at that Link to post Share on other sites
Liam1 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Sometime last year I got involved with a woman i work with ... and she was with her ex bf till she lined me up as the replacement . 7 months down the line ... I thought everything was fine til i discovered that she lined someone up behind me back --- ive become the replacement to ANOTHER ... Whats up with this sort of pattern ? ive never encountered this 'serial' type of relationship from anybody ...im 35 years old shes 26 ... thoughts ? Well, my experience with my OW is that she is and was looking to mate poach rather than have an affair. She claimed she only wanted a "supplemental" sexual relationship and never wanted to leave her husband. But when I ended it and again three years into reconciliation with my wife she has gone bunny boiler on me, stalking my wife, etc. We heard from her again, this weekend, after an attorney sent her a cease and desist letter. The attorney, a former DA, said that in his experience an OW's stalking will 9 times out of 10 escalate after such a letter and he was right. The OW has had four affairs, all of which were ended by her OM. My marriage counselor said that most married men (not all) have affairs for sex, even when they are happy with their wives. Women (not all) typically have affairs when they are unhappy emotionally in their marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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