imperfectangel Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 Louise I completely understand why you feel this way. But you have to move on. I found my mm's wife's Fb account and obsessed over it for a day or two realised that isn't healthy then blocked. It's a waste of energy. I think though this just comes with time. I know that's annoying but time does heal. You'll see him for what he is at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 I guess it's easier to believe he had feelings for me than accept he hated me. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 Actually, it isn't easier. Because thinking like that, will keep you hooked. It would actually be better for you to admit to yourself that the depth of his feelings was nowhere near as deep as yours. He cared less. And you know what they say: "He who cares the least, controls the most." You need to face facts. Maybe then, it WILL be easier.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 It's that nagging wondering If a man likes you to sleep with why not good enough to Persue a relationship with Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 It's that nagging wondering If a man likes you to sleep with why not good enough to Persue a relationship with Because you'll sleep with him without any commitment. Free sex, on tap. And he was already IN a relationship. You were the cherry on the cake. The relationship - IS the cake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 I think for someone to cheat or even think of cheating something is wrong in the relationship. I know when I've had a partner I haven't even thought of looking elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 It's that nagging wondering If a man likes you to sleep with why not good enough to Persue a relationship with You are not alone in that feeling. Men and some women like sex enough to sleep with whomever is available to them. Men having sex with women they don't love has been going on since the dawn of time. Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 It's that nagging wondering If a man likes you to sleep with why not good enough to Persue a relationship with Men don't think like women. Many can have sex with no emotional attachment. It's the way they're made to "spread their seed" so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 I think for someone to cheat or even think of cheating something is wrong in the relationship. I know when I've had a partner I haven't even thought of looking elsewhere. Maybe but he still isn't leaving. He can't give you what you want and prolonging it will only make it harder for you Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 It's that nagging wondering If a man likes you to sleep with why not good enough to Persue a relationship with Why won't you ask him? Are you becoming addicted to the drama? You don't seem to want it to end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 A fear of seeming weak,insecure,needy,desperate Non are redeeming qualities Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 I think for someone to cheat or even think of cheating something is wrong in the relationship. I know when I've had a partner I haven't even thought of looking elsewhere. I don't believe that for a moment. Why? Because first of all, you condoned his cheating with you, and secondly, if you'll cheat with a cheater, then the potential is for you to be just the same way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 A fear of seeming weak,insecure,needy,desperate Non are redeeming qualities But you ARE behaving like a weak, needy, desperate person right now. The only thing that will hopefully satisfy you is asking him directly. Just be straight up with him. Tell him that he hurt your feelings and you'd like to know why he did what he did, calmly and rationally. That is not desperate. You have a right to ask him that question. He's not going to be your boyfriend Louise. He has proven this to you already. He had years to date you and he didn't. Those are the wrong questions. Those are the questions that make you look desperate, needy, and obsessive. Everyone wonders this about someone they have a crush on at some point..why wasn't I good enough? Why didn't I meet him first? Etc. Everyone has gone through this at some point. I sure have. If the rest of the world can get over it, so can you. You HAVE to put this to rest and walk away from the entire family. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 A fear of seeming weak,insecure,needy,desperate Non are redeeming qualities ...."seeming"....? I hate to break this to you gently, but those qualities are already evident here. Which is why everyone has been urging you to drop this.... For your own good. You really don't want to BE like that, let alone 'seem'.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 ...."seeming"....? I hate to break this to you gently, but those qualities are already evident here. Which is why everyone has been urging you to drop this.... For your own good. You really don't want to BE like that, let alone 'seem'.... When someone messes with your head like he has with me I think I deserve answers. And no I wouldn't cheat. I fell for him badly that's why it happened. He made me believe he cared for me otherwise I wouldn't of looked twice at him. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 When someone messes with your head like he has with me I think I deserve answers. And no I wouldn't cheat. I fell for him badly that's why it happened. He made me believe he cared for me otherwise I wouldn't of looked twice at him. You got screwed over. Everyone gets screwed over at some point. If you never get these answers will you be able to stop obsessing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foreverago Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 I didn't see it posted, but have you tried therapy? Like behavioral therapy? It can do a world of good. You are basically holding yourself hostage over someone who doesn't care or love or want you. You are hurting yourself acting this way. Harsh fact: he doesn't owe you anything, not even an explanation. You aren't a co-parent with him, you aren't someone he was married to. We've all been there. It happens. But most of us realize it. You're going to have a hard time having any healthy, decent relationship with anyone when you are as self sabatoging and addicted to pain (drama) as you are. It's like a beacon to abusers and manipulative people. And it's a red flag to people who want to have a solid, calm relationship. My friend I mentioned earlier? Still after bad men who cheat on hEd and treat her like crap. We are no longer close because I can't handle being her support system. It's too much drama. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 There's a thread in the break up section called I Need Hope. I think the poster is called Anna2000 or something like that. You and Anna have a lot in common. Go check it out and see if anything resonates. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 When someone messes with your head like he has with me I think I deserve answers. Who says? Why do you 'deserve' answers? Because you know - you won't get them. They will either not be the answers you're really looking for - or they will be lies. It's called 'gaining closure', and like Vomit, it's unpleasant, but it can only come from within. You won't get answers. And in spite of what you might think, there's nothing, anywhere, that says you're entitled to them. At all. And no I wouldn't cheat. I fell for him badly that's why it happened. And you're still stuck there because even though you fell, you failed to get up. Well, it's time to get up. He made me believe he cared for me otherwise I wouldn't of looked twice at him He didn't 'Make' you do anything. You responded unskillfully to his overtures. You made choices, and these are the consequences. But nobody could 'make' you do anything, unless they held a gun to your head. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 I personally don't agree. I think I do deserve answers or at least a apology. This is someone I've known for over 10 years. We've been on nights out together/barbecues together. I'm his sisters best friend/he had chased me for over 3 years..texts/phone calls Isn't it just common decency to treat people with respect. It isn't just some random man who I've met in a bar. We grew up together,I classed him as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 I personally don't agree. I think I do deserve answers or at least a apology. You don't get it. It really doesn't matter what you believe you deserve. It's highly unlikely you will get either. This is someone I've known for over 10 years. We've been on nights out together/barbecues together. I'm his sisters best friend/he had chased me for over 3 years..texts/phone calls I knew my ex-H for 26 years. The day our divorce was finalised, 12 years ago, was the last time he ever spoke to me. I was very close to his sister, too. I had no idea she had died until he cancelled an appointment (via his solicitor) because he had to attend her funeral. Time and acquaintance means absolutely nothing; when they want to cut ties, they will. Isn't it just common decency to treat people with respect.Oh decidedly. But just like 'sense', 'decency' is anything but common. He's finished with you. That's all he thinks you need to go on. It isn't just some random man who I've met in a bar. We grew up together,I classed him as a friend. My ex-H was my best friend too. Funny how some people can be, huh? No guarantees of anything, my dear. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 I personally don't agree. I think I do deserve answers or at least a apology. This is someone I've known for over 10 years. We've been on nights out together/barbecues together. I'm his sisters best friend/he had chased me for over 3 years..texts/phone calls Isn't it just common decency to treat people with respect. It isn't just some random man who I've met in a bar. We grew up together,I classed him as a friend. Regardless of what he said to you, you chose to sleep with a man who was about to become a father to someone else's baby. How come you didn't show his baby mama any respect or common decency? Or his son, for that matter? Your continued pursuit of him and your attempts to try to take him away from his family is not respectful or decent. Why do you deserve respect and they don't? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 Regardless of what he said to you, you chose to sleep with a man who was about to become a father to someone else's baby. How come you didn't show his baby mama any respect or common decency? Or his son, for that matter? Your continued pursuit of him and your attempts to try to take him away from his family is not respectful or decent. Why do you deserve respect and they don't? "Your continued pursuit of him" PLEASE ..he was the one who pursued me and not the other way around. What attempts to take him away from his family? What rubbish! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 Regardless of what he said to you, you chose to sleep with a man who was about to become a father to someone else's baby. How come you didn't show his baby mama any respect or common decency? Or his son, for that matter? Your continued pursuit of him and your attempts to try to take him away from his family is not respectful or decent. Why do you deserve respect and they don't? "Your continued pursuit of him" PLEASE ..he was the one who pursued me and not the other way around. What attempts to take him away from his family? What rubbish! Address the bolded part instead of picking the bits you dislike... Like I said, you need to 'own it'. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 "Your continued pursuit of him" PLEASE ..he was the one who pursued me and not the other way around. What attempts to take him away from his family? What rubbish! You've admitted that you got close to his sister again to get info on him. That is pursuing him. And if you did see him again and he wanted you, you'd happily take him. So I stand by what I said. Regarding what Tara said..would you answer that? Why do you deserve respect but his girlfriend and child do not? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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