Foreverago Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 There are wives and girlfriends, there are mistresses, there are friends with benefits, there are one night stands, there are friends who occasionally hook up when they are both single that aren't technical FWB....you realize you don't fit into any of those? You don't even qualify as a friend at this point. You don't love him. If you did, you'd fully walk away and let him figure his own **** out. He doesn't owe you anything period. You can't force it from him. To try is to be controlling and unstable. He does not want you. Even if he said it to your face, you'd still fight it, because "ten years." Ten years of nothing to him. You just want to possess him because he rejected you. Again, therapy please. This kind of stuff can get uglier and you do not want to be on the losing end of a restraining order. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 It's his job to respect HIS girlfriend and child not mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Foreverago Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 It's his job to respect HIS girlfriend and child not mine. Classy. And I'm done here. You don't want help. You just want to obsess. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 There are wives and girlfriends, there are mistresses, there are friends with benefits, there are one night stands, there are friends who occasionally hook up when they are both single that aren't technical FWB....you realize you don't fit into any of those? You don't even qualify as a friend at this point. You don't love him. If you did, you'd fully walk away and let him figure his own **** out. He doesn't owe you anything period. You can't force it from him. To try is to be controlling and unstable. He does not want you. Even if he said it to your face, you'd still fight it, because "ten years." Ten years of nothing to him. You just want to possess him because he rejected you. Again, therapy please. This kind of stuff can get uglier and you do not want to be on the losing end of a restraining order. You just like me doesn't know what he wants or what is going on his head. His sister who is obviously better knowledged than me and you has told me he isn't happy,he doesn't want to be there along with she knows he cares but is too messed up to do that. So I think that's more reliable than strangers on the Internet. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 It's his job to respect HIS girlfriend and child not mine. Charming. It's also his job to put their needs before yours, which is why he stopped talking to you. Point blank- you matter less than they do, if at all. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 When someone messes with your head like he has with me I think I deserve answers. And no I wouldn't cheat. I fell for him badly that's why it happened. He made me believe he cared for me otherwise I wouldn't of looked twice at him. How old are you now? You've wasted 10 years on somebody who never wanted you. Time goes fast and I would suggest you not waste anymore of your years waiting on someone who doesn't want you. You are going to look around and be an old woman who has pinned her life away for nothing. Go ask him why he doesn't want you so you'll have your answer finally, and then pick yourself up and move on while you still can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 It's his job to respect HIS girlfriend and child not mine. Yeah.... Don't have motivation to care or advise when one totally lacks empathy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 The night we did spent together he told me he wished he could be with me and got upset. Why do that if you only want sex? Has he texted you while supposedly being with someone else? Imagine how you would feel in her position if that were the case. Would you see him as a nice guy who really wants you or a guy who cheats on every woman he is with? He probably does this to all of them, has a chain of women so he can leap from one to another as soon as one sees what a cheater he is. I know you are hurting and want to believe the good part of him, but he is a mixture of many characters and some would treat you badly and betray you. People are not trying to talk you out of him, but wanting to protect you from the inevitable hurt such a guy brings. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 The night we did spent together he told me he wished he could be with me and got upset. Why do that if you only want sex? People who accept the worst behaviour ate often the ones sitting there asking "why? Why? Why?" "Why does he hit me?" "Why does she go hot and cold?" Why do they treat me like garbage? Because instead of saying "eff this, I'm outta here." You sit there asking why, even long after everyone has told you why. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 People who accept the worst behaviour ate often the ones sitting there asking "why? Why? Why?" "Why does he hit me?" "Why does she go hot and cold?" Why do they treat me like garbage? Because instead of saying "eff this, I'm outta here." You sit there asking why, even long after everyone has told you why. The women who do this have a warped sense of their own 'importance' in the man's life. All too often they believe they are needed, that the abuser loves them and would be lost without them, or that it's just all a mistake, he can't help it. That's what they tell themselves, because surely this guy they met, Prince Charming once, couldn't possibly be putting them through Hell on purpose! This is mental and emotional manipulation at its finest. Guys know exactly what women want to hear. So they say it. That should never, ever be taken as "They MEAN it". They only mean it, If Their ACTIONS Match Their Words. If your lover whispers sweet nothings about how he WISHES he could be with you - take it with a grain of salt. Unless he's doing his level best to BE with you. If he's still not with you - he's a liar. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 I personally don't agree. I think I do deserve answers or at least a apology. This is someone I've known for over 10 years. We've been on nights out together/barbecues together. I'm his sisters best friend/he had chased me for over 3 years..texts/phone calls Isn't it just common decency to treat people with respect. It isn't just some random man who I've met in a bar. We grew up together,I classed him as a friend. But he isn't "decent." He treated you like a random bar chick, and he treats his own family like crap too. He IS NOT going to give you the answers / apology you claim to need. So now it's up to YOU to figure out that YOU need to help yourself and get away from the toxicity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 31, 2016 Author Share Posted March 31, 2016 What I would love to know is why after all those years of texting me,chasing me if he liked me why he never tried for more. If he can sit there and say il be jealous when you meet someone ..it didn't have to be like that. He chose not to pursue more with me Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 What I would love to know is why after all those years of texting me,chasing me if he liked me why he never tried for more. If he can sit there and say il be jealous when you meet someone ..it didn't have to be like that. He chose not to pursue more with me Exactly. He always chose not to pursue more with you, and he continues not to pursue more with you. He's not being held against his will, he is very obviously deciding not to pursue you, just like he always has. That is your answer. He slept with you because he knew you had a crush on him and you were low hanging fruit. He told you whatever you wanted to hear because that made it easier for him to get in your pants. Is he gross for doing that? Absolutely! So drop it already! Move the eff on and stop stalking a dude who has zero interest in you! And perhaps work on being less selfish in the future, because that's not attractive to anyone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 What I would love to know is why after all those years of texting me,chasing me if he liked me why he never tried for more. He's married. He's probably not a stud. He didn't try for more, because he didn't want more. If he can sit there and say il be jealous when you meet someone .. .."because when you find someone, that means I'll get less sex." it didn't have to be like that. Yes it did. He decided what it had to be, and you went along with it. That's the way it was, because you were complicit with how he manipulated things. It was that way, because that's how he worked it. He chose not to pursue more with me BINGO!!! Lights, whistles, bells and ticker-tape, strike up the band, I think she's got it!! HE CHOSE. There is the answer you think you deserve, the response you were looking for, the closure you wanted. It may not be the answer/response/closure you were hoping for, but that's it, in a nutshell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 Louise you really need to stop asking yourself WHY and begin to accept this situation for what it was and move on. All the whys don't matter. Look at where he is now - where he wants to be. With another woman. I know it hurts but for your own sake you HAVE to accept this 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 31, 2016 Author Share Posted March 31, 2016 Louise you really need to stop asking yourself WHY and begin to accept this situation for what it was and move on. All the whys don't matter. Look at where he is now - where he wants to be. With another woman. I know it hurts but for your own sake you HAVE to accept this It just messes with my head when his sister tells me he doesn't want to be with her and it's only the baby keeping him. I don't nee to know. Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 But even if he's not happy he's still not making any efforts to change his situation and wit all respect even if he left it doesn't mean he would be with you, he may find someone else to settle down with. If I were you I'd tell his sister that you don't want to hear about him anymore or better yet distance yourself from them all while you heal. If she's a real friend she'll understand your need for space 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 This is a man who took his sister by the throat and who is abusive to his mother as well. Please wake up and be grateful he doesn't want you. Being abused by a man is no joke. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 Don't worry..you'll see him for what he really is someday. I just hope it's before he takes out a restraining order. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 (edited) [] I don't think there has been one single person here who has actually said what you want to hear. But we have all said what you need to hear. His bad points - by your own witness - outweigh the good. They are utterly immaterial because he's not with you. So all his good points are wasted. Or bestowed onto someone else. Louisesarah, I can see you're angry. But you're angry because no matter how much you protest your love for this guy, none of us can find a single redeeming virtue to keeping connected to him. It's destroying you and making you into a different person. We're all talking sense. And you don't like it, because we won't budge. And we won't budge because we want you to see it. Instead of turning on us - and people have stuck with you throughout - stop. Think. Listen. Re-read. Every possible angle you've put forward has been headed off, because it's obvious from here, that every angle is going to end in disappointment for you. Try to lay aside your resentment and resistance, and consider what we have contributed in your best interests. He hasn't acted in your best interests. We have. Edited March 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator redacted quotes and responses to unproductive deleted posts ~6 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 What I would love to know is why after all those years of texting me,chasing me if he liked me why he never tried for more. If he can sit there and say il be jealous when you meet someone ..it didn't have to be like that. He chose not to pursue more with me Because he DIDN'T WANT TO. He sounds like the sad sack type where relationships are "too much work" in general. Some people are like this. Some don't attach normally. Some ONLY like to chase or get emotional attention or "be a hero" to someone OR expect 'someone' to come and save them from their sadness. Some people draw their self-esteem fro. Flattering people and getting their full attention. He had your full attention. Then he slept with you whilst drunk and the game was up. Because he probably on some level felt guilt/shame or even actually MANIPULATED. Because people like this will make stupid choices and then blame others for their own bad feelings. He was probably okay with chasing you, then as soon as he actually slept with you, it meant he was a scumbag, not to mention his family's reaction. So then he blames you for it. Deservedly or not. The question here seems to be more: "Why dysfunction?" Well, the answer is: "Because, dysfunction!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 Folks, this thread was trending towards unproductive for everyone posting, so we deleted about a dozen posts and closed it up. If the thread-starter returns and would like more feedback, they can request it be re-opened by using the 'Alert Us' button. Thanks, ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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