Husband broke up out of the blue - Over a text message

[Itspointless]

If he really regrets what he did, why wouldn't he contact me even once since he left me? Why just liking my picture 107 days later? I obviously won't react to that.

Missing probably, regretting, I doubt that. He was blaming the break-up as your doing remember. He probably was curious, liked what he saw and wanted to be nice. If someone here I know likes my posts it is not a cue to for me to react to them.

[bathtub-row]

I think him "liking" something is the first of many steps to wiggle his way back into your life. He knew exactly what he was doing when he did that. He knew it would make you wonder, make you start thinking about him, thinking about the two of you being together, etc. I think you'll hear from him at some point. Or perhaps he's hoping you'll contact him.

 

This subtle maneuver is a very slick and covert way to get a person's attention. It wouldn't mean anything if he were just a friend, but he's not just a friend and that fact hasn't escaped his attention anymore than it hasn't escaped yours.

[Itspointless]

I think you'll hear from him at some point.

She never told him not to, so of-course she is going to hear from him.

[Deidre]

I think there is someone else, but it's iffy, and so he doesn't want to get a divorce, and not have you waiting in the wings when he ''doesn't find his rhythm.'' So, my thought is, he will just coast along, and get to live his life as a single guy, while still living with you...and not seeking a divorce. Just stays in limbo while he sees this other person and waits to see if that turns into anything. So many of my friends have been down this road, with boyfriends and husbands, I could bet money that this is what is going on.

 

I'd file, get him out or leave yourself, and move on. Sorry this is happening to you.

[edel]

I think there is someone else, but it's iffy, and so he doesn't want to get a divorce, and not have you waiting in the wings when he ''doesn't find his rhythm.'' So, my thought is, he will just coast along, and get to live his life as a single guy, while still living with you...and not seeking a divorce. Just stays in limbo while he sees this other person and waits to see if that turns into anything. So many of my friends have been down this road, with boyfriends and husbands, I could bet money that this is what is going on.

 

I'd file, get him out or leave yourself, and move on. Sorry this is happening to you.

 

I think you didnt read my whole post. There is nobody else, and I already moved out four months ago. Thx anyway

[edel]

I guess I thought I'd hear from him much sooner. I mean I still haven't heard from him, I just got this one like to my picture. I posted another one yesterday and this time he didn't like it. Even though I don't want to fix this anymore, I guess I'm still hoping that I hear from him and that he shows remorse about what he has done.

[bathtub-row]

I guess I thought I'd hear from him much sooner. I mean I still haven't heard from him, I just got this one like to my picture. I posted another one yesterday and this time he didn't like it. Even though I don't want to fix this anymore, I guess I'm still hoping that I hear from him and that he shows remorse about what he has done.

 

So this is the effect that one act had on you. It's such a cruel game. I know it's hard but try not to let his thoughtless behavior control you. He is cold and thoughtless.

[edel]

Day 111of NC.

 

I slept with another guy today. Not because I really wanted to. I just couldn't handle the thought of my ex being the last one I slept with anymore. I've been having tons of dreams about him lately, about us being together and about us having sex. It hurts so much. Tonight I met this really cute guy and I guess I thought he could help me to get through this. We slept together,then I just left him because I couldn't handle to be around him anymore. I feel miserable, while my ex probably feels perfect.

[Itspointless]

I feel miserable, while my ex probably feels perfect.

I always notice a lot of people making judgements about character of people while advising others or telling them how their exes must feel. But in all honestly we simply do not know. What I expect though is that he is not feeling perfect, just not feeling suffocated anymore. That does not equate to feeling good. I am guessing that he does feel ashamed and I also dare to bet that his mother is pushing him to contact you.

 

Anyway, I understand that it hearts to only hear from him after all this time.

[elaine567]

I don't think you can read too much into liking a pic.

He probably thinks that at 4 months down the line, he is safe to pick up contact again and you are not going to get all angry or upset with him any longer.

He kept saying at the start "I never wanted to hurt you", and that was probably true, so now you seem to be getting on with your life, he is acknowledging that fact and encouraging it, by liking your pic.

You were supposed to go to SE Asia with him but you went with your friends. It's a "Good for you", "Well done" sort of like, I guess.

It also lets him off some of the guilt he must have felt dumping you out of the blue.

You are fine, you are out there holidaying, he can relax.

His actions did not do permanent damage. "We can both be adults now and accept how things are." is probably how he is really thinking and like many dumpers, he thinks he can be your friend.

 

Only by that small contact he stirred up all that emotion in you. He threw you a teeny, tiny breadcrumb and like a starving sparrow you are on full alert looking for another one...

[keiji]

Perhaps it's just a matter of ego, one of those "hey, I'm here" when they see you're carrying on with your life. When they truly want to contact you, they know how to do it.

[edel]

Day I don't even remember how many. Over 100.

 

Today my ex liked one of my pictures again. Then he unliked it after five minutes. No idea what that means. I'm trying not to care what it means. Being so far away from home and from him makes me realize what kind of person he really is. I start to think that all we had together didn't happen because he really loved me, but because he cannot be alone, and because he was physically really attracted to me. He even told me one time he hasn't been single since he was a teenager. I now see him as weak, as a narcissist, as someone who never honestly cared about me. And that's okay. It still hurts, but I start accepting it. I don't want him anymore. And I don't know why I still wonder about him every time he likes or unlikes one of my pictures.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Do you think it might help if you block him?

[keiji]

Do you think it might help if you block him?

 

It would DEFINITELY help if she blocked him.

 

Having him on social media is obviously an unbalancing factor. You're only a click away from avoiding these little games of his. I'll grab you by the arms and shake you if we ever cross paths in town. Be warned :-)

Edited June 15, 2016 by keiji

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I agree there is a lot to gain from breaking that connection, but it can be really hard to go through with it while your feelings are still raw.

 

I would personally recommend blocking him because it sounds like he is using it as a way to get under her skin, but I also understand that this is a very personal choice that only she can make.

[keiji]

Absolutely, that's a personal decision. In my case, I blocked my ex when emotions were running very, very high, and time has shown that it was the best I could do.

[aliveagain]

Haven't read all of your posts, are you divorcing or annulling, an annulment is so much cheaper then a divorce. You were only married 5 months, I am pretty sure you qualify for an annulment.

[edel]

I deleted him on both FB and Instagram, but he still follows me on Insta so I guess I cannot control if he likes my pics or not.

[keiji]

I deleted him on both FB and Instagram, but he still follows me on Insta so I guess I cannot control if he likes my pics or not.

 

I think he can see your profile if it's public.

[Toodaloo]

And I don't know why I still wonder about him every time he likes or unlikes one of my pictures.

 

Edel - you have done really well.

 

What is happening is this. He likes your pictures to get your attention. Because he is messed up. It doesn't mean he wants you back he just wants your attention and the reassurance that you still love him.

 

By clicking like that he knows (or is trying) to get your attention. He wants you to be hurting as much as he is (because believe you me he is hurting even though he was a complete ass).

 

Do not let him get in your head like this. Block him. Take a break from instagram, facebook etc. Keep your head high and hold your dignity.

 

Keep at it girl. You are doing so well. I am really proud of you.

[kztar]

He wants your attention. My ex did the same just two days ago. BLOCK HIM and ignore. You have been doing great!

[VeveCakes]

I deleted him on both FB and Instagram, but he still follows me on Insta so I guess I cannot control if he likes my pics or not.

 

You can block him on insta, what are you waiting for?

[edel]

It's been almost 5 months of NC. I've been more or less fine I think, especially during my vacation in South East Asia. Still, I think of my ex every day and I still dream of him at least once or twice a week. Just last night I did. It's always the same kind of dream- Us being back together.

 

Sunday night something happened that has never happened to me before, and I still don't understand. I was at a music event with friends and I didn't have much to drink, but I had some of the drink of a friend of a friend, a drink that tasted weird. I asked him why it tastes so weird and he smiled and said he put MDMA in it. Not very nice to not tell me, but whatever, I had MDMA before and never had a bad experience. In fact, I didn't even feel anything of it this time.

Anyways, at like 8.30pm I started feeling weird. Weak, dizzy, and like wanting to throw up. I told my friends I'd go home and so I did. Just a couple of minutes after getting home I suddenly got worse in just minutes. My heart was pounding super fast, my chest started hurting and I could barely breathe. I felt like I had to force myself to breathe, otherwise I would choke. My hands suddenly started to tingle and hurt and become numb and I started to get really scared. I called a friend and told her to come to my place,and she did. I laid on the floor, not knowing what the hell was going on. After like half an hour I started feeling a bit better, so we went to sleep.

 

I couldn't sleep at all, I just kept turning and turning, breathing was still really hard and I still felt like I had to throw up. At like 4am I got up and went to my balcony, opened the window, hoping that the fresh air would help me breathe. Then it got worse. Way worse. I can't even describe it. My hands started tingling and hurting again, and that feeling suddenly spread to almost my whole body. My arms got so numb that I couldn't even move them anymore. My face got so numb that I couldn't even open my mouth anymore or talk. My chest hurt like crazy. I panicked, thinking I was having a heart attack. I was at the point of almost passing out. My friend had to help me to put my shoes on since I couldn't move, and she helped me down the stairs, and we took a cab to the emergency room. I remember how everything seemed so unreal, and how I was completely convinced that I was dying. I was so sure I was having a heart attack or a stroke. In the emergency room they made me wait on a chair for a while instead of helping me, while I couldn't even talk, but I was in the worst pain of my life and almost passing out. Then they finally did some checks and found that my heart was okay (just pounding way too fast), which made them think I was 'just' having a very bad panic attack. They gave me some valium and let me rest for a while, and slowly I got better. After like an hour I felt my arms and face again, and felt okay, just extremely exhausted and tired. Even now, almost two days later, I'm extremely exhausted and tired. I don't even want to leave my apartment.

 

I really don't know what's going on with me. I've never had a panic attack, and even the people I know who have had one didn't have one THAT bad. I'm scared it will happen again, and I'm scared that psychologically there is something really wrong with me. Since the attack I've been feeling so depressed that I just want to cry all the time, that I hate my life (even though I know my life isn't bad), that I just want to sleep all the time and hope that magically I'll be happy and normal again.

[Itspointless]

Hi Edel I too was thinking of a panick attack before you wrote it. it seems that it also has warn you out, which makes your conscious and unconscious build up barriers less effective. I guess it is for you to find out if there are emotions there you still need to do something with. Your dreams point to the fact that you still are grieving. That is not a bad thing, sometimes we need a little breakdown to see how we best go on from there.

 

I am sorry though that you had to go through this horrible frighting experience. I hope you can move on from this experience by yourself! But perhaps it is wise to talk with a professional about it, one who also is familiar with bodily experiences and trauma.

 

Take your rest and be kind to yourself.

 

It's been almost 5 months of NC. I've been more or less fine I think, especially during my vacation in South East Asia. Still, I think of my ex every day and I still dream of him at least once or twice a week. Just last night I did. It's always the same kind of dream- Us being back together.

 

Sunday night something happened that has never happened to me before, and I still don't understand. I was at a music event with friends and I didn't have much to drink, but I had some of the drink of a friend of a friend, a drink that tasted weird. I asked him why it tastes so weird and he smiled and said he put MDMA in it. Not very nice to not tell me, but whatever, I had MDMA before and never had a bad experience. In fact, I didn't even feel anything of it this time.

Anyways, at like 8.30pm I started feeling weird. Weak, dizzy, and like wanting to throw up. I told my friends I'd go home and so I did. Just a couple of minutes after getting home I suddenly got worse in just minutes. My heart was pounding super fast, my chest started hurting and I could barely breathe. I felt like I had to force myself to breathe, otherwise I would choke. My hands suddenly started to tingle and hurt and become numb and I started to get really scared. I called a friend and told her to come to my place,and she did. I laid on the floor, not knowing what the hell was going on. After like half an hour I started feeling a bit better, so we went to sleep.

 

I couldn't sleep at all, I just kept turning and turning, breathing was still really hard and I still felt like I had to throw up. At like 4am I got up and went to my balcony, opened the window, hoping that the fresh air would help me breathe. Then it got worse. Way worse. I can't even describe it. My hands started tingling and hurting again, and that feeling suddenly spread to almost my whole body. My arms got so numb that I couldn't even move them anymore. My face got so numb that I couldn't even open my mouth anymore or talk. My chest hurt like crazy. I panicked, thinking I was having a heart attack. I was at the point of almost passing out. My friend had to help me to put my shoes on since I couldn't move, and she helped me down the stairs, and we took a cab to the emergency room. I remember how everything seemed so unreal, and how I was completely convinced that I was dying. I was so sure I was having a heart attack or a stroke. In the emergency room they made me wait on a chair for a while instead of helping me, while I couldn't even talk, but I was in the worst pain of my life and almost passing out. Then they finally did some checks and found that my heart was okay (just pounding way too fast), which made them think I was 'just' having a very bad panic attack. They gave me some valium and let me rest for a while, and slowly I got better. After like an hour I felt my arms and face again, and felt okay, just extremely exhausted and tired. Even now, almost two days later, I'm extremely exhausted and tired. I don't even want to leave my apartment.

 

I really don't know what's going on with me. I've never had a panic attack, and even the people I know who have had one didn't have one THAT bad. I'm scared it will happen again, and I'm scared that psychologically there is something really wrong with me. Since the attack I've been feeling so depressed that I just want to cry all the time, that I hate my life (even though I know my life isn't bad), that I just want to sleep all the time and hope that magically I'll be happy and normal again.

[keiji]

It's almost as though you're describing my first panic attack when I was 17. I had smoked a bit of hash and I suddenly started feeling awful, a sense of imminent death, cramps all over my body, chest pain and all the usual symptoms. Don't worry. If it happens again, it won't be as hard as the first time around. The fact that you don't know what's going on exacerbates all the symptoms.

 

It's completely normal that you feel exhausted now. Your body and mind have gone through a traumatic and grueling experience. The attack itself is a warning. You've accumulated so much tension and grief in the last months that it must be channeled some way or another. If the attacks or a general feeling of anxiety become too recurrent, perhaps it would be wise to try therapy and get everything off your chest with a professional instead of a casual chat with friends. The panic attack may be a manifestation of something deeper than your breakup, as I'm discovering with my therapy too.

 

Take care and try to enjoy this wonderful weather we're having here. Last week I was feeling a bit anxious too, so I made sure I took a dip in the sea every afternoon, topped with a fresh beer on a "chiringuito" afterwards. It helps!