My fwb has been ignoring me, what do I do?

[Shanex]

he did this before in the past and came back so its very confusing :/ I just want to ask if hes still interested in pursing anything. We had an amazing time and out of nowhere he went cold, its so hard to understand. I know I'll seem desperate but if I just ask, how would it hurt if he already lost interest?

 

Apparently you folks have been on and off for weeks or months and it looks more like an 'official' RS with ups and downs than a drama-free FWB situation especially if you develop feelings for him.

Edited February 9, 2016 by Shanex

[frus69]

To be honest I don't think as a FWB he is obligated to answer to you whenever you call, or attend to your needs whenever you have some. If I have to answer to my FWB I might as well make him my bf because what's the difference?

So actually I think his behaviour is completely normal. He can come and go whenever he wants

[Cappycorny]

If you openly had an agreement to communicate when things changed, I'd say it's not out the question to ask what's up? I agree sometimes silence can speak volumes but then again you don't always know what's going on in a persons life. I just had a FWB I guess I'll now call it that, come back to me after 5 months. So I'm not sure? Just ask and be prepared for whatever.

[daisyandroses]

Apparently you folks have been on and off for weeks or months and it looks more like an 'official' RS with ups and downs than a drama-free FWB situation especially if you develop feelings for him.

which is why I want to ask him how he feels (wants to continue) about this whole situation. Yeah, I was just thinking about how he and I are as complicated as a real RS, but when we text everyday for 8 months I expect him to continue it, or at least text me the next day replying to it. I still wanna get dicked down, and I dont know how to ask him without sounding desperate. I said "We're meeting up Saturday, hope you're ready" but that was my dreaded triple text. I could just snap him a pic and see if he replies but me keeping on talking and on top of that asking him "want to continue x" is bad.

[daisyandroses]

If you openly had an agreement to communicate when things changed, I'd say it's not out the question to ask what's up? I agree sometimes silence can speak volumes but then again you don't always know what's going on in a persons life. I just had a FWB I guess I'll now call it that, come back to me after 5 months. So I'm not sure? Just ask and be prepared for whatever.

even after triple texting?

"That looks fun! Is everything alright?"

"Sorry, I was so tired last night I didnt know what I was saying. Is your morning going well?"

"We're meeting up Saturday, be ready ;)"

 

Yeah, I know "hes just not that into you" but I said how he went hot and cold with me MANY times before, so I was thinking of sending him a snapchat. The only problem is me trying to stat another conversation with him will make me look more "desperate" when I finally ask him if he wants to keep ****ing around.

[Cappycorny]

even after triple texting?

"That looks fun! Is everything alright?"

"Sorry, I was so tired last night I didnt know what I was saying. Is your morning going well?"

"We're meeting up Saturday, be ready ;)"

 

Yeah, I know "hes just not that into you" but I said how he went hot and cold with me MANY times before, so I was thinking of sending him a snapchat. The only problem is me trying to stat another conversation with him will make me look more "desperate" when I finally ask him if he wants to keep ****ing around.

 

Haha! I was just going to write another post before you responded. Yeah I'm going to have to say you've crossed over to the level 9 clinger at this point so forget the text and question as to why. He's clearly ghosting you for a reason at this point. If he comes back around then ask a question or two. For now, leave it be.

[daisyandroses]

Haha! I was just going to write another post before you responded. Yeah I'm going to have to say you've crossed over to the level 9 clinger at this point so forget the text and question as to why. He's clearly ghosting you for a reason at this point. If he comes back around then ask a question or two. For now, leave it be.

:/ still hard to move on. I can't explain it, I mean, idk. What will not asking the question do vs asking it??

[AnnieRose]

Why not find a new fb? One that will treat you better!

[Zahara]

:/ still hard to move on. I can't explain it, I mean, idk. What will not asking the question do vs asking it??

 

Maybe he senses you're more invested than he would like you to be and that is why he does the hot and cold. He checks out when he senses attachment from you and uses distance and silence to tone down your expectations and then repeats the pattern.

 

It's unfortunate that sometimes we tolerate being in situations that don't nurture us because we so blindly want what we want. This isn't a good situation for you. And seeing that you both texted daily for 8 months and now he's completely fallen off the radar after ignoring you more than once, it would be in your best interest to step away with self-respect intact.

 

You teach people how to treat you. Don't chase him.

[daisyandroses]

Why not find a new fb? One that will treat you better!

I agree! But I need a 'breakup' to move on, him going ghost when he always did it in the past will make me think "he'll be back" and idk. I know I need to find one at some point - but for now I need him to T E L L me how he feels, its different. I cant just take the ghosting and move on idkidkidkidk its so hard lowkey we've actually been talking since July so after that long ass amount of time, I need a(/n informal) breakup

[Qboro90]

:/ still hard to move on. I can't explain it, I mean, idk. What will not asking the question do vs asking it??

 

 

So it's clear you have developed feelings for this guy and want him to continue being in your life at a more than random level. The things your saying you want from him (such as a follow up text the next day or quick explanation why he's been MIA, or a clear statement that he doesn't wanna continue) are not a FWB. You like this guy and have let your emotions get invested. If it was just a FWB then youd be saying "I just want him to be courteous, instead of ghosting and making me start to feel like a who're by only replying when he's in the mood to bang".

 

 

Here's what you do. Not a damn thing. Sending him a snap isn't gonna do anything. Sending him a text with the examples you gave isn't gonna do anything. What you wanna do is just wait until he hits you up. Because that's when you'll know he's Doing it on his own and can't just stop answering or disappear if you ask him something about the way he's been acting and why he's been MiA.

You can even hold off until the next time you see him or are gonna have sex. It's pretty difficult to escape answering those questions after having sex and being next to you in bed. So if he wants to stop, you'll have one last closure bang.... And if he wants to keep going, you can say how you have started to want more out of him lately and find out if he feels similar or not.

[daisyandroses]

Maybe he senses you're more invested than he would like you to be and that is why he does the hot and cold. He checks out when he senses attachment from you and uses distance and silence to tone down your expectations and then repeats the pattern.

 

It's unfortunate that sometimes we tolerate being in situations that don't nurture us because we so blindly want what we want. This isn't a good situation for you. And seeing that you both texted daily for 8 months and now he's completely fallen off the radar after ignoring you more than once, it would be in your best interest to step away with self-respect intact.

 

You teach people how to treat you. Don't chase him.

I guess im chasing an answer, we started as dating for 4 months and decided to be FWB because we didn't want relationships. The month before our agreement on FWB I like called him out saying "99.99% of girls wouldn't put up with the **** I put up with for you" and I told him to not led me on ect ect ect and he apologized. So it's not like he didn't see me at crazy. I know I sound like im plugging my ears and yelling "lalalalallalalala" but the question is (theres a 9.99/10 chance I WILL message him, but I dont know what order) should I send him a 'dirty' snap first, wait a few days THEN ask the "Hey, do you want to continue this FWB thing? It feels like you're not enjoying it that much." OR should I just message him that? In the snap I may say "are we still on for Saturday?" because I always text him "open that snap alone" when I send him dirty videos so idk)

[mattelipstick]

I agree! But I need a 'breakup' to move on, him going ghost when he always did it in the past will make me think "he'll be back" and idk. I know I need to find one at some point - but for now I need him to T E L L me how he feels, its different. I cant just take the ghosting and move on idkidkidkidk its so hard lowkey we've actually been talking since July so after that long ass amount of time, I need a(/n informal) breakup

 

And if he doesn't respond to your next text or snap, then what? You'll feel compelled to send another. And another. You can't force someone to communicate with you if they don't want to. And for whatever reason right now, he does not want to communicate with you.

[daisyandroses]

So it's clear you have developed feelings for this guy and want him to continue being in your life at a more than random level. The things your saying you want from him (such as a follow up text the next day or quick explanation why he's been MIA, or a clear statement that he doesn't wanna continue) are not a FWB. You like this guy and have let your emotions get invested. If it was just a FWB then youd be saying "I just want him to be courteous, instead of ghosting and making me start to feel like a who're by only replying when he's in the mood to bang".

 

 

Here's what you do. Not a damn thing. Sending him a snap isn't gonna do anything. Sending him a text with the examples you gave isn't gonna do anything. What you wanna do is just wait until he hits you up. Because that's when you'll know he's Doing it on his own and can't just stop answering or disappear if you ask him something about the way he's been acting and why he's been MiA.

You can even hold off until the next time you see him or are gonna have sex. It's pretty difficult to escape answering those questions after having sex and being next to you in bed. So if he wants to stop, you'll have one last closure bang.... And if he wants to keep going, you can say how you have started to want more out of him lately and find out if he feels similar or not.

I agree, I have feelings but I usually snap out of it. But at the same time, I do want him to just be nice and end things like an adult. Either way, feelings or no feelings its selfish to ignore someone (when you're not feeling it). And if I do ignore him and he never replies, I have my answer but that still doesn't change the fact I DO want him to be a nice guy and just tell me whats up so I'm not thinking "maybe this week we'll ****" "maybe this week we'll ****"

[daisyandroses]

And if he doesn't respond to your next text or snap, then what? You'll feel compelled to send another. And another. You can't force someone to communicate with you if they don't want to. And for whatever reason right now, he does not want to communicate with you.

Should I just ask him "Do you want to keep being FWB or do you need time to think? I just dont want to push a thing that won't work" because like I said, I just dont want to go through weeks thinking "maybe we'll **** today" and so on. I could wait it out, and on Saturday ask "So, are you free tonight?" but then that'd only prolong the waiting instead of ripping it off like a band-aid. On the same token, if I sent it a day after or 12 hours after the last text he'll think "damn this girl is cray"

 

 

(But thats not the first time I freaked out and asked if he's still feeling what ever we're having, like I said December was a bad month for us and he saw my ups and downs and I called him out saying that I put up with **** most girls wouldn't)

[AnnieRose]

Girl, this is sad!

 

(1) Sent three texts

(2) Considering sending another text or a dirty snap to get his attention

(3) Already told him once that you put up with more stuff than most girls would.

 

Take your dignity and move on! If he wanted to continue seeing you he would do so! There is no closure! Him ignoring three texts is your closure!

 

Please please please move on before it gets even more sad!

[Zahara]

I guess im chasing an answer, we started as dating for 4 months and decided to be FWB because we didn't want relationships. The month before our agreement on FWB I like called him out saying "99.99% of girls wouldn't put up with the **** I put up with for you" and I told him to not led me on ect ect ect and he apologized. So it's not like he didn't see me at crazy. I know I sound like im plugging my ears and yelling "lalalalallalalala" but the question is (theres a 9.99/10 chance I WILL message him, but I dont know what order) should I send him a 'dirty' snap first, wait a few days THEN ask the "Hey, do you want to continue this FWB thing? It feels like you're not enjoying it that much." OR should I just message him that? In the snap I may say "are we still on for Saturday?" because I always text him "open that snap alone" when I send him dirty videos so idk)

 

Daisy, you need to be honest with yourself. You can send him any text you want but at the end of the day, what do you want from this?

 

You're emotionally invested. Even if he wants to continue, this continues as a sex arrangement. That arrangement doesn't work for you anymore because you have expectations now.

 

The best thing you can do is leave it be and he will resurface again at some point. Maybe he will come around for your plans on Saturday. But even then, do you really want to be with this guy who ignores your communication?

 

Anyway, the next time you talk to him, you put yourself out there and see what he says. You either get shot down which will help you move on or he tells you he wants more -- either way you get an answer. But don't chase him for one now. If he ignores you again, it is going to snowball and drive you nuts.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Like, right now? Right this second? Part of me says wait a couple of days but the other half of me says I should just get it over with.

You should just get it over with. You don't have to wait, why would you? It's not like you are trying to salvage a relationship. Just ask him but don't be surprised if you get no satisfactory response. I think he's already let you know where he stands on this by disappearing on you.

 

I hope your feelings aren't hurt. In theory I'm not against those kinds of arrangements, but it sounds like you are more involved and have expectations. If it's not working for you don't do it anymore.

[daisyandroses]

Girl, this is sad!

 

(1) Sent three texts

(2) Considering sending another text or a dirty snap to get his attention

(3) Already told him once that you put up with more stuff than most girls would.

 

Take your dignity and move on! If he wanted to continue seeing you he would do so! There is no closure! Him ignoring three texts is your closure!

 

Please please please move on before it gets even more sad!

the (3) was in December, before we were FWB.

I always send dirty snaps to him, but yeah trying that as bait for a reply is kinda bad, I guess the thing is I should ask him if he feels comfortable with FWB before I even think of sending dirty snaps again. If he already "ended" things, why should I care if he thinks i'm desperate?

[daisyandroses]

Daisy, you need to be honest with yourself. You can send him any text you want but at the end of the day, what do you want from this?

 

You're emotionally invested. Even if he wants to continue, this continues as a sex arrangement. That arrangement doesn't work for you anymore because you have expectations now.

 

The best thing you can do is leave it be and he will resurface again at some point. Maybe he will come around for your plans on Saturday. But even then, do you really want to be with this guy who ignores your communication?

 

Anyway, the next time you talk to him, you put yourself out there and see what he says. You either get shot down which will help you move on or he tells you he wants more -- either way you get an answer. But don't chase him for one now. If he ignores you again, it is going to snowball and drive you nuts.

So, do i ask or not? I will probably wait a week and let my emotions settle because now this is a fresh wound (3 days) and i'm a wreck. Maybe he'll reply to my other texts but probably not. Either way I will probably send him a snap on saturday morning asking "so, are we on for tonight?" nothing dirty maybe just a picture of me smiling or my cat, or my outfit.

[daisyandroses]

You should just get it over with. You don't have to wait, why would you? It's not like you are trying to salvage a relationship. Just ask him but don't be surprised if you get no satisfactory response. I think he's already let you know where he stands on this by disappearing on you.

 

I hope your feelings aren't hurt. In theory I'm not against those kinds of arrangements, but it sounds like you are more involved and have expectations. If it's not working for you don't do it anymore.

I guess, I agree. We kinda started off as everyday talking from the get go and its my fault for thinking it'll be the same (although it was the first 2 months of fwb) I always told him I can handle breakups and he knows of my toxic past with relationships so he knows im strong. I've always told him "if you're going to end things, please make it easy on both of us and just tell me" and he agreed, but men always agree to **** to shut a women up.

[Qboro90]

I agree, I have feelings but I usually snap out of it. But at the same time, I do want him to just be nice and end things like an adult. Either way, feelings or no feelings its selfish to ignore someone (when you're not feeling it). And if I do ignore him and he never replies, I have my answer but that still doesn't change the fact I DO want him to be a nice guy and just tell me whats up so I'm not thinking "maybe this week we'll ****" "maybe this week we'll ****"

 

Well there's your problem. YOU want him to be a nice guy and handle this the best way for YOU and YOUR feelings. Problem is... You're not going to turn him into a nice guy by telling him how to terminate your FWB arrangement the best way possible.

 

If this guy never replies then you acknowledge that's answer of him saying he's done. It's also making it clear that he's not really worried about how you feel about ending things or what the mature way to do it so it's not scummy or mean or hurtful as well. So if he's like that... What makes you think you can get him to be a nice guy to you and tell you straight up? That makes no sense. You're just saying you want him to break up with you in the nicest way possible so you have closure or whatever.

 

That's not logical. You control how you handle things and feel. Not this guy or the reply he gives you. You should know by now that guys who aren't regularly contacting you, replying, and asking to see you aren't interested in you on a serious level... And NEVER will be. You can't "nude snap pic" this guy into caring about you or wanting to be nicer to you/be your bf. The fact that you want to send this guy who has been ignoring you enticing pics because you think that'll get his attention... Is about as low as a girl can get. Sorry if that's blunt.

[Zahara]

So, do i ask or not? I will probably wait a week and let my emotions settle because now this is a fresh wound (3 days) and i'm a wreck. Maybe he'll reply to my other texts but probably not. Either way I will probably send him a snap on saturday morning asking "so, are we on for tonight?" nothing dirty maybe just a picture of me smiling or my cat, or my outfit.

 

No, you don't send anything about Saturday night. You've communicated three times and he has ignored you. Stop chasing this man for attention. If he wants to see you for sex, he will reach out to you. Otherwise, take his silence as him not wanting to see you.

[CarrieT]

Should I just ask him "Do you want to keep being FWB or do you need time to think?

How many people here have said that you shouldn't contact him?

 

You ARE acting desperate and can't seem to understand that his silence *is* all you need!

[Cappycorny]

:/ still hard to move on. I can't explain it, I mean, idk. What will not asking the question do vs asking it??

 

If you invested feelings, yup hard to move on at the moment. Give yourself distance from the whole situation for now. Why up the anty to a level 10 clinger. More often than not, we get over it. It started as a casual FWB. Can you try to see it at face value?