LooperDooper Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Keeping this short. I broke up with my ex about one year ago, we talked for about a month and later went NC and haven't really ever spoken since. We see each other every often because she is in my semester and classes (there is no way around not having classes with her). Anyways, when we broke up I had a tough time for a couple of months, including deleting her from social media and everything. She said I was very immature for doing that, I didn't care I did what was best for me and removing her from my life. She got together with another guy about 2-3 months after we broke up and are still together. I have seen her often recently, just from far away running into each other at university, etc but we haven't talked. She usually just looks at me and I just continue doing my thing. She never deleted me off Instagram (I don't have Fb), until sometime this week I noticed I was looking in my followers and realized she wasn't there anymore. Should I make something of this? I mean she didn't delete me then but a year later she does? I haven't posted more than 2 pictures in the last 6 months and the last one was 3 months ago. I think about her every so often just like I do with every ex, I did love her at the time when I was blind to many things but I am completely over her, she didn't and doesn't deserve me and I didn't deserve the way she treated me unfairly, I don't get hurt when I see her with her new bf and I am genuinely happy being single for now. So why does this sort of loom in my mind? I shouldn't make anything of it but it just makes me curious as to why delete me when I'm no longer active and a year later? It just doesn't make sense. Just needed to let it out to see if I don't dwell on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 I had the same thing happen to me, where my ex deleted me off social media after 2 years of being broken up, and no contact during that time. I wondered why a bunch, and it hurt, but I came to this and I think it's generally the truth: They're trying to take control over the fluctuating feelings they have about their past in the context of their present. Adding and deleting people from social media gives a superficial sense of ordering experience. It invites that use because you can "erase" someone with the click of the mouse, or add someone and watch the ticker on your friends count go up one. It's silly, really, but it gives people a sense of control. It's not personal; really, it's not about you at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Given how you've been acting with each other, it seems pretty natural that she'd remove you from her social media. She's just tired of keeping up appearances and has resigned herself to the idea that this is going to be the way it is. Why pretend there's any connection left at all? I think it is actually more weird that you avoid each other in person but continue to maintain the social media relationship. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DarkHorizon Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 The big question here is... why do you care? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 I had the same thing happen to me, where my ex deleted me off social media after 2 years of being broken up, and no contact during that time. I wondered why a bunch, and it hurt, but I came to this and I think it's generally the truth: They're trying to take control over the fluctuating feelings they have about their past in the context of their present. Adding and deleting people from social media gives a superficial sense of ordering experience. It invites that use because you can "erase" someone with the click of the mouse, or add someone and watch the ticker on your friends count go up one. It's silly, really, but it gives people a sense of control. It's not personal; really, it's not about you at all. I like this answer however a far more different answer could be that things are over and its just time to let the past be the past and break with it. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Another possibility (albeit unlikely) is that since you have given her the impression you have moved on, she isn't getting any ego boost by sticking around. In fact seeing you move on rather nonchalantly in the future (via your "high on life" Facebook posts" may even irritate her.... she might have decided she does't want to witness that (if it were to happen). Again, its unlikely but that what makes this forum what it is.... there is no 1 single answer. Even if we held her at gunpoint and demanded the reason.... she may not even know the answer herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Neffer Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Don't read into it or seek any meaning at all. It's likely just housecleaning. I have deleted/erased people long after the initial unfriending on various platforms. Sometimes you just get around to it late. There is really no reason to keep any connection, so she tidied up. Link to post Share on other sites
ExtraSpice Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 It could be a multitude of reasons. Maybe it was just a routine cleanup. Maybe she still hadn't fully moved on and felt this was the right step. Maybe it is their way of saying you are no longer needed in their life in any shape or form. Maybe it was done to evoke a reaction from you. Some of the reasons are highly unlikely and some are not, but impossible to know exactly why. I can understand the looming feeling because I would probably have the same feeling. But this is one of those things that you will not get an answer to and is best if you don't seek one and just let it go. I say that easily, however, I know in reality its slightly difficult to do that. Curiosity is a difficult thing to shake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LooperDooper Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 It could be a multitude of reasons. Maybe it was just a routine cleanup. Maybe she still hadn't fully moved on and felt this was the right step. Maybe it is their way of saying you are no longer needed in their life in any shape or form. Maybe it was done to evoke a reaction from you. Some of the reasons are highly unlikely and some are not, but impossible to know exactly why. I can understand the looming feeling because I would probably have the same feeling. But this is one of those things that you will not get an answer to and is best if you don't seek one and just let it go. I say that easily, however, I know in reality its slightly difficult to do that. Curiosity is a difficult thing to shake. This is very true, I'm not planning on snooping around to find out, I mean it's not like she told me I literally just casually found out. It's just odd for her to do it at this point in life after a year of NC, but I guess people do things without having any real reason. I guess it just seemed odd for me, but I'm not planning on digging in a hole I don't ever want to be back in. Link to post Share on other sites
triple-s Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 it doesnt matter does it ? Ive had ex's delete me ... so what .... life goes on . Good thing about this is SHE DELETED YOU . It wasnt YOU DELETED HER . it was HER actions not yours ... thus no regrets Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I don't really see what the big deal is, either. A guy I dated a couple of years ago stayed my "friend" on FB until I met my most recent ex and then he unfriended me. My current ex and I broke up 5 months ago, but we still follow each other's IG accounts. I don't know for how much longer, though. As the memories fade, unfollowing them feels much less harsh. I personally haven't felt "ready" to do it, but I know there'll come a time when I don't care what he's doing any more. I don't think there's any greater meaning to it, though. Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 This is very true, I'm not planning on snooping around to find out, I mean it's not like she told me I literally just casually found out. It's just odd for her to do it at this point in life after a year of NC, but I guess people do things without having any real reason. I guess it just seemed odd for me, but I'm not planning on digging in a hole I don't ever want to be back in. Well, for me, I do delete people on FB if I have no more connections with them. I mean, why would I let someone be FB friends with me if I haven't talked to him for a year? This is not about your relationship, for me, she moved on, was cleaning out her FB Friends, evaluated that you two no longer needs to be FB friends as you don't talk in real life anyway, so delete Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Social media is funny isn't it? Friending and unfriending, following or unfollowing. Even texting can get tricky. People end up staring at a one line text for hours like it has some secret meaning. The bottom line is no one knows why she unfriended you. Maybe she was going through all her contacts and decided you needed to go. I do that from time to time. I clean out my cell phone or FB. Maybe she is dating someone, and she felt weird having an ex on FB. I've done that too. I deleted an old ex after I got serious with someone else. Maybe she was obsessed with looking at your profile everyday, and the only way to stop that was to defriend you. Maybe she can't stand the sight of you and wants to erase you from her life. The bottom line is that no one knows, and the even bigger takeaway is that it doesn't matter and has no bearing on your life. You aren't friends with her in real life. Social media can be a way to keep up false connections with people. Don't make it more than it is. I doubt she considered you at all when she unfriended you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExtraSpice Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 This is very true, I'm not planning on snooping around to find out, I mean it's not like she told me I literally just casually found out. It's just odd for her to do it at this point in life after a year of NC, but I guess people do things without having any real reason. I guess it just seemed odd for me, but I'm not planning on digging in a hole I don't ever want to be back in. Yeah I am sure you are not planning on snooping around or digging yourself into a hole. Curiosity is an interesting thing. Sometimes I have spent hours trying to analyze why someone did something, and all it ever gave me was a bigger headache. Does that mean I have stopped doing that? Unfortunately no. Lol I think it gets you or anyone thinking because deleting someone seems like an active activity. Like she actively went to your friends list and decided to delete you. And that is where the question of why comes in. Unless of course if it was a mass deletion, in that case there was no active thought in deleting you. Maybe you will be at a point in your life when you decide to delete an ex and then remember to come back to update your reasoning. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts