Husband treats me terribly since I got pregnant :(

[Scully]

Hello everyone, I'm sorry if this turns out to be long but I just need someone to talk to. I'm 30 years old and my husband, Zack is 28. We've been married for 4 years and everything was always great. We had little riffs now and then but he was truly the man of my dreams and we never had any big problem(s). This all changed, however, about 7 months ago when I found out I was pregnant. Now let me give you some back story, my husband told me from the beginning that he didn't really want kids but might consider them in the future if I wanted them. I've always wanted nothing more than to be a mother but was willing to wait until my husband was ready. Anyways 7 months ago me and my husband were making love and his condom ripped open while inside of me. His "you know what" got in me and you know the rest. At the time, Zack was calm and was sure that nothing was gonna happen, so a little while later I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive. I was overjoyed and I honestly thought that my husband would be happy because we've been married for 4 years already. So when he got home from work that night I told him, and he was furious. He threw a fit and said that I conspired against him and sabotaged the condom so it'd break. He screamed at me and said I ruined his life and he didn't talk to me for 3 weeks. During that time I told my family and his family all without his help. I was an emotional wreck, I cried and begged him to talk with me and he'd just walk away from me. Finally after almost a month of his silent treatment he started talking but not in a nice way. He was livid with me and he kept telling me how I ruined his life and he will never forgive me because he had no intentions of being a father right now. We fought for weeks straight back and forth and then for a little while we sort of went back to the silent treatment for a while and then once I started showing and gaining weight, he started with the insults. He began calling me horrible names around the house and even in public when no one was listening, and he wouldent help me with anything. But whenever our families were around he acted like husband of the year and like he was overjoyed to be a father. Here are some examples, last week my mom was coming over to visit and before she came Zack was laying in bed and I got undressed to take a shower, he Began making fun of my body and saying that I disgust him and he's ashamed that I let myself get like this. Then when my mother came he was rubbing my tummy acting like he's father of the year. And of course I can't say anything to anybody about how he really treats me because I'm too ashamed and embarrassed that my husband would treat me like this.

 

My husband, the man who I thought was my soulmate is treating me like garbage all because I got pregnant... Something I'm very happy about and he should be as well. I understand that he didn't want a baby yet but unfortunately for him he knocked me up accidentally and now we're gonna be parents. It's not my fault and he has no right to treat me this way. It's so much worse than what I'm saying but I'll try to give some more examples to tell you guys how he really is.

 

There have been many occasions when he was watching tv and I sat next to him and he left the room because apparently he can't stand my presence and I make him physically ill. Then there was the time he locked me out of the house for 20 minutes while it was freezing raining because I told him he's a loser and a failure as a husband. Oh and he also refuses to sleep in the same bed anymore because he can't stand being next to me for any length of time. Oh and how he told me he's going to have an affair because he refuses to have sex with me now because I repulse him.

 

Basically he's called me every name in the book, he doesn't help me with anything, he shames my body and my weight and just does anything to make me upset. The other day he made a comment about my body and I ran into the bedroom to cry. He followed me in there and told me that he loves it when I cry because then he knows that I'm feeling pain just like he is. I don't understand what kind of monster this man is, it baffles me how he could be Mr. Perfect but then his wife who he supposedly loves gets pregnant and he turns into a monster. My husband has not said a nice word to me since the day I told him I was pregnant and we haven't slept in the same bed or had sex since that night either.

 

I asked him last night if he wanted a divorce and here's what he said: He said he loves me and he'll love the baby but he was not ready to be a dad yet and he blames me for this happening and although he'll always love me he'll never forgive me and he does still think that I ripped the condom (which I DIDIN'T), but he doesn't know if he wants a divorce yet. I just don't know what to do anymore.... I'm sorry if this post was sort of hard to follow , my emotions are just all over the place. My marriage was so perfect until this happened and I just need some help...cause I can't ask my own family I'm to ashamed like I said. My main question is did anyone else's husbands do this to their wives when they got pregnant? And how do I communicate with him? I don't wanna divorce him but I can't take his behavior anymore? What should I do? I'm so alone on this!

[Fleur de cactus]

That is so awful! Pregnancy is time to be happy and husband should show support, and love. I understand that he was not ready to have children. However his attitude shows that he may have other serious issue that make him not wanting children. The way he is treating you is not acceptable. He is trying to punish you, withholding sex, devaluing you, and emotionally abusing you. How could him leave you out in a cold weather and you accepted it? why you don't call for help?

 

I don't see why you are staying with this narcissistic, self-centered man.He is trying to brainwash you so that if he cheats, you will blame yourself. he is avoiding responsibilities. I think zack has a serous issue and I don't see any good future together since you are allowing him to abuse you. Stand up for yourself and your baby. It is your child too and your body, I don,t see why he continues to tell you that you hurt him.

[RySant]

So, what do you think you should do?

 

I believe you know what you should do but you are afraid to do it because "you love him," "You want a complete family" etc etc. but the question is, all the things you want is not what HE wants, so will it change him? I don't think so. You are 30, and young. YOU can still find someone better than your current husband. Don't wait until you are 40 before you change your mind. I can see he is repulsed by you and refused to have sex. It's just a matter of time before he cheats.

 

Good luck!

[amaysngrace]

Audio record him on your phone. This way he will never get joint custody when you divorce his sorry ass.

 

Just don't let him know you're doing it.

[ShatteredLady]

I'm so sorry. This is completely unacceptable!! You're being abused. That has horrible effects on your self esteem etc etc but WORST of all it causes anxiety which is terrible for you & your baby. This is not healthy. You're a Mum now. This is about BOTH of you.

 

Pack a bag. Leave. Go to your parents & tell them everything. This is a dangerous situation. Please believe me. I know what you mean about being embarrassed. I'm the same. It's a character flaw that we should seek help for. You know that's true!!?!

 

I too was abused. People who know me would never believe that! I'm strong, independent. I was a successful business woman. I've been locked out in the snow for hours! I am forever changed because I never told anyone. I ALLOWED it to happen. I'm pathetic. Women like me don't allow themselves to be treated that way so logic dictates I'm NOT a woman like me! I'm pathetic. I'm weak. I have no value. I have no self respect.

 

You are allowing yourself AND your baby to be treated like this!!

 

Pack a bag & go to your parents, sibling, best friend....just go & tell them exactly what's been going on. Be strong.

 

Anxiety creates the "fight or flight" reaction in your body. That can cause many health issues including premature birth. You need to feel safe & secure.

 

Never allow anyone to abuse you. PLEASE!

[ChickiePops]

I think the real question is, why don't YOU want to divorce this abusive monster??

 

Good luck with your little one. I'm sorry s/he has such a filthy pig for a father.

[dreamingoftigers]

Get out now.

 

It will only get worse.

 

And yes, record him. So YOU can believe it, and any of his family will know too.

 

What a disgusting pig of a man.

[BettyDraper]

Not wanting to be a father is no excuse for verbal and emotional abuse.

 

You and your child deserve far better.

[dreamingoftigers]

 

He threw a fit and said that I conspired against him and sabotaged the condom so it'd break.

 

He screamed at me and said I ruined his life and he didn't talk to me for 3 weeks.

 

I cried and begged him to talk with me and he'd just walk away from me.

 

Finally after almost a month of his silent treatment he started talking but not in a nice way. He kept telling me how I ruined his life and he will never forgive me.

 

Once I started showing and gaining weight, he started with the insults. He began calling me horrible names around the house and even in public when no one was listening, and he wouldent help me with anything.

But whenever our families were around he acted like husband of the year.

 

I got undressed to take a shower, he Began making fun of my body and saying that I disgust him and he's ashamed that I let myself get like this. Then when my mother came he was rubbing my tummy acting like he's father of the year.

 

I'm too ashamed and embarrassed that my husband would treat me like this.

 

There have been many occasions when he was watching tv and I sat next to him and he left the room because apparently he can't stand my presence and I make him physically ill.

 

Then there was the time he locked me out of the house for 20 minutes while it was freezing raining.

 

He also refuses to sleep in the same bed anymore because he can't stand being next to me for any length of time.

 

He told me he's going to have an affair because he refuses to have sex with me now because I repulse him.

 

Basically he's called me every name in the book, he doesn't help me with anything, he shames my body and my weight and just does anything to make me upset.

 

OKAY. All of this is extremely messed-up. To the point where I wonder if you are married to a sociopath.

 

The other day he made a comment about my body and I ran into the bedroom to cry. He followed me in there and told me that he loves it when I cry because then he knows that I'm feeling pain just like he is.

 

This man wants to inflict pain on his pregnant wife.

 

That tells you everything you need to know.

 

A man like this is NOT fit to be a parent or a husband.

 

Honestly. He sounds like a total sociopath and I am afraid for your safety. Number one cause of death among pregnant women: homicide. Also the most likely time where domestic abuse starts. You are there.

 

You are being SEVERELY abused.

 

I don't understand what kind of monster this man is, it baffles me how he could be Mr. Perfect but then his wife who he supposedly loves gets pregnant and he turns into a monster. My husband has not said a nice word to me since the day I told him I was pregnant and we haven't slept in the same bed or had sex since that night either.

 

This monster is an abuser. And frankly, I strongly think he's a sociopath.

 

I asked him last night if he wanted a divorce and here's what he said: He said he loves me and he'll love the baby but he was not ready to be a dad yet and he blames me for this happening and although he'll always love me he'll never forgive me and he does still think that I ripped the condom (which I DIDIN'T), but he doesn't know if he wants a divorce yet. I just don't know what to do anymore.... I'm sorry if this post was sort of hard to follow , my emotions are just all over the place. My marriage was so perfect until this happened and I just need some help...cause I can't ask my own family I'm to ashamed like I said. My main question is did anyone else's husbands do this to their wives when they got pregnant? And how do I communicate with him? I don't wanna divorce him but I can't take his behavior anymore? What should I do? I'm so alone on this!

 

I think you NEED to reach out to someone. Immediately!

 

You should not be ashamed of HIS TORTUROUS BEHAVIOUR. That is completely on him.

 

You haven't done anything to warrant it and I believe you are leaving yourself and your child in a high-risk situation by remaining in the home. He is unstable, manipulative and vile. He has also completely devalued you and has no value for the child. At best you are "inconvenient" for him.

 

Your shame does not trump your child's basic safety.

 

He's not only started abusibg but I guarantee it will escalate.