2 weeks NC for the ????'th time and forgiveness

[insidemymind02]

I am at two weeks NC that I again requested and am working on me. One of the things that I have been working hard on are the steps to forgiveness. I have worked on this before, but realized that while I may think I have forgiven, I really haven't. I did a good job of forgiving myself for my part of this situation, but I am struggling forgiving xMM. I think that is the one thing that is holding me back the most and why when he does contact me it just cuts me deep each time.

 

I am finding that as I think about what all I want to forgive him for I become emotional when I think about all the stupid things that I tolerated. I don't know how I became tolerant of such BS! I do know and I know that I worked on that once the A ended. I just wish that forgiveness was not so difficult for me. I want to forgive so that I can reclaim my life back, I don't think I will ever do that with out being able to forgive. I am reading a great book to help me and working through the activities. I tell myself that I have forgiven, but as long as their is still hurt, I know that I am not there yet.

[OWAmy]

I think you may be expecting a little too much from yourself this early on. For me, forgiveness is not something that can be forced. It is more likely that this will come after you are at peace with yourself and have left the affair well and truly behind. I don't believe you need to forgive to move on healthily. Sometimes falling out of love and reaching a state of indifference can be enough. What is important is to not become bitter by the experience. If an affair ends and does not receive the anticipated 'happy' outcome then use it to grow from. I once stated to xMM that the worst thing that could happen is not that we wouldn't be together it would be that we learnt nothing about ourselves from the affair.

 

I am two months NC now. The only sadness I feel is in how he treated me and that I shouldn't have allowed that. I do not pine for him one bit or think 'if only'. His lack of remorse and him stating as much stopped me loving him and gave me closure. I do not love him at all.

 

Continue to heal and work on you. Try to push him out of your mind and not dwell on what existed between you and him. It's about you now. What you want from life.

[Shadowburn]

I think you're not ready to forgive him because it's way too early.

Two weeks of NC is simply not long enough to put it into perspective and to arrive at the stage of forgiveness.

 

Concentrate on yourself and on what makes you happy. He is irrelevant. Rebuild your life, find new goals for yourself. I personally not a huge believer in forgiveness, especially in affairs. The point in time will come when you simply won't care who did what and why because it all will be processed by your brain and you will feel total indifference toward the whole situation.

 

Focus on your healing and don't try to accomplish too much too soon. Best of luck

[imsosad]

I know its a common.assumption that you have to forgive in order to let go and move on.

Im.not so sure about that.

It doesnt mean that you hold on to anger,but i think you can write a person off assomeone who did you wrong and leave it at that.

I dont view forgiveness as a must. If it happens,it happens. If it doesnt-well, i think its pretty normal to be angry at being wronged.

Either way, you are only two weeks in to nc. Dont rush it. You cant speed up the time. It will take time.

Try to take it easy and trust the process.

Good luck.

[insidemymind02]

This has been over for a long time, close to 2 years, he just keeps finding new ways to get in touch with me. I told him this last time, that any future contact would result in me contacting his wife, so I hope that it was enough to keep him from coming back. I really feel like I am in a much better place, but really want to be able for it to all be over, and I think that forgiveness is a really big part of that.