Jlmic1 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Hello all. I was hoping that someone, anyone could give me some words of wisdom concerning my brother. I will try not to make this too long. Bacially my brother is a herioin addict. For 6 years he has ripped my family apart and caused irreversable emotinal damage to everyone around him by snorting heroin. Well, now he starting shooting up. I see the track marks on his arm, my mom has found needles in his room, and he has finally admitted to shooting it up, and says he's been doing it for 2 years now. He goes through stages where he says he is going to stop, and of course he never does. He's 29 years old and lives with my mother. Two of his friends have over doesed, and almost died. On Christmas, my brother was so messed up, he stumbled into the street, and got ran over by a car. He's lost everything. He had a successful job, a house, a girlfriend ( who also turned into an addict, but got help and left him ) he's gotten 6 cars impounded from having heroin in the cars, 3 of those cars were my mom's. I guess I don't need to go on with everything he has done, but I really need help dealing with this, and I'm hoping maybe some of you have dealt with something similar? I have been to the meetings for families of addicted people, and honestly, they don't help me I spend every day of my life in a panic waiting for the phone call that he's over dosed somewhere. Of course, it's not just me, its my whole family too. His whole attitude tells me that he is never willing to get help, because "it's no one elses problem, it doesnt hurt anyone else" He also claims he can stop an 8 year addiction alone, and still talk to the friends of his that do heroin... which is all of them. I don't know what to do anymore and I can't stop worrying... Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Where does he get the money to be an addict and does he admit that he is an addict? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 JLMIC1, yes, I am interested in learning more about this addiction. My girlfriends 20 yr old son has been doing smack for last year or so and he is in jail right now for it. Now her 18 yr old daughter just started doing it 3 months ago and is hangin out with a pretty bad crowd. I hear smack addiction is extremely hard to break. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Whoa........ Im a recovering alcoholic and addict. I remember these days. What worked for me was an intervention. Thats where your family and his friends if any still remain,..get togther and confront him all at once. force him to look at himself. That worked for me. Another way is (and this is harsh) to wash your hands of him. Mom kicks him out. No longer talks to him. Dont take his calls. Addicts need consequences for their actions. If they dont have those,...they dont have a problem (in their mind). This is called "hitting your bottom". Rock bottom. Nowhere else to turn. Addicts have to WANT recovery. You cant force it on them. They wont let you. You parents sound as if they are acting as the "enabler" in his addiction. Knowing what he is doing to himself,..and still supplying him with a roof and food....is keeping him alive,..but, keeping him out there using longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Jlmic1 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 We've tried the intervention thing too, although not with a professional. He is one of those people that, to me, are hopeless. This is so hard... No one has any idea at all where he gets the money. He has no job, no income, nothing. But like I said, all of his so called friends are heroin addicts too, though not as bad as him. Maybe they pay for it. He only admits to having a problem when he is trying to convice people that he's not doing heroin anymore. About a month ago, he supposedly quit and went into a big speech with everyone about how he has this problem, but he can fix it. The night before last, he got home ( my moms house ) from where he buys his s***, sat down on the couch and his head fell over and he didn't move. His cigarette burned him and the carpet... this is nothing new though. He actually falls over in mid sentence and drools. He never tries to fix it though. He wont even go to meetings or anything. He says he doesn't need them. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Trust me,...you dont get as far into addiction as he seems to be without feeling embarrassed,..ashamed,...and hopeless. He KNOWS he is an addict. Hes not ready to surrender to it yet. Hes scared to admit he cant beat this. He needs to get the the "acceptance" part of addiction. You see,..you parents need to kick him out. He woudlnt have that couch to sit down on and burn if he didnt have your parents letting him live there. Hes basically using your Moms place like a "Crackhouse" or "Crash-house". He needs to see the pain in all your eyes at once. Intervention does that. There is a great reality show on A&E on cable called "Intervention". Its on all different days and times. It deals with this exact situation. CHeck it out. Gives you an idea of what Im describing. Link to post Share on other sites
Jlmic1 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale JLMIC1, yes, I am interested in learning more about this addiction. My girlfriends 20 yr old son has been doing smack for last year or so and he is in jail right now for it. Now her 18 yr old daughter just started doing it 3 months ago and is hangin out with a pretty bad crowd. I hear smack addiction is extremely hard to break. Oh my God, I feel so extremely sorry for your girlfriend. As if it isn't hard enough to deal with one child that's and addict, she's got two. Wow, I can't even imagine. I'm sure you know by now that addicts have a domino effect on EVERYONE, that's the worst part about it. Everyone hurts from it, and after you've tried everything, there's really nothing you can do. It helps me to talk to other people who have been there, or in similar situations. I have come to understand that its all I can really do to help myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Jlmic1 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones Trust me,...you dont get as far into addiction as he seems to be without feeling embarrassed,..ashamed,...and hopeless. He KNOWS he is an addict. Hes not ready to surrender to it yet. Hes scared to admit he cant beat this. He needs to get the the "acceptance" part of addiction. You see,..you parents need to kick him out. He woudlnt have that couch to sit down on and burn if he didnt have your parents letting him live there. Hes basically using your Moms place like a "Crackhouse" or "Crash-house". He needs to see the pain in all your eyes at once. Intervention does that. There is a great reality show on A&E on cable called "Intervention". Its on all different days and times. It deals with this exact situation. CHeck it out. Gives you an idea of what Im describing. You are so right. Allowing him to live there is like giving him permission to do heroin and enjoy it in my mothers house. She knows she's enabling him too. This is about to sound like an excuse, so please forgive me in advance: He got ran over by a car over Christmas, like I mentioned before. He almost had to have his foot amputated, but thank God, the doctor was able to save it. He needs 3 more surgeries and is having a hell of a time getting them because he has no insurance. He's semi handicapped and will be until he has these surgeries... so basically, that's why my mom is having an even harder time kicking him out that she normally had. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I'd also like to suggest you and your family go to al-anon meetings. Thats an organization similar to AA but they help the loved ones of alcoholics and addicts cope with life. They make you believe that their addiction isnt your fault. That sort of thing. I hear they help tremendously. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by Jlmic1 You are so right. Allowing him to live there is like giving him permission to do heroin and enjoy it in my mothers house. She knows she's enabling him too. This is about to sound like an excuse, so please forgive me in advance: He got ran over by a car over Christmas, like I mentioned before. He almost had to have his foot amputated, but thank God, the doctor was able to save it. He needs 3 more surgeries and is having a hell of a time getting them because he has no insurance. He's semi handicapped and will be until he has these surgeries... so basically, that's why my mom is having an even harder time kicking him out that she normally had. I know, hon. I feel for you,...I really do. But I will say this once,.....there should be NO reason you keep an active addict in your home. NONE. HE is killing you family. Mentally. Link to post Share on other sites
Jlmic1 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Scarly, I know you are proud of yourself, and you should be. I have so much respect for anyone that has a problem and has the guts to face it and fix it. That takes alot of courage. Thanks you guys, for listening to me about my brother, it means alot to me, and it really does help me cope. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 No problem.....just remember,...people like me GOT sober by LISTENING to suggestions and advice. Make sure you check out that A&E show... Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 my friend was an addict and she's in a detox center right now... you need to bring ur brother there, he has to have it in his system though for him to get admitted... once he's in the detox center, they will put him in a halfway house. he will be in there with 2 or 3 other addicts trying to stop. he wont be able to leave past 6, wont accpet or dial out phone calls, and they will put him up with a job... he's in there for 30 days without any communication to anyone, and after that, start the re-hab program... im not sure of the ins & outs but its pretty similair to this. my friend who is in there, called me 2 days ago and she's doing really good. she hasnt touched the stuff, and is working a job... she's getting her life back on track... this is an expensive program though.. i think it costs a couple thousand dollars, but if it takes that much to save his life, its worth it... look into it! Link to post Share on other sites
Jlmic1 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones No problem.....just remember,...people like me GOT sober by LISTENING to suggestions and advice. Make sure you check out that A&E show... . I watch that show faithfully. Well, at least the ones that apply to my brother. I didn't watch the video game addiction one It is a real eye-opener. Like I said, we have done an intervention with him, he was MAD AS HELL... but I also know that we didn't do it right. I guess you're suppose to have a professional in the room too, we didn't do that. Nothing in his life changed after that either, and he still continued to live at my mother's house. I guess if they refuse help, you're suppose to kick them out, she didnt do that. I wish we could force him into rehab or something.. but he has no insurance and my family doesn't have the kind of money it would take for him to get help in a center. My cousin is a recovering alcoholic that found a place in California to take him for free. He has been sober since, and that was 12 years ago. We have suggested that same place to my brother, but hes not having it. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by NiCoLe20 my friend was an addict and she's in a detox center right now... you need to bring ur brother there, he has to have it in his system though for him to get admitted... once he's in the detox center, they will put him in a halfway house. he will be in there with 2 or 3 other addicts trying to stop. he wont be able to leave past 6, wont accpet or dial out phone calls, and they will put him up with a job... he's in there for 30 days without any communication to anyone, and after that, start the re-hab program... im not sure of the ins & outs but its pretty similair to this. my friend who is in there, called me 2 days ago and she's doing really good. she hasnt touched the stuff, and is working a job... she's getting her life back on track... this is an expensive program though.. i think it costs a couple thousand dollars, but if it takes that much to save his life, its worth it... look into it! Just a few corrections. You dont have to have the stuff in your system to be admitted. I went in with a week and a half sober. I simply went directly into the program rather than spend a week in detox. You cant bring your brother there. He has to want to be there, number one to be admitted,..he must sign himself in,...and #2 he must WANT to be there for it to "take". If he doesnt want it,....he wont get sober. Every center is different too,...he can go in for 28 days, or 90 days, or 6 months. Then he can go to a half way house or Three-quarter house. Halfway houses are a stepdown from treatment centers. Very tight ship. Three-quarter house is a house where you live with other recovering addicts and you have much more freedom. It means basically "three quarters" the way back to normal living. Again,..this is something he MUST WANT TO DO. The law cant make him go unless he gets in trouble legally and is sentenced to any of these. Which is usually just AA or NA. As far as it being expensive,....yeah it is,..but I didnt have insurance either. I went at no cost to me. I was state funded. I didnt like doing it that way,.but, I had no choice if I wanted to get sober,...which I did. Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 he has to want the help to change his life... thats the problem.. so where to start? u can try applying for that intervention show!, hey its worth a shot right?! ... try bringing him to the detox, say you need to visit a friend, and bring him for a ride... you said u had friends and family talk to him right?! and that didnt work- so what next? try calling a rehab center and see if you can get someone to come to the house and pick him up? if that cant happen, my next solution is probably not something you would WANT to do, but its something to think about.. my mom would do this to me if i lived at home shooting up drugs... my mom wouldnt want it in her house, so she would probably callthe cops on me. if she knows he's using at that moment, and theres evidence in the room, have her call the cops. he will probably get charged, and that will break ur mothers heart, but he will be imprisoned for a while, and in a way thats like re-hab. he wont be able to touch the stuff, or talk to anyone whose doing it. this is just an idea if theres no other way out. he has to get off this, and tell him, "If you dont stop hurting yourself, Im calling the cops" .. make him see that ur willing to go to extreme measures to make him stop. have u ever tried writing him a heartfelt letter? include a picture of him a couple years ago when he was sober, and a recent picture to date of him now. maybe by him looking at what he looked like when he was healthy, as opposed to now, maybe he'll see the damage he's doing to himself. tellhim he's destroyed his life, and body, and relationships with the family. tell him he needs to get help today before its too late. tell him he could be living in his own house, with a good job, and probably a family right now if it wasnt for these drugs.. ask him whats the point?! it makes u loose ur teeth, look like skin & bones, and loose everything in life. he needs to change. write about things to make him realize that... maybe if he reads it, instead of listening to someone scold or yell at him, it might work... good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Hes calling your Moms bluff. And winning. Your mom cant make empty threats. You guys must mean it when you have an intervention. It hurts. I know. BUT IT WORKS. Whats the alternative??? Constant pain and worry? He has told you in no uncertain terms that he isnt going to stop or get help. That hes DOESNT have a problem. (And he knows he does by the way). Nobody thinks its normal to do drugs everyday. Even people who do. They know they have a problem if hes coming home and passing out in his moms house burning carpet and drooling at age 29. Trust me,...Im almost positive that he is totally ashamed of himself. But you have to be firm. Say it,....but then you have to do it. He now thinks that any threat from your mom is an empty one. Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 like i said i didnt know the "ins & outs" of the program.... my friend told me she had to have it in her system for them to accept her in, like u said, many states are different so thats probably the case... and i probably gave ur wrong info when i said you gotta take him in there... scarly is probably right when she says you have to WANT to go... if someone doesnt want to go, someone has to make them right?!! lol i guess u cant drag him in there... my bad Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 No, no,...........I was only re-affirming what you said, only with my experiences. I know you meant well,..I just wanted him to have as accurate info as possible. (K) Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by NiCoLe20 have u ever tried writing him a heartfelt letter? include a picture of him a couple years ago when he was sober, and a recent picture to date of him now. maybe by him looking at what he looked like when he was healthy, as opposed to now, maybe he'll see the damage he's doing to himself. Now THAT is a great idea !!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW that would have rattled my cage at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Jlmic1 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones No, no,...........I was only re-affirming what you said, only with my experiences. I know you meant well,..I just wanted him to have as accurate info as possible. (K) hehehe, I'm a girl Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 see ive kinda been in this situation before.... but i wasnt an addict.. i was real young, smoking and doing e, and i was caught... my parents beat my ass, and took everything from me... she wrote me a note b/c its ALOT easier to write down ur feelings b/c u can forget to say certain things in person. i cried and realized how hurt she was that i was doing this... i stopped and got better... if it wasnt for that letter, id think that no one really cared , except to beat me, and it helped... give it a try... make sure to inlclude pics of him before & after... he needs a visual like that Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 let me try and illustrate for you how an addicts mind works too. Addicts dont think past 5 minutes into their future. So when you hit them with "What do you plan on doing with the rest of your life?" They have no idea. They dont care. They tell themselves that they wont do this forever. THat they will quit one day. They even sometimes think to themselves "I need to quit, but,...Im not that bad yet,...I still have 4 or 5 using years ahead of me" I thought that............3 months later I was being told by a substance abuse doctor that I had two to three weeks to live if I continued. Link to post Share on other sites
Jlmic1 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones let me try and illustrate for you how an addicts mind works too. Addicts dont think past 5 minutes into their future. So when you hit them with "What do you plan on doing with the rest of your life?" They have no idea. They dont care. They tell themselves that they wont do this forever. THat they will quit one day. They even sometimes think to themselves "I need to quit, but,...Im not that bad yet,...I still have 4 or 5 using years ahead of me" I thought that............3 months later I was being told by a substance abuse doctor that I had two to three weeks to live if I continued. I think that is exactly how he thinks. It sickens me, but I think he is content to be a 29 year old, living off of his poor mother, begging people for cigarettes, and favors and being f**ked up all day and night. Even before his accident ( that didn't open his eyes one bit ) he hadnt worked for 2 years. It's such a shame, he is so smart, he was young and successful and threw it all away to live his life like that. I guess I can't really understand it all completley because I've never been there. I've done my share of drugs in my life, but I didn't let it spiral out of control and ruin my life. Those days are long gone for me, I grew up. It's so hard to imagine writing him off, and then a week later, finding out that he died on the street somewhere, that's the hardest part for me. How could I ever live with that? I know it's what I need to do, it's what everyone around him needs to do... but it's such a horrible thought that he loses everyone he loves, then dies alone. These are the things that go through my head and control my life everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 give the letter thing i mentioned above a shot, see what happens from there Link to post Share on other sites
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