whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Just found it. Interesting to get the MM perspective. It's almost like they decide it's time to move on and then they just go ahead and do it and make it happen. As he said "don't look back". With that in mind, next time he pops into your head, push the memories of what you two shared out of your head because (and say this out loud) "HE isn't thinking of me at all. He isn't missing me. It's a waste of my precious energy to reminisce about him like a bad habit, to have him occupy space in my head is pointless and serves no purpose." Make yourself a mantra and get out the habit of letting yourself think and remember. Sure it'll be hard but be tough on yourself and don't let you get caught up in the emotions of it all. That prevents you from really grieving and letting go...Hanging onto those memories and re living them keeps what you feel for him alive. He's moved on, so should you. Takes 30 days to make a habit, 30 days to break a habit. You can do this, distract yourself, get busy and be pro active in fighting the memories. Don't fantasize before bedtime. Fall asleep to the tv if it helps from keeping your mind from wandering. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lftbehind Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I really don't think they do. I think they compartmentalise things, put things away in a box and move on. Once they make a decision they move forwards very quickly. As much as they enjoyed the A at the time I think for some they want to move away from the drama. For my MM his wife got suspicious and it got to the point she was watching him like a hawk every time he texted or emailed (even if it was his own friends). She also kept saying "what's going on, you look dodgy, are you having an affair". The double life became too much for him, it wasn't enjoyable anymore and he said to me he just needs to act "normal" at home - not secretive or protecting his phone. Once he made up his mind he moved on pretty quickly with that decision. Not like me still reminiscing etc. just before it ended I was talking to him about one particular occasion we were together (only 2 months ago). He said "jeez, that's right, that seems like SO long ago". It was a memory for him that had been and gone and he never dwelled on it again. He had already "forgotten". That's sad, isn't it? After we've spent so much time thinking about them and wishing that we could be with them. It makes you wonder why you even bothered with the A. It hurts to be forgotten. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 (edited) This thread recommendation literally saved me from breaking NC. Just hearing that guy's perspective makes me resolve to NEVER break NC... no matter what. Thanks PG!! Absolutely. And NC is going to be the hardest struggle for really anyone. I don't think it comes naturally, we hate the feeling. Its good to read about NC guideline under the breakup section, though it seems very silly and trivial to do, its a smart reminder. Initially after A ends people are in shock and crisis. It is very jarring and it hurts a TON. So NC is less cruel to yourself even though it hurts, it is a cleansing of your heart. You've got to perservere and really just go blindly forward in faith that if you can tough out these roughest first few months, that the better days are really ahead. We don't want to do it, we don't always want to face that pain, it is hard and somedays you might feel you might crack, other days you feel like its going to be ok. But nothing compares with the pain of being inside that affair. Any contact is temporary relief. I read to view AP as an axe murderer of your heart. You surely don't want to be a victim. Im not trying to even villianize MM more so just point out that they went away from you in a cool and calculated way and dialed away their feelings in exchange for a calm detached matter of fact emotionless way just like that man who wrote that post in the marriage section that you read did. So the sooner you can get the tears out so you can get them dry and get out of the wallowing and analyzing mode, the sooner you can also start to think rationally again and realize there was a you and a life before them and there will be again. How much time it takes to get back to normal life and heal in many ways is up to us. Please stay strong. Edited February 9, 2016 by privategal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Easiest way to move on? Make a decision to stay away from married men, not be played like a fool for some guy's pleasure 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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