Truth or Lie?

[Dot]

I've been dating a guy for 1-1/2 yrs. He moved out of state and says he's trying his hardest to come back to me. That's fine and dandy, but he still hasn't told his parents about me. In the state - that he's moved back to - is an ex-girlfriend that he dated for 4 yrs., prior to me meeting him. He broke up with her when he started dating me, here in my state. I've asked him why he won't tell his parents about me, and have asked if it's because he's back with his ex. He said he's seen her a couple of times (as just friends) and has no intention of being with her, because he loves me so much and wants to marry me. He said he can't even stand the thought of being with another woman. His explanation for not telling his parents, is because he doesn't want their image of me to be tainted, because he broke up with his ex for me. He said, they loved his ex, especially the mother. He said he wants to wait until he's moved back to my state, has waited 2/3mo. and then he can say..."Mom and Dad, I've met this great girl where I'm living now and I want you to meet her." This way they won't know that he and his ex, broke up because of me.

 

I told him that I needed time to think about things, because it was killing me that he wouldn't tell his parents about me. I told him it made me feel like I was unimportant, which he told me I was the most important thing to him. I told him that the only two things that would make me go back to him, was ..

 

1. Tell your parents about me, while you're living there. or

 

2. Move back here to my state and be with me.

 

That way I'll be able to trust that you're being faithful to me. I also said, "Are you willing to let me go, rather than to face and tell your parents about me." His response was, "I need to be by your side, that's the only way you'll believe me." I said, "No, or tell your parents." I have no intention of calling him until one of these needs are met.

 

My questions is, does this man sound like he's full of it, or should I believe his reasons?

[HopeHeDoesntReadThis]

I think this guy has his reasons, yes, but in the same token, I wouldn't assume it's because he's been cheating on you. How serious is the relationship? And not just how you feel, but include what you believe to be his perception. Does he really care about you? Would he do almost anything to be with you? What specific reason does he have for not telling his parents about you? And have you met any of his friends or other family? If you'd met no one in his life, then I'd say that this guy is using you as a back up plan. But if you believe the relationship is really going somewhere, then by all means, you've done all that you could do. It's his turn to show that he cares, and to compromise to make an attempt at pleasing you. You can only give in so much...

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "My questions is, does this man sound like he's full of it, or should I believe his reasons?"

 

It really doesn't make a lot of difference at this point. You've given him an ultimatum. How he responds will tell you exactly whether or not he's full of it.

 

I don't feel real comfortable about this situation. But I do know that some people's parents are pretty peculiar and your boyfriend is in the best position to know their what their response to learning of you would be. My question is why would a grown man care all that much unless they're going to cut him out of their will or something.

 

His failure to tell his parents about you would indicate either he hasn't yet told them he's broken up with his ex...or he's still seeing her.

[clia]

You've been dating him for 1 1/2 years and his parents don't know about you? That sounds plain crazy to me. This is an adult man we're talking about?

 

"His explanation for not telling his parents, is because he doesn't want their image of me to be tainted, because he broke up with his ex for me."

 

There's no rule that says he has to tell his parents 1) When he started dating you, and 2) The circumstances surrounding his break-up with his ex. All he has to say is that he's met someone new and he wants them to meet you.

 

"He said, they loved his ex, especially the mother."

 

Tough luck! My mom loved my ex, too, but in the end she's not the one who has to be with him. It's his decision who he wants to be with, not his mother's. Yes, she's his mother, but she should want him too be happy. And who says she won't love you, too?

 

"He said he wants to wait until he's moved back to my state, has waited 2/3mo."

 

So, let me get this straight. He wants to wait until he moves back to your state, which could be months away, and then wait another 2-3 months after that? You could be looking at six months from now, 2 full years into your relationship! Two years is a long time and his parents are going to think you two are just starting out in your relationship. That sounds like quite a lie to me.

 

"This way they won't know that he and his ex, broke up because of me."

 

Like I said above, he doesn't have to share with his parents that he and his ex broke up because of you. It's really not their business.

 

I think this guy is absolutely full of it. As adults, we are allowed to make our own decisions in life. I'm sure his parents are aware of that. Maybe I'm missing something here, but it sounds to me like he's still got something going on with his ex. Think about it. If they broke up over 1 1/2 years ago, wouldn't his parents expect that he's probably met someone else? Wouldn't they be 'over' her by now? I think he's still seeing her, at least on some level. He's playing you big time. How do you even know he has any intention of moving back to your state? (And why is he moving around so much?) He could string you along forever, girl.

 

You did the right thing. Now you just have to see how he responds. (But I wouldn't necessarily believe him if he 'says' he told his parents about you.) I think you should demand to meet them if he comes back with that. You are a big part of his life after 1 1/2 years together. His parents deserve to know about you.

[Laurynn]

I'm sorry to say this, but it seems very apparent to me that this guy is playing you like a fiddle. I'd be willing to bet huge sums of money, that he's still seeing his ?ex-girlfriend, and has been for some time now.

 

If you and he have been together for 1 1/2 yrs, that would mean that she and he have been broken up for 1 1/2 years. Um, wouldn't his parents have figured out by now that he's no longer dating her? Would they expect that he's been single all this time?

 

Sorry hun, but he's still seeing her. This 'wait 2-3 months' bullsh*t is just his way of trying to buy himself more time, to hopefully appease you.

 

How did you all meet? You met while he was in your state, then he moved back to his home state? Was he still dating the ex while dating you??

 

How long into your relationship did he move back to his home state?

 

If for some reason I'm wrong, and he's not screwing around and lying to you (still seeing her), then you stil have problems. If this guy is so whipped by Mommy and Daddy...and doesn't have the balls to be a man, and be honest with them, and be respectful to you, then he's nothing but a loser......and a great indication of things to come, should you marry. He'll always put his parents before you, his wife.

 

But seriously, I honestly think he's still seeing her.

 

How often do you 2 see each other, if he lives out of state?

 

Laurynn