will he EVER stop??

[Lindsaycaper]

My ex boyfriend and I broke up in December. He basically left me for another girl. I was hurting really bad at first like crying all day and staying in the house. Now I'm accepting of the situation. I realize that things happen and I just make the best of everyday. I know I didn't do anything wrong and there was nothing more I could've done.

 

Since he broke up with me he's tried several times to talk to me as if nothing ever happened!! Like literally he hasn't addressed the issue at all. I usually ignore him when he talks to me honestly. I'm not bitter but he really betrayed me and I feel there's no need for a conversation.

 

At first it was little things. If he'd see me out on the town or something he'd be flirty but that's about it. As time as passed he has gotten worse. Ever since January he added me on snapchat (I didn't add him back) but the fact that he added me means he can still view my story and send me things. He started to send me random pics of himself like selfies. It would be every other day or like every few days. I told him that he has a gf and to stop messaging me. He got angry and stopped for like a week or 2. Recently it has gotten to the point where it was EVERYDAY! And this is with me NEVER responding.

 

We've been to the same club a few times recently and the first time I seen him he came up to me and literally forced himself in my face and said "hi" when I mean forced I literally mean he put his face about 2 cm away from mine. We were almost cheek to cheek. So I said hi back and he asked how I am and I said good and then he asked if I'm going to act crazy if he talks to me and I just shook my head. He walked to the other side of the club and started sending me snapchats of himself (this was literally like 12 mins later). So I responded with "stop" and he said "stop what?" And I got really upset and told him it's very disgusting and inappropriate for him to think I'm interested when he has a girlfriend. I said way more. I literally went off on him. I've NEVER talked to anyone like that but I was so mad. So he threw a tantrum and deleted me on snapchat.

 

I went to bed that night thinking "ok I think he'll finally leave me alone".

The next day literally we had a volunteer event (we both dance) . While there I was working in a COMPLETELY diff area than him. He would come over and ask the guy working beside me random questions and even the guy said it was kinda weird. At the end of the event a few of us were sitting and just waiting for time to pass. He came over and just stood there with his phone and didn't say a word. The people around me looked confused. Then he proceeded to walk behind me and look around. I got up and moved because he was right behind me for no reason. The girl sitting beside me asked me if I wanted to walk. She only did that so I could get away from him. We walked to another area where other people were talking and playing cards.... 2 minutes later THERE HE IS!! so we went back to our original area. A few staff members askrf me about him following me. Mostly because he was hanging around for no reason and I guess it creeped them out.

 

I've asked him like 2000 times to leave me alone. I've blocked his number. He's blocked on facebook, twitter, instagram and he deleted himself from my snapchat. No matter how bad I go off on him or ignore him I feel like he's not getting the point!! And he has a girlfriend which makes it worse. It's like no matter how I insult him he doesn't stop. He might stop for a day or two but it never fails he'll start right back again. I'm not too sure he's not going to re-add me on snapchat either because he deleted me during his tantrum when I rejected him.

 

I don't understand what his point is?? He hasn't apologized (not that it'd matter at this point) and he still has a girlfriend. I don't get why he even bothers me. He left me for another and now is harrassing me more than he ever has. I don't get anything he's doing. He deleted me from snapchat because I rejected him?? His behaviour is seeming not normal and he's starting to scare me honestly

[ExpatInItaly]

Ugh, what an immature little tool. Seriously, is he 12??

 

You ignore him 100%. Keep him blocked/deleted everywhere. Don't ever respond to him again.

 

If he approaches you at a club again, for example, you go to Security.

 

This is an ego game for him. He wants to see how long it takes before you validate him and pay attention - in any way, shape or form. Immature boys do this, but the extent to which he's bothering you is concerning.

[sandylee1]

What age are you both?

 

Tell him to leave you alone...otherwise you'll file a harassment complaint with the police.

[Lindsaycaper]

What age are you both?

 

Tell him to leave you alone...otherwise you'll file a harassment complaint with the police.

 

I'm 24 he's 28

[Lindsaycaper]

What age are you both?

 

Tell him to leave you alone...otherwise you'll file a harassment complaint with the police.

 

Exactly he's scaring me !!

[Zahara]

He gets a kick out of getting a rise out of you. He knows you're hurt. It's an ego boost for him knowing that you're still affected by him. So he keeps poking you. Trust me he cares nothing for your feelings except for how it affects him. If he cared for you at all, he would have never cheated and the fact that he never even apologized is a clear indication that he has no regard for you. He does all of this for some sick satisfaction.

 

Block him on snapchat and don't sit around to see if he adds you back on there. The guy cheated on you and treated you like garbage. YOU block him and never allow him entry back into your life. If need be, change your volunteer schedule and try to keep away from him at least for a bit amount of time more so for your own sanity. Hopefully he gets bored and focuses on someone else to hurt.

[Lindsaycaper]

He gets a kick out of getting a rise out of you. He knows you're hurt. It's an ego boost for him knowing that you're still affected by him. So he keeps poking you. Trust me he cares nothing for your feelings except for how it affects him. If he cared for you at all, he would have never cheated and the fact that he never even apologized is a clear indication that he has no regard for you. He does all of this for some sick satisfaction.

 

Block him on snapchat and don't sit around to see if he adds you back on there. The guy cheated on you and treated you like garbage. YOU block him and never allow him entry back into your life. If need be, change your volunteer schedule and try to keep away from him at least for a bit amount of time more so for your own sanity. Hopefully he gets bored and focuses on someone else to hurt.

 

That's the thing, I USED to feel hurt. Now he's become a nuisance. I barely use snapchat anyway so I wasn't "sitting around waiting for him to add me back" i couldn't care less. The following me is annoying. I feel like sane ppl don't do that. He has a gf he shouldn't even care if he can a rise out of me.

He's wasting so much energy.

[Zahara]

That's the thing, I USED to feel hurt. Now he's become a nuisance. I barely use snapchat anyway so I wasn't "sitting around waiting for him to add me back" i couldn't care less. The following me is annoying. I feel like sane ppl don't do that. He has a gf he shouldn't even care if he can a rise out of me.

He's wasting so much energy.

 

It not about whether he has a girlfriend or whether it annoys you -- he does what he does for his own satisfaction. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else. When he approached you at the club and asked if you were going to act all crazy -- he wants to jab at you to get you to react, to show you're affected. It's an ego boost for him. It's not wasting his energy. He thrives on this behavior.

 

Next time don't even react. Pretend like he isn't there. Don't even utter a word to acknowledge his existence. No hi, no I'm good, no nothing. Guys like him don't give a crap about how you feel but do what they do to get attention.

[contel3]

I'd delete snapchat. You don't use it a lot anyway and since it's the only way he can reach you it's worth the peace of mind.

 

Obviouslly you have to see him IRL too. I can suggest three ways to get rid of him which have worked for me in the past.

 

A) Change your routine and avoid all the places he goes to for at least six months. It's effective and by the time you go back to your old routine you will be over him and/or he will have gotten bored of his behaviour. For you this is the strategy that requires the most effort.

 

B) File a restraining order.

 

C) Scare the **** out of him. Be imaginative. If he feels like his actions have consequences he's more likely to keep calm.

[smackie9]

You keep letting him win every time you respond, or react. It's that reaction that gets him feeling good about himself having this kind of control. Giving him insults is the icing on the cake for him.

 

My advice is to stop responding all together, stop going to places where you know he will be, and don't socialize with people he is close to. Once he knows he isn't getting the attention from you, he will lose interest.

[Lindsaycaper]

I just found out a few months ago that he's been arrested for stalking and ex girlfriend in the past. I've seen his record and everything

[Zahara]

I just found out a few months ago that he's been arrested for stalking and ex girlfriend in the past. I've seen his record and everything

 

So, then all this isn't a surprise to you. Change your routine. Avoid him when possible. And when you do see him, there is no need to acknowledge him at all. No need for pleasantries. Just move away or leave.

[sandylee1]

I'm 24 he's 28

 

Wow. I thought he was about 19 or 20.

 

Having read that he's stalked an ex before. .. you really need to stay far away from him. I agree about deleting snap chat and take a break from the volunteering for a while or find somewhere else to volunteer.

 

What a totally immature boy he is. You should be glad you're not in a relationship with him.

 

Step 1 ..delete snap chat

Step 2..take a break from volunteering

Step 3 find other clubs to hang out at

 

 

If he still persists... he gets ONE warning that you'll go to the police...

[Space Ritual]

Wow Lindsay that sounds awful.

 

My guess is that even though he cheated on you, that in his mind he wants to know if you pine for him because everything was always about him in his mind.

 

I know that sounds convoluted but he seems a bit full of himself and entitled and may actually not understand how you could not remain friends with him After all in HIS mind he was the best thing you ever had and your reluctance to be friendly towards him is something he can't get used to. So in effect, any type of interaction with him, whether negative or not, will be interpreted by him as positive. Kind of like a celebrity who thinks pad press is better than no press at all.

 

I would attempt to make him as insignificant as possible. One word of caution about getting any type of restraining order on this guy. I know it sounds like a good thing, but guys like this will relish it. In their minds you gave them enough headspace to go to court and get one. So in this case I would caution you that getting an Order of Protection would probably not only not work, but it would in fact encourage him even further to because it's attention from you he seeks. To him that would be the ultimate thing to have you so upset that you would dash to court. So if you can in any way sacrifice some of your activity for a short period until he cant get a reaction out of you one way or another, you may save yourself a lot of headaches. I know it sounds counterproductive, but for some guys, a restraining order simply presents a new challenge for someone who has never been told no.

[Lindsaycaper]

Wow Lindsay that sounds awful.

 

My guess is that even though he cheated on you, that in his mind he wants to know if you pine for him because everything was always about him in his mind.

 

I know that sounds convoluted but he seems a bit full of himself and entitled and may actually not understand how you could not remain friends with him After all in HIS mind he was the best thing you ever had and your reluctance to be friendly towards him is something he can't get used to. So in effect, any type of interaction with him, whether negative or not, will be interpreted by him as positive. Kind of like a celebrity who thinks pad press is better than no press at all.

 

I would attempt to make him as insignificant as possible. One word of caution about getting any type of restraining order on this guy. I know it sounds like a good thing, but guys like this will relish it. In their minds you gave them enough headspace to go to court and get one. So in this case I would caution you that getting an Order of Protection would probably not only not work, but it would in fact encourage him even further to because it's attention from you he seeks. To him that would be the ultimate thing to have you so upset that you would dash to court. So if you can in any way sacrifice some of your activity for a short period until he cant get a reaction out of you one way or another, you may save yourself a lot of headaches. I know it sounds counterproductive, but for some guys, a restraining order simply presents a new challenge for someone who has never been told no.

 

It's very frustrating because there was a time I'd do anything to make our relationship work. One day something snapped and I just wanted to be happy and I was tired of hurting. Ever since that day ive been happier and not interested in him. Now that I've accepted things as they are it's like he has lost his mind....

 

I BEG him to leave me alone and it's like it has no effect on him.

[Mikau]

Is threatening to tell his girlfriend an option? Question to the rest of the posters as much as the OP.

 

Not sure if his GF knowing is a consequence he'd be scared of (and it might make things worse?), but it's something to consider maybe.

[sandylee1]

I see what Space R means in a way about the RO.

Did he ever show any violent tendencies or have a bad temper?

 

Some people are so messed up. .they dump you and want you to be sad forever.

 

Avoid him and if he does something like come to your home or place of work. ...then you seriously need to report the matter.

[elaine567]

He has a past history of stalking an ex and he got arrested, so you need to get the police involved NOW.

Better safe than sorry, he is not an immature 16 yo acting out on his hurt feelings, he is 28 and knows exactly what he is doing here.

[Lindsaycaper]

Is threatening to tell his girlfriend an option? Question to the rest of the posters as much as the OP.

 

Not sure if his GF knowing is a consequence he'd be scared of (and it might make things worse?), but it's something to consider maybe.

 

I did tell her and she called me a liar !!

[Space Ritual]

I did tell her and she called me a liar !!

 

 

Of course she did.

 

Just like I said this guy has really no fear, he has probably concocted some story to explain away any eventuality, that eventuality being you contacting her.I'm sure his story to her painted you so some ind of nutjob and probably was the exact opposite of the truth.

 

Remember this is all about him.

 

I just wanted to say something explaining about the Order of Protection and why it might be futile effort. You said earlier that he had previously been arrested for stalking. Being arrested for a crime and being convicted of one are two different things. If he has not threatened you, then most if not all jurisdictions would take it with a grain of salt unless you could provide some type of electronic proof. Reason being is that so many people file for Restraining Orders out of spite that it has basically ruined it for someone that could really stand to use one, which would probably be you.They would tell you just because he is annoying you does not constitute stalking. If he has been arrested in the past, he has a real good idea just how far he can go without risking getting busted, which in his case seems he may be. So that is why I said earlier that it may be a futile effort. I am not saying not to do it, I just did not want you to have a lot of expectations from the police because their hands may be tied.

[smackie9]

Find out if he is on probation. If he is and you have physical proof of him harassing you he would be in violation of his probation...off to jail he goes.

[Lindsaycaper]

Of course she did.

 

Just like I said this guy has really no fear, he has probably concocted some story to explain away any eventuality, that eventuality being you contacting her.I'm sure his story to her painted you so some ind of nutjob and probably was the exact opposite of the truth.

 

Remember this is all about him.

 

I just wanted to say something explaining about the Order of Protection and why it might be futile effort. You said earlier that he had previously been arrested for stalking. Being arrested for a crime and being convicted of one are two different things. If he has not threatened you, then most if not all jurisdictions would take it with a grain of salt unless you could provide some type of electronic proof. Reason being is that so many people file for Restraining Orders out of spite that it has basically ruined it for someone that could really stand to use one, which would probably be you.They would tell you just because he is annoying you does not constitute stalking. If he has been arrested in the past, he has a real good idea just how far he can go without risking getting busted, which in his case seems he may be. So that is why I said earlier that it may be a futile effort. I am not saying not to do it, I just did not want you to have a lot of expectations from the police because their hands may be tied.

 

Yeah he is a master manipulator. He was indeed arrested but he got it taken off of his record. The charges I seen were stalking, cyber stalker, harassment and obscene phone calls

[Lindsaycaper]

Find out if he is on probation. If he is and you have physical proof of him harassing you he would be in violation of his probation...off to jail he goes.

 

He's not. When it happened he hired a lawyer to get it off of his record. But it's a KNOWN fact from like everyone who knows him that he did indeed stalk his ex. He even keyed her car.

[Lindsaycaper]

You guys I was thinking....maybe if I have a SERIOUS talk with him, he'll stop? Usually I only yell at him and throw insults. He could be taking that as "she's still mad" you know? That could explain why he always waits after I blow up on him and then comes back and tries again.... idk I'm just thinking of anything.

[Space Ritual]

No I would not have any talk with him.

 

Again I am of the opinion that any contact with him initiated by you would have the reverse affect of your intentions.

 

It's still about HIM and in his mind you would be giving him headspace that not only does he not deserve, but that he craves from you. He may accept what you have to say on the surface, but in the back of his mind he will be saying"Yep she still wants me".

 

It may slow down for a week or two but he will start right back up.

 

Please try not to have any contact with him at all. You stand a better chance of being rid of him if you are indifferent. Even if you show hatred you are still showing emotion, and that again will justify to him that he is still in your head. It's what he wants.