I can't trust my husband and it's causing issues.

[Itsjustkking]

Sorry in advance for the long post.

 

We are both 21. even have been married for a year and a half now.

 

Tonight my husband is going on a guys night out, and while I'd love to say I'm happy for him and he can go, and mean it, I cant. I told him he can go, but I'm mad, and jealous, and I don't trust him at all.

 

Here's why:

 

1)all of his friends are single

 

2) they are getting drunk and he is known to try to drink and drive

 

3) I'm afraid he will drunkenly make the wrong decision. He never gets rough with me but one time we were drinking and he was really drunk and spit in my face 3 times and kept telling me what a horrible bitch I am. He claims he doesn't remember it.

 

4) I have caught him on NUMEROUS dating sites. At least 10 or more. Including ashley maddison, tinder, okcupid, ****book, hookup.com, etc... he claims he never actually hooked up but how can I know? All of this is in the past year. I called him out at least 3 times and on the last time he SOBBED and apologized and said he doesn't even want to actually cheat on me. And I haven't found anything since. But I still lost all trust.

 

5) he has a low sex drive. I try to make advances AT LEAST every other day and he GETS MAD AND ANNOYED WITH ME!! If I never made a move, I doubt we would do it more than twice a month. We usually have sex once a week and he knows that I'm dying for more. Also, if he has a low sex drive why was he always trying to hook up with someone new?!

 

We didn't even have sex on our FIRST anniversary or 2 weeks prior or after because he was too tired or didn't feel like it at all during that whole time. OUR FIRST ANNIVERSARY!!!

 

I relocated 2 hours away from family and friends to be with him and marry him. He is my best friend here. None of my other girlfriends here drink or hangout. He is my only friend I have on weekends and while I just want to spend time with him he is SOO eager to leave me for his guy friends. When he is home he is grumpy and gets mad at me for just touching(in any way) him unless he specifically wants to be touched. I feel SO unwanted. If he could just act as excited about me as he doest his friends I wouldnt mind, but they get the part of him that I used to get. He was a wonderful boyfriend but a not so grand husband. I'm so stressed but I do really love him and I want to make things work. He knows how I feel, too.

 

I have no idea what to do or how to make him want me again. I constantly compliment him and tell him how proud of him I am and how thankful I am to be married to him. And I truly mean it.

[preraph]

That not remembering spitting on you -- that's a reason to bail. First of all, if he truly doesn't remember, that makes him a blackout drunk -- and being a blackout drunk who can't remember what they do and who is a nasty drunk is a sure sign of a serious alcoholic. You do NOT want to be pinned to that for life. Don't have any (or any more) children!

 

Truth is even without his bad alcoholism and abusive nature, you're both too young to be trying to settle down, and that's why this is a losing battle. He's a bad mean drunk. Please save yourself and any future kids the heartache and pull the plug on this now.

[bathtub-row]

Your husband is an idiot, abuser, and a cheater. If he hasn't cheated yet, he will. People like this are broken and unfixable. You would be doing yourself a huge favor by getting out of this joke of a marriage.

[hippychick3]

Start making your exit plan out of this abusive and toxic marriage. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. Picture what you want your future to look like. Any positive healthy future will not include this person. You deserve better.

 

It doesn't matter whether he goes out, stays home, drinks, not drinks...he's an abusive cheater (yes, he cheated by even going on those sites) who cannot be trusted whether he goes out or not. You can't change or control his behaviors. All you can change or control is your own behaviors...which should include divorcing immediately, moving back home to your friends and family, and getting support you need to move on and find a healthy relationship (not only with another man, but with yourself).

 

Good luck!

[d0nnivain]

Whatever you do, do not have a kid with this guy.

 

 

Perhaps it is time to consider that you married too young & that this isn't working.

[coolheadal]

You sound like your nice and he's just using you for his own desires. He won't change and you shouldn't make him change. Best to get out of this marriage as you can clearly see your unhappy with what he's doing daily. Well you already know what he's doing and don't put up with it. Why tolerate his so of behavior your not happy so why stay in this mess. Your smart woman but there are other me out there would would appreciate what you can offer them not all about sex it's about the love you have for each other. Your husband is showing his true colors and it's not how a marriage should be like. Upside down on your in right now. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!