Pretty upset at my date who allows other guys to flirt with her

[Spikiera]

Hey guys,

 

Seeking some advise here.

 

So me and this girl who I am dating exclusively were casually chatting last night. She told me that it is human nature to be attracted to other people, even if you are in a relationship. This I agree.

 

However, she then proceed to mention that she found this guy who she met recently quite interesting and found him attractive. She told me that she did mention to that guy that she is dating someone, and he asked her if it is ok for him to flirt with her. She basically told him that she cannot stop him from what he wants to do -____-...

 

For me, that is upsetting. I think it is not OK to simply allow other guys to flirt with you when you are trying to build a serious relationship. I told her that I was not happy with it and she kept on insisting there is nothing to be worried about. I said I am not worried about the guy, I am more worried about the way you are.

 

I believe there is a huge difference between us fundamentally, and quite frankly I am considering to put an end to this relationship permanently. I think it is better to find someone who is on a similar page.

 

What do you guys think?

[PegNosePete]

I agree with you. Someone you are dating exclusively should not be inviting flirtations form other guys. The correct response when he asked if it's OK for him to flirt with her, should have been "no, like I just said, I have a BF. Goodbye"

[Leigh 87]

Wow.

 

Yeah. Most men with any self respect would not tolerate a girl that lets other men flirt with her. Yuck.

 

I sometimes get an ego boost if a cute guy finds me attractive. But I'll thank them for the compliment and leave the conversation/situation.

 

I think it's skanky and attention seeking for women that have boyfriends to just stand and have a conversation with a guy who is openly flirting. Especially when she then confesses to her own bf that she found the dude atrractive

[d0nnivain]

She did not just allow it. She encouraged it. There is a difference.

 

 

By your title, I thought you were going to describe a scenario where in your presence some guy was flirting with your date & she just kind of stood there allowing it to happen but not shooting him down. I was prepared to tall you to chill because most women are not confrontational but rather just stand there & passively don't participate. No harm, no foul.

 

 

This was different. She was actively engaging this guy. While she is correct that she can't control his behavior, because he asked for permission, she should have said no. It seems that he would then have had enough self control to back off since he was informed that you (the BF) existed. He was trying to determine where the boundaries were. She set them in a place you don't like so the choice is now yours & I'd set your boundaries far away from her if I was you.

[SSJROMANCE]

Dump the chick. She wants it both ways. To be dating someone while entertaining the thought of dating others. Eventually these guys will talk her into having sex with them - she just doesn't know it yet.

[Chi townD]

I really can't add too much more. I agree with the others. There is no such thing as harmless flirting. Someone always ends up getting hurt.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Plus she's messing with your head by telling you this. Not a good girlfriend I'm afraid.

[IronZ]

It sounds like she's making it seem like he flirts with her and she just "allows" it. Flirting is a two way street. She is clearly reciprocating the flirting. Flirting itself as an act doesn't matter to me but if she's so ok with this, what else is she doing that she's not telling you about?

[Spikiera]

Hey guys, thanks for all the feedback. It seems like everyone has the same way of looking at this lol.

 

I am meeting up with her tonight to end things. Let's see how it goes.

[Space Ritual]

Hey guys, thanks for all the feedback. It seems like everyone has the same way of looking at this lol.

 

I am meeting up with her tonight to end things. Let's see how it goes.

 

While you are at when you dump her, make sure to ask her if she has any problem if you bang one of her friends. I mean if she says she cannot stop the one guy form dong what he wants to, she should not have any objection with you plumbing her best friend's depths.

[Spikiera]

While you are at when you dump her, make sure to ask her if she has any problem if you bang one of her friends. I mean if she says she cannot stop the one guy form dong what he wants to, she should not have any objection with you plumbing her best friend's depths.

 

LOL...that is a bit too extreme.

 

But yeah I ended it.

 

Honestly it was not easy to do but hey, life is all about making good but difficult decisions.

[Chi townD]

Did she understand why you were breaking up with her?

[Spikiera]

Did she understand why you were breaking up with her?

 

It was not a long discussion because I don't want to drag it on. It is very hard to break up because there are a lot of emotions.

 

I just told her that it was not something that I am OK with and it is clear that we are not compatible so we should stop seeing each other. She seemed to understand.

 

I am pretty sad though.

[Space Ritual]

I am pretty sad though.

 

 

Don't be.

 

Because it would have just snowballed as she would have continued to allow it to happen, you would have gotten more upset and she would have eventually taken some guy up on his flirtations and you would have eventually dumped her anyway.

[Cephalopod]

It was not a long discussion because I don't want to drag it on. It is very hard to break up because there are a lot of emotions.

 

I just told her that it was not something that I am OK with and it is clear that we are not compatible so we should stop seeing each other. She seemed to understand.

 

I am pretty sad though.

 

You did the right thing. She is not relationship material, at least not at this point in her life. Who knows, maybe she will grow up over the next five years and the two of you will hook up again and she will have a different attitude?

 

Many young women have an inflated sense of themselves. They think that because men are hitting in them that they must be extra special and better than the next gal. It makes them feel good, feeds their egos. Most women get smart and learn that this is just not so. They grow up and create boundaries for themselves. Your ex girlfriend has a way to go before she realizes this.

[Spikiera]

Yes guys...cut it short before things get even messier.

 

It sucks because we had a good time together.

 

In a month everything will be back to normal again.

[frigginlost]

Yes guys...cut it short before things get even messier.

 

It sucks because we had a good time together.

 

In a month everything will be back to normal again.

 

You're a good man, Spikiera.

 

It's gonna suck for a little bit, but you did the right thing...

[carhill]

Sounds resolved but my first instinct regarding the innocent disclosure was a classic 'souring the milk' move. Her apparent easy 'understanding' of the breakup underscores it. Simply put, if applicable, she either met someone else or wanted out and soured the milk to put the onus of the breakup on you. You did the heavy lifting. She moves on to the next guy on the roster. Heck, the guy she supposedly flirted with and found attractive may not have even existed, or merely was an unwitting fluffer.

 

Signed, BTDT got all the medals for being a dope.

[IronZ]

It was not a long discussion because I don't want to drag it on. It is very hard to break up because there are a lot of emotions.

 

I just told her that it was not something that I am OK with and it is clear that we are not compatible so we should stop seeing each other. She seemed to understand.

 

I am pretty sad though.

 

That's the point you need to take to the bank. Had she just been innocent in all of this and legitimately thought the flirting was ok and that she wasn't doing anything, she would've fought you over it. She would've objected and said she's not doing anything wrong and that you're overreacting. No one just gives up on a relationship over a silly non-issue, right?

 

The fact that she "understands" and is willing to walk away so easily means she knows she was doing something that would rub someone the wrong way. You did well to get away from this girl. Even if she was just flirting with other dudes, it's a slippery slope.