Attention

[Gloria25]

Ok, I'm looking primarily for responses from the men out there...

 

I'm trying to understand the mind of some males. I don't know if you're familiar with Arnold Schwarzeneggers's love child with a maid he had, but I'm going to bring it up because it's related to my question - which is:

 

Why do some men prefer attention from unattractive women who have nothing going for them?

 

I get hit on here/there. I don't get excited when the attention comes from a player, some married creep and/or other "undesirables".

 

I mean, is it that men do not value certain traits about a woman - what matters is that he's getting attention?

 

Is it because these women are "easy" and/or will do "anything" for attention? I mean, men frequent prostitutes - who unlike certain escorts are nasty, ugly, and probably had like several men deposit fluids into them before the guy that gets with them.

 

In Arnold's case, I don't believe it was lack of affection/attention from Maria Srhiver - even though her face took a nose-dive. He could have and has had ANY woman he wanted. So, it's not like he had to "settle" for his maid - like some some average Joe out there without any options. But I've heard he may have self-esteem issues from how bad his dad treated him as a kid.

 

No Cookies | Herald Sun

 

Thanks, and I appreciate your responses. As for any comments about 'me putting down other people to make myself feel better', it's probably cuz these women have a sense of humor/great personalities' and/or any other comments that are not related to this post - I ask that responses concentrate on my topic. Because trust me, the women I'm speaking of who are getting the attention described are confirmed blue-collar golddiggers, who are unattractive, have nothing interesting, kind and/or something going on for them, but go on Facebook and post a bunch of pictures of themselves in tight clothing/high heels and are classless/tasteless to say the least (not sexy, trashy) - yet, have certain guys who have better options all over them like they were hot bread.

[JustGettingBy]

In Arnold's specific case, its probably because the maid was 'right there'. Going out in public and having an affair with a stranger increases the risk of getting caught, I would think.

 

As for the rest of incidents you talk about, idk as I don't have that mentality.

[elaine567]

When Arnie and the housekeeper got together, they had known each other for at least 10 years, day to day contact, so whilst he may or may not have been instantly attracted to her, I guess the close contact built up some sexual frisson which ended up with them having an affair. She may not be classically beautiful but she may ooze sex appeal and to some men that is a very attractive trait.

[dichotomy]

 

I mean, is it that men do not value certain traits about a woman - what matters is that he's getting attention?

 

For some yes. Who does not like to be told they are hot, attractive, masculine, sexy, desirable?

 

Is it because these women are "easy" and/or will do "anything" for attention? I mean, men frequent prostitutes - who unlike certain escorts are nasty, ugly, and probably had like several men deposit fluids into them before the guy that gets with them.

 

Prostitutes are about sex. You assume its about sex - which for a number of men it is - but many it is not.

In Arnold's case, I don't believe it was lack of affection/attention from Maria Shiver - even though her face took a nose-dive.

 

Maria's looks aside - there were rumors she had affairs and was NOT attentive to Arnold. She was a powerful woman with strong family and work involvements - maybe she was not there for him - and the nanny was always at home keeping up home and "feeding him" - so to speak

 

He could have and has had ANY woman he wanted. So, it's not like he had to "settle" for his maid - like some some average Joe out there without any options. But I've heard he may have self-esteem issues from how bad his dad treated him as a kid.

I believe Arnold has always been a womanizer. The nanny was probably one of many women he likely cheated with while with her. But again rumors that Maria also cheated.

 

 

 

Some responses above.

 

Some personal views/stories as just ONE man - me:

 

I am in a low sex marriage - have been for years. At one point - a shrink (MD) who I was seeing suggested I just see a escort/Prostitute to get some BJ's. He said he has a few married men in my town who do this - and everyone is happy - the husband who gets what he needs, and the wife who does not have to do it anymore and is not asked to. I was shocked and I stopped seeing him. Why ? not because of the moral issue - but because my shrink did not understand me at all. I wanted a woman to WANT to have sex (BJ's included) with me again - like my wife did at one time and most of my past GF's did. It was not about sex but about being wanted.

 

So it is with some married men (and women as well) their spouse stops bring passion, adoration, compliments, and forgets the whole thing.So average looking person comes along who treates you like a sex god or goddess - and you go for it.

 

My wife has occasionally said something about me noticing some attractive or sexy in shape gal (hey I am human). She seemed insecure - but I wanted to tell her "its not the pretty model type you need to worry about - its the mildly chubby gal who tells me I make her hot and bothered - just like you when you were a MM's single mistress" but I don't because for some strange reason, she does not get me - just like my shrink did not.

Edited February 7, 2016 by dichotomy

[WaitingForBardot]

Ok, I'm looking primarily for responses from the men out there...

 

Why do some men prefer attention from unattractive women who have nothing going for them?

...

Ignoring Arnold and focusing just on this specific question...

 

Unattractive is a subjective judgment. And even if you mean unattractive in the conventional sense, it does not necessarily mean undesirable. That you do not see what these women have going for them does not necessarily mean they actually have nothing going for them. Applies to men as well.

 

And I'm speaking beyond the level of just getting laid for the purpose of getting laid...

[Gloria25]

Some responses above.

 

Some personal views/stories as just ONE man - me:

 

I am in a low sex marriage - have been for years. At one point - a shrink (MD) who I was seeing suggested I just see a escort/Prostitute to get some BJ's. He said he has a few married men in my town who do this - and everyone is happy - the husband who gets what he needs, and the wife who does not have to do it anymore and is not asked to. I was shocked and I stopped seeing him. Why ? not because of the moral issue - but because my shrink did not understand me at all. I wanted a woman to WANT to have sex (BJ's included) with me again - like my wife did at one time and most of my past GF's did. It was not about sex but about being wanted.

 

So it is with some married men (and women as well) their spouse stops bring passion, adoration, compliments, and forgets the whole thing.So average looking person comes along who treates you like a sex god or goddess - and you go for it.

 

My wife has occasionally said something about me noticing some attractive or sexy in shape gal (hey I am human). She seemed insecure - but I wanted to tell her "its not the pretty model type you need to worry about - its the mildly chubby gal who tells me I make her hot and bothered - just like you when you were a MM's single mistress" but I don't because for some strange reason, she does not get me - just like my shrink did not.

 

Ok, got it and I respect men like you - who aren't desperate. Who don't have an "I'll settle for anything/anyone just cuz she told me I'm sexy/handsome/whatever".

 

Like you, I don't just want a warm body beside me. I want someone to genuinely be interested in me. Not because they are also desperate and/or want to manipulate me for money or something. I want the person I walk down the street with someone who makes me feel proud about me and myself. I also prefer sex with someone who I genuinely want..not just because they're the only person giving me attention.

 

So I guess you get where I'm coming from. You could have done like your therapist said and go get some skank to have a "release"...but you want more than that for yourself - even if it means being alone and/or sexless and I respect that. Wish more men were like you

[carhill]

I'm trying to understand the mind of some males. I don't know if you're familiar with Arnold Schwarzeneggers's love child with a maid he had, but I'm going to bring it up because it's related to my question - which is:

 

Why do some men prefer attention from unattractive women who have nothing going for them?

 

Perhaps the lack of understanding is rooted in the mind of the male. When we want sex for the sake of sex, partner sex, a female is required. Specifics aren't that important. Sure each man has his particulars and some guys are more 'picky' than others but, essentially, it's removing congestion from our pelvic region. No more or less.

 

I get hit on here/there. I don't get excited when the attention comes from a player, some married creep and/or other "undesirables".

 

Sounds normal. You're a woman, evidently. Different brain wiring. Ever hear a man lament letting 'one get by him', meaning a sexual opportunity that he voluntarily passed up? If you were a guy and mentioned that to a group of guys, expect to get ribbed for it. Different brain, different socialization, different social groups.

 

I mean, is it that men do not value certain traits about a woman - what matters is that he's getting attention?

 

Men value traits. They also value sexual release. Those two don't always blend, though they can.

 

Is it because these women are "easy" and/or will do "anything" for attention? I mean, men frequent prostitutes - who unlike certain escorts are nasty, ugly, and probably had like several men deposit fluids into them before the guy that gets with them.

 

They don't care about all that stuff. Again, different brain. A man focuses on one thing, in this case the woman in front of him and his desire for sex. All the rest is, well, not relevant to him. It doesn't exist.

 

In Arnold's case, I don't believe it was lack of affection/attention from Maria Srhiver - even though her face took a nose-dive. He could have and has had ANY woman he wanted. So, it's not like he had to "settle" for his maid - like some some average Joe out there without any options. But I've heard he may have self-esteem issues from how bad his dad treated him as a kid.

 

She was there and he wanted it and she was willing. Nothing more complicated than that. I trust there were others as well. Arnold is, well, Arnold.

 

Thanks, and I appreciate your responses. As for any comments about 'me putting down other people to make myself feel better', it's probably cuz these women have a sense of humor/great personalities' and/or any other comments that are not related to this post - I ask that responses concentrate on my topic. Because trust me, the women I'm speaking of who are getting the attention described are confirmed blue-collar golddiggers, who are unattractive, have nothing interesting, kind and/or something going on for them, but go on Facebook and post a bunch of pictures of themselves in tight clothing/high heels and are classless/tasteless to say the least (not sexy, trashy) - yet, have certain guys who have better options all over them like they were hot bread.

 

No problem. Men simply view these issues differently and men like Arnold have the power and prestige to will their desires into reality with little pushback or reluctance on the part of others. They have the freedom to be who they really are. Do all men act like that? Nope. We have choices, even if we were wired up the same way. We choose. Arnold made his choices.

[spiderowl]

Some people have charisma and a personal relationship built on trust and friendship can be very powerful. This is why people fall in love with their best friends and why stars often marry their childhood sweethearts. People form bonds that last and while a pretty face can provide immediate appeal, it won't necessary prove long-lasting.

[Just a Guy]

Hello Gloria, quite frankly it boils down to one thing. Whether a woman is beautiful or a plain Jane physiologically they are both very similar. Both have female genitalia just as all men have male genitalia. For men who are desperate enough or are following their age old instinct of spreading their genes far and wide any female is fair game. If the female falls for their wiles good for them. If not there are more fish out there. Hope this helps.

[TheArtist]

It's a strange thing that you'll only truly understand if you're a guy. Some women, no matter what score you give them on their looks, have a certain something, a certain way of moving, a certain way of talking, that makes them sexy.

 

It's not about their looks at all, it's how they hold themselves, maybe an air of confidence that just bubbles behind their eyes, something that just makes you want them.

 

I'm sure a lot of women will think that the supermodel girls get the most guys, and while I can't speak for all men, there's something a little bit special about the girl I've described above who is infinitely more preferable.

[road]

People confuse being attractive and pretty being the same. This means that a woman does not have to be super model pretty or for even the mere average woman pretty for a man to do her. A man just has to find her attractive.

 

 

Now there have been, there are, and there will always be men that will do, as the old phrase goes, anything that wears a skirt.

 

 

It is not that they find anything attractive about her. It is because they are that broken that it gives them such an ego boost. They find it appealing to brag that they nailed a woman, another notch on their pistol grip.

 

 

John Studly holding court in the bar over some beers amongst his peers: yeah she couldn't help herself, you should of seen how she was all over me, more, belch, beer here. Belch, burp, fart. Then a silent pick of the nose.

[salparadise]

How people rationalize is one thing, but the inherent motivation differential between men and women is due to asynchronous mating strategies.

 

Women are optimizers, men are quantifiers. Women have very low capacity, perhaps a dozen in a lifetime, and each one presents great risk and high investment. So it's in their best interest to carefully select men for familial investment, resources and genetic quality, and wait on excellent opportunities.

 

Men, on the other hand, have no birthing risks, no automatic investment, and he can sire literally thousands of progeny in a lifetime... limited only by his ability to find willing females. He will choose genetic quality when he has options, but is also willing to go for the best available, and is predisposed toward variety.

 

These basic differences in reproductive physiology underly most of the sociological differences in expectations, customs and mores'. The individual need not be aware of the reasons behind their motivations for them to continue to be effective/efficient strategies. I think it's cute how we put all of this focus on what we want individually and why... when the reality is that we're all pretty much wired the same way.

 

One time after we finished I rolled over and told my gf... "wow, there's nothing more satisfying than dominating a symmetrical female with attractive secondary sexual characteristics and a sharp mind, and fertilizing her womb with live sperm... fulfilling my existential destiny." She loves it when I talk dirty like that.

[WaitingForBardot]

...

One time after we finished I rolled over and told my gf... "wow, there's nothing more satisfying than dominating a symmetrical female with attractive secondary sexual characteristics and a sharp mind, and fertilizing her womb with live sperm... fulfilling my existential destiny." She loves it when I talk dirty like that.

Jeez sal, you are one silver-tongued devil. I'd date you... ..lol..

[hasaquestion]

Thanks, and I appreciate your responses. As for any comments about 'me putting down other people to make myself feel better', it's probably cuz these women have a sense of humor/great personalities' and/or any other comments that are not related to this post - I ask that responses concentrate on my topic. Because trust me, the women I'm speaking of who are getting the attention described are confirmed blue-collar golddiggers, who are unattractive, have nothing interesting, kind and/or something going on for them, but go on Facebook and post a bunch of pictures of themselves in tight clothing/high heels and are classless/tasteless to say the least (not sexy, trashy) - yet, have certain guys who have better options all over them like they were hot bread.

 

The qualifier about "concentrating on your topic" makes this whole discussion meaningless.

 

The idea that these women have nothing to offer of substance is YOUR OPINION.

 

You are basically saying "assuming these people are as worthless as I've arbitrarily decided they are, why would someone want to be with them?"

 

You need to explain why these people being worthless is universal truth without need of explanation. Or you need to consider the fact that maybe, just maybe, they are less worthless than you have judged them to be.

[O'Malley]

In regards to Schwarzenegger, whose attitudes are not reflective of all men, he seems to play his own twisted version of the numbers game - multiple affairs, alleged patronizing of prostitutes. That's besides the sexual harassment accusations women have made against him over the years, from the gyms to the movie sets; obviously Schwarzenegger can't have any and every woman that he wants.

 

Instead of focusing on the women's appearance, the issue is his ongoing need to exploit a power differential and fill a void via sexual behavior. What matters is that he finds his sex partners attractive for a variety of reasons, and attraction is not merely based on conventional Hollywood looks. It's not as if his ego and need for validation - probably easier for him to receive from paid performers and others that he perceives to be in a lower social and economic strata than himself and by consequence (in his opinion) more "grateful" or adoring when he shows interest in them - exists in a vacuum from his sexual choices.

[carhill]

Pertaining to Arnold, excellent point:

 

 

Women are optimizers, men are quantifiers. Women have very low capacity, perhaps a dozen in a lifetime, and each one presents great risk and high investment. So it's in their best interest to carefully select men for familial investment, resources and genetic quality, and wait on excellent opportunities.

 

 

The housekeeper did exactly that, carefully selecting a high value male with enormous resources, far more than her husband at the time, to sire the child, this matching perfectly with Arnold's proclivity to spread his seed far and wide and, in fact, did so, since both his wife Maria and the housekeeper gave birth to his children literally within a week of each other.

 

That, in a nutshell, is how the world works. Heh.

[O'Malley]

Focusing on the woman's motivations or appearance doesn't explain what emotional benefit he gets from spreading himself far and wide. Plenty of successful, promiscuous men have no inclination to grope or otherwise sexually harass women, so to categorize his behavior as the result of supposed universal biological imperatives misses the point, imo.

[carhill]

Arnold doesn't suffer consequences in the same way that a lesser male would, or the consequences are irrelevant to him. One can see similar proclivities and their manifestation in the current milieu Bill Cosby is embroiled in.

 

Male genetics are what they are. The rest is society and parenting and consequences. The OP is attempting to understand the minds of some males. Yup.

[Whoknew30]

Growing up with about at least 50 close [promiscuous] males (my family is HUGE & I'm like the only girl child) that never hid anything from me. They do it bc they can. Some men let their penis's run them & that's it. Especially European men...cheating in older cultures aren't looked at the same way as it is in Westernized cultures. When we go back the the old country, most wives know their H has a mistress & it's just not talked about. So if they find any part of a woman attractive they go for it because "that's why men do"...feelings for their wife seperate.

Edited February 8, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[MissBee]

Who and what people are attracted to is often very personal, i.e. it doesn't depend on the consensus of others or other people's agreement about it, esp looking from the outside.

 

You don't know anything about this woman except that she is a housekeeper. That's literally all. You have no clue about her personality or any other traits she had going for her. Likewise, sexual attraction isn't about looks only, so hat tickles someone fancy may be a certain chemistry they experience with someone regardless of their looks.

 

Who you deem desirable is simply you and your preference. Sure, there are some men I won't date and don't really understand their pull, but I accept that I'm not every woman so other women who choose them are doing so for reasons that make sense to them. Same with these men choosing women YOU don't think they should. Something is drawing them in be it physically, emotionally, or for fkkked up reasons.

[preraph]

Men are always confusing nannies and housekeepers for wives. It's feeble.

[Emilia]

Men depend on external validation as much as women. That's how hierarchy is decided: how much money you make and how many women you sleep with. The number of times I heard men whispering how a celibate mate must be gay etc. Worse than a knitting circle.