Author BrownHairedGuy Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 Horton - very well put. I like that. Appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Probably not a bad idea to get tested for Std,s as well. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 She made it seem like he was just a friend at first and told me herself she went to his house to do homework. I told her i wasn't comfortable with that and that i don't mind if she sees him in public once i've met him but i would never be ok with her going over to his house alone. When i found out she was going to stay somewhere for a little bit but didn't want me to know where she was I got sick of being in the dark and hired a PI to put a tracker on her car. Showed me she slept over at his house the 2 nights she didn't come home. mother fing bitches are together. you lost. so sorry. it's not your fault. **** happens, its so sad. let her go. keep everything else. you sound so decent. kind. you have the capacity to recover from this. ' i think she's going to get hit by a karma bus. make sure she has her own insurance and you are no longer her next of kin. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Probably not a bad idea to get tested for Std,s as well. Good luck. i did. it was expensive but worth every penny. with the added bonus that when i moved on, i had the papers to prove it. Link to post Share on other sites
R.Gant Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) Your mad that she didn't take any money or assets when she left? That's a new one... when was that ever said? is his wife agreeing to a divorce without any division of assets. now that would be first! her micro manger mother and lawyer sister (not handling her divorce). walk away & don't say anything! 50/50 split that's just it. & just walk away. don't wanna mess with some one who has a lawyer for a relative. can get really messy for you really fast! you can try to talk your way into her giving you more assets, but i wont force it. from what i see, she has unlimited resources. and that dangerous in a divorce. Edited February 17, 2016 by R.Gant Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 This story is heartbreaking! But---You're the ONLY winner here. You fell for her and she used you---but you're not stuck with her. You get a new opportunity to later find a person who deserves you. I was a medical professional for years....those situations rarely end well( he'll probably dump her). Watch out for her coming back and telling you she was confused etc. I got hit on by tons of my colleagues and higher ups...I NEVER even entertained the possibility because I love and respect my husband. There are women who will never cheat and honor their vows. Life gave you a break! You're not stuck with her. You're lucky. HUGS!! Gigi2015, it makes me feel pretty good to hear from so many people in the healthcare industry and to hear that this kind of thing happens quite often in hospitals. That's sad, but it does make me feel better knowing my wife might get a taste of her own medicine later down the road. I don't know what this guys intentions are, but you would think since he's a single doctor he was most likely just looking for an unattached fun time and not to be involved with a cheater long term. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 It's time for you to detach from even caring what happens to her. She wants out and the divorce is in progress. Stop worrying over her. Go out with friends and you'll eventually find someone else to share your time with. You'll probably be remarried in a few years. Since there are no children involved, you will have no reason to even talk to her again. She showed her true side and now you know you made a mistake in marrying her. Use it as useful experience and move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Just make sure that everyone knows the truth about why your divorcing. The woman is no longer your problem and thank your lucky stars that no children are involved. You can walk away from her and her facilitating family and never have to look back. The world is a big place and full of beautiful, faithful women just waiting to meet you. This would be a great time to change the locks on the doors and go away to somewhere you've always wanted to go, you deserve the break. Let your lawyer deal with her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 Aliveagain - you are totally right! We were supposed to go on vacation at the beginning of January and i cancelled it after i found out she had gone to his house. I plan on taking a road trip to do some sight seeing at places i've always wanted to go. This time though I plan on bringing my best buddy (dog) who is always faithful and wouldn't make me cancel the trip. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Gigi2015 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Aliveagain - you are totally right! We were supposed to go on vacation at the beginning of January and i cancelled it after i found out she had gone to his house. I plan on taking a road trip to do some sight seeing at places i've always wanted to go. This time though I plan on bringing my best buddy (dog) who is always faithful and wouldn't make me cancel the trip. You're a very level headed person. Many people that take back a cheater experience horrendous anguish and despair sometimes for years. You'll never again have to wonder if she's lying and deceiving you. I think it was cleaver of you to installed that tracker...she was clearly not remorseful since after trying to get you to take her back she went back for more. Many people that take back a WS live in fear that they weren't truly remorseful....You have PROOF. Beware---She will likely try to play mind games...telling you how you failed her in A,B,C or D...how she would have not done it otherwise. Those are Lies and Excuses. Most cheaters do this. There is NOT a single good reason why a spouse should EVER rob you of making an Informed Consent( Using deceit and lies) about your life! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gigi2015 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Hmmm.... The way I see it you can still get on with your life. But, this douche rocket is making six figures and you were supporting your wife with her dreams of becoming a Nurse practitioner and making almost six figures if not into the low six figures while you were supporting her through her studies and now this guy gets to reap your benefits. What about following your dreams? Your desires? She used you because as soon as she got her NP, you were no longer needed. Nah, no way I would give this guy or her a free pass. I would still talk to a lawyer to see what your rights are. Hell, she might just owe you alimony for the time you were supporting her through school. You never know. So, talk to a lawyer. Pretty sure he's mad that she took away his right to an informed consent concerning HIS RIGTHS in the relationship. Most people are not angry someone's no longer in love....their angry at the BETRAYAL, deceit, lying, sneaking, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted February 18, 2016 Author Share Posted February 18, 2016 Gigi - thank you for your advice but I don't think i have to worry about her contacting me anytime soon. I think right now she has what she wants and she's not thinking about anything else. She fell head over heels for this guy and couldn't stop herself from going over there, like she was addicted. I think she was confused whether she wanted to work on things with me or be with him, when i told her i was filing for divorce i guess i made the decision for her so she's putting all her eggs in his basket and moving full steam ahead with her relationship with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Pretty sure he's mad that she took away his right to an informed consent concerning HIS RIGTHS in the relationship. Most people are not angry someone's no longer in love....their angry at the BETRAYAL, deceit, lying, sneaking, etc. But, in this situation, this kind of fraternization is heavily frowned upon in a hospital setting. It opens them up to all kinds of lawsuits. Now, is notifying the HR Department (which, I guess they were...no follow up on that) going to ruin their careers? Absolutely not. They'll probably either move her or let her go because a qualified surgeon is hard to replace. But she can get a job ANYWHERE as a nurse or a Nurse Practitioner; they're in high demand.. Link to post Share on other sites
Gigi2015 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Gigi - thank you for your advice but I don't think i have to worry about her contacting me anytime soon. I think right now she has what she wants and she's not thinking about anything else. She fell head over heels for this guy and couldn't stop herself from going over there, like she was addicted. I think she was confused whether she wanted to work on things with me or be with him, when i told her i was filing for divorce i guess i made the decision for her so she's putting all her eggs in his basket and moving full steam ahead with her relationship with him. Yes...you put an end to her deceit after her proving she'd go back to him. If you had taken her back she would've found ways to take the affair further underground. She would've continued to use you until her AP felt like the safe choice. Which will probably never happen. You were SMART to file for divorce! Some people are genuinely repentant after the A is discovered( kind of like when someone got caught up in something stupid and are truly remorseful). They put all energy into reconciliation EVEN when their partners KICK them out. That's not what she did. I know this doesn't make it less painful and my heart goes out to you. But-- This had nothing to do with you...simply she isn't capable of being fair. This is not even about how alluring the AP is....it's about her feeling entitled to take all she can, covering up with deceit and lies and willingness to sacrifice someone else's happiness and well-being...SHE is NOT a well person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gigi2015 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) But, in this situation, this kind of fraternization is heavily frowned upon in a hospital setting. It opens them up to all kinds of lawsuits. Now, is notifying the HR Department (which, I guess they were...no follow up on that) going to ruin their careers? Absolutely not. They'll probably either move her or let her go because a qualified surgeon is hard to replace. But she can get a job ANYWHERE as a nurse or a Nurse Practitioner; they're in high demand.. I meant informed consent about what's really going on in the relationship. As in...not leaving you're spouse in the dark. After 20 years in medicine I guarantee nothing will happen to their careers....it's not as frowned upon as you think. It's swept under the rug...I have yet to see a case that was disciplined. I've also practiced in different states. Gigi - thank you for your advice but I don't think i have to worry about her contacting me anytime soon. I think right now she has what she wants and she's not thinking about anything else. She fell head over heels for this guy and couldn't stop herself from going over there, like she was addicted. I think she was confused whether she wanted to work on things with me or be with him, when i told her i was filing for divorce i guess i made the decision for her so she's putting all her eggs in his basket and moving full steam ahead with her relationship with him. In my 20 years of hospital work I saw about 90% get dumped and the remaining broke up around the two year mark.... Edited February 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted February 18, 2016 Author Share Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) Gigi - you are right. I've talked to quite a few people who have worked at this hospital and it seems like it is a breeding ground for these types of things, a lot of drama and nothing will happen most likely to them. Even though what you said makes me feel better that it will most likely not last, it also makes me pretty sad that my wife (who has always been level headed and is a smart gal) put all her eggs in his basket and threw away our marriage and a lot of friendships for him. I still can't believe that she didn't even try to work on "problems" she saw with us and instead became so infatuated with this guy because of his status, money, him showing her attention, or all the above that she didn't put forth any effort in trying to save our marriage. I don't know how she thinks that a single doctor who seeks out a married woman is someone she can form a relationship with. It's quite sad. Edited February 18, 2016 by BrownHairedGuy 4 Link to post Share on other sites
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I meant informed consent about what's really going on in the relationship. As in...not leaving you're spouse in the dark. After 20 years in medicine I guarantee nothing will happen to their careers....it's not as frowned upon as you think. It's swept under the rug...I have yet to see a case that was disciplined. I've also practiced in different states. In my 20 years of hospital work I saw about 90% get dumped and the remaining broke up around the two year mark.... It happens in every industry - not unusual for the boss and a subordinate to be involved either - which, if things go really sour, could result in a sexual harassment lawsuit. . . those are often the only times that people loose employment, position, or status - when big money is at stake! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gigi2015 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Gigi - you are right. I've talked to quite a few people who have worked at this hospital and it seems like it is a breeding ground for these types of things, a lot of drama and nothing will happen most likely to them. Even though what you said makes me feel better that it will most likely not last, it also makes me pretty sad that my wife (who has always been level headed and is a smart gal) put all her eggs in his basket and threw away our marriage and a lot of friendships for him. I still can't believe that she didn't even try to work on "problems" she saw with us and instead became so infatuated with this guy because of his status, money, him showing her attention, or all the above that she didn't put forth any effort in trying to save our marriage. I don't know how she thinks that a single doctor who seeks out a married woman is someone she can form a relationship with. It's quite sad. Sometimes the infatuation has more to do with being a mentor, authoritarian figure, etc....really common for professors too. But there will always be new admiring eyes out there. New nurses who look at him in awe, pretty, smart young, etc. your wife thought she had been "the selected one." As soon as affair fog is lifted she'll realize what she gave up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted February 18, 2016 Author Share Posted February 18, 2016 Sometimes the infatuation has more to do with being a mentor, authoritarian figure, etc....really common for professors too. But there will always be new admiring eyes out there. New nurses who look at him in awe, pretty, smart young, etc. your wife thought she had been "the selected one." As soon as affair fog is lifted she'll realize what she gave up. I guess, she's one to not admit her mistakes and she's blocked me everywhere so i probably will never find out. I wish this guy would show his true intentions for their relationship while all that she gave up is still fresh on her mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gigi2015 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I guess, she's one to not admit her mistakes and she's blocked me everywhere so i probably will never find out. I wish this guy would show his true intentions for their relationship while all that she gave up is still fresh on her mind. She blocked you after she spent a few nights with her AP after you called her out. Big deal. She's pulling rank....she's thinks you'll run after her. Continue to prove to her that she is no longer welcome in your life. It proves you KNOW you can do better and have a healthy self esteem. Don't look for any other avenues to reach her...or to see if she's thinking about coming back. She will betray you again! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gigi2015 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I guess, she's one to not admit her mistakes and she's blocked me everywhere so i probably will never find out. I wish this guy would show his true intentions for their relationship while all that she gave up is still fresh on her mind. My only worry for you now is that you don't get it has nothing to do with you! It could've been a bum with no job she needed to rescue...I saw many do that too! It's not the little surgeon...it's not about the outcome. You were STRONG enough to stand up for yourself!!! Don't worry about her life lessons...she could've been insecure, had a need daddy-complex, need to be the gardener rather than the flower....who knows....in the end you need yo take care of you. Hugs!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gigi2015 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 (edited) Gigi - you are right. I've talked to quite a few people who have worked at this hospital and it seems like it is a breeding ground for these types of things, a lot of drama and nothing will happen most whet. Do it...get it out of your system. NEVER likely to them. Even though what you said makes me feel better that it will most likely not last, it also makes me pretty sad that my wife (who has always been level headed and is a smart gal) put all her eggs in his basket and threw away our marriage and a lot of friendships for him. I still can't believe that she didn't even try to work on "problems" she saw with us and instead became so infatuated with this guy because of his status, money, him showing her attention, or all the above that she didn't put forth any effort in trying to save our marriage. I don't know how she thinks that a single doctor who seeks out a married woman is someone she can form a relationship with. It's quite sad. It's impossible to not feel sadness. You will have to grieve no matter what. This was HUGE. But--you will recover! And--you will need to believe this HAD NOTHING to do with you! So--in the future you won't carry this burden unto a new relationship. There are many people who will give you their heart and never cheat on you. I'm one of those people so I know( the faithful type) I know you're sad but--you're lucky you didn't find out in 10-20 years in with kids, etc. you're a smart guy. You'll be ok... Edited February 19, 2016 by Gigi2015 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Just let her go. She isn't worth your time. It's totally ruined at this point anyway and there are better out there. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 It's impossible to not feel sadness. You will have to grieve no matter what. This was HUGE. But--you will recover! And--you will need to believe this HAD NOTHING to do with you! So--in the future you won't carry this burden unto a new relationship. There are many people who will give you their heart and never cheat on you. I'm one of those people so I know( the faithful type) I know you're sad but--you're lucky you didn't find out in 10-20 years in with kids, etc. you're a smart guy. You'll be ok... Thank you. I'm working on letting her go (easier said than done) and I know things will get better with time. Thank you again for all you wrote. It makes me feel a lot better that 1. You've seen this type of thing happen numerous times and it usually doesn't end well. 2. Reminding me that a marriage is 100% from each person, but an affair is 100% on her. It's hard not to think of them together but I guess I can take solace in knowing that even if they make it in the long run they will never have complete trust in one another and will always have to lie when they say how they met. It sucks to have to wait for myself to heal before getting back into the dating game (especially since she's already in one) but I'm looking forward to finding someone that will be faithful to me and be my teammate rather than adversary when the going gets tough and not just run away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gigi2015 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Thank you. I'm working on letting her go (easier said than done) and I know things will get better with time. Thank you again for all you wrote. It makes me feel a lot better that 1. You've seen this type of thing happen numerous times and it usually doesn't end well. 2. Reminding me that a marriage is 100% from each person, but an affair is 100% on her. It's hard not to think of them together but I guess I can take solace in knowing that even if they make it in the long run they will never have complete trust in one another and will always have to lie when they say how they met. It sucks to have to wait for myself to heal before getting back into the dating game (especially since she's already in one) but I'm looking forward to finding someone that will be faithful to me and be my teammate rather than adversary when the going gets tough and not just run away. They get their toxic wasteland (stole this from Horton) and you get a chance at a beautiful and pure relationship. It's smart to allow yourself to grieve and heal. I too once left a relationship that was not good for me (wasted 4 years). It was so hard to do. But--I knew it would hurt more in the long run. I cried myself to sleep for months, I fought the desire to contact him daily. It got better. At first my only escape was sleeping....I used to look forward to nighttime. The pain slowly dissipated. I worked on me....treated myself like royalty. I got in the best shape of my life....went back to school, etc. I started dating about 8 months after. First guy was just fun. I was shocked at how much fun it was! The second guy was irreplaceable and I married him. Turned out to be the loviest person I've ever known( even when I get mad at him). I'll never divorce him or cheat on him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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