Is she cheating; pregnant by another man?

[SSJROMANCE]

I think you are the creator of your own nightmares. I feel sorry for this woman and the damage you've caused in her life. She never stood a chance. I don't think she is cheating but, if she does it's because you drove her to it.

 

You are the cheater. You project all of your shame onto her, you stalk her, interrogate, berate, belittle, and demean her. You handly dismiss and objectify her pregnancy.

 

I hope she gets good counsel, and how fortunate for her if the baby actually does belong to someone else. I can't imagine the nightmare of trying to co-parent with a person like you.

 

 

You don't think she is cheating? If she wanted to talk I'm sure she has a cell phone. A guy is not going to drive 4 hours only to talk when he can pick up a phone and call. There is much more too this - don't be so naive.

 

I sense that you have been wronged one or more times in your life and are taking it out on this guy. Yes he technically cheated but had the decency (lack of a better word) to do it over wifi. This chick is at a whole different level of cheating.

[VeveCakes]

They are both equally as bad in terms of cheating - one is not worse than the other.

 

OP already admitted in another friend having a baby basically ruined his relationship. He doesn't want another kid, so seems he is looking for an out.

 

Why don't you just leave OP?

[RRM321]

You don't think she is cheating? If she wanted to talk I'm sure she has a cell phone. A guy is not going to drive 4 hours only to talk when he can pick up a phone and call. There is much more too this - don't be so naive.

 

I sense that you have been wronged one or more times in your life and are taking it out on this guy. Yes he technically cheated but had the decency (lack of a better word) to do it over wifi. This chick is at a whole different level of cheating.

 

I think it's entirely possible that the baby belongs to the ExBF.

I also think it's possible the ExBF is the better man.

 

However, if this were true - then leaving this abusive, wifi wanking, poor excuse of a husband would be so freakin' easy.

 

It's probably the husband's baby and that's what makes it so difficult.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I say end the relationship... Honestly it doesn't matter who's cheating who at this point. Get the paternity test... As soon as you can... You may have to get a court order to get it. You are not married.

[understand50]

You don't think she is cheating? If she wanted to talk I'm sure she has a cell phone. A guy is not going to drive 4 hours only to talk when he can pick up a phone and call. There is much more too this - don't be so naive.

 

I sense that you have been wronged one or more times in your life and are taking it out on this guy. Yes he technically cheated but had the decency (lack of a better word) to do it over wifi. This chick is at a whole different level of cheating.

 

SSJROMANCE,

 

I suggest that you rinse out your mind. Myself, I have driven 3 hours to talk to a good friend having a bad time, and she was a woman and we did not have sex. I met her because, she was having bad issues with her husband, and I feared for her well being and safety. What ended up happening is my wife and I took her in for a few days until her parents could come and get her.

 

Not every man is out only out for sex. Some of us do have good friends that happen to be women, and we support each other when needed. If one of my friends, regardless of gender, called me needing help, as this women obviously does, of course, I would come. Distance and time would not enter into the equation. Your opinion of men must be really low. Honor, friendship, and compassion always come into play, if you are a "real" man.

 

Kinl has shown by his own words, that he is not the injured person here. He needs to leave, and let this woman be.

 

My two cents.

[lolablue17]

I think you are the creator of your own nightmares. I feel sorry for this woman and the damage you've caused in her life. She never stood a chance. I don't think she is cheating but, if she does it's because you drove her to it.

 

You are the cheater. You project all of your shame onto her, you stalk her, interrogate, berate, belittle, and demean her. You handly dismiss and objectify her pregnancy.

 

I hope she gets good counsel, and how fortunate for her if the baby actually does belong to someone else. I can't imagine the nightmare of trying to co-parent with a person like you.

 

Regardless of the original topic, I find your comment quite rude. The OP has put his problem here to ask for advice. If he wanted just to be popular he could have dropped this piece of information about his emotional cheating.

 

You didn't really refer to the topic, you only swore at him your personal moral judgment, rebuked him, and wished him all the bad. Why is it good for? It's really great that you have such a strong solid moral view, I'm really proud of you, and I'm sure you will be always the perfect husband, but even if you decided to be a judge or god, you might want do it with better wording.

Edited February 12, 2016 by lolablue17

[RRM321]

Regardless of the original topic, I find your comment quite rude. The OP has put his problem here to ask for advice. If he wanted just to be popular he could have dropped this piece of information about his emotional cheating.

 

You didn't really refer to the topic, you only swore at him your personal moral judgment, rebuked him, and wished him all the bad. Why is it good for? It's really great that you have such a strong solid moral view, I'm really proud of you, and I'm sure you will be always the perfect husband, but even if you decided to be a judge or god, you might want do it with better wording.

 

I would perhaps agree wholeheartedly with you, were the help or advice he was seeking anything other than how to be more abusive toward this woman. For that latter suspicion, I make no apologies.

Edited February 12, 2016 by RRM321

[SSJROMANCE]

SSJROMANCE,

 

I suggest that you rinse out your mind. Myself, I have driven 3 hours to talk to a good friend having a bad time, and she was a woman and we did not have sex. I met her because, she was having bad issues with her husband, and I feared for her well being and safety. What ended up happening is my wife and I took her in for a few days until her parents could come and get her.

 

Not every man is out only out for sex. Some of us do have good friends that happen to be women, and we support each other when needed. If one of my friends, regardless of gender, called me needing help, as this women obviously does, of course, I would come. Distance and time would not enter into the equation. Your opinion of men must be really low. Honor, friendship, and compassion always come into play, if you are a "real" man.

 

Kinl has shown by his own words, that he is not the injured person here. He needs to leave, and let this woman be.

 

My two cents.

 

Hats off to you - we need more people in this world like you. But I think you missed the point. We are not talking about helping just a friend. We are talking about a women who is meeting with an ex-lover who is going through a hard time, has mixed emotions and is vulnerable. She DID NOT share this meeting with him until she was confronted. Now the NEXT question is how many meetings has she had with this guy and how long has it been they have been chatting.

 

Having said that it is entirely possible it's all innocent but after looking at all the information he has provided I'd say it's most likely NOT his child and that she has something going on with this ex. Most cheaters start out by deny deny deny. Then comes the trickle truth, only saying enough in hopes it blows over. Then at the end of the day after digging and digging for the truth it finally comes out. A women I once knew was busted by her husband over texts. She denied denied denied. Then it was only holding hands and nothing else. Then it was they only kissed and nothing else. Then at the end of the day the entire truth came out that she banged the guy.

 

Before I met my wife her boyfriend of 3 years cheated on her with a girl (maybe more girls but who knows). She was furious and very upset. Instead of dumping him she ended up having 3 one night stands, a couple hookups and the last ONS was an old boyfriend of hers she ran into at a bar. They talked about all her problems and eventually went back to her place and had sex. She cannot believe she did all that but she admits that she was out of her mind, angry, revengeful, emotionally unstable, etc…

 

So instead of "rinsing my mind" and becoming naive I'll keep my good judgement and knowledge I have accumulated over the years and form my own opinion based on the information I have at hand. And please share you definition of a "real" man. I have a feeling that after reading your definition every man on earth is going to go "GULP" and bury their head in the sand except you that is

Edited February 12, 2016 by SSJROMANCE

[RRM321]

But I think you missed the point. We are not talking about helping just a friend. We are talking about a women who is meeting with an ex-lover who is going through a hard time, has mixed emotions and is vulnerable. She DID NOT share this meeting with him until she was confronted. Now the NEXT question is how many meetings has she had with this guy and how long has it been they have been chatting.

 

Having said that it is entirely possible it's all innocent but after looking at all the information he has provided I'd say it's most likely NOT his child and that she has something going on with this ex. Most cheaters start out by deny deny deny. Then comes the trickle truth, only saying enough in hopes it blows over. Then at the end of the day after digging and digging for the truth it finally comes out. A women I once knew was busted by her husband over texts. She denied denied denied. Then it was only holding hands and nothing else. Then it was they only kissed and nothing else. Then at the end of the day the entire truth came out that she banged the guy.

 

What you say is logically correct but, also an indicative reaction to a lot of other interpretations as well. The stakes are incredibly high. The stress alone can produce much of the behavior we are all drawing inferences from.

 

This woman may in fact be a total piece of work but, she's not posting. In what is posted I sense more rage than pain, and that is scary. Perhaps the OP is simply in the worst throws of discovery but, certain dismissive comments are also quite scary.

 

At the very least, his imagination could use a rest. Less surveillance and more inquiry, fewer confrontations and more questions, less anger and more compassion - would all be in the better interest of the toddler he already has, and the yet unborn child he doesn't want.

[Kinl]

They are both equally as bad in terms of cheating - one is not worse than the other.

 

OP already admitted in another friend having a baby basically ruined his relationship. He doesn't want another kid, so seems he is looking for an out.

 

Why don't you just leave OP?

 

It's obvious this baby isn't mine, I am leaving.

[Kinl]

I am breaking up with her. So you can quit saying "just dump her". It's obvious that she's cheating.

 

She never got over her ex. He broke up with her because he joined the military and didn't want her to deal with that lifestyle (she was 17-18). They kept in contact though. He stopped talking to her when I started dating her = he was still in love with her. When I read her Facebook messages from him it was obvious he was into her still. And he kept saying that breaking up with her was the biggest mistake of his life and how good they would be together.

 

He has a YouTube channel, sings, and she watches the videos when I'm not around. I think he sucks but he's got 60K subscribers and 7.5 mill views. She's fallen asleep to it a few times and its playing when I come to bed. I never said anything. There is one that he wrote for her and posted 7 years ago on there for gods sake.

 

So you add all that up with her skipping class to "talk" to him. Him driving down was pre-planned because its a 4.5 hour drive, her class is 4 hours. Lying about it. She obviously wanted to talk to him about the pregnancy, since he's the father.

 

So good luck to her raising a toddler and baby by herself and handling the pregnancy alone. Her ex lives 4.5 hours away. He's stationed there so he can't move. She can't move because her school is here and she has a few years left. He could get stationed in another province or country. Even if she married him she couldn't move with him and take our son unless I gave permission (confirmed by lawyer today).

[Mrs. John Adams]

So if a man video chats with another woman he's a POS and its entirely his fault. But if a woman bangs another man and gets pregnant its the man's fault and poor her?

 

We are in a relationship, she is a mother, and she's pregnant by another man. How is that okay in any situation?

 

 

 

Talk about a double standard. I get hounded on for VIDEO CHATTING. But she gets an applause for BANGING another guy and getting PREGNANT?

 

absolutely not....I see no double standard...in my mind...you are both to blame.

 

If she lied to you...and told you she was going to class...but met another man....I don't care how "innocent" the meeting might have been. It was wrong.

 

She had her phone...there was no excuse not to tell you her whereabouts or her intentions. It was VERY WRONG. and I would be pissed at her and let her know she crossed a very dangerous line.

 

As a matter of fact...this may be the opportunity you need to confront her about the baby's paternity. You have every right to ask her about what's been going on.

 

I think this relationship is over....I think you both have no respect for each other...and you both have a lot of growing up to do....and the losers in this story....are those sweet babies. One who has to witness this volatile behavior and one who is not even wanted. It breaks my grandmotherly heart beyond words.

[Kinl]

Many people on this thread are making it a clear double standard. I cheated so I'm a irresponsible, immature, a-hole. But she cheated, good on her.

 

We were supposed to go away this weekend for a romantic time away. Either we go and I use that time to break up with her and get the truth or we don't. Or I send her and see how long it takes her to invite her exbf.

 

We may fight but we absolutely never fight in front of our child. Never. We both draw the line there. I obviously don't want her lovers child but she does or she would abort. Who knows maybe they planned it. Or maybe the exbf planned it to get her back.

Edited February 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of immediately preceding post

[soleilesquire]

You have no proof she is cheating. You are manufacturing it to cover your own [actions] and your desire for her to abort. It is very clear to anyone [] that this is about your very real affair and not the imaginary one you think she is having.

 

But yes, please break up with her. I do hope she will have the paternity test done, though, and make sure you care for this child of yours for 18 full years once he/she is born.

Edited February 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
hyperbolic commentary redacted

[Kinl]

You have no proof she is cheating. You are manufacturing it to cover your own [actions] and your desire for her to abort. It is very clear to anyone [] that this is about your very real affair and not the imaginary one you think she is having.

 

But yes, please break up with her. I do hope she will have the paternity test done, though, and make sure you care for this child of yours for 18 full years once he/she is born.

 

I have a lot of evidence. How much do you want to bet if the roles were reversed and a woman posted this about her boyfriend/husband the responses would be different?

 

I do not want to stay with her for 3 more months (until she can have a pat test) and pretend everything is okay.

 

If I really wanted her to abort I'd stay with her. What's the point in aborting if I'm already gone? No reason to lose a partner and baby. Or I'd give her a ultimatum like abort or I'll leave or abort or I'll use you cheating against you in court when I fight for full custody.

 

If she wants to be a unmarried 23 year old with two kids from 2 different dads then go for it.

[MJJean]

Once she has reached 14 weeks gestation, you can do a simple blood test at a local laboratory to determine parentage. That way, you'll know who the father is long before the birth.

 

Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity Test on Maternal Blood | PRENATAL GENETICS CENTER

[Kinl]

Once she has reached 14 weeks gestation, you can do a simple blood test at a local laboratory to determine parentage. That way, you'll know who the father is long before the birth.

 

Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity Test on Maternal Blood | PRENATAL GENETICS CENTER

 

If its available in my country and if she'll consent to it. I imagine by the time that comes around she'll admit whose child it is. Don't think she wants to be the girl going in for a paternity test.

 

 

 

I checked her phone and further confirmed my suspicions. She had deleted her text convo with him and this was from a couple hours ago.

Him: Hey sweetie (heart) how are you doing?

Her: You know, the same.

Him: Have you told him yet?

Her: No... I don't know how to. I don't want to see how he responds.

Him: Don't go this weekend with him...

Her: I don't want to. I don't know what to do though. He keeps confronting me about you. He keeps asking how long I've been having sex with you and that I must like it with you. He's going to interrogate me the whole time. I didn't want to go in the first place but now I really don't want to go.

Him: He can't make you go. I would come get you and you two could stay here. But then there is no going back. You shouldn't be this stressed when you are pregnant. You've miscarried before.

Him: When do work next?

Her: Not until Wednesday...

Him: K, I'm gonna call you tonight. We'll figure it out.

Don't have sex with him...

Her: Never again.

I wish you were here

Him: Me too. I miss you.

[Ms. Faust]

So what happens if you find out that the baby is yours? Are you going to leave her to raise the kid on her own as you already said?

 

So good luck to her raising a toddler and baby by herself and handling the pregnancy alone.

[CarrieT]

Have you done a DNA test on the existing child?

[Kinl]

So what happens if you find out that the baby is yours? Are you going to leave her to raise the kid on her own as you already said?

 

I still wouldn't be with her because it doesn't change the fact that she cheated. I'd stand by my kids but not her.

 

Have you done a DNA test on the existing child?

 

No. He was my clone when he was born. I've still been thinking about it though.

[R.Gant]

So what happens if you find out that the baby is yours? Are you going to leave her to raise the kid on her own as you already said?

 

 

wouldn't it be obvious that he would raise both of the children but without their mother.

 

you can sense there is alot of anger within OP. and it is anger that is talking.

[sidney2718]

Have you done a DNA test on the existing child?

 

Let me add to Carrie's post. It is possible to do a DNA test for paternity on an unborn child without danger to the child. The test is, I believe, called a NATUS test. It is based on the fact that fetal cells escape into the mother's bloodstream and can be found there. So a simple blood draw from the mother's arm is done and a similar sample is taken of the father's DNA.

 

I do not know the error rate of this test, nor do I know if it has been approved by the FDA, though I think it has. But it should be easy enough to check.

[SoleMate]

Your stbxgf won't be rearing her older child all alone right? You're the father, you'll be providing financial, emotional and practical support on a 50/50 basis.

 

Right??

[R.Gant]

What I can suggest is that you enter into some counseling. It is important to speak with a professional to help you heal.

 

I can see that you wrote having also an emotional affair.

And for a while now your wife has been having an EA and possible PA with ex she has not gotten over with.

 

affairs are sometimes the symptoms of a failing marriage. sometimes with one spouse not able to let go of a former lover.

this has happened many a times, there many cases of these type of infidelity.

 

But now the problem has been compounded with an unplanned pregnancy.

you have shown great concern over having another child since that would impact the family financially and because your WW is still studying.

[Kinl]

Let me just add that the ex knew about a miscarriage that I knew NOTHING about.

 

So at this point it's obvious with the lying about meeting him, skipping class to be with him, her texting convo a few posts up and him knowing about a miscarriage that I didn't know about.

 

So now, how do I end it? Just tell her to leave and go be with him? What I did was wrong, but she took it to a whole new level. If she miscarried before than this has been going on for a long time.

Edited February 13, 2016 by Kinl