My fwb has been ignoring me, what do I do?

[brokengirl85]

He's probably found someone more interesting than you to have sex with, or he probably fell in love with someone else. FWB type rekationships don't last long. Usually breaks when one catch feelings for another person.

 

I'm sorry you're in this situation. Next time you should think if this kind of relationship is good for you.

[katiegrl]

I agree! But I need a 'breakup' to move on, him going ghost when he always did it in the past will make me think "he'll be back" and idk. I know I need to find one at some point - but for now I need him to T E L L me how he feels, its different. I cant just take the ghosting and move on idkidkidkidk its so hard lowkey we've actually been talking since July so after that long ass amount of time, I need a(/n informal) breakup

 

No, *you* need to T E L L *him* that you're done. Buh bye. Then block, delete.

 

THAT is your closure.

 

You have completely lost control, and need to get your power back.

 

YOU making the decision to end it will accomplish that, and will sqelch the "ghosting* effect right in its tracks...because YOU left.

 

Don't leave it up to him to decide (or give him a chance to ghost).....YOU make the decision!

 

Trust me, after you do ...you will feel awesome!

Edited February 9, 2016 by katiegrl

[daisyandroses]

No, *you* need to T E L L *him* that you're done. Buh bye. Then block, delete.

 

THAT is your closure.

 

You have completely lost control, and need to get your power back.

 

YOU making the decision to end it will accomplish that, and will sqelch the "ghosting* effect right in its tracks...because YOU left.

 

Don't leave it up to him to decide (or give him a chance to ghost).....YOU make the decision!

 

Trust me, after you do ...you will feel awesome!

But I don't want to leave, the sex is nice and idk. I could always do the ask how he's feeling and if he doesn't reply end things. He's an ******* at the end of the day. I don't want closure I just want an answer. Closure to me is wanting to know why someone ended things, i want to know if someone wants to end things.

[daisyandroses]

No, you don't send anything about Saturday night. You've communicated three times and he has ignored you. Stop chasing this man for attention. If he wants to see you for sex, he will reach out to you. Otherwise, take his silence as him not wanting to see you.

Usually, when I make follow up plan replies, he replies (with yes or no), but if he opens and doesn't reply I wont be sending a "do you still want to continue this?" text without reason. But yes, he would message me saying "okay! what time Saturday?" if he was into it, and I should let the silence play key but its kinda ****ty to go ghost on someone you've been talking to since July. ESPECIALLY that you've seen naked 3+ times, just send a simple "Hey, I'm not really sure I'm enjoying our FWB thing we have going on. I'm sorry"

[AMJ]

If he already "ended" things, why should I care if he thinks i'm desperate?

 

You should care for YOU. Do you want to be desperate? This kind of thing takes a huge, huge toll on your self esteem. You're giving this guy so much power, and for what??? For no-strings attached sex? You can probably get that anywhere.

 

What's so great about this guy anyway? He's treating you like crap. He's not respecting you at all. He's nice to you to get what he wants and then moves on with his life. That is until he wants sex from you again. You can't possibly be this desperate for sex, to let yourself be treated this badly?

 

This is not a FWB or FB situation, because you have real feelings here, you're just hoping his will catch up to yours. You're not the first girl to try this, but it really doesn't work.

[daisyandroses]

You should care for YOU. Do you want to be desperate? This kind of thing takes a huge, huge toll on your self esteem. You're giving this guy so much power, and for what??? For no-strings attached sex? You can probably get that anywhere.

 

What's so great about this guy anyway? He's treating you like crap. He's not respecting you at all. He's nice to you to get what he wants and then moves on with his life. That is until he wants sex from you again. You can't possibly be this desperate for sex, to let yourself be treated this badly?

 

This is not a FWB or FB situation, because you have real feelings here, you're just hoping his will catch up to yours. You're not the first girl to try this, but it really doesn't work.

At the end of the day, I want him to just tell me if he wants to continue or not, not go ghost on me. Chances are, I'm never going to see this dude again in my life so if I seem desperate it's a learning experience and one ****boy down. When we are alone, hes a sweet charming guy but when he goes through his "cold" cycles hes a total asshat. If he told me "I dont want to continue this" i'd thank him for being honest, be sad for maybe a week and move on.

[katiegrl]

But I don't want to leave, the sex is nice and idk. I could always do the ask how he's feeling and if he doesn't reply end things. He's an ******* at the end of the day. I don't want closure I just want an answer. Closure to me is wanting to know why someone ended things, i want to know if someone wants to end things.

 

Daisy I know you don't but you don't have a choice.

 

He's done! And is ghosting you. Why give him all that damn control? Girl, come on, where is your self respect?

 

How do you expect him or any man to respect you if you don't respect yourself?

 

Sending him a snap asking for an answer will accomplish nothing except these three things:

 

1. Will make you appear pathetic and weak, a psycho.

2. Will make you feel worse as it's doubtful he will reply.

3. Will end up confusing you more as it's doubtful he would be honest with you.

 

Futile waste of time and energy?

 

You want to make sure it is over and he won't be back? Which IS what you said, is it not?

 

YOU make the decision to end it. ...and then end it. Then quietly walk away with your head held high...because you are a strong woman who does not tolerate BS from any man, no matter how much you like him.

 

Now do it....like I said you will feel awesome! Empowered, which you desperately need right now.....

[AMJ]

ut its kinda ****ty to go ghost on someone you've been talking to since July. ESPECIALLY that you've seen naked 3+ times, just send a simple "Hey, I'm not really sure I'm enjoying our FWB thing we have going on. I'm sorry"

 

OMG. Men all over the world- throughout all time- have done much, much ****tier things than ditch a FWB with not so much as a goodbye. I know this is hurting you, but you need to get a little dose of reality.

 

And you describe the sex as "kinda nice"????? Come on. This better be the most amazing, mind-blowing, life-changing wonderful sex ever. You can have "kinda nice" sex with lots of other guys. Maybe consider that you're one of the people who loves the chase, loves the drama, and that's why he's so intriguing?

[daisyandroses]

Daisy I know you don't but you don't have a choice.

 

He's done! And is ghosting you. Why give him all that damn control? Girl, come on, where is your self respect?

 

How do you expect him or any man to respect you if you don't respect yourself?

 

Sending him a snap asking for an answer will accomplish nothing except these three things:

 

1. Will make you appear pathetic and weak, a psycho.

2. Will make you feel worse as it's doubtful he will reply.

3. Will end up confusing you more as it's doubtful he would be honest with you.

 

Futile waste of time and energy?

 

You want to make sure it is over and he won't be back? Which IS what you said, is it not?

 

YOU make the decision to end it. ...and then end it. Then quietly walk away with your head held high...because you are a strong woman who does not tolerate BS from any man, no matter how much you like him.

 

Now do it....like I said you will feel awesome! Empowered, which you desperately need right now.....

I should end things, but I dont want to. I know it sounds like im a 16 year old girl in a toxic relationship who refuses to see it but idk, im not ready yet. BUT if he tells me its over, I will respect that and move on WAY faster. I guess with me ending things its a fact of "what if" because I wasn't ready. So I just want to try to ask him if he wants to keep ****ing so I can move on, and I know it'd make me seem desperate and clingy. It's just really hard and confusing because we've had our ups and downs. The best plan would be to give us both some space and then finally send the "do you still wanna do this?" text, I know it's a bad idea but I just want an answer, ya know?

[Zahara]

Usually, when I make follow up plan replies, he replies (with yes or no), but if he opens and doesn't reply I wont be sending a "do you still want to continue this?" text without reason. But yes, he would message me saying "okay! what time Saturday?" if he was into it, and I should let the silence play key but its kinda ****ty to go ghost on someone you've been talking to since July. ESPECIALLY that you've seen naked 3+ times, just send a simple "Hey, I'm not really sure I'm enjoying our FWB thing we have going on. I'm sorry"

 

Daisy, when you engage in situations like these, you often open yourself up to feeling mistreated. You are responsible for how you feel as well.

 

You said to him that 99.99% of women wouldn't put up with this ****. It's not attractive. In fact you devalued yourself by letting him know that you'll put up with any sort of treatment. You literally told him that you have no standards or expectations for yourself.

 

So, when he ignores you, disappears on you, etc., it's because you teach people how to treat you. He may be an ******* but it's not his responsibility to draw boundaries for you and to expect more for yourself. If a man is avoiding you, don't wait for him to let you go. You release yourself from him because you know you deserve and want better for yourself. Don't leave your fate in his hands. You decide for yourself.

[losangelena]

At the end of the day, I want him to just tell me if he wants to continue or not, not go ghost on me. Chances are, I'm never going to see this dude again in my life so if I seem desperate it's a learning experience and one ****boy down. When we are alone, hes a sweet charming guy but when he goes through his "cold" cycles hes a total asshat. If he told me "I dont want to continue this" i'd thank him for being honest, be sad for maybe a week and move on.

 

I agree with Katie. I know you say you want closure, but I think you need to weigh your wants against the reality of the situation, which is, it doesn't look like that's what you're going to get. I don't really understand the difference in what you're saying. How is his silence any different than some big expectation? What could he say that would be so different than what you know right now?

 

I get it, it's hard, but this guy is NOT a boyfriend. He's a penis attached to a body. If you have a hard time keeping that in the forefront of your mind when getting into a situation like this, then don't even go there! There's no shame in not being down with nsa sex. A lot of people aren't! I feel like, the moment someone catches feelings in fwb, it's time to bow out.

[AMJ]

Oh, he's not "done" with your FWB relationship, not by a long shot. He is, however, preoccupied with something, or someone else. He's taking a step back because having sex with you is becoming more work and effort than he'd hoped. Or maybe it's just not as exciting anymore. But that doesn't mean he doesn't still want to have sex with you. Single men do not want to close doors on women who will willingly put up with their **** and then beg them for sex. If he had his way, he'd continue hooking up with whatever other girl he's probably working on, and keep you around on the side for when she goes out of town.

 

Seriously, wake up. I'm sorry, he doesn't want the type of relationship that you want. And if you want him to change his mind and see you as relationship material, or even a prize that he needs to work for, you better start acting like one. And step number one, is not begging for sex.

[daisyandroses]

OMG. Men all over the world- throughout all time- have done much, much ****tier things than ditch a FWB with not so much as a goodbye. I know this is hurting you, but you need to get a little dose of reality.

 

And you describe the sex as "kinda nice"????? Come on. This better be the most amazing, mind-blowing, life-changing wonderful sex ever. You can have "kinda nice" sex with lots of other guys. Maybe consider that you're one of the people who loves the chase, loves the drama, and that's why he's so intriguing?

I guess thats true (drama loving) and that COULD explain why I always end up in these toxic ass relationships. But I just want a simple "peace out" text, I know I will probably have this happen to me many many many more times, but I'd just rather it not. The chase actually makes my stomach turn and gives me so many emotional lows I can't stand it. To get me to truly move on from a fling/relationship I need a text informing me its not working out. Its the nice thing to do, but do I believe he'll tell me? Kinda, maybe its 50/50 knowing how he told me in the past when I directly asked him if hes comfortable with x y or z.

 

If you didn't read my past replies I mentioned how he said he felt dirty after he sent me pics, so that could be why he's going in the backseat of this FWB-ship for now

[daisyandroses]

Oh, he's not "done" with your FWB relationship, not by a long shot. He is, however, preoccupied with something, or someone else. He's taking a step back because having sex with you is becoming more work and effort than he'd hoped. Or maybe it's just not as exciting anymore. But that doesn't mean he doesn't still want to have sex with you. Single men do not want to close doors on women who will willingly put up with their **** and then beg them for sex. If he had his way, he'd continue hooking up with whatever other girl he's probably working on, and keep you around on the side for when she goes out of town.

 

Seriously, wake up. I'm sorry, he doesn't want the type of relationship that you want. And if you want him to change his mind and see you as relationship material, or even a prize that he needs to work for, you better start acting like one. And step number one, is not begging for sex.

Ignore him for awhile, then am I allowed to (after 1/2 weeks) ask him if he still wants to keep this FWB thing going? I just fear us not talking for 2 weeks would make him think I'm out of it so he'll get himself off from me. I still want to talk to him, but i DO want him to kinda come back to me thinking that "wow, shes having fun without me" and the not talking for 2 weeks and randomly messaging would seem strange (I think)

[Jabron1]

Decide whether or not your happy with someone drifting in and out of your life every few months.

 

If the answer is yes, you need to just accept the instability.

 

If the answer is no, then it's over.

 

Either way you'll be resolved.

[Zahara]

Ignore him for awhile, then am I allowed to (after 1/2 weeks) ask him if he still wants to keep this FWB thing going? I just fear us not talking for 2 weeks would make him think I'm out of it so he'll get himself off from me. I still want to talk to him, but i DO want him to kinda come back to me thinking that "wow, shes having fun without me" and the not talking for 2 weeks and randomly messaging would seem strange (I think)

 

Self-respect and dignity. Please.

[AMJ]

It would be wayyy better right now for him to think you're talking to another guy, yes.

Sure, give it at least a week- I'd say at least 2, and really I'd say, don't initiate contact at all, whatsoever.

 

They always come back. Not talking for two weeks and randomly messaging is not strange.

And it sounds like you won't even have to wait that long. He's so used to you bugging him every single day, he'll wonder what's up in like three days when he doesn't hear from you.

Good! Let him wonder. Won't it feel nice to get the ball back in your court?

[daisyandroses]

Self-respect and dignity. Please.

I know, I know, I know. I just want him to tell me if he wants to keep being FWB so I can move on, but thats a self fulfilling prophecy. If I don't ask I'll be upset, and if I do ask i'll come off as desperate and he'll either not respond (80% chance) or tell me "the truth" (20% chance)

[daisyandroses]

It would be wayyy better right now for him to think you're talking to another guy, yes.

Sure, give it at least a week- I'd say at least 2, and really I'd say, don't initiate contact at all, whatsoever.

 

They always come back. Not talking for two weeks and randomly messaging is not strange.

And it sounds like you won't even have to wait that long. He's so used to you bugging him every single day, he'll wonder what's up in like three days when he doesn't hear from you.

Good! Let him wonder. Won't it feel nice to get the ball back in your court?

I will leave it be maybe for a week maybe for two (but I reaaaalllyyyyy wanna message him on Friday because the sooner the better for ripping off MY emotional wound, not his), BUT if he doesn't respond to me, am I ever allowed to send a "are you still feeling this FWB thing?" question?

Edited February 9, 2016 by daisyandroses
clarity

[Zahara]

I know, I know, I know. I just want him to tell me if he wants to keep being FWB so I can move on, but thats a self fulfilling prophecy. If I don't ask I'll be upset, and if I do ask i'll come off as desperate and he'll either not respond (80% chance) or tell me "the truth" (20% chance)

 

You move on because you won't take a guy treating you like crap. You move on because you know you deserve better. You move on because you will not sit around waiting for a man to determine your value.

 

You've admitted to always being in toxic relationships. When will you learn? When will you decide it's enough and grant yourself a chance to make change?

 

Instead, twisting like a pretzel trying to entice this man with pictures, text messages, etc. And a man you only kinda have nice sex with who doesn't even care to save or spare your feelings.

Edited February 9, 2016 by Zahara

[daisyandroses]

You move on because you won't take a guy treating you like crap. You move on because you know you deserve better. You move on because you will not sit around waiting for a man to determine your value.

 

You've admitted to always being in toxic relationships. When will you learn? When will you decide it's enough and grant yourself a chance to make change?

 

Instead, twisting like a pretzel trying to entice this man with pictures, text messages, etc. And a man you only kinda have nice sex with who doesn't even care to save or spare your feelings.

not denying the fact he's a total ****hole, its kinda a thing of "i've been doing this for so long" I don't know why I don't want to move on, maybe it's because I like the "kinda nice sex" it takes me months to be able to open up to someone to be able to have sex. I just wish he'd be nice enough to end things, and for me to understand "this isn't a cycle of him being cold, this is actually the end" not closure per say, just a goodbye.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Ignore him for awhile, then am I allowed to (after 1/2 weeks) ask him if he still wants to keep this FWB thing going? I just fear us not talking for 2 weeks would make him think I'm out of it so he'll get himself off from me. I still want to talk to him, but i DO want him to kinda come back to me thinking that "wow, shes having fun without me" and the not talking for 2 weeks and randomly messaging would seem strange (I think)

You are talking like you're dating him. You're not. I think if he wants to have sex with you anymore he'll let you know. If you want to have sex with him go ahead and invite him over, but playing coy games in this kind of situation is not really the way to go.

[katiegrl]

daisy, are you familiar with love addiction?

 

If not, Google it, it's very real.

 

You are a *love addict* -- classic case!

 

Good luck with that.....it's a tough addiction to break.

[Jabron1]

not denying the fact he's a total ****hole, its kinda a thing of "i've been doing this for so long" I don't know why I don't want to move on, maybe it's because I like the "kinda nice sex" it takes me months to be able to open up to someone to be able to have sex. I just wish he'd be nice enough to end things, and for me to understand "this isn't a cycle of him being cold, this is actually the end" not closure per say, just a goodbye.

 

Why don't you make the decision? You're acting powerless for no reason.

 

Make the decision that it's over - regardless of whether he decides to show again.

[katiegrl]

Why don't you make the decision? You're acting powerless for no reason.

 

Make the decision that it's over - regardless of whether he decides to show again.

 

Already asked .....and answered.

 

She doesn't want to.