Husband broke up out of the blue - Over a text message

[edel]

It's been almost 5 months of NC. I've been more or less fine I think, especially during my vacation in South East Asia. Still, I think of my ex every day and I still dream of him at least once or twice a week. Just last night I did. It's always the same kind of dream- Us being back together.

 

Sunday night something happened that has never happened to me before, and I still don't understand. I was at a music event with friends and I didn't have much to drink, but I had some of the drink of a friend of a friend, a drink that tasted weird. I asked him why it tastes so weird and he smiled and said he put MDMA in it. Not very nice to not tell me, but whatever, I had MDMA before and never had a bad experience. In fact, I didn't even feel anything of it this time.

Anyways, at like 8.30pm I started feeling weird. Weak, dizzy, and like wanting to throw up. I told my friends I'd go home and so I did. Just a couple of minutes after getting home I suddenly got worse in just minutes. My heart was pounding super fast, my chest started hurting and I could barely breathe. I felt like I had to force myself to breathe, otherwise I would choke. My hands suddenly started to tingle and hurt and become numb and I started to get really scared. I called a friend and told her to come to my place,and she did. I laid on the floor, not knowing what the hell was going on. After like half an hour I started feeling a bit better, so we went to sleep.

 

I couldn't sleep at all, I just kept turning and turning, breathing was still really hard and I still felt like I had to throw up. At like 4am I got up and went to my balcony, opened the window, hoping that the fresh air would help me breathe. Then it got worse. Way worse. I can't even describe it. My hands started tingling and hurting again, and that feeling suddenly spread to almost my whole body. My arms got so numb that I couldn't even move them anymore. My face got so numb that I couldn't even open my mouth anymore or talk. My chest hurt like crazy. I panicked, thinking I was having a heart attack. I was at the point of almost passing out. My friend had to help me to put my shoes on since I couldn't move, and she helped me down the stairs, and we took a cab to the emergency room. I remember how everything seemed so unreal, and how I was completely convinced that I was dying. I was so sure I was having a heart attack or a stroke. In the emergency room they made me wait on a chair for a while instead of helping me, while I couldn't even talk, but I was in the worst pain of my life and almost passing out. Then they finally did some checks and found that my heart was okay (just pounding way too fast), which made them think I was 'just' having a very bad panic attack. They gave me some valium and let me rest for a while, and slowly I got better. After like an hour I felt my arms and face again, and felt okay, just extremely exhausted and tired. Even now, almost two days later, I'm extremely exhausted and tired. I don't even want to leave my apartment.

 

I really don't know what's going on with me. I've never had a panic attack, and even the people I know who have had one didn't have one THAT bad. I'm scared it will happen again, and I'm scared that psychologically there is something really wrong with me. Since the attack I've been feeling so depressed that I just want to cry all the time, that I hate my life (even though I know my life isn't bad), that I just want to sleep all the time and hope that magically I'll be happy and normal again.

[Itspointless]

Hi Edel I too was thinking of a panick attack before you wrote it. it seems that it also has warn you out, which makes your conscious and unconscious build up barriers less effective. I guess it is for you to find out if there are emotions there you still need to do something with. Your dreams point to the fact that you still are grieving. That is not a bad thing, sometimes we need a little breakdown to see how we best go on from there.

 

I am sorry though that you had to go through this horrible frighting experience. I hope you can move on from this experience by yourself! But perhaps it is wise to talk with a professional about it, one who also is familiar with bodily experiences and trauma.

 

Take your rest and be kind to yourself.

 

It's been almost 5 months of NC. I've been more or less fine I think, especially during my vacation in South East Asia. Still, I think of my ex every day and I still dream of him at least once or twice a week. Just last night I did. It's always the same kind of dream- Us being back together.

 

Sunday night something happened that has never happened to me before, and I still don't understand. I was at a music event with friends and I didn't have much to drink, but I had some of the drink of a friend of a friend, a drink that tasted weird. I asked him why it tastes so weird and he smiled and said he put MDMA in it. Not very nice to not tell me, but whatever, I had MDMA before and never had a bad experience. In fact, I didn't even feel anything of it this time.

Anyways, at like 8.30pm I started feeling weird. Weak, dizzy, and like wanting to throw up. I told my friends I'd go home and so I did. Just a couple of minutes after getting home I suddenly got worse in just minutes. My heart was pounding super fast, my chest started hurting and I could barely breathe. I felt like I had to force myself to breathe, otherwise I would choke. My hands suddenly started to tingle and hurt and become numb and I started to get really scared. I called a friend and told her to come to my place,and she did. I laid on the floor, not knowing what the hell was going on. After like half an hour I started feeling a bit better, so we went to sleep.

 

I couldn't sleep at all, I just kept turning and turning, breathing was still really hard and I still felt like I had to throw up. At like 4am I got up and went to my balcony, opened the window, hoping that the fresh air would help me breathe. Then it got worse. Way worse. I can't even describe it. My hands started tingling and hurting again, and that feeling suddenly spread to almost my whole body. My arms got so numb that I couldn't even move them anymore. My face got so numb that I couldn't even open my mouth anymore or talk. My chest hurt like crazy. I panicked, thinking I was having a heart attack. I was at the point of almost passing out. My friend had to help me to put my shoes on since I couldn't move, and she helped me down the stairs, and we took a cab to the emergency room. I remember how everything seemed so unreal, and how I was completely convinced that I was dying. I was so sure I was having a heart attack or a stroke. In the emergency room they made me wait on a chair for a while instead of helping me, while I couldn't even talk, but I was in the worst pain of my life and almost passing out. Then they finally did some checks and found that my heart was okay (just pounding way too fast), which made them think I was 'just' having a very bad panic attack. They gave me some valium and let me rest for a while, and slowly I got better. After like an hour I felt my arms and face again, and felt okay, just extremely exhausted and tired. Even now, almost two days later, I'm extremely exhausted and tired. I don't even want to leave my apartment.

 

I really don't know what's going on with me. I've never had a panic attack, and even the people I know who have had one didn't have one THAT bad. I'm scared it will happen again, and I'm scared that psychologically there is something really wrong with me. Since the attack I've been feeling so depressed that I just want to cry all the time, that I hate my life (even though I know my life isn't bad), that I just want to sleep all the time and hope that magically I'll be happy and normal again.

[keiji]

It's almost as though you're describing my first panic attack when I was 17. I had smoked a bit of hash and I suddenly started feeling awful, a sense of imminent death, cramps all over my body, chest pain and all the usual symptoms. Don't worry. If it happens again, it won't be as hard as the first time around. The fact that you don't know what's going on exacerbates all the symptoms.

 

It's completely normal that you feel exhausted now. Your body and mind have gone through a traumatic and grueling experience. The attack itself is a warning. You've accumulated so much tension and grief in the last months that it must be channeled some way or another. If the attacks or a general feeling of anxiety become too recurrent, perhaps it would be wise to try therapy and get everything off your chest with a professional instead of a casual chat with friends. The panic attack may be a manifestation of something deeper than your breakup, as I'm discovering with my therapy too.

 

Take care and try to enjoy this wonderful weather we're having here. Last week I was feeling a bit anxious too, so I made sure I took a dip in the sea every afternoon, topped with a fresh beer on a "chiringuito" afterwards. It helps!

[edel]

It's almost as though you're describing my first panic attack when I was 17. I had smoked a bit of hash and I suddenly started feeling awful, a sense of imminent death, cramps all over my body, chest pain and all the usual symptoms. Don't worry. If it happens again, it won't be as hard as the first time around. The fact that you don't know what's going on exacerbates all the symptoms.

 

It's completely normal that you feel exhausted now. Your body and mind have gone through a traumatic and grueling experience. The attack itself is a warning. You've accumulated so much tension and grief in the last months that it must be channeled some way or another. If the attacks or a general feeling of anxiety become too recurrent, perhaps it would be wise to try therapy and get everything off your chest with a professional instead of a casual chat with friends. The panic attack may be a manifestation of something deeper than your breakup, as I'm discovering with my therapy too.

 

Take care and try to enjoy this wonderful weather we're having here. Last week I was feeling a bit anxious too, so I made sure I took a dip in the sea every afternoon, topped with a fresh beer on a "chiringuito" afterwards. It helps!

 

 

Yea, I'm trying to just look forward. It was literally the worst experience of my life, I've never been so scared of dying. I'm considering therapy now for sure. Even though now I just feel like staying in bed all day I guess I should go outside and get some sun and do stuff. And haha, I'm surprised you already went for a swim, it's WAY too cold for me still I tried in Sant Joan, and all I could do was enter the water till my ankles.

[keiji]

Yea, I'm trying to just look forward. It was literally the worst experience of my life, I've never been so scared of dying. I'm considering therapy now for sure. Even though now I just feel like staying in bed all day I guess I should go outside and get some sun and do stuff. And haha, I'm surprised you already went for a swim, it's WAY too cold for me still I tried in Sant Joan, and all I could do was enter the water till my ankles.

 

I know it's very scary. I've had anxiety for 20 years, and I can assure you it won't get worse, but the opposite (perhaps it will never resurface again in your case, I hope so!). Just don't force things. Grieving a loss is hard and perhaps you haven't exteriorized it as much as you think or should. Above all, don't let it take hold. Do yoga, go for a run, try therapy or do what it takes before your body gets too used to channel fear, pain or trauma through panic attacks. Apparently, it's what happened to me, but I'm working on it!

 

If you have any doubts or need some hints, feel free to drop me a line. Unfortunately, I feel like an "expert" on anxiety episodes

 

As to the water, you can't be serious! Go for a swim before it gets hot as broth. And believe me, I'm incredibly sensitive to cold!

[Toodaloo]

Edel its not been long at all so don't worry. Just keep going one foot in front of the other.

 

As for the panic attacks they are nasty. Try to relax your mind more and steer clear from idiots who have drugs and stuff that may upset your brain and thought processes...

[edel]

I don't wanna hijack this thread but I don't know what's going on with me. I felt super depressed and exhausted all Monday after my panic attack and stayed home all day. I slept 11 hours each night, which is untypical for me. Tuesday I felt a bit better. Today, Wednesday, I had to run some errands and just after a couple of minutes walking I started feeling really dizzy, my legs got wobbly and so weak, I even had to sit down for a little bit. When I came home I started to feel a bit better again and agreed to have a coffee with two friends close to my house. When I left the house I was okay. As soon as we got the coffee and sat down at the table I started feeling really dizzy again. I noticed how my hands started sweating and trembling, and my heart started pounding like crazy. The area under my rips started hurting, I wasn't really able to listen to my friends conversation anymore, all I could think about was 'Oh my god, I'm having another anxiety attack'. Everything seemed unreal. I quickly swallowed another Valium (the doctor in the emergency room gave me two pills, the first one I took the night of my big panic attack, the second today) and told my friends I need to go home and lay down. I still feel a bit shaky and dizzy but at least my heart isn' pounding as hard anymore.

 

What on earth is going on with me?? This has never happened to me before. I wasn't even scared about another panic attack when I left my house, so it's not like I'm just waiting for it to happen. It just happened, I felt it coming, fortunately it didn't get as half as bad as my first one. After this I really start getting worried about what is going on with me and what I should do. I just want to feel normal again and I think I've done what I should do- I ate healthy, went for a walk in the sun today and I work out several times a week (except of this week because I feel way too weak).

[Itspointless]

In a way your body now is telling you - now those barriers have been broken away - that you need to have more attention to some of the things you are trying hard to to forget since of all of this has started. In a way it was good for you to rush certain things as it kept you going: you were in survival-mode. But doing that you still have a lot to process: 'your body keeps the score'. That is also a title of a book, which I really can recommend, by psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk. You will get there, but you need to start paying attention to what your body is telling you now.

[edel]

In a way your body now is telling you - now those barriers have been broken away - that you need to have more attention to some of the things you are trying hard to to forget since of all of this has started. In a way it was good for you to rush certain things as it kept you going: you were in survival-mode. But doing that you still have a lot to process: 'your body keeps the score'. That is also a title of a book, which I really can recommend, by psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk. You will get there, but you need to start paying attention to what your body is telling you now.

 

But what should I do? I mean I think I have dealt with everything that has happened. After all, I still think about my ex every day. And even though it was one of the worst experiences of my life, there were other ones that were terrible. For example, when I was 18 my ex-boyfriend tried to kill himself with a knife in front of me. I saw him stabbing himself in the stomach, he started bleeding like crazy, I called an ambulance. I was a bit traumatized, but I never had a panic attack or depression. I don't wanna stay at home now all the time thinking this is the only place where I'm safe. I wanna go out and continue my life, but I'm scared I'll have another panic attack, like I almost did today just having a normal coffee.

[Itspointless]

But what should I do? I mean I think I have dealt with everything that has happened. After all, I still think about my ex every day. And even though it was one of the worst experiences of my life, there were other ones that were terrible. For example, when I was 18 my ex-boyfriend tried to kill himself with a knife in front of me. I saw him stabbing himself in the stomach, he started bleeding like crazy, I called an ambulance. I was a bit traumatized, but I never had a panic attack or depression. I don't wanna stay at home now all the time thinking this is the only place where I'm safe. I wanna go out and continue my life, but I'm scared I'll have another panic attack, like I almost did today just having a normal coffee.

Pff that sounds pretty traumatic edel. The way you write you always sound to me as a pretty tough lady, and with that I also mean to yourself. Also sometimes drugs can make us a bit more unbalanced than we really are, as they can magnify certain feelings. Right now it is important for you to challenge yourself at the same time, do not let your fear win. It is not worth it and you deserve better than that. At the same time you might be helped with some of the things that are talked about in the book I was talking about: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18693771-the-body-keeps-the-score In it you will find suggestions you might want to give a try. You can see him speak here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53RX2ESIqsM

[keiji]

I don't wanna hijack this thread but I don't know what's going on with me. I felt super depressed and exhausted all Monday after my panic attack and stayed home all day. I slept 11 hours each night, which is untypical for me. Tuesday I felt a bit better. Today, Wednesday, I had to run some errands and just after a couple of minutes walking I started feeling really dizzy, my legs got wobbly and so weak, I even had to sit down for a little bit. When I came home I started to feel a bit better again and agreed to have a coffee with two friends close to my house. When I left the house I was okay. As soon as we got the coffee and sat down at the table I started feeling really dizzy again. I noticed how my hands started sweating and trembling, and my heart started pounding like crazy. The area under my rips started hurting, I wasn't really able to listen to my friends conversation anymore, all I could think about was 'Oh my god, I'm having another anxiety attack'. Everything seemed unreal. I quickly swallowed another Valium (the doctor in the emergency room gave me two pills, the first one I took the night of my big panic attack, the second today) and told my friends I need to go home and lay down. I still feel a bit shaky and dizzy but at least my heart isn' pounding as hard anymore.

 

What on earth is going on with me?? This has never happened to me before. I wasn't even scared about another panic attack when I left my house, so it's not like I'm just waiting for it to happen. It just happened, I felt it coming, fortunately it didn't get as half as bad as my first one. After this I really start getting worried about what is going on with me and what I should do. I just want to feel normal again and I think I've done what I should do- I ate healthy, went for a walk in the sun today and I work out several times a week (except of this week because I feel way too weak).

 

There's obviously things you still need to process. It may not be apparent, but it's there and it needs to be managed. It doesn't necessarily have to do with your break up, perhaps it's something that's been buried there for longer. Maybe it's time for therapy. It would be good if you faced this now instead of letting it take hold. I did it, and my therapist told me last Monday: "Finally you're looking at yourself in the eyes". I waited too long, but now I'm seeing results.

 

If you decide to go ahead with it and you want to try my therapist, let me know and I'll give you her info. She's not expensive and it's worked really well for me.

 

Take care and try not to obsess about all this. It's easier said than done, but it's also true that a panic attack always leaves you a bit "hungover" for a few days.

[edel]

Sooo my ex broke the NC. Got a Whatsapp message from him saying I'm the last person he will ever love, in my native language. Then an insider joke. I didn't reply. But obviously I cannot stop thinking about it.

[Itspointless]

Sooo my ex broke the NC. Got a Whatsapp message from him saying I'm the last person he will ever love, in my native language. Then an insider joke. I didn't reply. But obviously I cannot stop thinking about it.

Remember edel avoidant-attached people have high opinions about themselves and low ones about others, as they always expect people to abandon them. In a that way it is a self fulfilling prophecy. It is his sad truth and compingmechanism to deal with life. Do not make the mistake to think it says something about you. He probably is hurt because he cannot imagine why you are not fighting for him. It is the some kind of blaming he did before to make it easier for him, he probably has made this story his truth.

[edel]

Just wanted to give an update again for those interested.

 

I don't know why or what happened, but I feel much better than all those months. It's been exactly six months since I saw my ex for the last time, and a month since he messaged me saying that he still loves and misses me.

 

I started hooking up with a friend of mine, a friend I'm not really interested in and I can tell he's developing feelings for me, so I know this needs to stop. At the same time, I think I developed some feelings for another friend of mine, a guy that has been chasing me for months and that I always rejected, even though we really clicked. It just hit me a few days ago that I really like him and think about him a lot. He has even replaced my ex in my dreams. While I kept dreaming about my ex at least 3 times a week, now it's him who appears in my dreams.

 

Regardless of us ever starting to date or not- That is definitely a good sign. I feel like I'm much more over my ex than just a few months ago and ready to move on. A few months ago I couldn't even imagine to sleep with another guy, having feelings for another guy sounded crazy to me, now it's not that crazy anymore. This proves once again that break ups really just need time and that eventually, everyone is ready to move on, regardless of how much you loved that person.

[Toodaloo]

Good to see you edel and even better to hear that you are getting there.

 

All seems on track and just fine to me! Be careful with your heart and enjoy your time!

 

Really glad you are happier these days.

 

As for the dreams try a young Marlon Brando... Oh my days I have ruined him for all other women several times in my dreams!!!