Saf17 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Hey guys, I am currently married whilst seperated. Wife had an affair and now dating the guy and I've started divorce proceedings. Over in the marriage break up/seperation thread there is my story, title 'surprised split' if you want the full story. Anyway, my issue is this. I am still married and completely not interested in dating or looking or thinking in that direction. However, I had a good evening the pub last Friday with friends and met a girl called Amber. Totally not for me, but lovely all the same. My friend kept encouraging me to flirt but I couldn't as I'm married (and seperated). Is it okay to flirt as long as I keep it as a harmless flirt? Or am I doing the best thing by refusing? A harmless flirt to enjoy and feel good would be nice, but is it right? Just to stress, I have no interest in anything more than a flirt so even just on that ground should I not do it? Sorry and thanks for any advice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 better to finish the book you are on then start another one 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 I completely disagree with finishing one book before starting another. The only reason that book is still even open is because a judge hasn't had time to sign off on it yet, not because his wife is going to suddenly turn into a person with decency and morals and come begging for a 2nd chance. Your cheating wife was the cause of your separation and divorce, she moved on a long time ago and she's 'dating' her affair partner. This particular book was slammed shut a long time ago. I think it's foolish to assume you have to put your whole life on hold until some judge in your county courthouse can finally find the time to put the finalization of your divorce on his busy calendar. His schedule has no bearing on your personal life. If you want to flirt a little, I suggest you do. And I hope to hell you enjoy it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ragnar1984 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Being honest, you have been through a great deal recently, regarding infidelity, separation, divorce proceedings, etc. Yes, I can completely understand why you are nervous about dipping your toes back in the water, so to speak. However a bit of harmless flirting can just be that. It doesn't have to be serious and heavy. If anything it can simply be a productive way for two people to feel a little better about themselves or a confidence boost at the very least. Assuming Amber wasn't asking you to go down on her, try not to be wound too tight. As hard as your circumstances may be, and I will not try to understand, as I have never been there, you have to face facts. That part of your life, with your wife, is over. Not allowing yourself a little harmless fun because your still legally married is absurd. Your wife certainly didn't share the same sentiment when she started bed hopping, so why should you provide any thoughtful gestures on her behalf. Regardless of whether you find Amber attractive or not is beyond the point. It is about you learning to live again and just having fun. So get to it my friend! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saf17 Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 better to finish the book you are on then start another one I don't plan on starting another book at all. I guess flirting could be seen as that though. Thanks for your input Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saf17 Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 I completely disagree with finishing one book before starting another. The only reason that book is still even open is because a judge hasn't had time to sign off on it yet, not because his wife is going to suddenly turn into a person with decency and morals and come begging for a 2nd chance. Your cheating wife was the cause of your separation and divorce, she moved on a long time ago and she's 'dating' her affair partner. This particular book was slammed shut a long time ago. I think it's foolish to assume you have to put your whole life on hold until some judge in your county courthouse can finally find the time to put the finalization of your divorce on his busy calendar. His schedule has no bearing on your personal life. If you want to flirt a little, I suggest you do. And I hope to hell you enjoy it. Again, valid points but I do want to say (just for myself) that no matter what she turns into, there will never be a second chance for her. But I took my vows with every intention of keeping them so that's why I'm asking. I wouldn't mind a hug or the odd smile but I want no kind of physical interaction from holding hands to kissing until I'm single. Thanks for the input, I'll think on it Link to post Share on other sites
MightyPen Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Again, valid points but I do want to say (just for myself) that no matter what she turns into, there will never be a second chance for her. But I took my vows with every intention of keeping them so that's why I'm asking. I wouldn't mind a hug or the odd smile but I want no kind of physical interaction from holding hands to kissing until I'm single. Thanks for the input, I'll think on it Man, you're more...what's the word...devoted than I am. As Lois said, your soon to be ex bailed loooong ago. If I were you, I'd be flirting...hell I'd be doing more than flirting. I'd be trying to meet single women immediately! Get back on that horse! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saf17 Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 Being honest, you have been through a great deal recently, regarding infidelity, separation, divorce proceedings, etc. Yes, I can completely understand why you are nervous about dipping your toes back in the water, so to speak. However a bit of harmless flirting can just be that. It doesn't have to be serious and heavy. If anything it can simply be a productive way for two people to feel a little better about themselves or a confidence boost at the very least. Assuming Amber wasn't asking you to go down on her, try not to be wound too tight. As hard as your circumstances may be, and I will not try to understand, as I have never been there, you have to face facts. That part of your life, with your wife, is over. Not allowing yourself a little harmless fun because your still legally married is absurd. Your wife certainly didn't share the same sentiment when she started bed hopping, so why should you provide any thoughtful gestures on her behalf. Regardless of whether you find Amber attractive or not is beyond the point. It is about you learning to live again and just having fun. So get to it my friend! Yeah, it's been a little bit to cope with and this last week has been a real struggle. I'm not nervous in myself. I have no issues talking to people. I'm just nervous as I'm married and I don't want to piss over my vows. Just because she did doesn't mean it's fine for me too. I also get the wife is in the past and I need to look forward but the whole marriage vows and still being married are affecting my thoughts. The flirting will be as harmless as a wink or smile or maybe a hug. Literally nothing else. Thanks for your input, I'll think on it Link to post Share on other sites
GR4 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 You might still be married but I'd regard you as very much available. Your wife has pissed off with her new man so why shouldn't you have some fun? Flirting is a means to an end. I wouldn't consider flirting fun and I wouldn't do it unless I wanted something more. But if you enjoy flirting for the fun of it then go for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saf17 Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 Man, you're more...what's the word...devoted than I am. As Lois said, your soon to be ex bailed loooong ago. If I were you, I'd be flirting...hell I'd be doing more than flirting. I'd be trying to meet single women immediately! Get back on that horse! Yep.. I'm more... What's the word... Stupid than anyone else on the planet. I think I'm okay with a non physical style flirting so might flash the occasional grin or wink. Thanks all Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Flirting is harmless....married or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 You deserve to find happiness with someone else whenever you feel ready. Link to post Share on other sites
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