When You Are Nobody's Type?

[PrettyEmily77]

Thanks and trust me it's not just Myrtle Beach I am not sought after anywhere I have traveled all over the country and Europe and no one has ever told I'm beautiful or really appreciated me. When I was in Europe everyone was disappointed when they found out that while yes I am an American but I wasn't the Anglo/scandanavian girl with honey blonde hair and a southern accent. It's the story of my life.

 

Are you sure it's not your hang-up rather than theirs?

 

You are somebody's type - we pretty much all are - but you don't seem to be your own type: that's your biggest issue, I would guess.

 

I'm not of mid-east decent but nor am I tall or Scandinavian (English dad, French mum, 5'2, darkish hair) yet not one of the guys I've been with has found it to be an issue.

[d0nnivain]

no one has ever told I'm beautiful or really appreciated me.

 

 

You seem really hung up on the external superficial looks.

 

 

If you are happy, interesting, fun to be around & confident you will be more attractive.

 

 

You have decided because you don't look like the classic stereotypical all-American girl next door, the perky blonde, that you have limited value.

 

 

Newsflash until you like yourself it will be hard to find other people who like you. You have such a negative opinion of yourself that it's reflected in those around you.

 

 

Instead of decrying them,, celebrate your uniqueness. Until you are happy with yourself you are never going to find the validation you crave externally from others.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Ok so here is my situation. For as long as I can remember I have never liked the way I look and neither have other people as well, including some members of my own family . All of my life I have been teased, ridiculed, and reminded of how ugly and "different" I am. So here is another twist in my sad ass story, I am not only unattractive but I am also "ethnically ambiguous", "exotic", or whatever other term people use to describe somebody whose ethnicity you cannot pin point exactly.

 

Not a lot of people look like me. I was always the outcast, the "I don't know what ethnicity she is girl", the "I don't want to be seen with her girl". Things got somewhat better as I got older ,finally guys seemed to take an interest in me but only for sex (like I said they didn't want to be seen out in public with someone like me) or if they did take an interest in me they didn't once they found out I wasn't Native American, Italian, Japanese, etc, or whatever ethnicity they wanted me to be (in case your wondering I'm an ethnicity no one wants to be I'll make you guys guess...)

 

It sucks because I try really hard to make myself as presentable and attractive as possible and no matter how hard I try I will never live up to anyone's standards or be anyone's type. I will never be the tall, blonde babe or the beautiful (insert ethnicity here girl). I don't feel like I'm anybody’s type which means, no guy is picturing me in his head before she sees me. I have even had guys tell me "your cute and all but your not my type", "You're pretty but I only date blondes, latinas", "I like blondes", etc.

 

So what's a girl to do? I have pretty much given up and accepted the fact that I am never going to be any man's "dream girl", never going to get married or have children. Sorry for the long post but had to get this off my chest. I would post a pic but they won't let me but to give you guys some insight I am 5'2" 100 lbs have long black hair, brown eyes, olive skin and stupid Mediterranean or Middle Eastern features but I can pass for a lot.

 

A lot of guys here have never even been called cute or handsome in their life and I would guess are a good 20 years older than you.

 

I'm really short, so right off the bat, that makes me 'non-ideal' for, oh ... 100% of women. Which I accepted probably 20 years ago.

 

I used to whine about women not finding me cute (which you get), but even that, I really don't need that anymore. When you get older, you put life in perspective.

 

Speaking of, my friend died over the weekend, and his young daughter will be left without a father, forever. Stuff like that helps me put my little problems into perspective. Don't get me wrong, I whine too, but it's always good to put things in perspective.

[BettyDraper]

Take it from a man. 5'2" 100 lbs, long black hair with 'exotic' Mediterranean features... You are a LOT of people's type physically. That description in itself is definitely not your problem, unless you're in some racist buttcrack of the world where people hate non-whites. If that's the case, then getting a job in a big city might help.

 

I agree. The OP sounds quite attractive.

If obese and frumpy women can find husbands, surely someone who fits the OP's description is someone's dream come true.

OP...are you Romani or Indian?

[BettyDraper]

A lot of guys here have never even been called cute or handsome in their life and I would guess are a good 20 years older than you.

 

I'm really short, so right off the bat, that makes me 'non-ideal' for, oh ... 100% of women. Which I accepted probably 20 years ago.

 

I used to whine about women not finding me cute (which you get), but even that, I really don't need that anymore. When you get older, you put life in perspective.

 

Speaking of, my friend died over the weekend, and his young daughter will be left without a father, forever. Stuff like that helps me put my little problems into perspective. Don't get me wrong, I whine too, but it's always good to put things in perspective.

 

 

This is very true. However, I don't think it's helpful to minimize the OP's concerns just because there are worse problems in the world.

 

Sorry for your loss.

[MyrtleMayhem]

I agree. The OP sounds quite attractive.

If obese and frumpy women can find husbands, surely someone who fits the OP's description is someone's dream come true.

OP...are you Romani or Indian?

 

Betty, I am neither Romani gypsy nor am I Indian. My father's family is Lebanese however they are apart of the Christian minority and my mother is white woman with family in different parts of Europe.

[MyrtleMayhem]

Well what could be so unattractive?

 

Do you have a huge nose? I have a nose exactly like Meryl Streep which is considered "ugly "by most people and yet I am considered hot.

 

Come on now..... do you have crooked or yellow teeth.

 

Dreadful acne?

 

I highly doubt that at 5"2 and only 100 with nice long hair, that you're going to be hideous.

 

Leigh your very attractive and like another poster said I didn't even notice your nose! I do not have a big nose, bad teeth, or acne. I take care of myself pretty well it's just my whole look is not what people picture in their heads when they imagine their "dream girl" or ideal partner. Guys might find me cute or pretty at first but I'm not their type so when their type finally does come around they drop me like a hot potatoe.

[MyrtleMayhem]

OP: I think it's your location. Around here, you would be considered attractive based on your size alone. A thin girl is prized when so many others are obese. Like Carhill said, you need to move. For some reason, maybe culture or whatever, people in certain locations tend to all want the same type. Almost all of the women around here want a psuedo country guy with a big truck and tattoos. I have run into dating issues myself because I am none of those things.

 

 

 

Leigh, you need to hush When looking at your pics, I hardly even noticed your nose. Almost every red blooded male will think you are hot. If he does not, I would question his hormone levels, and or his sexual orientation.

 

I have actually thought about moving but like I said it wouldn't make much of a dent because I face this problem everywhere I go. The bottom line is no one wants a Mid Eastern girl or any girl that resembles a Mid Eastern girl. There are guys that like Native American women, guys that like Latina women, guys that like Asian women, guys that like Black women but no one seems to fancy a Mid Eastern women.

[preraph]

I am only partially of Middle Eastern descent, my mother is a white woman. I find all types of men attractive including Mid Eastern ones however I am not compatible with Mid Eastern men because for one most of them are Muslim and I am not Muslim I am a Christian. Sorry but I don't want to pursue a relationship with a Muslim. Second most Mid Eastern men (regardless of religion) are very conservative in nature. I am a modern very modern woman and I don't want to adhere to their 7th century mindset. And finally while some Mid Eastern men are attracted to their own a lot of them want the Swedish blonde.

 

There are quite a few non-Muslim men around looking for non-Muslim women. In fact, sometime last year, there was one on this board. But how you do it on OLD is you add to your profile that you are "non-traditional" and put your other religion if you have one. In the US at least, there are lots of these men. Now, they say they're non traditional, but it's true they are still men and may still consider housework woman's work.

[SwordofFlame]

OP, have you spent a good amount of time living in diverse liberal cities?

[preraph]

And please realize that on OLD, even above average women are often overlooked because everyone is going for the 10. It's not just you. So all you can do is put up an honest photo. Your small size is very prized in the US, I know that. And anyone who responds, whether they comment on your looks or not -- and most won't -- thinks your attractive and may be interested. Once you have honest current photos up, don't ever mention anything you think is unattractive about yourself, because both men and women know confidence is probably the most attractive trait a person can have. So at least fake it.

[oldshirt]

An ethnicity no one wants to be would be anything Middle Eastern or anything that slightly resembles the Middle East. I have found men are not attracted to women who appear to be Southern European or Middle Eastern. I don't know exactly what it is either because every other ethnicity, nationality what have you has it's following. I know that the reason I have a hard time attracting men is due to my Mediterranean/Middle Eastern appearance because I am not hideous. Yes I acknowledge I am no 10 I am probably average and sometimes a little better than average depending on dress and makeup. I know that this is fact because I have traveled the world only to be told the same thing over and over by men of all races, nationalities, and ethnicities so I know it is not just my small town bs.

 

 

 

I just do not believe this is true. I think you are simply mistaken. I rarely come out and tell someone they are outright wrong, but I believe you are wrong in your assessment.

 

 

There is something else that is at issue. It is not your ethnicity that is acting as a roadblock here.

 

 

Very few people meet their soulmate (if there even is such a thing) at the big dance when they turn 18 and then live happily ever after. Most people have a series of dead-ends, near misses, rejections, failed relationships, dates that go nowhere etc etc etc before they finally meet "the one."

 

 

I think you just had another head-shaker experience and you are just having a pity party for yourself at this moment.

 

 

For all we know, this Tuesday afternoon some awesome hunk of stud may fall head over heels for you.

[devilish innocent]

I'm about the same size as you and also have the Middle Eastern/Mediterranean look. Instead of just hearing that I'm pretty, I'd always hear some variation of, "You're pretty in your own exotic, little sort of way." That doesn't mean nobody is going to want anything serious with you. I'm happily married to an Anglo-Saxon guy who loves the Middle Eastern look. There have also been a couple guys in the past who had strong feelings for me because of things we had in common, even when I wasn't their usual type. Your looks don't have to be a deterrent to finding someone.

[HillValley]

I have actually thought about moving but like I said it wouldn't make much of a dent because I face this problem everywhere I go. The bottom line is no one wants a Mid Eastern girl or any girl that resembles a Mid Eastern girl. There are guys that like Native American women, guys that like Latina women, guys that like Asian women, guys that like Black women but no one seems to fancy a Mid Eastern women.

 

Why are you so fixated on the physical attributes alone? Do you not have interest or hobbies that would put you in contact with men with similar interest? Haven't you ever noticed that artist usually end up married to people in the arts? People in Government usually end up with people in politics?

 

 

What is your type, MyrtleMayhem? What personalities/interest would you like guys to share with you?

 

Thanks and trust me it's not just Myrtle Beach I am not sought after anywhere I have traveled all over the country and Europe and no one has ever told I'm beautiful or really appreciated me. When I was in Europe everyone was disappointed when they found out that while yes I am an American but I wasn't the Anglo/scandanavian girl with honey blonde hair and a southern accent. It's the story of my life.

Travel or Lived/Moved? There's a huge difference.

 

No one after a long-term relationship is going to put down genuine emotion to a person just traveling around the country passing through for a limited time.

Edited February 7, 2016 by HillValley

[JuneJulySeptember]

This is very true. However, I don't think it's helpful to minimize the OP's concerns just because there are worse problems in the world.

 

Sorry for your loss.

 

I think it is helpful. But more so...

 

When you rely on external validation, you're playing a roller coaster game. When somebody makes you feel ugly, you need XX amount of friends and relatives and love interests to tell you are beautiful or handsome before you feel better about yourself. To me, that's not a great way to play the game.

 

You need to be comfortable with your own looks. And if you catch yourself on a bad day in the mirror or somebody calls you ugly, well there are greater issues in life than being physically unattractive.

 

And I probably own the record for pity parties thrown and decrying my own looks, so I'm not speaking from a position of hypocrisy. Just trying to help.

[Teraskas]

Well Myrtle, if it's any consollation: I too have heard the "you're not my type" excuse being said by Belgian women. They don't even bother to take the time to get to know my personality, style of humour, etc.

Instead they only focus on the physical aspect.

I've lost count of how many times it's been said...but safe to say it's exhausting to hear it once more.

 

That said as other posters have mentioned: a lot of beautiful women hail from the Middle East. Truth told it's actually quite the challenge to find one who isn't Muslim, heh.

[hasaquestion]

I have actually thought about moving but like I said it wouldn't make much of a dent because I face this problem everywhere I go. The bottom line is no one wants a Mid Eastern girl or any girl that resembles a Mid Eastern girl. There are guys that like Native American women, guys that like Latina women, guys that like Asian women, guys that like Black women but no one seems to fancy a Mid Eastern women.

 

This is what is called a Limiting Belief.

 

Look, I don't doubt that you are having a hard time with dating. But I STRONGLY doubt that 'looking Middle Eastern' is your problem. Men absolutely find Middle Eastern women attractive.

 

Furthermore, everything you have described about yourself (much of which follows from looking Middle Eastern) is something that is objectively valued by men. ~5'2" ~100 lbs, tan/olive complexion, black hair, brown eyes. Based on what you've shared, you are not nobody's type. Saying you have all those traits that men objectively value superficially, and then saying you're nobody's type is like saying this car is really slow but it has a V12.

 

This thread reminds me of when a guy came on here a while ago complaining about being 5'8". Like that guy, it sounds to me like something that you were born with has become a neatly compartmentalized source of all your problems. Its a common coping mechanism for insecurity.

 

Look, there's probably something holding you back. But the details of your appearance and extraction that you have shared are not that something, no matter how comfortable it might be to feel that way. Being a victim is very comforting to humans, and the mind uses limiting beliefs to construct that narrative in spite of the existence of empirical evidence otherwise.

[Arieswoman]

MyrtleMayhem,

I will confess that I haven't read this entire thread but I will say this - there is someone for everybody out there.

 

You just need to be receptive to those people who will appreciate you.

 

Good luck x

[GunslingerRoland]

Middle Eastern women have some of the best features in the world. I think the only thing is that some FOB women from that area are less likely to partake in the typical beauty rituals which us from the western world have come to expect. Natural or not, I don't know a single man who likes a moustache on a woman for example.

 

 

I think you need to take a more objective look at yourself. See what tweaks you can make to your fashion, makeup and grooming. And then work on your self confidence.

 

 

Also open your eyes, to pop culture where the middle eastern look is very in. Like Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) on How I met your Mother used to say, Lebanese is the new hottest look.

[bluefeather]

I would post a pic but they won't let me

 

You can't upload a pic to a website and post the link? Unless there is something unusual about your appearance, I'd be surprised you're having this experience. Sounds pretty extreme. And middle-eastern women are attractive to me. There is no ethnicity I can't find beauty in.

[Chris2016]

I never considered Indian women. Then I have a crush on an Indian coworker. Now I'm checking out evey Indian women I see, at the grocery store, online, etc. Keep your head up OP.

[ChickiePops]

Leigh your very attractive and like another poster said I didn't even notice your nose! I do not have a big nose, bad teeth, or acne. I take care of myself pretty well it's just my whole look is not what people picture in their heads when they imagine their "dream girl" or ideal partner. Guys might find me cute or pretty at first but I'm not their type so when their type finally does come around they drop me like a hot potatoe.

 

If guys are initially attracted to you but then drop you when they get to know you then it's not looks, it's personality...

[lovelife32]

You'll meet the guy for whom you'll be the most beautiful girl. You'll see. Don't worry.