daisyandroses Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I've been talking to this guy for 4 months now and we've been FWB meeting up twice a week. (FWB is a loose term, more so **** buddy. We used to be in a dating phase for a little while then we just said "**** it, we both don't want to be in a relationship, so why don't we just have sex?" but we keep conversation going like a friendship ie ; "how was your day/work/night") The first month was great, then the other 3 months he's been going in cycles of hot and cold with me. I haven't really had a talk to him yet about how he feels about this because we haven't been talking this week, I'm sure he's going ghost but because his hot and cold cycles with me I don't know what to think. I sent him a triple text (sorry lmao) to which i have no replies from. So i'm just going to let the dust settle, let his emotions settle and see if this is just another one of his cold cycles he goes through. Either way (i know this sounds like im plugging my ears and screaming "lalalala", so sorry) I plan on sending him a text that kinda says "Hey, its totally fine if you don't feel comfortable in this arrangement anymore, I understand. I just hope you remember the first thing we agreed on was to always communicate when feelings change. If you're looking for an easy way out, this is it. Just tell if you don't think this is right for you anymore, there's nothing wrong with that. Just don't be the ******* who leaves a girl wondering how you feel, and taking the cowards way out of ghosting" I guess my question is how can I ask him how he feels without sounding like im more of a level 9 clinger. (that triple text sent me over the edge haha) tl;dr: haven't got dicked down in a month, feeling sexually frustrated and on top of that my FWB has been distant towards me lately. Sent a triple text, no reply. I want to ask him about his feelings, but I know I most likely won't get a text back.But its worth a shot, I cant make things worse if he has 0 interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Under the arrangement you have, he doesn't owe you anything, but if you want to ask, just ask. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisyandroses Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Under the arrangement you have, he doesn't owe you anything, but if you want to ask, just ask. When should I ask him? I mean, after the triple texting and all. I think you should at least send a quick "im not feeling this anymore" text. If you're mature enough to **** around, be mature enough to end things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Ask him that. Why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisyandroses Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Ask him that. Why not? Like, right now? Right this second? Part of me says wait a couple of days but the other half of me says I should just get it over with. When I do text him, I've been thinking of doing a simple "Hey, it seems you've been distant lately. Do you still want to do this whole FWB thing? I can understand if you don't want to, I can also understand if you don't know and need time to think. But what I do need, is for you to tell me how you feel about this situation. Either way its cool, just remember to communicate!" I should also add how he mentions he feels dirty after we do the deed. Like right after he says "yeah that felt nice, but I kinda feel dirty" im guessing its because he is religious, but I don't know yet. I know his parents and brothers are I just don't know if he is, i'm assuming he's not religious though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 (edited) I don't think you need to ask how he feels, his silence speaks volumes. Do you have feelings for this guy? If not, there is no point in wasting your time further, unless you want to look desperate. Sorry to sound harsh, but you know that is how he will see it. I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction. You would be better off finding a new "buddy" who shows you more respect. Edited February 9, 2016 by Scarlett.O'hara 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I think you should set your sights higher. Much higher. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 No response is a response. You've enabled the hot and cold behavior so it's only normal that he withdraws whenever he feels like it. You've already sent three text messages and any more of that may sound like you're a little more invested than you care to admit. He's a guy you have sex with. If it's not working out for you, move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 It sounds like you are too invested emotionally to keep going with this arrangement. So maybe it's best it's fizzling out. You could try one last message along the lines of Hey just wondering if you still want to pursue our fwb arrangement or should I explore other options. Thanks [your name ] But if you are falling for him maybe it's best to leave it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisyandroses Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 I don't think you need to ask how he feels, his silence speaks volumes. Do you have feelings for this guy? If not, there is no point in wasting your time further, unless you want to look desperate. Sorry to sound harsh, but you know that is how he will see it. I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction. You would be better off finding a new "buddy" who shows you more respect. I guess I just want an answer. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Move on, move on, move on. No more texting. He hasn't responded to the last three, I doubt he'll respond to a fourth. It absolutely sucks, but ... if you pull away, and he eventually comes back, you then have the option to say "get lost." If you want to go the fwb route, choose one who's gonna respect the terms you have. I had a disappearing fb, too, and it's annoying, but I couldn't get too mad at him, cos I helped carry it on for so long as well. It's a risk you run in that kind of relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I guess I just want an answer. Not to sound harsh (really, truly), but you have your answer. Silence is an answer. If he can't adhere to the rules of your agreement, then your p*ssy is closed for business. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I guess I just want an answer. In that case, my advice for the message would be just keep it simple and brief, leaving the word feelings out of it. He may only be a fwb, but I still believe you can do a lot better than him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I want to ask him about his feelings, but I know I most likely won't get a text back.But its worth a shot, I cant make things worse if he has 0 interest. No no no! You can make this worse. At this point, asking your FWB about his feelings and needlessly pursuing him like this is hurting your dignity. FWB only works if both parties are equally uninvested. You're already more invested than he is, since you're the one wondering why he's not texting you or wanting to see you anymore. The whole point of FWB is that people don't want the other person asking them about feelings-period. Asking him about his feelings would be okay if he was your boyfriend. He said he didn't want that type of a relationship. Chalk this up as a lesson learned- don't make this same mistake again- and just let him go. Honestly, he'll pop back into your life after not hearing from you for a given amount of time- they always do- and hopefully by then you'll be dating someone new. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 His silence speaks volume is pretty much spot on comment. I also second no response, response. Silence speak louder than words, pursuing him will make you look desperate, needy and scare him away. I've been there too, but more often before we even met, I'm thinking he lost interest, he was only a FWB though, so I don't know if he owes you a formal explanation. Personally I think so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 You could try one last message along the lines of Hey just wondering if you still want to pursue our fwb arrangement or should I explore other options. Thanks [your name ] But then again.... if he wanted to pursue it, he would be pursuing it.... instead of ignoring you. No need to ask when you already know the answer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 He probably found other fwb or a serious relationship. Now move. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 You don't ask FWBs anything. And they can come and go as little or often as they want. If you want more, time to just get out of it entirely. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisyandroses Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 His silence speaks volume is pretty much spot on comment. I also second no response, response. Silence speak louder than words, pursuing him will make you look desperate, needy and scare him away. I've been there too, but more often before we even met, I'm thinking he lost interest, he was only a FWB though, so I don't know if he owes you a formal explanation. Personally I think so. he did this before in the past and came back so its very confusing :/ I just want to ask if hes still interested in pursing anything. We had an amazing time and out of nowhere he went cold, its so hard to understand. I know I'll seem desperate but if I just ask, how would it hurt if he already lost interest? Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/566487-acquaintance-experienced-fade Your situation almost parallels a post I made a few weeks ago. The original post gives the basic info. and the last posts reveals their lack of communication caused their issue. I had to give her a nudge to take that leap and confront the elephant in the room. You are already doing that, so it's really a matter of him being upfront with you. IMO, 'friends' have an emotional investment. I say that bc I love my friends and I'd help them in anyway I could so there's an automatic attachment . On the other hand, acquaintances are ppl whom I interact with on a friendly basis. (At the end of the day, acquaintances aren't going to stand with you during good and bad times, they are "fair-weather friends, which is why I lump them into friendly acquaintances rather than friends, hence the title of that thread, initially . For true No Strings attached relationships to work without feelings getting hurt, I think f*ck buddies work much more effectively. FWB gets awkward when things dwindle and one partner no longer wants the benefits portion of the relationship to continue, yet they don't want to speak up. Now, that is not to say that in long term FWB's situations that ppl never drift apart without hurt feelings. In those instances, the core friendship remains strong so feelings don't get hurt bc there's no fading, just a gradual decrease in the sex. Given the texts you have already sent (3X), I'm suggesting you back off. I agree that his lack of response IS a response in this particular case. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I want to ask him about his feelings, but I know I most likely won't get a text back.But its worth a shot, I cant make things worse if he has 0 interest. Yeah agree with another poster - don't ask about this. Part of the reason guys seek out -FWB- f*ck buddy arrangements is because they don't want to deal with relationship drama. Asking about his feelings is part of that. If you must send him another text, keep it brief, short and practical. Then/or forget about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisyandroses Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 In that case, my advice for the message would be just keep it simple and brief, leaving the word feelings out of it. He may only be a fwb, but I still believe you can do a lot better than him. by feelings I mean his thoughts. Like a "do you still want to continue this?" feeling Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisyandroses Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Yeah agree with another poster - don't ask about this. Part of the reason guys seek out -FWB- f*ck buddy arrangements is because they don't want to deal with relationship drama. Asking about his feelings is part of that. If you must send him another text, keep it brief, short and practical. Then/or forget about him. by feelings I meant "do you still want to continue this?" feelings, its really toxic but I need a "break up" to actually move on ESPECIALLY after what we had Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 by feelings I mean his thoughts. Like a "do you still want to continue this?" feeling If he did, you wouldn't have to ask. You'd have heard from him for a hook-up or two... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 by feelings I meant "do you still want to continue this?" feelings, its really toxic but I need a "break up" to actually move on ESPECIALLY after what we had His silence is his response. Regardless, it seems that you may be emotionally invested and even if he wanted to continue, this isn't a good situation for you. Best to just move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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