Desperately hoping I haven't screwed up...

[B-Town Babe]

Hi All - I've been lurking on this site for a while now, but now I have a reason to chat with you.

 

First, the facts: I've been married for 10 years, and have recently separated from my husband (4 months ago). I have a male friend that I've known for 3 years. He was my brother's friend, but we hit it off spectacularly. As you all probably guessed, we started hanging out a LOT - flirting (pretty mildly) and talking only. We really got along great - we had a lot of wonderful conversations and shopping trips together. I really felt like we were very PG about it all, and I interpreted this as a lack of interest on his part. Despite that, our friendship caused significant problems in my marriage, which at the time I wasn't willing to screw up. I knew he was interested in a common acquaintance of ours, so I played matchmaker and set them up. Their relationship lasted a little over a year. We spoke only infrequently during that time. Which I think we both thought was for the best.

 

So, about a week or so after I left my husband, my friend called me and said he'd heard what happened and wanted to see if I was alright. We met for a beer and talked, it turned out he was having troubles with his relationship. Well, about 2 weeks after that, his girlfriend broke up with him.

 

We started hanging out after that, I think we were both pretty lonely and at loose ends - he was pretty devastated by his breakup - but I know I was glad to hang out with him again, and I think he shared that sentiment.

 

One night, after drinking at the bar, I went back to his place to watch TV. We ended up making out (he started it), which surprised me (I guess I’m kindof thick), but he asked me to leave before anything serious happened, saying that he was still in love with his girlfriend. I respected him for that, and didn’t bring it up again.

 

After that, we were pretty mellow, just getting a couple of beers, then we started watching DVD's at my house - then he was sleeping over in my bed (I have a studio) when it got too late after watching the flick. As you can guess, about 3 weeks later, we had sex (he initiated it again).

 

I think we both freaked out a bit, but not to the extent that I anticipated, and he kept staying over. Another 3 weeks or so later, we had sex again (yet again, he started it). Now I’ve started getting worried. We’ve been such great friends, and while there’s been some sexual tension in the past, I think I’d assumed that nothing was ever going to happen between us – and I was OK with that. I don’t want to screw up one of the best friendships I’ve ever had, but in my more pessimistic moments it seems almost inevitable that our friendship may not make it now that we’ve “done the deed.” I don’t want to be a rebound, I don’t want to screw things up if he doesn’t consider me a rebound and wants an actual relationship. I also don’t want to be used. It’s a very delicate situation! Does anyone have any advice on how to proceed with this? AKKKKK!

[newble]

You already have.

[Elise]

i'm a girl and i've had a really good guy friend for 10 years. he's straight. we started fooling around 7 years into our friendship and then finally did it after 8 years. we're still cool. it's just casual sex. we don't want a relationship with each other...but it has NOT affected our friendship

 

hope that helped

[whichwayisup]

We started hanging out after that, I think we were both pretty lonely and at loose ends - he was pretty devastated by his breakup - but I know I was glad to hang out with him again, and I think he shared that sentiment.

 

One night, after drinking at the bar, I went back to his place to watch TV. We ended up making out (he started it), which surprised me (I guess I’m kindof thick), but he asked me to leave before anything serious happened, saying that he was still in love with his girlfriend. I respected him for that, and didn’t bring it up again

.

 

Sounds like two friends comforting eachother during some rough times, rebound kinda thing.

 

I suggest just being really honest with him. Tell him upfront that you feel you can tell him anything and that you trust him - Then speak from your heart. No games, no bulls***. Hopefully he is mature enough to understand, respect you and discuss the issues at hand without getting all freaked out about it all.

 

Good luck!! Keep us updated.