Guys with profile pictures next to hot girls

[jay1983]

Ok so, basically anyone who does this is being a little bit superficial. Got it.

 

Most guys don't get swarmed with messages online, I guess they're just trying to do something to get somewhere. I have the strangest feeling that it works.

[RRM321]

I don't get the profile picture postures but, I will add my $0.02 to the sea gull theory.

 

All of my life I've noticed a pattern = when I'm not in a relationship I can't get a date to save my life. Yet, the moment I have a girlfriend interested women seem to come out of the woodwork.

 

It seems women tend to focus more heavily on what other women have - much like fashion!

[AMJ]

Most guys don't get swarmed with messages online, I guess they're just trying to do something to get somewhere. I have the strangest feeling that it works.

 

To be sure, we need AverageJoe to do this with one of his fake profiles.

[Maggie4]

I think it might be ok if the women look like interesting human beings. Not a bunch of really made up women with the guy posing like Hugh Hefner, or some guy with a harem.

If he posts pictures of fine women, I'd like to believe I can see them as fine human beings and not focus on their gender. One time a guy sent me a picture of himself with his daughter. I actually became more interested in the daughter, because there was a certain intelligent and sensitive look in her eyes.

[AMJ]

Yeah, no. I'm talking about a guy in the middle of a group of always younger women. I'm not even looking at guys under age 29, and the girls are always around 22-25. Typically, it's guys in their 30s who are posting these pictures. And it's not a guy with a group of friends, or even a girl-friend or two. It's clearly a bunch of women that the guy met at a bar, or a party. Part of me wants to message him just to ask if he even knows their names.

 

The girls are- always gorgeous, always younger than 25, always wearing bikinis, skin-tight mini dresses, with super long hair, at least one of the girls has fake boobs, tons of makeup...you get the point. My friends and I call these "stand and pose girls" because that's basically all they ever do.

[joseb]

This is pretty interesting. What I'm hearing is, men do this (post pics of themselves with hot women) more often than not, because they think it's what we- women- want to see? Not necessarily that it has something to do with what they want from us, or what type of woman they want to date?

 

So...if men knew that all women would be attracted to them if they posted a picture of themselves eating ice cream, they'd post pictures of themselves eating ice cream. Even if they thought it was a dumb picture.

 

Isn't the whole point of the profile to make it attractive to the opposite sex?

 

So yeah of course people will do what works.

 

Same as you would try to write your profile in the best way you can.

 

Or maybe as a woman, you don't realise how difficult it is for men on online dating to get any attention. Maybe you just put up a pic of yourself, list some basic facts, and that's enough to get the attention. If so, I can understand why you are confused.

[Maggie4]

Yeah, no. I'm talking about a guy in the middle of a group of always younger women. I'm not even looking at guys under age 29, and the girls are always around 22-25. Typically, it's guys in their 30s who are posting these pictures. And it's not a guy with a group of friends, or even a girl-friend or two. It's clearly a bunch of women that the guy met at a bar, or a party. Part of me wants to message him just to ask if he even knows their names.

 

The girls are- always gorgeous, always younger than 25, always wearing bikinis, skin-tight mini dresses, with super long hair, at least one of the girls has fake boobs, tons of makeup...you get the point. My friends and I call these "stand and pose girls" because that's basically all they ever do.

 

Oh goodness. That cannot be appealing. Wait a minute! Is that a guy's way of finding a woman who wants casual sex and women orgy?

[AMJ]

Isn't the whole point of the profile to make it attractive to the opposite sex?

 

So yeah of course people will do what works.

 

Same as you would try to write your profile in the best way you can.

 

Or maybe as a woman, you don't realise how difficult it is for men on online dating to get any attention. Maybe you just put up a pic of yourself, list some basic facts, and that's enough to get the attention. If so, I can understand why you are confused.

 

You are right, I have no problem getting attention. I do have a problem getting attention from nice and worthwhile men. So I'm asking this question to try to sort out the bad ones from the good.

[StBreton]

AMJ...I'm totally in the camp of guys posting pix with hot women on OLD profiles is a big turn off. I'm confident enough with my idea of what is attractive to me that I don't need validation that other hot women find a guy attractive ... and I don't need a lot of social proof...just so I know the guy is social. I'll surmise a guy's appropriate social skills when I talk with him ... and ya the guy has to have some friends or else I'm not going out with him ... somethings off there if a person doesn't have friends. I just don't need to see pix of a guy with hot women friends. The guy is on a dating website ... not a friend website ... why would a woman's first impression of a guy want to be with him all arm in arm with other girls ... which is what I mostly see on many a guy's profile...looks down shakes head.

 

There was this guy who messaged me a few times many months ago...and he asked why I wouldn't respond. I told him "you're on a dating website and 3 of 5 pix of you are with other women ... what am I supposed to do with that? Think that you're sending a message that a new woman isn't that important to you because you have all these "back up woman" so you could really care less if I contact you or not ... you won't be all sour grapes because you're already surrounded by all that gorgeous awesomeness? Wow just wow.

 

Sorry guys...I think you're doing yourself a disservice by posting pix of yourself with another woman.

 

A better bet would be posting a pic of you and some buddies and maybe a few women in the group...making sure to point out who you are in the photo. This "social proof" so to speak is a wee bit important ... at least it looks like you go out and socialize.

 

If a guy has to post pix of himself with hot babes to attract the attention of a woman...that woman is most assuredly insecure...that's not a good start to any relationship. This isn't the kind of attention a guy really needs is it? Or is any attention good attention for you guys...even if it's bad attention? I get the attention of biker dudes...this isn't the kind of attention I want...but I think they have a thing for long haired blonde chics.

Edited February 11, 2016 by StBreton

[joseb]

You are right, I have no problem getting attention. I do have a problem getting attention from nice and worthwhile men. So I'm asking this question to try to sort out the bad ones from the good.

 

Yeah most guys don't really have this 'problem'.

 

In 5 years on online dating (admittedly I was very half assed about it) I probably got message 3 times. I am not exaggerating. None I found attractive.

 

Of those I contacted myself, I probably had decent conversations with 5.

So I didn't have to spend a lot of time trying to narrow down my choices.

 

Now if you were in that situation, might you try something a friend suggested in order to get a little contact happening?

 

I wouldn't read too much into guys using those pictures. It's unlikely it gives you a profound insight into their character.

 

And to everyone who claims they are not influenced by social proofing? Great if not. As a test, how often have you bought a new pair of shoes, bag or clothing in the last year that you didn't absolutely need? If none, then maybe you qualify.

[AMJ]

I guess it's just a little difficult to feel sympathetic for men, when my experience with OLD is like this:

 

In the past month I've mutually matched with 300 men on bumble. This means, they thought I was attractive, and I decided I'd give them a shot as well. On bumble, women are required to send a message first, and if we don't do so within 24 hours, the match will disappear. So it's safe to say, a guy should feel comfortable that I'd like to talk to him, since I've had to make the first move. Well, out of those 300 men, only 150 even bother to respond to my message. And out of those 150, only 25 seem to want to message me long enough to progress to meeting in real life.

And out of those 25, maybe only 10 will actually make plans to go on a date and follow through with it. And out of those 10, I've been on three so far. There won't be a second date with any of the three. So here I sit, hoping that the remaining 7 will be worth my time.

 

In other words, my experience with men in OLD is that they are extremely lazy and don't even try.

 

My Tinder experience last year was basically the same, except half of the men who matched with me just wanted **** buddies or boob photos.

 

My Match experience was...only one guy ever asked me out. In six months! And he had a girlfriend he tried to hide from me. I posted all about him in the breakups section.

[joseb]

In the past month I've mutually matched with 300 men on bumble.

Well, out of those 300 men, only 150 even bother to respond to my message. And out of those 150, only 25 seem to want to message me long enough to progress to meeting in real life.

 

Bumble eh?

Never heard of it before....downloading now.... I guess that's the afternoon gone!!

 

That does seem like a pretty low conversion rate.

Would you say you are engaging with these guys in an entertaining, playful manner? Or are you more grilling them like a job interview.

A lot of guys dislike the latter outside of, well, job interviews...

[Shining One]

Well, out of those 300 men, only 150 even bother to respond to my message. And out of those 150, only 25 seem to want to message me long enough to progress to meeting in real life.

And out of those 25, maybe only 10 will actually make plans to go on a date and follow through with it. And out of those 10, I've been on three so far. There won't be a second date with any of the three. So here I sit, hoping that the remaining 7 will be worth my time.

For what it's worth, I would love to have a 50% response rate to initial messages or have 3% of my initial messages turn into dates.

[joseb]

For what it's worth, I would love to have a 50% response rate to initial messages or have 3% of my initial messages turn into dates.

 

But these are kind of already "pre qualified" as in they have 'liked' the OP and matched.

[jay1983]

I get the same thing on okcupid and tinder. A lot of matches, about half of which respond, half of half that go more than 2 messages, half of that give me their number, maybe a quarter of those actually pick up or call back. Most flake out right before our arraigned meeting. About 2% turn into a face to face meeting.

 

What it is is that most girl just swype right and use the app to flirt and chat when they're bored.

[scubasteve]

It has something that pickup artist use. They take pictures with hot girls so other girls think he's attractive. Something along that.it's more fir show that he can get any girl he wants.

[ManyDissapoint]

Being seen with attractive women makes the man seem more attractive. When it is too overt, it has the opposite effect. It needs to seem effortless.

[joseb]

I get the same thing on okcupid and tinder. A lot of matches, about half of which respond, half of half that go more than 2 messages, half of that give me their number, maybe a quarter of those actually pick up or call back. Most flake out right before our arraigned meeting. About 2% turn into a face to face meeting.

 

What it is is that most girl just swype right and use the app to flirt and chat when they're bored.

 

There is definitely a large element of people stupidly swiping on tinder. I'm actually pretty selective, so number of matches is lowish.

Of those, yeah about 60 % respond. I'd say about half those either lose interest or I find them boring.

Most of the ones left at that point I end up meeting.

I don't bother with phone numbers.

[WaitingForBardot]

And if you saw photos of a girl with a bunch of really hot men, would it make you more interested or less?

Let me answer this from a man's perspective: What men? I don't see any men... ..lol..

 

I don't get the profile picture postures but, I will add my $0.02 to the sea gull theory.

 

All of my life I've noticed a pattern = when I'm not in a relationship I can't get a date to save my life. Yet, the moment I have a girlfriend interested women seem to come out of the woodwork.

 

It seems women tend to focus more heavily on what other women have - much like fashion!

This may be true but maybe not for the reason you stated. They don't necessarily want what other women have, but rather what other women want. Men in relationships tend to be more relaxed, more comfortable with themselves, more confident, and these characteristics are desirable to most women.

[AMJ]

Bumble eh?

Never heard of it before....downloading now.... I guess that's the afternoon gone!!

 

That does seem like a pretty low conversion rate.

Would you say you are engaging with these guys in an entertaining, playful manner? Or are you more grilling them like a job interview.

A lot of guys dislike the latter outside of, well, job interviews...

 

It's really time consuming! Typically I just say hello, since I have around 20 guys to message at the same time, and who wants to spend any amount of time thinking of something creative to say? One guy wrote back giving me a hard time for simply writing "Hello Brian!" so I deleted him. Then it's usually, how was your weekend? Because again, I'm trying to talk to 50 guys at the same time. If there were less, like maybe ten at a time, I could spend more time writing a message.

 

Sometimes guys will respond with one word answers, and then I lose interest. How was your weekend- great, yours? I mean, that kind of conversation is like pulling teeth. I'm not shy, and as you can now tell, I'm pretty talkative. But sometimes it's impossible to get guys to talk to you.

 

And while I don't want to spend hours of my day messaging guys either- like I know they don't- how else am I going to decide if I want to go out with you? Based on your profile alone? No way.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

You are right, I have no problem getting attention. I do have a problem getting attention from nice and worthwhile men. So I'm asking this question to try to sort out the bad ones from the good.

 

 

 

In this context, based on what you've said... the element of random online people showing photos of themselves surrounded by attractive people is a NON-issue.

 

 

It's like a resume... where you just... (take advice from SOME common source, and do it like that) (and if you're the H.R. manager, you ponder whyyyyyyyyy you keep seeing the same format on so many individual resumes)

 

 

This is a non-issue to your winnowing-down the potential dating candidates just as parallel resume formats are a NON-issue to those seeking qualified job applicants.

[AMJ]

In this context, based on what you've said... the element of random online people showing photos of themselves surrounded by attractive people is a NON-issue.

 

 

It's like a resume... where you just... (take advice from SOME common source, and do it like that) (and if you're the H.R. manager, you ponder whyyyyyyyyy you keep seeing the same format on so many individual resumes)

 

 

This is a non-issue to your winnowing-down the potential dating candidates just as parallel resume formats are a NON-issue to those seeking qualified job applicants.

 

I disagree, it is an issue. Based on the responses here, men do this only because they think it will attract more women. To me, that seems contrived, superficial. There are men who don't do this, so I'll probably just decide to talk to them, going forward. To each his own, this process is about preferences, and I have mine.

[jay1983]

It's really time consuming! Typically I just say hello, since I have around 20 guys to message at the same time, and who wants to spend any amount of time thinking of something creative to say? One guy wrote back giving me a hard time for simply writing "Hello Brian!" so I deleted him. Then it's usually, how was your weekend? Because again, I'm trying to talk to 50 guys at the same time. If there were less, like maybe ten at a time, I could spend more time writing a message.

 

Sometimes guys will respond with one word answers, and then I lose interest. How was your weekend- great, yours? I mean, that kind of conversation is like pulling teeth. I'm not shy, and as you can now tell, I'm pretty talkative. But sometimes it's impossible to get guys to talk to you.

 

And while I don't want to spend hours of my day messaging guys either- like I know they don't- how else am I going to decide if I want to go out with you? Based on your profile alone? No way.

It's like a part time job. "You have a match, 3 people liked your profile." Check them out and try and come up with something clever, see if they reply. Half the time they don't have more than 2 or 3 sentences written. I've heard people say they've been doing OLD for 2 - 3 years. I can only do about 2 - 3 weeks before I get burnt out and delete it.

[joseb]

It's really time consuming! Typically I just say hello, since I have around 20 guys to message at the same time, and who wants to spend any amount of time thinking of something creative to say? One guy wrote back giving me a hard time for simply writing "Hello Brian!" so I deleted him. Then it's usually, how was your weekend? Because again, I'm trying to talk to 50 guys at the same time. If there were less, like maybe ten at a time, I could spend more time writing a message.

 

Sometimes guys will respond with one word answers, and then I lose interest. How was your weekend- great, yours? I mean, that kind of conversation is like pulling teeth. I'm not shy, and as you can now tell, I'm pretty talkative. But sometimes it's impossible to get guys to talk to you.

 

And while I don't want to spend hours of my day messaging guys either- like I know they don't- how else am I going to decide if I want to go out with you? Based on your profile alone? No way.

 

Well that's the reason you are getting a bad response rate.

"hi" or "how was your weekend" implies a boring person to me. Sorry I won't be pursuing that, unless maybe you are top 1% attractiveness.

I think you should be a bit more selective in the swiping so that when you get matches you can actually be bothered having a real conversation. You are blaming them but you are setting the tone with bland messages.

 

If I get a couple of intelligent/funny messages from someone then I'll suggest meeting up. I'm not going to become someone's penpal. There is only so much you can learn online anyway.

[AMJ]

Well that's the reason you are getting a bad response rate.

"hi" or "how was your weekend" implies a boring person to me. Sorry I won't be pursuing that, unless maybe you are top 1% attractiveness.

I think you should be a bit more selective in the swiping so that when you get matches you can actually be bothered having a real conversation. You are blaming them but you are setting the tone with bland messages.

 

If I get a couple of intelligent/funny messages from someone then I'll suggest meeting up. I'm not going to become someone's penpal. There is only so much you can learn online anyway.

 

I mean, I know. Sending a dull first message is not ideal. When I have to write 30 messages at the same time or else the matches all disappear, it's not like I could be creative. I've never thought of myself as boring. I just don't want to take lots of time thinking of things to say to guys online to make myself seem interesting.

 

But seriously- what does boring even mean? Like, what kind of opening message would be more interesting without sounding strange? I feel like I'd need to spend time analyzing each guy's profile to come up with something creative to say. And I will never do that.

 

Mostly because, I feel like if a guy really wants to get to know me, he will care less if I say "Hello Joe!" or "Wow, I really love that picture of you snowboarding. Have you been to Tahoe lately?!" Because it's true...if I really want to get to know a guy who approaches me, it doesn't really matter how he begins the conversation. I feel like if men are going to be this nitpicky about my first email, they're just going to be equally choosy about everything else about me. And who needs that?