Report Ex MM?

[Maddieandtae]

You could tell his wife you had an affair with her husband and you broke it off. Than EVERYBODY will know and you definitely will get credit for your part.

 

I understand your need to vent it is just if you could read your posts objectively you will than realize how dangerously close you are to blowing up YOUR life:(

[privategal]

in this whole process of dumping MM, ive been more obsessed with the fact that his wife & daughter( who once pinged me to stay away) know that IM the one who got rid of him.. I mean i took such a strong step, i want credit.. we are all in the same town n we know mutual ppl and i want the history to always be that im the one who left his friendship.. he knows it, i know it but i want his messed up family to realize too, i hate them.. ugh.. i know i may sound kiddish but at this moment this is wat i feel n not able to move on happily if they dont know i didnt want him. anyone else felt like this? will this feeling go away with time as he starts to matter less to me?

 

Trying to be polite as possible. Your ego is bigger than your level of remorse.

All about you, how HE is awful, not You.

How YOU are perceived, that YOU did the breaking up...really?

You dont seem to care you damaged a whole family.

And you haven't gotten rid of him your obsessing night and day while he's trying to save his marriage and family. You are worried about petty things like who thinks what of you and people know you left him?

 

The very title of your thread says "devastated, what if HE forgets ME"

So if you made such a strong move, start acting strong.

Edited January 27, 2016 by privategal

[hello214]

thanks for your thoughts but now the D** has nowhere to go so he may be trying to work out things at home.. what pisses me off is that their whole family is messed up( his wife screws w/ others too ) n he involved me or rather encouraged me along as a friend to keep associating w/ his low self.. ugh.. thats why its so important for me they realize i dumped, cuz they are worthless. and btw, by letting the wife know, im talking abt dumping the friendship, as thats wat it was in front of her eyes.. & along w/ affair i got rid of the friendship as well.

[privategal]

thanks for your thoughts but now the D** has nowhere to go so he may be trying to work out things at home.. what pisses me off is that their whole family is messed up( his wife screws w/ others too ) n he involved me or rather encouraged me along as a friend to keep associating w/ his low self.. ugh.. thats why its so important for me they realize i dumped, cuz they are worthless. and btw, by letting the wife know, im talking abt dumping the friendship, as thats wat it was in front of her eyes.. & along w/ affair i got rid of the friendship as well.

 

So HE held a gun to your head huh?

Just let his wife know you ended the A and friendship so you can MOVE ON from this obsessing and get going in your own life and leave him and his family alone.

Edited January 27, 2016 by privategal

[eye of the storm]

Hello, I was feeling pretty sympathetic with you and understanding of your feelings. Pride and all that. Totally get that.

 

But you are smack talking his kid.

 

And that to me ... is wrong on levels I just can't imagine. And I am an OW.

 

You don't want to talk to the BS and kid because you are trying to let them know what he did so they can make their own decisions about their lives. You want to tell them because your ego cannot handle you not being the top dog.

 

You want to actively cause pain to them because you are so focused on yourself you cannot for a minute imagine other people's feelings matter.

 

Please seek therapy and find out why you are so unfeeling. You are cheating on your H and could care less about that. You are angry that a child told you to stay away from their father because they knew something was going on. And you are angry at the possibility that your AP might tell his BS that he ended his A with you.

 

This is not normal thinking.

[hello214]

Yes eye of the storm, u accurately described what im feeling.. well im not angry at the child telling me, she has all the right, im just mad that they are getting the wrong impression here.. & i have a feeling he manipulates at home she thinks im behind her dad probably which is completely not true, & since we have many known mutual people in this town, what if in future she goes and blabs to them that i was the one behind him, when in reality i was strong to end it n he never would have.. this is unfair to me.. agree ? or am i still thinking abnormally.. please be honest and let me know if i am. Maybe this may sound weird, but i would feel better if i felt that i was more bad to him than he was to me, cuz if i feel i was a victim of a damn MM, i just couldnt handle pity on myself.. so my thinking, do them wrong before they do u wrong.. hope some can relate to this? and again, if this is not normal thinking please let me know.

[anika99]

I'm not a betrayed wife but if I were and the OW contacted me just to let me know that she ended the affair and not my husband it wouldn't change my low opinion of her one iota but it would make me think she was a psycho bunny boiler on top of everything else. So if you telling the BW that you dumped her husband will make you feel better then go ahead and do it but just realize that it isn't going to change what the BW thinks or says about you and that you will actually just be giving her more nasty things to say about you.

[eye of the storm]

...(1) im just mad that they are getting the wrong impression here...(2) what if in future she goes and blabs to them that i was the one behind him...(3)this is unfair to me...(4)but i would feel better if i felt that i was more bad to him than he was to me...

 

I just deleted some extra stuff so we can focus on the main points.

 

1. You are mad. That is fine. But how are they getting a wrong impression? You did sleep with a MM. Nobody, but you, cares who ended it.

 

2. IF in the future his BS talks about you having an A with her H, I can positively guarantee who ended the A with who will not come up. She will only be talking about the women who slept with her H and caused emotional distress to her child.

 

3. When we do the wrong thing, we kinda lose the right to cry unfair when we have to deal with the consequences of our actions.

 

4. Again, this is all about you. You do not care that by continuing to contact his BS all you are doing is causing her more pain. Because of your ego.

 

Just walk away. You want to be seen as the bigger person in this? Walk away and leave them alone.

[hello214]

well like i said, his wife herself is messed up w/ irritation syndrome( as he calls it) and she sleeps with other men too.. I HATE their family now that i think more of it.. ugh.. i just cant get over wat a worthless family they are.. but, im talking abt cutting off friendship here as thats wat it was toward the end, and he just told her we're friends.. anyways bottom line i despise all of the people in their family n i feel he wasted my time by complaining to me about her, getting me disturbed as well, at the same time not divorcing, yet complaining.. its irritating.

[whatatangledweb]

Yes, your thinking is abnormal. I could understand it if you were in high school but not as a grown woman. You want them to know you ended a "friendship". No one cares but you who ended it. I have never in all my years heard some adult talk about who ended a friendship.I doubt his family care about you at all. Do you want your huband to find out? Because if you don't you should just stop that way of thinking. You start sending things like that and it will come across more as someone who is pissed off. That could make his wife dig deeper and find out it was an affair.

 

You were no more used by the MM than he was used by you. You are both married.

[hello214]

Ok, so i know this may sound immature, but I am sorry, I am strggling each day thinking about who was " unfair & bad" to whom.. me to exAP or him to me.. please dont read this and at the end say "it doesnt matter, it has to end anyways".. because i find it easier to get past this if i somehow feel that i was equally, if not more, unfair to him than he was to me.. but if i sit there thinking he did me wrong or was unnfair, i feel so much anger n i cant get past it.. n in a way, i do feel that i was more mean than he was.. please read below n tell me if thats how it sounds?

 

- i used his time wen my hubby was out of town.. i went out with him, he even came n stayed w/ me, so that resolved my fear of staying alone at nights. After my hubby returned, i told AP to cut off relation.

 

- i had been someone else ( more like my friend but we had little romance) n i told AP about it n showed him all the mssges that guy had written to me

 

- i literally dissed APs family n kid n called them names to him

 

- after he really pissed me offone time w/ an immature comment, i told him return a sweater that i had given so that i cud use it as a rag in my bathroom ( i

tol him this too). he gave it back.

 

- he gave me a card on xmas which i immediately gav back n said dont give me anything

 

- n now finally i cut him off cold n never reach out but sometime i feel like pinging his daughter who threatened that she wud show our pics to everyone. i fel like pinging her n saying if she does anything like invade my privacy in that way, i will make sure she gets in trouble..

 

Im the one who ended It but y am i still soo bitter? Ugh.. so wat do u guys think, was i the one mean to him. when i think that he wasnt as bad, my bitterness kind of dies down.. this may sound abnormal to u but thats how my thinking is currently (

[whatatangledweb]

By what you have written about him doing things and what you did. I would say you were worse. Does that really make you feel better? You are bitter and ticked off because he hurt your feelings by what he said while you were in bed with him. He could have been joking going by other things he joked about before. You ended it, why are you tormenting yourself? It isn't good for you.You are driving yourself crazy. This may cause you to do something that will backfire on you.

 

How old is his daughter? Do not contact his daughter for ANY reason. There is no excuse for it. It isn't an invasion of your privacy for her to show pics of you and her dad. Now if there was nudity, that may be different.

[hello214]

yes actually it does make me feel better if i was worse to him, because why should i, or any of us for that matter, be vulnerable to the games & mindset of an MM. But its the whole daugher thing i cant get out of my mind. shes 20 years, how dare she ping n threaten me that she'll show the pic of I n her dad having some dinner at a lounge , to everyone? Her mom is also sleazy, im so mad she pointed at me when I had the strength to end it and her dad didnt. So i just feel like pinging that kid one last time scaring her saying ill hold her responsible w/ authorities or something if she spreads my pics on internet w/out my consent.. is this valid or not? or does it not make sense?

[anika99]

Ok, so i know this may sound immature, but I am sorry, I am strggling each day thinking about who was " unfair & bad" to whom.. me to exAP or him to me.. please dont read this and at the end say "it doesnt matter, it has to end anyways".. because i find it easier to get past this if i somehow feel that i was equally, if not more, unfair to him than he was to me.. but if i sit there thinking he did me wrong or was unnfair, i feel so much anger n i cant get past it.. n in a way, i do feel that i was more mean than he was.. please read below n tell me if thats how it sounds?

 

- i used his time wen my hubby was out of town.. i went out with him, he even came n stayed w/ me, so that resolved my fear of staying alone at nights. After my hubby returned, i told AP to cut off relation.

 

- i had been someone else ( more like my friend but we had little romance) n i told AP about it n showed him all the mssges that guy had written to me

 

- i literally dissed APs family n kid n called them names to him

 

- after he really pissed me offone time w/ an immature comment, i told him return a sweater that i had given so that i cud use it as a rag in my bathroom ( i

tol him this too). he gave it back.

 

- he gave me a card on xmas which i immediately gav back n said dont give me anything

 

- n now finally i cut him off cold n never reach out but sometime i feel like pinging his daughter who threatened that she wud show our pics to everyone. i fel like pinging her n saying if she does anything like invade my privacy in that way, i will make sure she gets in trouble..

 

Im the one who ended It but y am i still soo bitter? Ugh.. so wat do u guys think, was i the one mean to him. when i think that he wasnt as bad, my bitterness kind of dies down.. this may sound abnormal to u but thats how my thinking is currently (

 

Judging by what you wrote above I would say yes, you were a worse person than your MM, and if knowing that makes you feel better about yourself than that is a sad state of affairs.

[ladydesigner]

Ok, so i know this may sound immature, but I am sorry, I am strggling each day thinking about who was " unfair & bad" to whom.. me to exAP or him to me.. please dont read this and at the end say "it doesnt matter, it has to end anyways".. because i find it easier to get past this if i somehow feel that i was equally, if not more, unfair to him than he was to me.. but if i sit there thinking he did me wrong or was unnfair, i feel so much anger n i cant get past it.. n in a way, i do feel that i was more mean than he was.. please read below n tell me if thats how it sounds?

 

- i used his time wen my hubby was out of town.. i went out with him, he even came n stayed w/ me, so that resolved my fear of staying alone at nights. After my hubby returned, i told AP to cut off relation.

 

- i had been someone else ( more like my friend but we had little romance) n i told AP about it n showed him all the mssges that guy had written to me

 

- i literally dissed APs family n kid n called them names to him

 

- after he really pissed me offone time w/ an immature comment, i told him return a sweater that i had given so that i cud use it as a rag in my bathroom ( i

tol him this too). he gave it back.

 

- he gave me a card on xmas which i immediately gav back n said dont give me anything

 

- n now finally i cut him off cold n never reach out but sometime i feel like pinging his daughter who threatened that she wud show our pics to everyone. i fel like pinging her n saying if she does anything like invade my privacy in that way, i will make sure she gets in trouble..

 

Im the one who ended It but y am i still soo bitter? Ugh.. so wat do u guys think, was i the one mean to him. when i think that he wasnt as bad, my bitterness kind of dies down.. this may sound abnormal to u but thats how my thinking is currently (

 

Honestly sounds like you would be the one in trouble if the daughter exposed you. I would not contact his daughter for any reason.

[hello214]

why must i adher & be controlled by a damn teenager who has no education? if i end this, its from my own will n not due to being scared of anyone.. but bottom line, not able to get over my bitterness even though i harshly initiated NC.. not sure wat to do about this bitterness n feeling of unclosure?

[hello214]

i am miserable and going crazy.. i initiated NC, and i cant believe its been a month and even though i knew NC would give me more peace than staying in the friendship & listening to bull & being affected, i am in terrible pain & think of him all the time & i guess i do miss him.. but at the same time, i do not get that feeling that i want him to really contact me or that i want to see him. I have all this bitterness inside still n maybe half of this feeling is due to the fact that i feel i didnt tell him off enough or we didnt have proper closure, or that mainly i didnt make it known to his family that im the one who dumped his friendship.. i dont know but bottom line, im feeling miserable, big void, but at the same time i dont want that route again.. cuz i know its pain all over.. wil this bitterness subside? will he subside from my mind? i know i cant just move somewhere else or change my company and that makes it tough.. i donno how to handle this pain n feelings of hatred.. just wanted to hear some uplifting words..

[MidnightBlue1980]

Hi there,

 

It's been over a month for me too and I just wanted to say that I am where you are. It goes back and forth but I understand everything you are going through. I would advise you to try not to even focus on him, focus on yourself. It is going to take time and yes, sometimes I hate xMM as well. But its just wasted energy. We'll get through this. One day at a time.

[lemondrop21]

I am nowhere near 1 month but I just want to say that I'm very impressed that you've gotten to 1 month NC. I'm jealous. I've been in and out of LC these past 2 weeks and the pain at times has been unbearable. The only thing that's really getting me through is that I absolutely have to keep studying for my masters degree (which I'm doing part time) otherwise I will hate myself for letting exMM bring me down to that extent.

 

Is there a hobby you can focus on or skill you want to learn? Were there any goals that you set for yourself, that you let fall by the wayside during the affair?

[hello214]

so month of NC, and we work at the same office building.. havent seen each other since beginning of this year.. but as i sit here at my desk, where he used to come & talk to me, i am feeling so miserable.. I was the one to cut him off n initiate NC & i dont really want to see him or anything or for him to reach out but i am still feeling so bad.. maybe memories remembering the days..although its due to a reason & to get peace that i cut him off, & i know it was for best, theb why am i feeling so bad still ???n how do i get through each hour at work sitting here missing his presence?

[hello214]

so ex Mm works in the same company as me and i did NC, its been a month now that we are not in contact.. i recently found out 2 days ago from his friend in the office that he has shown her "intimate images" of us, somewhere in a room somewhere holding hands etc.. i was devastated.. it was without my consent & i had no idea he had such pic stored.. i had requested him before to delete any such pics n he did not follow through. I actually went to police as i was in tears n they warned him.. but this is horrible.. hes ruining my name n image by doing this. I am thinking of filing a complaint. Good idea or no, could he get charged or some sort of justice? but im not sure because he just showed her on ph, if he had sent over internet, its different.. this is violation of privacy.. anyone have similar experience? wat should i do? these specific photos i did not send him myself n was not aware he had it. i want to teach him a lesson.

[whatatangledweb]

He didn't break any laws by showing a pic of you holding hands. What did the police warn him about? Here, they would have done nothing as he can show innocent pics like that. Who are you going to report him to and for what? I suggest you do nothing at work as you may come off looking unstable. Why are you so upset about that pic? There was nothing sexual going on in the picture and you said you were friends.

[MJJean]

so ex Mm works in the same company as me and i did NC, its been a month now that we are not in contact.. i recently found out 2 days ago from his friend in the office that he has shown her "intimate images" of us, somewhere in a room somewhere holding hands etc.. i was devastated.. it was without my consent & i had no idea he had such pic stored.. i had requested him before to delete any such pics n he did not follow through. I actually went to police as i was in tears n they warned him.. but this is horrible.. hes ruining my name n image by doing this. I am thinking of filing a complaint. Good idea or no, could he get charged or some sort of justice? but im not sure because he just showed her on ph, if he had sent over internet, its different.. this is violation of privacy.. anyone have similar experience? wat should i do? these specific photos i did not send him myself n was not aware he had it. i want to teach him a lesson.

 

And this is why you never allow photos or video.

[seren]

I am an XBS, if the OW had contacted me after D Day and told me it had been her that had ended the A it wouldn't have made any difference. had she continued to contact me I would have contacted the police, had she threatened my child, no matter what age, I would have raised hell and more to make sure everyone knew what she was about.

 

It really doesn't matter how or what his family life was, that is and was their business, same as yours is your business. I say this very gently, please just look after your own situation. Yes, you are hurt, everyone in an A gets hurt, well mostly, seems like from reading these boards the XAP gets off far more lightly than the OW and BS, where at least one of those ends up hurting.

 

He doesn't sound like much of a catch and of course you are hurting and missing what? him? the A? I would advise going for individual counselling to help you move on and get support for your anger. if you were to keep opening this can of worms wouldn't your husband and family find out, or do they already know? if not, then maybe it is time to tell them, if you and his family are at odds it might only be a matter of time before they start telling people.

 

Focus on moving forward, looking back never helps, it just hurts more and that feeds anger and that is never a good place to be. Is he really worth feeling like this? take care of you

[anika99]

so ex Mm works in the same company as me and i did NC, its been a month now that we are not in contact.. i recently found out 2 days ago from his friend in the office that he has shown her "intimate images" of us, somewhere in a room somewhere holding hands etc.. i was devastated.. it was without my consent & i had no idea he had such pic stored.. i had requested him before to delete any such pics n he did not follow through. I actually went to police as i was in tears n they warned him.. but this is horrible.. hes ruining my name n image by doing this. I am thinking of filing a complaint. Good idea or no, could he get charged or some sort of justice? but im not sure because he just showed her on ph, if he had sent over internet, its different.. this is violation of privacy.. anyone have similar experience? wat should i do? these specific photos i did not send him myself n was not aware he had it. i want to teach him a lesson.

 

I don't understand. It's not illegal to show pictures. Don't you look at Facebook? People show the world the pictures they own. It's not against the law. What do mean the police warned him? Warned him about what?