She doesn't want anyone to know of me

[LoverRomeo]

I'm visiting my gf for the first in over 2 years. It took me a lot of time and effort to make this happen. I've told my friends about her and she hasn't told any of friends about me. I understand she doesn't want to tell anyone she met me online and I respect her for that. She lives with her best friend.

When I ask her when I can visit her, she tells me things like " Visit me during this time, or that time" because her best friend and other close friends will be out of town and that they wouldn't know about her spending few days with me. She basically doesn't want anyone to know about it. She tells me she can't hangout in evening or night when I visit her because her best friend would be home and she would ask her a lot of questions about it. I've told her she can tell her friends about me if our meeting goes well. She wouldn't even talk to me on phone or video chat with me when her best friend is home. I have to wait for to be alone to talk to her. Is she ashamed of me or something? I feel hurt.. Why do I have meet her when her best friends are of out town. I have a busy life here and she tells me I can visit her only in certain time of month.

 

And no, she doesn't have a secret bf over there. I completely trust her. It's just she's ashamed to tell her friends she met a guy online. Am I wrong in voicing my opinion against this? She could just tell them I'm just a friend visiting her.. if they are her close friends, they would understand it. I don't feel like she appreciates me.

[Gosh]

Hello romeo!

 

I really would like to hear the other reasons you believe that she is not hiding a bf over there besides blind trust, cause to me, everything points that her best friend could even be a husband.

 

I'm sorry, I hope I'm wrong!

[basil67]

If she's never met you before, it's entirely possible that she wants to make sure you're not a nutter before she introduces you to her friends. I would imagine that she's not going to truly consider you a boyfriend until she's actually spent real time with you.

[Gosh]

I think I'd already figure out if someone was a nutter after two years of video chatting. Just sayin.

[ExpatInItaly]

Best friend = boyfriend or husband.

 

Sorry OP, but this is gigantic red flag you'd be crazy to ignore. You're also rather naive to believe you can blindly trust her when you've never even met her. All signs indicate she's hiding something big.

 

I wouldn't pursue this. It's not worth it.

[oldshirt]

you've spent two years worth of time and energy on someone you've never met and may be a dude for all you know. That is two years worth of time and energy you could've spent meeting and dating real life flesh and blood girls in your own town.

 

 

Cyber pen pals do not count as relationships.

 

 

You are being naïve and settling for a cyber fantasy instead of pursuing a real life in the physical world.

 

 

Take the time and energy you spend cyber chatting with pen pals and use that time and energy to get out and do real things with real people in the real world.

[Fleur de cactus]

She is living with a partner or bf or a gf she does not want to know she is cheating. Please take care of yourself , this may be even worst . It could be a fatal visit. Good luck!

[elaine567]

She wouldn't even talk to me on phone or video chat with me when her best friend is home. I have to wait for to be alone to talk to her.

 

Please do not go and waste your money by visiting her, this is NOT going to end well.

Her best friend will be her boyfriend, or her girlfriend even, so she doesn't want them to know she is cheating with you.

Did you not ever consider that this may be a red flag?

 

Who cares if she met you on line?

That is a very silly excuse and totally unbelievable, I am sorry to say.

[coolheadal]

You can't force her into doing what you want to do. She has you as a friend she can talk to when she needs you as such. Not much else your getting out of this LDR. Everyone should understand if you meet someone online doesn't mean it can't work.

 

Online means that you know the person from within and Offline you just kinda knew them but not really from within if you just met. For some Online dating is easier than Offline in person dating. Everyone should accept that as a matter of choice.

 

My advise is to give her some room even don't contact her as much let she grow to miss you. If they're really interested in you they would rather be with you than not be with you at all. In this case she's just teasing you as she doesn't know what she wants yet.

[TeddyBeer]

I'm visiting my gf for the first in over 2 years. It took me a lot of time and effort to make this happen. I've told my friends about her and she hasn't told any of friends about me. I understand she doesn't want to tell anyone she met me online and I respect her for that. She lives with her best friend.

When I ask her when I can visit her, she tells me things like " Visit me during this time, or that time" because her best friend and other close friends will be out of town and that they wouldn't know about her spending few days with me. She basically doesn't want anyone to know about it. She tells me she can't hangout in evening or night when I visit her because her best friend would be home and she would ask her a lot of questions about it. I've told her she can tell her friends about me if our meeting goes well. She wouldn't even talk to me on phone or video chat with me when her best friend is home. I have to wait for to be alone to talk to her. Is she ashamed of me or something? I feel hurt.. Why do I have meet her when her best friends are of out town. I have a busy life here and she tells me I can visit her only in certain time of month.

 

And no, she doesn't have a secret bf over there. I completely trust her. It's just she's ashamed to tell her friends she met a guy online. Am I wrong in voicing my opinion against this? She could just tell them I'm just a friend visiting her.. if they are her close friends, they would understand it. I don't feel like she appreciates me.

 

Hi OP.

 

That 'girlfriend' of yours seems very childish and whenever someone seems ashamed, embarrassed of you and they won't allow you to meet friends/family, you should just take it as that they are not worthy of you. It could be looks, she could think your kinda weird in a way that her girlfriends would not like (there is always good kinds of weird). Let me tell you I always worried about these things before introducing a new boyfriend, but even with all the negative commentary, I did not care. And that is how I knew that I picked a good boyfriend: because I didn't care after the bitching. Sure none of them worked out, but it's always a matter of trying on a couple of shoes before you buy them. The meeting the friends and family is a first step to see if you are a good fit.

 

Also, I never introduced a 'few week' boyfriend. Like the kind you keep having some sexual tension with, usually to feel like your still hot and happening, but never actually have sex with because it kinda feels weird.. but keep going on dates because he's kinda fun? Maybe I'm only speaking for myself here.. but for me that is a 'type of guy'. I let them know that tho..

 

Anyway, cheers

[justwhoiam]

To make sure she's not hiding anything, you'd need to arrange some trip away with her, at least three days, and get to see her phone log and read her messages. All that would be a lot of effort, and invasion of privacy. Is it really worth it for someone you've never even met? I'd say no.

[Elwood]

I was in a LDR and my ex did something similar. Every time I visited I never met anyone in her life. Nobody in her family nor any friends ever knew I existed. The last time I saw her she dropped me off at a coffee shop while she went home to get something. She dumped me not long after. It's not good. You are part of her life and she needs to be open about that.

[Chris516]

I'm visiting my gf for the first in over 2 years. It took me a lot of time and effort to make this happen. I've told my friends about her and she hasn't told any of friends about me. I understand she doesn't want to tell anyone she met me online and I respect her for that. She lives with her best friend.

When I ask her when I can visit her, she tells me things like " Visit me during this time, or that time" because her best friend and other close friends will be out of town and that they wouldn't know about her spending few days with me. She basically doesn't want anyone to know about it. She tells me she can't hangout in evening or night when I visit her because her best friend would be home and she would ask her a lot of questions about it. I've told her she can tell her friends about me if our meeting goes well. She wouldn't even talk to me on phone or video chat with me when her best friend is home. I have to wait for to be alone to talk to her. Is she ashamed of me or something? I feel hurt.. Why do I have meet her when her best friends are of out town. I have a busy life here and she tells me I can visit her only in certain time of month.

 

And no, she doesn't have a secret bf over there. I completely trust her. It's just she's ashamed to tell her friends she met a guy online. Am I wrong in voicing my opinion against this? She could just tell them I'm just a friend visiting her.. if they are her close friends, they would understand it. I don't feel like she appreciates me.

Maybe she is afraid of what they would say. If they knew it was an LDR. You also have to factor in societal norms, about the sexes. A woman going alone, to meet a new guy is frowned upon. But a man going alone, to meet a new girl, is not.