Mother Gives Bad - Lack of Good Guidance

[DC77]

I want to preface that I love my mother. She is pretty much the only family I have. But she gives terrible advice. She gives terrible advice on men and friends and career. I always feel worse after talking to her. And I'm in a place right now where I could really use some sound guidance. I'm not sure if I will even get that here, but at least it's somewhere to vent and get this out...

 

I'm in my 30s and going through my second layoff in 5 years. I'm not destitute. I've been smart and have means to keep me going for a bit. But I really could use some career counseling. Does that exist? I mean something deeper than the job services department doing a job search. I can do that, sheesh. Someone to maybe help give me advice on solid career moves, not just finding a job. My mothers advice, become a waitress like her. It's not that I don't respect what she does, she works very hard. But I also worked my ass off in college to pursue something bigger. Be something more. I've followed a path for 15 years, but after layoff 2, maybe I need a new direction...

 

Then there's men and my social life, which is nearly non existent. It sure doesn't help matters. I miss an ex very much these days. (Haven't had contact on 2 months). I honestly don't know if I really hurt him or if he's just indifferent...A mutual friend that I see once in awhile, who is kind of like a mother type, keeps me posted that he is doing well. She subtly dropped it in conversation that his birthday was soon, (but I already know this). I'm not sure if it was a hint or a prod...She also subtly worked it in that he had brought over some things before he moved, including some things I had left. I giggled, because honestly I thought he would have thrown anything and everything away that had to do with me. He sure projected that he hated me. She says he doesn't...

 

Anyways, I can't trust my mother to give me advice on this either. Or friendships. The things she says are just unrealistic or something you'd read in something with a title like 10 things NOT to do...

 

I know this is all temporary. Things will get better. I would just like to help move it all along and make good decisions. I get a little down about dating and my lack of social life for sure, but what I really want is to put myself on a solid career path. Then I feel like other stuff will fall into place. I'm just not sure how to do that at this time.

Edited February 9, 2016 by DC77

[Buddhist]

Well I have a mother who's advice is terrible too. I learned pretty quickly that if I wanted to know what to do I'd ask my mother then do the opposite of what she recommends.... She unerringly makes terrible choices so at least I can find out what those terrible choices are by asking her.

 

Layoffs - expect more of those over the years. I'm sorry to tell you but this is just where the world is heading. The time of large corporations and stable careers is coming to an end. I'm 43 and on my third career (completely different field) but one thing I have learnt in 25yrs of working. There is no job stability anywhere. Two reasons....

 

1. The pace of technological change simply makes many jobs redundant in a short space of time and we have no idea what's going to be invented next. In just my lifetime I've seen the emergence of so much technology that I didn't even think was possible when I was a kid. This rate of change is getting faster.

2. The balance of power is shifting in the world. Big changes ahead.

 

So where does this leave your career? Well, my advice is stop looking for a career that will be stable, there isn't one. Sadly (or not) most of us will have to be creating our own and employing ourselves. I don't even see my current job lasting another 5yrs TBH. The good news is we have the power to create a business or job for next to zero startup costs. It's just a time quotient now. Start cataloguing your skills and interests and in time, you will find a way to make them work for you. We will all have to sink or swim soon. The pool of jobs is shrinking and the number of people looking for them isn't.

 

Your man - well if you are convinced he hates you then you really have nothing to lose by making contact if that's what's playing on your mind. The worst you can get is being told to go jump, or being ignored. Which is what you are expecting. Anything beyond that will be a bonus. So really, might as well take that risk. As I said nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

There you go.....2 cents.