I am so so very angry,he is such a liar.. [UPDATE]

[spiderowl]

He has shown he behaves badly and does not know how to treat women. There doesn't seem to be anything worth having about this guy. You need to start looking at people's qualities and their behaviour, not at what they say or their pleading eyes. Polar bears look sweet, until you are standing in front of one of them!

[spiderowl]

I just think was it so hard to believe he might of had feelings for me.

We used to spend hours just taking,he spent 3 years communicating with me,spoke about if we were to get together yet he could never just do it.

What if I wasn't his little sisters best friend ..maybe he would of took a chance.

He always brought me up to his mum and sister that's how they get suspicious.

Who's to say after we slept together he realised he could loose his son.

He isn't a monster deep down.

Too many things don't add up.

He spent 14 hours that night just talking and holding me,I did feel something.

Why ask me if I loved him,why talk about what I wanted in a relationship

Why did he cry when he said we couldn't be together if I meant nothing.

When I seen him the other day he was looking at me before I noticed him,

Nye he was the one who brought me into the conversation first otherwise they wouldn't of told him they knew.

Is it so bad to think maybe he had some feelings even if they weren't enough to change his situation

 

People can have different personalities within them. I think this explains a lot of the weirdness that goes on in relationships. This guy has a nice side, which you fell in love with, but he also has the inconsiderate, weird, cruel side. You get the whole package if you mess with him. He is not going to change. He is not going to become only the nice side. He will always mix the two up and mess you around until your head is utterly confused and you are battered and broken.

[Louisesarah]

I hate myself for still having feelings for him.

I don't understand if he had no feelings for me why did he bring me up nye?why was he even thinking about me

Why did he tell his mum he had feelings for me?

Why wouldn't he set me up with his friends?when I asked he said no chance.

Why ask if I love him?

Why tell me he will be so jealous when I meet someone

Why cry and say we can't be together if he didn't care?

[Ms. Faust]

I hate myself for still having feelings for him.

I don't understand if he had no feelings for me why did he bring me up nye?why was he even thinking about me

Why did he tell his mum he had feelings for me?

Why wouldn't he set me up with his friends?when I asked he said no chance.

Why ask if I love him?

Why tell me he will be so jealous when I meet someone

Why cry and say we can't be together if he didn't care?

 

Instead of asking about his (in)actions, ask about your own:

 

Why are you still obsessing about him?

Why are you back with this toxic family?

What are you true motivations to reconcile with his sister?

Why do you continue defending his alcoholism and abuse?

Why do you continue to cast him as a victim?

[Louisesarah]

I need closure.

I need proper answers not just trying to guess.

I don't know what's in his head ..only him.

I want or need proper explanations

[Ms. Faust]

I need closure.

I need proper answers not just trying to guess.

I don't know what's in his head ..only him.

I want or need proper explanations

 

You may never get those. Now what?

[Louisesarah]

Hope that I do ..nothing else I can do.

He might be heartless but I'm not.

I care about people.

Even now even if he never talks to me again I hope he is ok.

[anika99]

He said I wish we could be together,you should be in my family.

Then he cried and said "I can't leave (sons name)" then asked do you love me to which I replied no then he asked why ..I said I need to keep my guard up then he cried again and said my guard is over my heart because I can't have what I want.

 

None of what he says matters. That's all just words and what he says doesn't even make sense. If his son was such a big priority to him then he wouldn't be staying at his mommy's house getting drunk. Obviously he has already pretty much abandoned his gf and son and chosen booze instead.

 

You want to think he is unhappy because he doesn't love his gf and wants to be with you. He is unhappy because he is an alcoholic who doesn't take responsibility for his actions and who feels sorry for himself instead of being a man and a proper father. Just what is attractive about a guy who is staying with his mother, getting wasted and acting crazy when he has a newborn baby? This is your Mr. Right? This is the guy you picture your future with?

 

Who cares if he has feelings for you? All he wants to do is drink and feel sorry for himself so whatever else he feels or says doesn't matter. He's a toxic alcoholic who isn't even much good for his son.

[Louisesarah]

He doesn't stay at his mums to drink it was because he wanted space.

He isn't happy tho he told me,he told his sister and his mum.

From what I've heard he is being a great dad and worships his son.

I hand on heart don't believe if it wasn't for his son he would be there today.

[Louisesarah]

I don't think he is a alcoholic either.

He maintains a 12 hour a day 5 days a week job.

He always has his son with him now.

My friend said now he is older they go out together and he can't bare to be apart from him.

My friend said he is a very lonely man and that's why he drinks.

[Ophelia25]

I don't think he is a alcoholic either.

He maintains a 12 hour a day 5 days a week job.

He always has his son with him now.

My friend said now he is older they go out together and he can't bare to be apart from him.

My friend said he is a very lonely man and that's why he drinks.

 

I'm no expert, but generally, people who have a "reason" to drink (i.e., loneliness) are struggling with alcoholism. Even those who can take care of kids, have a great job, etc. My dad was depressed for a long time, and an alcoholic. We never even really knew this as kids - he was a great dad and a good husband, he just got either very quiet or very grouchy sometimes at night. Still does.

[privategal]

I need closure.

I need proper answers not just trying to guess.

I don't know what's in his head ..only him.

I want or need proper explanations

Please at this point you must have 500 replies to all of your threads and we dont seem to be able to reason with you.

Id say in your case, write him, fb, show up on his doorstep, flag his car down on the street. Please get your closure so you can let go. Just ask him directly so you can finally move on from this.

[dreamingoftigers]

He said I wish we could be together,you should be in my family.

Then he cried and said "I can't leave (sons name)" then asked do you love me to which I replied no then he asked why ..I said I need to keep my guard up then he cried again and said my guard is over my heart because I can't have what I want.

 

Okay, time to read Women Who Love Too Much.

 

Seriously.

 

This guy may not be a "monster" but he's an alcoholic with impulsive and disloyal behaviour.

 

That means: you are ONLY in for a world of hurt by fuelling this quasi-relationship with him.

 

He isn't emotionally stable, he is surrounded by dysfunction and he is spreading his dysfunction by role-modelling poor behaviour to his son and using you as an emotional crutch.

 

One thing I've noticed over the years from some of the most deeply dysfunctional people that have utterly RUINED their relationships, is that their feelings don't line up well with their words and / or actions.

 

I've heard of old faets talking about how much they "loved and missed" their ex-wives like, somehow, they just "couldn't catch a break with her" when the reality was they were cheaters, perhaps abusers or drunks. But they still UTTERLY REFUSE to place any responsibility for the destruction of their relationship on their own behavior. TIME AND TIME AGAIN. Just "oh nothing could please that woman." Ironically, many leeched off of their wives, beat them, left them alone to rear children while they went out partying, cheated and then acted like "we'll, she only nags me and gets so mad or sad when I do that. That's no fun. I don't wanna deal with that." It's just noise to them until she leaves.

 

This guy is the classic alcoholic sad saxk lying around hoping someone "special" shows up with a life to give him "rescues him from it all." Then whines about the colour the lifeline is.

 

Forget that. Get interested in someone that has something to offer you other that false promises and pretty words.

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't think he is a alcoholic either.

He maintains a 12 hour a day 5 days a week job.

He always has his son with him now.

My friend said now he is older they go out together and he can't bare to be apart from him.

My friend said he is a very lonely man and that's why he drinks.

 

None of what you said here disqualifies him as an alcoholic. In fact, it sounds somewhat like my Dad who is also what I would term a workaholic. Coincidentally he's also a cheater. In fact I believe he's cheating on my mother, again.

 

But if my father isn't an alcoholic, ain't no one an alcoholic.

 

He alcoholism has gotten so bad that even though he is diabetic and faces losing his toes, he won't quit and tries half-arsed to hide it. Lame. And dysfunctional.

 

You aren't doing yourself any favors trying to get answers of the "he loves me / love me not" variety.

 

In fact, ask YOU if you love YOU. That should give you a fair sight more clarity. Because if you love you, you'll get the Heck away from someone who treats you like this.

[S2B]

He doesn't stay at his mums to drink it was because he wanted space.

He isn't happy tho he told me,he told his sister and his mum.

From what I've heard he is being a great dad and worships his son.

I hand on heart don't believe if it wasn't for his son he would be there today.

 

None of this matters. He's not making effort to see you. That means it's been over. You just need to realize what is real.

[Louisesarah]

I appreciate each and every one reply on these threads I've got.

Even tho it may not seem like it I do take everything everyone says on board even tho it seems like nothing goes in my stupid brain.

Il never know if anything he said was genuine will I because I will never ask him because I do have some self respect and after how he treated me I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he did this to me.

I might be making myself I'll worrying did he mean this,did he mean that but as far as he is concerned I don't care..my last message I ever sent him was telling him to disappear off somewhere ( I did swear ).

It seems he is trying to do the right thing by his son and maybe he did feel guilty about what he did and cut me off.

From my point of view tho it hurt extremely for someone to speak to you for 3 years and then just cut you off like that ..like your nothing.

I struggle with that.

If he had did it in a better way,explained then I might not be as hurt.

But for him to make me feel worthless and cast aside like scum that's what is hard.

[elaine567]

From my point of view tho it hurt extremely for someone to speak to you for 3 years and then just cut you off like that ..like your nothing.

I struggle with that.

If he had did it in a better way,explained then I might not be as hurt.

But for him to make me feel worthless and cast aside like scum that's what is hard.

 

There is no explanation he can give you that you WILL understand as you are upset and hurting. YOU DO NOT WANT to understand, you just want him back in your life and that is not going to happen, until perhaps he gets over his guilt and feels horny for you again.

 

Pregnant gf, her focus shifts off him and onto the baby, sex becomes less frequent, she is preoccupied, she is uncomfortable and sore, she moans, she gets annoyed, she is not the girl he fell in love with, he feels alienated and alone.

Along comes you, you are soft and warm and loving, he melts, he is needy and you are there. You eventually have sex, but almost immediately he wakes up to the reality to what he just did, and he hates himself for it. He cuts you off from his life. He has a son and a daughter, a family to look after and cherish, a ONS with you, pales into insignificance.

It is a common story, men cheating on pregnant gfs and wives is not new, it is NOT love, it is just needy men seeking out the comfort they are temporarily not getting at home.

Stop writing a love story, this is NOT a love story, he already told you it meant nothing, believe him.

 

He is truly not worth obsessing over.

Leave him alone.

[Louisesarah]

There is no explanation he can give you that you WILL understand as you are upset and hurting. YOU DO NOT WANT to understand, you just want him back in your life and that is not going to happen, until perhaps he gets over his guilt and feels horny for you again.

 

Pregnant gf, her focus shifts off him and onto the baby, sex becomes less frequent, she is preoccupied, she is uncomfortable and sore, she moans, she gets annoyed, she is not the girl he fell in love with, he feels alienated and alone.

Along comes you, you are soft and warm and loving, he melts, he is needy and you are there. You eventually have sex, but almost immediately he wakes up to the reality to what he just did, and he hates himself for it. He cuts you off from his life. He has a son and a daughter, a family to look after and cherish, a ONS with you, pales into insignificance.

It is a common story, men cheating on pregnant gfs and wives is not new, it is NOT love, it is just needy men seeking out the comfort they are temporarily not getting at home.

Stop writing a love story, this is NOT a love story, he already told you it meant nothing, believe him.

 

He is truly not worth obsessing over.

Leave him alone.

 

He was texting me and telling me how much he wanted me long before she was pregnant and long before he moved in with her.

So I don't think it's because he wasn't getting any.

[Louisesarah]

He doesn't have a daughter either.

He has 1 son.

[elaine567]

He was texting me and telling me how much he wanted me long before she was pregnant and long before he moved in with her.

So I don't think it's because he wasn't getting any.

 

"Texting" isn't LOVE either, it is fantasy, he eventually turned fantasy into reality and after only one night together, he shut you out of his life telling you it meant nothing.

Please wake up and get on with the rest of your life.

 

He doesn't have a daughter either.

He has 1 son.

But...

#9 He has a girlfriend and now a 3 month old daughter.

[Louisesarah]

It should of said son not daughter.

[Louisesarah]

The night we did spent together he told me he wished he could be with me and got upset.

Why do that if you only want sex?

[elaine567]

The night we did spent together he told me he wished he could be with me and got upset.

Why do that if you only want sex?

 

OK but two seconds later he was out the door and blocking you every which way.

So which one do you believe? The one who told you he wanted you while he schmoozed his way into your bed, or the one who couldn't wait to get as far away from you as possible???

Talk is cheap.

[privategal]

the night we did spent together he told me he wished he could be with me and got upset.

Why do that if you only want sex?

he was drunk

[Gloria_Smellons]

he is a liar and a drunk

 

Fixed it for you.