Husband acting suspicious - travel to China

[BettyDraper]

If any woman wanted my man while he was with me and was able to get him to sleep with her, she could have him.

 

If I had to accompany him on a trip to prevent him from cheating, I wouldn't stay with him.

 

This. There are too many men in the world for me to be fighting for one.

 

I will never fight for a man. If my husband cheats on me, I will be laughing all the way to the bank.

[BettyDraper]

That's easy. 3 days in a row before the trip give him the best lovin. Make it extra "spicy". Tell him, there's so much more left for him when he gets back. During the trip, take pics of you lingerie and send him every night and assure him, it's waiting for him.

 

Plenty of cheating husbands have sexy wives who sleep with them.

 

I could never have a husband who travelled for work all the time. I just believe that even the best men would cheat in that circumstance.

 

Of course, I have seen far too many cheating husbands so my perception probably compromised.

 

That said, those who want to cheat on their spouses do not need to be far away to do so.

[Liam1]

Thanks for the information so far. Many things to think about. I get the sense that my husband is testing his attractiveness (something similar to another thread that I read earlier).

 

I just needed a reality check.

 

Can I ask some of the men to respond to this one question (Ladies can too but I particularly want to hear from men).

 

If you are in this similar situation as my husband (let's say for the sake of argument that he had only tested, is tempted but hasnt done anything sexual yet). What could your wife do to bring you back, to make you refocus on the great marriage that you both worked so hard to pull together in 20+ years. Or is it hopeless.

 

Don't get me wrong. I am not naive nor in denial. The romantic in me just hopes that there is still trust, love, and faithfulness in the world.

 

Well, it's highly likely that he is only testing his attractiveness to other women.

 

However, IMO, this interpreter would likely want to be an american citizen through marriage and I bet she is coming on strong. She is likely offering no strings sex even though she has ulterior motives.

 

If so, it MAY be just a matter of time before he takes the bait.

 

IMO, a dose of reality will be getting caught.

[spanz1]

a fair amount of adult Chinese women are trying to get out of Dodge. And a good way is to latch onto an American man, get him interested sexually, get him to divorce you and marry her. I would not put it past her.

 

 

But for that to actually work, he has to leave you. so...just make sure he is not dissatisfied enough with your marriage and sex life that he sees her as some sort of "salvation".

[elaine567]

Cheating is often about "extra", "different", "exciting" and "new", many men in affairs have good sex lives with their wives. Having a great sex life is no insurance against cheating.

If his head has been turned by Miss China, then no amount of sexy lingerie worn or sexual favours given out by Naomiw will make a blind bit of difference, unfortunately.

I am with Whoknew30 here too, Naomi can go to China, she can sit in her hotel room or take in all the sights and her husband can still be spending time cheating with Miss China, if that is what he has planned to do.

Naomi cannot babysit him 24/7, he is there to do business, it is not a holiday. He can easily exclude Naomi from business meetings, even dinners and after work drinks too, which will give him loads of opportunities...

 

Not a great situation to be in.

[66Charger]

T

If you are in this similar situation as my husband (let's say for the sake of argument that he had only tested, is tempted but hasnt done anything sexual yet). What could your wife do to bring you back, to make you refocus on the great marriage that you both worked so hard to pull together in 20+ years. Or is it hopeless.

 

Don't get me wrong. I am not naive nor in denial. The romantic in me just hopes that there is still trust, love, and faithfulness in the world.

 

Assuming no PA then I would suggest a hammer and carrot approach (otherwuse known as a slap and a kiss)

 

Write him a letter. Part one is disclosing your concerns and setting your boundaries. Simply state that his behavior deeply concerns you and your have had to look at protecting yourself. You have seen a divorce attorney once and if you need to see her again, there will be no need for conversation. At this point the only thing that will convince you a PA didnot occur is a polygraph. If he is willing to take one then perhaps thw two of you can sit down and have a conversation that includes full transparency and disclosures. . If not, then the conversation will be had with your lawyer. Also let hom know that if he thinks you can be replaced with the Lady from China, he can surely be replaced by, dare I say a "boytoy"

 

Attach a business card from your divorce atrorney.

 

The second part is the kiss. Again assuming no PA. Write that you understand that after 20 years of FAITHFUL marriage perhaps a little spicing is in order and you would gladly like too explore WITH HIM ONLY, a few fantasies of your own and vice versa. Would he lije to know what they are?

 

This will let him know you are dead serious and will not accept gas lighting and divorce is definitely on the table.

 

At the same time he will wonder what your fantasies are. Hmmmmmm.

 

In my not so humble opinion

[dreamingoftigers]

Meanwhile the real Miss China is pissed off her name is being dragged into this.

[spanz1]

let me just repeat: just make sure he is not dissatisfied enough with your marriage and sex life that he sees her as some sort of "salvation".

 

yes, lingerie is a MUST. lots of sex is a MUST. Conversations about diffucult to discuss things are in order, like "honey, how happy are you with our marriage/sex life?. "Is there something you are dying to try but are afraid to ask me?".

 

Get him to open up, and he may discuss what is really going on with ChinaBabe. And he may see how ludicrous it would be to jeapordize his marriage for some fleeting horny urge, while you are there willing to satisfy his every need.

 

But if you have been having sex once a month lately....well that is the problem right there. figure out why!

[Cloudcuckoo]

let me just repeat: just make sure he is not dissatisfied enough with your marriage and sex life that he sees her as some sort of "salvation".

 

yes, lingerie is a MUST. lots of sex is a MUST. Conversations about diffucult to discuss things are in order, like "honey, how happy are you with our marriage/sex life?. "Is there something you are dying to try but are afraid to ask me?".

 

Get him to open up, and he may discuss what is really going on with ChinaBabe. And he may see how ludicrous it would be to jeapordize his marriage for some fleeting horny urge, while you are there willing to satisfy his every need.

 

But if you have been having sex once a month lately....well that is the problem right there. figure out why!

 

I don't believe this is the answer either, and along with some of the others, I don't think turning into some sort of sexual athlete to try to persuade him he shouldn't 'go there' because it's all 'here at home' is both unrealistic and degrading.

 

Why should she have to behave like some blow up dolly for her husband's pleasure just in the hope that he won't be 'doing the do with little China blue'?

That's utter rot.

 

And to add, my husband and I have always shared a very healthy, active and exciting sex life. It did NOT stop him having an affair, or developing a borderline porn addiction. That had absolutely NOTHING to do with me, those were his own demons to battle.....

 

Naomiw, I believe you should follow your gut instincts, and do whatever you feel is necessary to help you work through this debilitating situation.

 

Good luck,

 

Cuckoo