Husband broke up out of the blue - Over a text message

[katiegrl]

Thanks to all of you for your answers. Yea I guess I'm comparing every guy I meet to my ex and that sucks. I found my ex to be perfect in so many ways, and we had his amazing chemistry from the moment we met. I hope this will happen to me again at one point, but who knows. For now I think I should keep dating guys just to get my head off things. I don't think I want anything serious for now, not even sure if I would hook up with anyone, I just wanna have a nice conversation and some drinks haha.

 

edel, I must say you are doing remarkably well for having your husband suddenly walk out on you only three weeks ago. You are an inspiration, truly.

 

My six year RL ended in December and I am still suffering, and I ended it!

 

I consider myself very strong, but I still have moments where I can barely function, especially at night. I find myself wanting to crawl into bed sometimes as early as 7:00 pm! And breaking out in tears for no reason.

 

I just started getting out and interacting with people again last weekend.

 

Was asked out by two guys but turned them both down.

 

You are one strong woman lemmetellya. Like I said, truly an inspiration, and you will be JUST FINE.

 

Wish you the best as you move forward!

Edited February 26, 2016 by katiegrl

[edel]

Thanks so much to all of you.

 

I don't think I'm fine, but I think I'm handling this differently than most people would. I'm extremely hurt, and I miss him every day. I spend hours every day thinking about him. I often cannot believe that this is really it. i cannot imagine that I will ever meet anyone else I could love as much as I loved (and still love) him. Sometimes I feel like I should just accept that I will never meet anyone like him again, and just try to live my life to the fullest. There are so many memories. We visited 15 countries together, he was my everything. I'm not interested in any other guy, but I accepted the date to get my mind off things (oh and of course I'm not hiding the fact that I was married and that things recently ended). I don't cry, but not because I'm not hurt, but because I feel like I have no tears anymore. When we broke up, I cried for a few days. The pain is the same, but I cannot cry anymore. And today I miss him so much, there are no words.

[edel]

Just this morning I was thinking- Early January he created a cute card for his family. He took a nice pixture of us we took New Year's eve and made a 'Happy new year! Love, family XX' card. He seemed so sure about me, and so in love. I seriously still don't understand. We were happy. We talked about the future. Just days before breaking up he asked me to go to a friend's wedding with him in April. And he asked me about a trip we had planned for May. It's so hard to understand because I still don't think there was anything going wrong. In an ex relationship I already knew months before that we re going to break up. We fought a lot, I wasn't happy and he wasn't either. When we mutually broke up, I felt relieved. I realized there were too many things that went wrong. Not with my ex-husband. Everything was so great. I felt like we were perfect for each other. And now it's over and I still don't understand what happened.

[Itspointless]

Just this morning I was thinking- Early January he created a cute card for his family. He took a nice pixture of us we took New Year's eve and made a 'Happy new year! Love, family XX' card. He seemed so sure about me, and so in love. I seriously still don't understand. We were happy. We talked about the future. Just days before breaking up he asked me to go to a friend's wedding with him in April. And he asked me about a trip we had planned for May. It's so hard to understand because I still don't think there was anything going wrong. In an ex relationship I already knew months before that we re going to break up. We fought a lot, I wasn't happy and he wasn't either. When we mutually broke up, I felt relieved. I realized there were too many things that went wrong. Not with my ex-husband. Everything was so great. I felt like we were perfect for each other. And now it's over and I still don't understand what happened.

What people mean is that you seem to be very resilient. It took me months for a relationship of a few months to admit that it was over. Also - I have to say - because she kept me hooked with a few maybe's and I was worried sick about her medical condition.

 

As for understanding it does not get much better than this. The funny thing though is that the same answers get other meanings with the progressing of time and they got more meaningful. For me it often helped to read some chapters in books again or watch the video by that therapist I shared with you. Every-time it made me conclude, yes that is her, there is no hope there.

 

Well hopefully I get to meet someone this year, or a nice date I am used to being alone, but it is nice when someone nice really likes to be with you.

 

Grieve, and go on as you do, you seem to do the things you need to do in the best way possible this far.

[edel]

This morning I feel quite ****ty. Last night I went to a bar with a friend and we had a lot of drinks. Physically I feel okay this morning (no hangover), but I really miss him somehow. I still dream of him almost every night. And it's not just missing him and our time together, I also feel at a point of my life where I'm really far from ever being with a man again, and ever having children.

 

I would love to have children one day, and I would love to wake up with someone I love. I know that's what we all want, but right now it really makes me feel so crappy that I'm 28, getting drunk, go home alone, wake up alone and I might never have a serious relationship again. Who knows.

[Survivor12]

My first impression is that something did happen while you were gone & he is feeling extremely guilty leading him to not only break up with you but to do it in the manner that he did.

 

Here's my reasoning:

 

You said that he is a guy who doesn't like to be alone. After a dispute, you left the country & he is alone with unresolved issues.

 

Whether he went out and met a random in a bar or reached out to the woman he has become friendly with, he consoles himself by having a one nighter.

 

Afterward, he is overcome by guilt & decides that he has destroyed the marriage and chooses to end it rather than to admit what he did. Since he feels so ashamed, he can't even bring himself to face you to break it off.

 

Q: If this is were what happened, would you be willing to forgive him?

 

If so, I would suggest asking him directly (as calmly as possible) if something happened while you were away & let him know that if so, you are open to hearing why he did what he did.

 

If, after hearing what he has to say, you want to remain married, tell him. Let him know that you are willing to work through getting past what happened --with the guidance of a therapist who can help him address why he did what he did.

 

Some may say that there is no excuse & you're better off without him and that may be true, but it's up to you. In any case, asking the question will give you a better idea of why he chose to end your marriage.

 

(PS I actually know someone who has ended more than one relationship, quit jobs and given up on other opportunities because of their fear of facing their insecurities and shortcomings. As he sees it, he's such a **** up that he doesn't deserve to be happy and can't forgive himself for even minor mistakes or poor decisions and refuses to address the root cause of his problem. Instead, he looks for his self-esteem at the bottom of a bottle.)

 

On the other hand, it could be that he planned to make his move on his new friend while you were away & picked the fight to justify what he was about to do. In that case, he's a total jerk.

 

good luck.

[edel]

My first impression is that something did happen while you were gone & he is feeling extremely guilty leading him to not only break up with you but to do it in the manner that he did.

 

Here's my reasoning:

 

You said that he is a guy who doesn't like to be alone. After a dispute, you left the country & he is alone with unresolved issues.

 

Whether he went out and met a random in a bar or reached out to the woman he has become friendly with, he consoles himself by having a one nighter.

 

Afterward, he is overcome by guilt & decides that he has destroyed the marriage and chooses to end it rather than to admit what he did. Since he feels so ashamed, he can't even bring himself to face you to break it off.

 

Q: If this is were what happened, would you be willing to forgive him?

 

If so, I would suggest asking him directly (as calmly as possible) if something happened while you were away & let him know that if so, you are open to hearing why he did what he did.

 

If, after hearing what he has to say, you want to remain married, tell him. Let him know that you are willing to work through getting past what happened --with the guidance of a therapist who can help him address why he did what he did.

 

Some may say that there is no excuse & you're better off without him and that may be true, but it's up to you. In any case, asking the question will give you a better idea of why he chose to end your marriage.

 

(PS I actually know someone who has ended more than one relationship, quit jobs and given up on other opportunities because of their fear of facing their insecurities and shortcomings. As he sees it, he's such a **** up that he doesn't deserve to be happy and can't forgive himself for even minor mistakes or poor decisions and refuses to address the root cause of his problem. Instead, he looks for his self-esteem at the bottom of a bottle.)

 

On the other hand, it could be that he planned to make his move on his new friend while you were away & picked the fight to justify what he was about to do. In that case, he's a total jerk.

 

good luck.

 

 

No, I'm pretty sure nothing happened. There is no other woman. When I left the country I knew exactly what was doing all the time. There just isn't anyone else, no one night stand, no nothing. He isn't that type of guy anyway. Anyways, it doesn't matter anymore now because we already broke up and I left. I wouldn't take him back now, because you cannot just end a marriage out of the blue and then reverse it. Thanks anyway.

[edel]

So today I literally told my own Mom to shut up. She's been visiting me where I live now, she arrived on Monday. We haven't talked about my ex til today, and I was glad about that because I really didn't want to talk about him or even mention him. I already told her on the phone weeks back that we're getting a divorce and that I don't want to talk about it and I thought she wouldn't ask again, but today she did. She asked me and I said I don't want to talk about it. She asked again and I told her it's not her business and that I really don't want to talk about it. Then she shut up for a few minutes and then she said 'You know, you'll be sad for a while but at one point you'll be happy again'. I know she doesn't mean to annoy me, but I couldn't take it anymore. I told her to shut up and to stop talking about this. At the same time, my Mom has a new boyfriend, and she never stops talking about him.Even though I'm happy for her, it's extremely annoying. She even calls him like ten times a day, literally.

 

Ever since, I feel horrible. Not because of her, but because of my memories, again. I have cried only a few times in the last weeks, even though I've been thinking about him every single day. It hurts so much. People say time makes everything better, but I just feel like it gets worse and worse. I miss him so, so much. I wonder if he even thinks of me. I wonder if he suffers as much as me. I wonder if he's happier now.

 

I seriously wonder if the pain will ever go away. I'm not a pessimist, but I wonder if this might have ruined my for life. I'm not the kind of person who thinks you can get over EVERYTHING. And even if I stop loving him one day which is very likely, I'm not sure if the pain will ever go away. Today I saw two friends of mine announcing their pregnancy on FB, and another couple getting engaged. Even though I'm happy for them, it also makes me think 'Why couldn't I have a normal relationship? Why did I have to be the one who went from extreme happiness to extreme heartbreak? Why did I have to be the one whose husband would break up with her from a day to another, less than 5 months after the wedding? It still doesn't make sense. Every weekend since then I've been getting pretty drunk with friends, and guys have been hitting on me but I've turned down every single one. Then I fall asleep drunk, wake up in my new apartment and feel extremely depressed and lonely in the morning, wondering if I'll ever be happy again.

[Itspointless]

It sounds like your mom wanted to help you, but I understand, it can be incredibly annoying if you do not feel like talking about it. It also must be confronting to see all those happy people including your mom. This year within my circle there is a second wave of people marrying and again I am just alone. It sucks when I start to think about it and it is natural to compare. But comparing can also be a huge mistake to do. You have been incredibly unfortunate and you really did not deserve that. Unfortunately your grieving has just begun, and probably will last a lot longer than what you have experienced yet. But It definitely will be better over time. The grief comes in cycles and those will get a little better each time you go through them. Watch out with the alcohol though, it can be a nice escape, but alcohol is also a depressant. Be sure to keep sporting!

 

Try to do some nice things with your mom, then she probably also will have the feeling that she has helped you, like moms like to do

[edel]

It sounds like your mom wanted to help you, but I understand, it can be incredibly annoying if you do not feel like talking about it. It also must be confronting to see all those happy people including your mom. This year within my circle there is a second wave of people marrying and again I am just alone. It sucks when I start to think about it and it is natural to compare. But comparing can also be a huge mistake to do. You have been incredibly unfortunate and you really did not deserve that. Unfortunately your grieving has just begun, and probably will last a lot longer than what you have experienced yet. But It definitely will be better over time. The grief comes in cycles and those will get a little better each time you go through them. Watch out with the alcohol though, it can be a nice escape, but alcohol is also a depressant. Be sure to keep sporting!

 

Try to do some nice things with your mom, then she probably also will have the feeling that she has helped you, like moms like to do

 

I know she only wants to help, but I just can't talk about it, I don't want to, I mean after all I still can't believe what happened myself. The rest of the time with her was/is great though

 

I know that alcohol doesn't help at all, but I guess it helps in the moment.The next morning I feel like crap then though, not because of the hangover, but because I feel incredibly alone and that my life doesn't make any sense. But to be honest, it even feels like that without alcohol. The worst moments are not the evening, but the morning, when I wake up alone.

 

I guess I do know that I don't deserve that, but I sometimes think that I must have the worst taste in men ever to have married a man like that. Then I think again how two months ago everything was still great and I never would have thought that this would happen. I always wanted a husband and children, and now, at 28, this seems to be further away than ever before. I'm trying to focus on my job, hoping that this will make me happy and fulfilled.

 

I do hope the grief will get better, for now it keeps getting worse, or at least it's not getting better. I hope you're in a better place already than I am, and ready to meet someone!

[Itspointless]

Personally I love to drink and therefore I also know that I most of the time have to limit myself, especially when I already feel depressed and like to numb. For me a warning-sign is when I start to drink to relax. It is a sign that my body gets accustomed to it.

 

Sometimes we are more busy with giving people the feeling they help us than that they actually help, aren’t we? But the intention is good. I get you though; take your own pace with things! Happy to hear that you still had a good time with your mom!

 

You know edel, the worst part of these things is that a lot of times we know these things logically, but other parts of our selfs work on a different level. Next to the hormonal and neurological consequences of breaking-up there is also the narrative part. This often is underestimated as story - including our memories and dreams - are of huge significance in defining our identity. The person you thought you were becoming is now for a part gone and you are left with a void. That story needs readjustment and that is not something we do as a robot, we do not enter a new program and go again. Take your time to find things you like and focus on. Perhaps that is your work, but work also can be like alcohol: just another way to numb our senses.

 

It almost took two years with me, also because out of the blue I lost my job last year. In a way I now feel reborn again! At the same time I still think it is a shame we couldn't be. It has became one of those things in life of things I would have liked if she had another way of dealing with stress. At some point it gets like a scar, they sometimes itch. It can be nice to scratch them but not to long!

Edited March 9, 2016 by Itspointless

[edel]

Today it's been exactly 30 days since I saw him last time. 30 days of complete NC. It's killing me. In a weird way. I'm not crying all the time, I'm not even hiding at home or anything. I just feel so lost, like if my life was completely pointless now. I cannot stop thinking of him and our time together. Today I told a friend of mine that I haven't talked to for a while what happened, and she was completely shocked and said that we were so perfect together and that she thought we're made for each other. I still think the same. I honestly believe that it's possible I will never love anyone else again, and that I should just try to live my life the best I can, and fill it with other things (family, friends, work, fun, hobbies, traveling etc.).

 

My friend, and many others, have told me that they're sure he will regret his decision and contact me at some point, but I start thinking that he won't. I also don't wanna live my life hoping he will come back to me. And even if he did, I think it's too late. I don't see how it would be possible to get back what we had. So I just need to learn how to live with the pain I guess, and hope that at one point it will get easier. I just miss him so much, it's insane, and I cannot stop wondering if he misses me too, if he thinks of me.

[Itspointless]

I just feel so lost, like if my life was completely pointless now. I cannot stop thinking of him and our time together.

At some point you will find some new meaningful things. It unfortunately takes a while.

I just miss him so much, it's insane, and I cannot stop wondering if he misses me too, if he thinks of me.

He probably misses you, but that probably would not be a feeling and though that he likely is proud of. Also it would be an emotion that never entirely wins the battle with the feeling of being relieved after having felt suffocated due to his fear of intimacy. 'It might be that he is telling himself: see she did not care for me, she was gone quickly and does not message me now.' it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[edel]

Also it would be an emotion that never entirely wins the battle with the feeling of being relieved after having felt suffocated due to his fear of intimacy. 'It might be that he is telling himself: see she did not care for me, she was gone quickly and does not message me now.' it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

 

I think you're right. That is what happened even before I left. After he told me that he doesn't want to be married and that he wants to be alone, I gave it a few days to see if he would apologize and change his mind, but he didn't. Then I said that I want to sell the apartment we bought, and that I will book my flight to leave. At first he just said okay, later he said that he was shocked that I directly said that I will leave and that we should sell the apartment, that I didn't make any effort to talk or try to save things. I really thought he can't be serious. Of course I would have done ANY effort to save things, but AFTER he already told me that he wants to break up and not be married? That doesn't make any sense.

[Toodaloo]

Edel

 

I gotta say it.

 

Your bloke is a total twazzock.

 

I hope that in time you see this and start to think "phew that was a close one" rather than feel so low and down about it all.

 

Chin up chook.

[edel]

Edel

 

I gotta say it.

 

Your bloke is a total twazzock.

 

I hope that in time you see this and start to think "phew that was a close one" rather than feel so low and down about it all.

 

Chin up chook.

 

 

Hehe, I already see that. But that doesn't change that I still miss him and think about him. It's too easy to say 'He sucks so he's not worth to even think about'. If it was that easy I would have done that weeks ago.

[edel]

Day 36 of NC, day 36 since I left. Tomorrow marks six months since we got married. I shouldn't even be thinking about that. Today, I've been missing him a lot. I've been missing our life together, even the smallest things, like staying in bed all morning or watching a show on tv. It's been around 7 weeks since the break up, and I still cannot stop thinking about him and missing him.

 

Some days are better than others. In the past week, I met friends almost every day, I had guys hitting on me, and I even met a really interesting guy two days ago, a friend of a friend. He was super smart and funny and I definitely liked him. He asked for my number and I gave it to him, but he hasn't texted me yet. I guess this is pretty good for my ego and takes my mind off things, even though I'm still not interested in dating. It's still hard to give up on the idea of us, to give up on the thought that he is/was the love of my life, even though I know it's over. He's so far away now, and somehow I still feel him so much.

 

Tomorrow, I'll fly to my home country to visit family for Eastern, I really can't wait. What I need now is family, to be around them, to be happy. I feel so lonely sometimes when I wake up alone in my apartment and literally nobody is there.

[Itspointless]

Enjoy your trip edel.

[Toodaloo]

Hehe, I already see that. But that doesn't change that I still miss him and think about him. It's too easy to say 'He sucks so he's not worth to even think about'. If it was that easy I would have done that weeks ago.

 

Oh I know and it sucks big time but even still.

 

The bloke is a total and utter *insert a swear word of your choice because so many seem to fit*.

 

You married the guy not long ago, you should still be all dream boats and teddy bears right now. Which kinda makes what he has done even worse. If he didn't want to marry you the least he could have done is save the bloody money and say before hand. Sorry practical head coming out there. But seriously its as though the guy has no gumption about him at all.

 

You are doing very well to be this far. Pat yourself on the back and enjoy that trip. Lord knows you deserve it. Give yourself time when you think of your ex and your first reaction is to wrinkle up your nose then you know you are ready to date again.

[edel]

Day 44 of NC.

 

I've been pretty well the past week because I did a lot of stuff. I met a friend in another city for the weekend, we did some MDMA (before everyone freaks out- I've done it before and I do it only maybe 1-2x a year, and when I do I don't even drink a sip of alcohol) and had a great time. Then till Sunday, staying with my family which has been nice.

 

I have to admit though that I'm still thinking all the time about him. I go to the mall and remember that last Xmas, I bought his gift here. I arrive at my Mom's apartment and think about the last time I was here and skyped with him. I google scuba diving destinations and only think about our amazing diving adventures together. God, when will this ever stop?? It's been over six weeks and I feel like I'm not getting over this at all. I know break ups are a slow, painful process, but sometimes I feel like I've lost everything. Him, our life together (in another country, in another apartment), his family, my purpose of life. I know, this sounds pathetic.

 

Tonight I've cried for the first time in a while. I've deleted him from Instagram, but I still have a couple of his friends, and one of them posted a picture today with my ex at the beach. Seeing him was like stabbing a knife right into my heart. Plus, he was ONLY wearing clothes I bought him (his closet is 95% of stuff he bought himself). He wore the hat and the shirt I gave him for his last birthday, and the shoes I gave him for Xmas. This hurts so much. I wonder how he can wear these without even thinking of me. I still have stuff he gave me (shoes, a cap etc.) and I just cannot wear them. I'm still too emotionally attached to them.

 

Right now, I feel like crap. I still talk to his Mom every couple of days because she keeps texting me and I still love her, and a part of me still cannot believe sometimes that it's over. It's 2am right now and I cannot sleep because I cannot stop thinking about him. I'm not sure what I need to be happy again. I feel like nothing makes me happy, things (friends, family, alcohol, sports, whatever else) makes me temporarily happy and then it wears off again and all I feel is sadness and asking myself what I should so with my life and how I can ever be happy again. I have amazing friends in the city I live now (again), but I can't shake this feeling of sadness and loneliness. I don't feel alone, but I feel lonely. And I wish I could just press a button in my head that would make me forget him and make me feel happy and satisfied again.

[mightycpa]

personally, I used to love girls and ecstasy. I probably still do.

[Toodaloo]

Edel its still early days.

 

Keep getting out. Keep talking to your Mum and your friends. Keep looking after yourself. Go on trips, paint your toe nails, get your hair done, try a new shampoo...

 

Cut down the contact with his Mum until you feel stronger as that contact will only remind you of him. Wait until you can think of her as your friend and not his Mum...

 

Just don't log on to Instagram etc for a while. Go out and do your thing. Each time you have a reminder like that it reinforces the others like when you go to the Mall etc. The sooner you can take away the reinforcement of thinking of him the sooner the other times you do will fade.

 

Develop a new purpose to life thats all your own.

 

Keep at it. You are doing well.

 

And yeah, stay away from the drugs... I have lost too many friends through death and their brains frying to be able to tell you its OK...

[edel]

Day 50 of NC. Another sleepless night, almost 3am. I've had a lot of problems falling asleep these weeks, even though I was tired, and even though I tried all the common tips: Tea before sleep, dim the lights, read a book etc. Nothing. My mind is still racing. I usually don't fall asleep till at least 2-3am (before all this happened I used to fall asleep at 10-11pm) , and then I sleep 6h.

 

I can't get him out of my head, or my heart. It's stupid, I know. I don't need to block him on social media (which I did) to remember him. My mind does it anyways. All these damn memories. We traveled four continents together, a total of ten countries. Skiing, scuba diving, hiking in the mountains, drinking wine in a castle. And so much more. Too many memories.

 

I've made a list a few days ago of all the bad things about him,to remind myself that he isn't as amazing as I often remember. After all, he ended our marriage out of nowhere. Just early January he was still all over me all the time, telling me that he loves me 3x a day, he made a Happy New Year card with a photo of us and sent it to the family, he put a new picture of us up on his phone screen and told me how he loves that picture. We still made travel plans for this year, not even three months ago.

 

I sometimes blame myself. I think maybe I should have fought for him, and not walk away immediately. But after all he was the one who suddenly said he needs time to think, and then after a few days sent me a text message saying he liked his time without me (I was on a trip) and he actually doesn't want to be married. I confronted him, and he said he just doesn't want to be married and that I pressured him into it. He said we just don't have the same vision of the future. He said we fight too much (even though we barely fought). I gave it a couple of days, he didn't take it back. Then I decided to leave, booked my flight and told him I want to sell the apartment. He agreed to everything, and asked me for a divorce. And on the last day, the day I was leaving, he was crying and said that 'I just decided to leave like that'. He still didn't take anything back of what he said. When we said goodbye, I didn't look him in the eyes. I still saw the devastated look on his face. It still brings tears to my eyes. Since then, nothing. Not a single word. And every single moment with him plays over and over again in my head. I hate it. I which I could delete it all. And I wish I could completely convince myself that the end of this is not my fault.

 

I would lie if I said that I never hope he comes back. Sometimes I still do. Sometimes I wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him, and if in a couple of weeks he contacts me. Then I remind myself that even if he contacted me, there is no way back from this. I'm doing my best to keep myself distracted, I even booked a flight to Indonesia today with a friend (the trip I was going to do with him). Still, he's always on my mind. I wish I could sleep at least. I wish I could look at other guys and not compare them to him. I wish I could go back in time and never met him at all.

Edited April 6, 2016 by edel

[ilovemefirst]

*Hugs*..it may not feel so right now, but the pain will go away soon. Just keep telling yourself, its going to be okay. It will take some time, but it will be okay. You're strong and you know u can do this!

[Itspointless]

Day 50 of NC. Another sleepless night, almost 3am. […]I usually don't fall asleep till at least 2-3am

Sounds like me, never been an early sleeper. Can be a problem though when having to deal with work

I can't get him out of my head, or my heart. It's stupid, I know […]I would lie if I said that I never hope he comes back. Sometimes I still do.

So is it stupid that you still cannot get him out of your head, nah its only 50 days! You so strict on yourself, why? I notice this in a lot of your posts. Thinking that it is stupid, blaming yourself. Seriously it would concern me if you would be completely over him already.

I've made a list a few days ago of all the bad things about him,to remind myself that he isn't as amazing as I often remember. After all, he ended our marriage out of nowhere. […] I sometimes blame myself. I think maybe I should have fought for him, and not walk away immediately.

It is easier if we can blame one of us. But it probably is the truth that he is both, that great guy and the person who left you in the cold. That is why you feel as you feel. He is not the devil, but he also couldn’t be what you hoped for and that hurts, a lot!

I'm doing my best to keep myself distracted, I even booked a flight to Indonesia today […] I wish I could look at other guys and not compare them to him. I wish I could go back in time and never met him at all.

I am not so worried that you can distract yourself. I just hope you grief and cry enough. Sometimes we need to cry a river to get somewhere else.

 

Keep going as you are going edel.